I never laughed so hard!

oh!! and I forgot another one:

we had a few pilots who could not bring a helo back without finding SOMETHING to gripe about... Then they would want to know in exquisite detail what we did to fix it.

Said pilot passed me in the hall after a particularly dumb gripe about his helo and asked what we did to fix it. I told him with a VERY straight face that we "Replaced the cyclic-seat interface and the ops checks were normal" He was glad we had fixed it so fast, and was impressed that I knew exactly what to change out!

(That's the same piece of equipment as the pedal-seat interface in a truck...)

 

I needed plugs for my IHC/Ford 7.3L IDI.For those that know what I mean.Glow plugs.I went to Autozone since they are the only ones that sell Beru brand(and a little tid bit,Champions and Autolites will distroy your engine when the break off and try to fit in a .030 gap between piston and head).I spend 30 minutes telling the kid behind the counter what I needed.Even gave him the part number and WHERE they were on the shelf.He kept looking up spark plugs for 7.5 L and 6.8L gassers.Finally the manager shows up and 10 seconds later he brings it up and turns around to grab the parts.They were directly behind the register/computer 3rd shelf up on the end.

Another one along the same line is to send a noob mechanic for Diesel spark plugs.This only works in more modern shops since there were some diesels way back in the day that had spark plugs like Cat and John Deere.Start on gas to warm up then switch to diesel.

 

One of my older brothers is a carpenter. We were roofing our folks' house, and he called down to me for some "Ice and Water". Looked real puzzled when I climbed up the ladder with a jug and some cups.

("Ice and Water" is a rubberized sheet you lay under shingles to protect against ice damage in colder climes.)

 

We've all heard drivers on the CB ask a driver setting on the shoulder "Big truck on the side, you Ok?" With cell phones today most of the time no one replys. After I hear them ask 2 or 3 times with no response I'll pick up the mic and say something like.........."Yeah I'm ok now that I got this fatty rolled up I'll be on up there in a second, I've been a little stressed out, but I am better now."

 

Here's one a former boss told me.

He was working in a pipe fabrication shop along with a new kid. He told the kid he needs to go to the office and find a "little falatio" The kid being green as hell walks in to the bosses office out front and asks for a little falatio. The boss caught what was going on and wasn't too impressed. He just calmly said "Sorry we don't have any of that there."

So the kid comes back into the shop with that report. My former boss tells him again. "Look I know we have one here, I saw a big one and a little one, you just need the little one so go back out there and ask for it." The poor kid goes back to the office and asks the big boss again.

By this time my former boss is using every ounce of strength to keep a straight face with tears running down. The big boss comes stomping into the shop and had some blasting to do.

Wish I could have been there to see that one.

 

I was working at a company that hauled wood chips and we had a high turnover rate. so we got a lot of Greenhorns straight from Sure wish I had a Faster Truck ing School... any way. I had to train a VETERAN newbe. 1 month and OVER 1,ooo miles. this guy knew his stuff. He was the best driver the world had ever seen. He Aced his written and practical tests. To say the least, THIS GUY WAS GOOD!!! A quarter in the glad hand fixed that!

 

When my dad and his brother were building our house, my mom was always asking them if they needed anything. After she bugged them too many times, they sent her to the hardware store for 1/4" putty. She never offered to help them again.

 

when i was the green horn on a framing crew, the boss one day handed me a case of 16d nails that weighed about 50lbs. on my way back he said "hold up i got one more" he dropped it out of a window about 6' above my head, i went to catch it and thew the box up past my head.

It was an empty hahahahahaha

 

I was on I-40EB AZ closing in on Flagstaff. I don't remember the MM but about 30 min west of Flagstaff is a rest area with a few big truck spots. At the entrance to the RA there is a sign that says "No Overnight Parking"

There was an Overnite Transportation driver in front of me that hits his signal and starts pulling in. I was in a goofy mood and called to him warning him not to park there. Told him that so many Overnite drivers had caused problems in that rest area that AZDOT banned all Overnite trucks from using the facility. "Look they even put up a sign"

I thought I would get a little chuckle from him or others but instead the driver started complaining about the quality of his own companies drivers and in the rear view I saw him roll right threw and get back on the highway. He complained to anyone that would listen about how messed up the AZDOT and his own company was all the way to Little America where I'm guessing he pulled off.

 

You ever catch yourself starting to make a wide right turn, .. in your pickup truck?

I don't do that very often but just about all the time, when I park my F-150 I'm reaching for the air brake knobs. Or looking for the clutch in my Buick Century.