Where is everyone #5

Nope, that is why I don't live in town. Like it quiet at night. If it is not quiet, then I need to get up and see what the problem is.

 

Best laid plans of mice and men.

I guess this where the part time part kicks in. Oregon trip put off for all of us until next Monday. So one trip to Dallas and back for one driver. I think that works for all of us. Things to do (at home) with all of this darn rain and wind.

 

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to the local grocery store. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local store manager:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?
And last, but not least:
16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile; then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.

 

You just woke my wife up....because of my loud laughing at this list. Thanks a lot....for getting me in trouble and some really good ideas.

 

I was thinking a second job might be necessary. I am sure there are guys on this board that can testify that daughters can be more expensive than wives.

 

Well— while you were out trying to hustle up a way to put grub on the table I was out finding ways to stimulate the economy— and I got’r done— Amos and Andy — Amos was the one I picked and while I was at it his litter mate with a bum leg wouldn’t leave me alone— dude told me “That pup loves you” and he was gonna put him down cause he couldn’t get no money for him and he snuggled up to Momma at the right time and I’m old, stupid and soft so we got a two for one and I’m luv’n every minute of it

 

Well hot dahm what a fine lookin pair of pups! That's awesome. You bleeding yet from them sharp teeth?

 

You’re a good bloke Tramm.

 

Yep — should have named them Gator and Croc