Trucking can be like a bad marriage...

I had a dream last night, of being trapped inside of the interior of a home, house...
The interior was all 'white'...and there was foot prints and hand indents on the wall...

I remember I could not get out of this house...which reminded me of the one I grew up in...
Actually...there's a lot of details I'm leaving out...but that I'll include elsewhere...
Interesting dream though...had a nightmarish tone to it though...

Anyhow...because of the dream I had...this posts theme will be 'white'...the color white....

To bad more women don't come here, we could discuss all kinds of interior design possibilities...

(as I was writing the above...some Navy jets were cruising over head...it's like music to my ears...I could hear the roar of their engines for hours...but it's like they were calling me out...saying 'join us'...not in the jets per say, but like they were saying...'it's not over yet'...
I took it as encouragement....do to my past...I took it as encouragement)



If I could marry these jets right here, I would...
I find these crafts to be so sexy....very much so....

Flying these things is what happens when you have..

1. A plan
2. Dicipline to carry out those plans
3. Determination and a will of steel
4. Support in your life, people who believe in your capabilities and people who like you...

Anyways...my thoughts are drifting way to much right now to continue...

 

I kind of want to stay up in the clouds for a bit longer...

The only thing that keeps me from going back and getting pilots license is the career path is very very expensive...

Sure you get your private license...but can't do nothing with it...except rent a plane and fly around using VFR...after spending 5-10 gran to get license....

Don't have that kind of money to throw around right now...
So whatever school or training i get I have to be able to then turn around and apply to a real job...

And a lot of times you really don't know, until you get back into the mix of things...
There's hundreds of careers and paths that you would never even think about until your shown them...

The best thing to do is just start your own business...but you need money, support and determination...you need an engine...

Then you just learn everything hands on, and don't have to go to school for none of it...

See, this is why i write, this is why i brain storm, to motivate and give myself ideas...one sec...

 

Mr Scuba diving guy...your so kind...

You unintentionaly reflect the spirit of Christ, more than any one else on here....

I don't want to ever here any one else on here talk about Christmas or the spirit of Jesus...it will totally ring hollow to me....

But coming from you scuba diver, it will mean something....cause although you don't preach fake phoney secular conservatism...your actions and constant support say everything....



Your constant friendship has done more for me, to build my faith in a loving God, than any of these phoney secular fake conservatives on here could ever do, with their insecurities and resentments....

Thanks man...

Anyhow...onto other things....

Think I'll wrap it up here for the night...

Calm quite still night...the way I like it...at least I'll wrap it up on this marriage thread...not to say I won't post somewhere else before night is done...

Take care...

And tonight we shall explore your mysterious under water world of Atlantis...

 

Good morning Vietnam!!

Hello and good day to you...It's Friday....

Live from the marriage thread it's Friday night Live...



With me as your host...and special guest..



And with that...let's get on with the show....
Lets get on with the day, lets get on with life...

Be glad each day you have one...for we all have an appoitment with eternity sooner or later...so be glad that you wake up, and are given the chance to live...to just simply live...

Empty thy heart and start anew....
Back in a short bit...

 

Why why why??

All i wanted to do my laundry...it was a randomnley chosen chore out of many, to get done today...

But while there, I met an older gentleman, in their late 50's...
Who some how convinced me to give them a ride home...
And then somehow convinced me to give them my number??

"Oh, here's my number...could you call it to make sure I gave you the right number"....
And of course by me calling it, they automatically get my number...

why why why?

What do they want from me?

In every day life, I look 'normal'...very talketive...but normal....

They were living in the San Francisco bay area before heading back this way....



But why so much interest in me??


http://underworldrealities.webs.com/apps/photos/photo?photoid=143179428

You can tell they're like an old time hippie type, from back in the day...
All I am is nice and polite, why the guy feels that just cause I'm nice and polite that he must have my number, is beyond me...

And they play guitar...so we had that in common...and a few other things...
Next thing you know, they're knocking on my window as I'm about to drive off, and asking for a ride home....

I do not plan these things...

Oh well...

................................................................................



Ok, they just called me, even as i was writing this...good heavens...

Anyways...I got more chores to do...

 

And that creepy monster dude crossed my path again today...It's a curse or something...



Every day, it's the same place...
It's a curse...

No matter what i do, or when I leave out, they're there...
The other day they touched my hand by accident...and I almost
came home and threw up....

It's not them personally...it's what they represent to me that so disturbs my soul...

 

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=isoZ2h2BE-0[/ame]

Forget about Robert Palmers cover version he did of this...

Like Elvis, he was good at ripping off from the original artists...

But Elvis is still cool in my book....

 

This morning posts theme....'Quick sand'....

But first....I went to the store this morning...and that Frankenstein looken such and such was standing right there behind me...

I didn't even see them coming...didn't even see them enter the store, but when I turned around...they were right there, I deliberatly looked away...
I did not even want them in my memory, my line of vision...
And I can tell they almost said something....

I do not like this person, and wish they would stand very far away...or move....

I do believe it's a curse or something...cause not a day has gone by lately...where they're not in my line of vision...
I like to document and write about stuff like this just to see where it goes....

