I never laughed so hard!

them shiny things attatched to the door with brackets can come in handy sometimes bj

 

20 years ago, when I was in the Navy, they sent me for the Bo'suns punch. Sure enough, the bo'sun was like 6'5 & 250 pounds........knocked me on my ###.

 

I used to turn wrenches and we used to tell the newbies to go to parts and get a "can of compression". Parts guy would go and leave him standing there waiting...
Another new guy was working with me and to get away from this guy ,(who knew ALL about cars, to hear him tell it), I told him to rotate the air in the tires, just to see how much he actually knew. I came back 10 min. later and there sat the car with 4 flat tires, and not even raised on the lift!

 

Transfering chemical from one drum to another. Old Red says "Don't let it overflow"

I didn't!

I've learned a LOT since those days!

 

today a friend called said his truck wouldn't start! I go over look things over then I look in the tanks. They are EMPTY! next question how many miles since you fueled? I dunno why. well last time I checked a diesel engine needs diesel to run! he says "My gauge says its full"! I asked how long has it said full! he says I dunno maybe all day? I laugh tell him Werner needs some more quality drivers and he should consider a change and a course on common sense! he just texted me 2 hrs later and I quote " You ARE an ###" ! I guess it took awhile to push his truck to the pump I don't know I left.

 

SOme of my favorites.

Noob driver "Whatcha haulin?"

Me "Sailboat Fuel"

Him "What?"

Me "Oh wait that was the last load. I got VW Beetle radiators on."

Him "Huh?"

Me " Deadhead..."

He never transmitted again.

 

As long as I could remember my grandfather took me fishing on opening day of bass season. When I had kids we did the same with my son. When he was still quite young my grandparents passed away. I still carried on the tradition by taking him camping and fishing on that weekend. Years later (he was in his early teens) we arrived at our campground and it was full. So we loaded the camping gear in the boat and went and camped on one of the many islands in the chain of lakes. (this became the new tradition) As he reached his late teens his friends wanted to start coming with us. So each year the group grew a little larger. When he was in his early 20’s the group had grown to 12+.

So now we have about 6 boats and 3 tents set up on this island ready for opening day the next morning. Fire is a blazing and hobo pies are cooken. Out of the blue this guy asks “how did the birds get here?” Needles to say drinks were spewed and guys were falling out of their chairs laughing. “….They flew?”

 

My favorite one came from when I was still in school. Rolling down Hwy 25 between Greenville and Greenwood SC, I got passed by a USA Truck turning about 60mph. We had radios, but couldn't turn them on. My instructor told me I could on that particular day. The conversation went something like this:

Me: "USA 25 Southbound, you copy?"
Him: "Yeah, c'mon on."
Me: "Whatcha haulin' you in such a hurry to drop?"
Him: "Left-handed pool sticks."
Me: "Smart---."

All he could do was laugh. All I could do was the Homer Simpson face-palm. DOH!!

 

When I was in the Army we would send the new guys for a box of Grid Squares.
I cannot believe that that one was not here yet, since I see we have tankers and scouts around.
Scouts Out

 

i painted for a while in a machine shop and 1 day the got a new guy to train for night shift. i was giving him the tour of the paint shed when some parts came in to be painted. i looked at the work order and said ok bud go look in the shed and get a can of striped paint, lol. after he clocked out he was never seen again. poor guy