Werner Trainer Craps Himself

Brain dead only. Still trucking.

 

No heroin. Just coffee, bud.

 

And what a long, strange trip it's been. I knew that was a unique event when it happened. I also knew that no one would believe it, so I wanted to record it while it was still fresh in my mind. The trainer was a real piece of work but he was on his last legs. He said he was going blind in one eye and he didn't see too well out of the other. His DOT physical was due in a month (and I spent that much time smelling his farts) so I figured he was about done anyway. I didn't say anything about him to the company. Werner had a good policy regarding trainers. They told us that they didn't want us to be fist fighting in the sleeper or truck stop parking lot or on the side of the road so just call before we started throwing blows to each others heads and they would get us another trainer. They did. In total, I think that I fired three trainers that way. The last one I fired at Jubitz Travel Center in Portland Or.
In all fairness, even after all of that weirdness, they still offered to put me up in a motel and get me another trainer.
By then, I decided I had enough "training" and hitchhiked home from the truck stop just in time for log truck season. I called the dispatcher that had stood up for me through all of those trainers about a month later to see what happened to the poop meister. He said that he had retired and I was his last student. I'm glad that I didn't burn him.
I would be very surprised if he were even still alive. All he ate was grocery bags full of Cheetos and Doritos chased down with one of those gallon tanker mugs full of Mountain Dew. Then he'd be so jacked on Mt. Dew and high fructose corn syrup that he'd start tailgating and screaming and hollering at 4 wheelers. If a car tried to race him instead of slowing down and merging behind us when approaching construction zones, he'd speed up to get them trapped in the cones while blowing his airhorn and screaming at the top of his lungs at them through the rolled down window. Who hasn't wanted to do that?

 

That's awful.