As far as the other fello i gave a ride home to...haven't heard from them...good...cause where I dropped them off, where they lived...
There was lots of syringes laying on the ground...(2 or 3)...

And that's a good place to seguae into my quick sand theme...



Quick sand, don't get stuck in it...
In this case the mud, murk, sand represents your enviornment....
And sinking represents despair and hoplessness...
And it's hard to pull yourself out of quick sand without a helping hand...

You can't go it alone...all you'll do is splash around wildly...but all the time
you're still sinking....

And lets put God into the equation now...
Many people have sunk and perished in quick sand, who also believed in God...
So belief in God alone, won't save you from sinking...that's important to remember...
Unfortunatly, even though God exists, in some form or another, you still have to physicaly pull yourself out of the sand, or be helped out by others...God will not pull you out...

Don't wait around for God to pull you out...

Best thing to do is avoid enviornments, or pathways, where your likely to run into a 'quick sand' type of terrian...



Changing direction is your best defense...

 

Tardis....

Thanks....thanks for that...for not alienating me...for making me feel 'useful'...and for seeing value in what I write and express...

I went to mentioned thread....I was like 'who's george?'....
But oddly enough we found ourself on the same thread a few days ago...

I think it was the 'highest paying careers' thread....http://www.thetruckersreport.com/tr...s/159745-top-degrees-for-the-next-decade.html

And he did sound a bit down on himself...

Here's the exchange we had...

They said the following 'This thread makes me feel poor and dumb'...'LOL while crying'

And I responded with the following post....

He, they, just kind of popped in with two posts, and then left....

I did however tell them not to feel 'dumb and poor'....

That's not acceptable to me....

Because I know what it feels like to be dejected, and not have anyone care if you really do cry....

I try my best to shield others from feeling bad about themselves...expecially when around me...
Sure I may get depressed at times, but I don't like seeing other people depressed and give up...not ever....

And I'm glad you're able to see that quality in me...

As far as his thread goes...

I won't bother to intrude there...I have a tendency to drive others away...and I'm keenly aware of that....

But after going there, it just kind of confirms what i already know, knew, and that is I'm not the only one who shares the expressed sentiment expressed in this thread day in and day out...

Just most don't chronicalize it the way I have...

Like georgeandson, I was out there too, I've seen the changes, both in equiptment, technology, admin, personal, rules and regulation, and the drivers....

And like him...when you start, and have to transistion through the changes...it does effect you....

If you started last month, and never drove in 2005...than you might not notice anything...abnormal will seem 'normal'...and so might not effect one as bad...

You can't miss what you never had...

And like I wrote a few posts back...as drivers you invest so much time and energy into it, so of course it effects you to see the industry changing....

Admiting something is 'bad' or 'effecting you', is the first step towards self healing...

And that's all I try to do here, is be honest with myself....right or wrong...I try to be honest with how I'm feeling at the 'moment'....cause it helps you sort through things...

And I think georgeandson is finding out the same thing....

None of us are made of steal like the terminator...(except Big Don)...



We're all falable (misspelled)....

And we're all working against time to get things done...limited time and health in which to enjoy things....

Personally I've reached a point where that enviornment can no longer sustain me at all...I need more...

Sad thing is, when I was homeless, I found I had more help and support from those around me, than when I drive OTR...i had more of a social group when I was homeless...in and out of school....

Once you hop in that truck, it's just like your sealed off from the world, inside of a space capsule or something...until you return home...



I mean even though you don't leave the earth, it feels like it...it can feel like your in deep space...a million miles away from anything...expecially when your cruising through western Kansas, or Mid Wyoming...and loose cell phone connection
for hours, or half a day, expecially if you have to shut down where there's no service...

Just out there, alone, cut off from everything, and everyone you know that could normally sustain you...

You get out of your truck to walk inside, so wanting a 'hello' or 'hi' from someone, anything, just to reconnect...but for the most part your just suspiciously stared at as if you just escaped from prison...

(gotta tell you my desert prison experience sometime in the future...with photos to boot)...for another time...(don't mean to sound like Higgins, from Magnum PI with his endless stories from the past)



So only a none human would, could, pretend that being emersed in such an enviornment doesn't eventually get to you...expecially if you have no support what so ever...and expecially around this time of the year....

When dispatchers like getting you home right on the front edge of your holiday plans...

And will sometimes agonizingly make you sit 150 away from home, for half a day, waiting for an imaginary load, rather than just letting you go....

They don't understand...if Christmas is at 8 am, you can't show up at 7:45 am, and suddenly be all in the spirit, after being out for 21 days....

They don't understand the settling in transition period, nor do they care...cause their job is to make the company money and maximize profits and fuel...

Your needs as a driver are like 4th or 5th....

Which also begins to tear away at your moral after a while...

Ok, let me stop...I'm going off like I usually do...and that really wasn't the point of this post...

All I can say to george is don't be afraid, and it's ok to acknowledge your emotions and feelings...there's nothing wrong with that...and being honest with yourself will actually help others, and make you stronger....

And with that Tardis and george...you better not shout, you better not cry, you better not lie I'm telling you why.........