What if it Snows?

I think I'm going to create a kid's chemistry set to sell to the general public.
I'll call it Wuhan Labs.
There will be vials of different colored water labeled Cholera, SARS, Typhoid etc.
The kids will love it.

 

Always loved to sell an LP Vaporizer repair kit for a forklift to the maintenance head at local furniture factories.
Do you have one on hand? Yes.
I'll send Joe to get it.
Do you have it off? Yes.
Have him bring it with him and we will stick it in for him.
No charge, they can be a little tricky when opened up.
Oh, I think one of my men here can handle it.
Joe comes, gets, leaves....3 days pass.
Roger, you got a whole vaporizer for that lift? Yes.
I'll send Joe to get it.
Joe arrives... Said: I told him to get the new one, but
he said you implied we could not install. So he
was going to do it himself. He opened up the screws
around the top, lifted the top, and springs, flippers,
and little pins flew across the shop.
Another satisfied customer. New assembly worked fine.
Broke him to: It does/it won't do/it sounds like.. What do I need? You need a (part-come get), it needs (remove and send-we fix here while wait) OR.. You need Tony. (ace mechanic).

 

Yeah, kinda like sex.

 

I didn't get one of the nuts and bolts all metal kind till I was close to my teens, but I did have a plastic 1 with rubber "rivets" to hold things together. It came from goodwill I think, had a alot of fun with that.

 

I COULDNT STOP LAUGHING, BEEN THERE DONE THAT! My cousin also doesn't pee on them anymore, that was almost painful to watch.....come to think of it I think he still owes me a dollar?

 

Lincoln Logs? Store bought?

Pfft.....I had hand carved (whittled) by Bobo (grandpa) and Little Tommy!

 

@Dave_in_AZ, still waiting for the fuel pump story, come on now you gotta share

 

Bad language. Read at you own discretion.
If you have ever used an electric fence or know someone who has one you should read this.

The language used is a bit salty, but 'he tells it like it is' without cursing.

If you don't laugh hysterically at this, CHECK YOUR PULSE... this is funny.... and true. This was sent by a retired dentist.


We have the standard 6 ft. fence in the backyard, and a few months ago, I heard about burglaries increasing dramatically in the entire city. To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for 26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5 ft. into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you have in the ground, the better the fence works.

One day I'm mowing the back yard with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel push mower. The hot wire is broken and laying out in the yard. I knew for a fact that I unplugged the charger. I pushed the mower around the wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my pecker trying to climb up the front side of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs & Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of #### lawnmower were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot crap, pee, and vomit at the same time. I beg to differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3 different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back and BAM BAM BAM you just crap your pants 3 times. It seemed like there were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together. It was like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't let go. I grew up on a farm so I know all about electric fences. But Dad always had those piece of #### chargers made by International or whoever that were like 9 volts and just kinda tickled.

This one I could not let go of. The 8 ft. long ground rod is now accepting signals from me through the permadamp Ark-La-Tex river bottom soil. At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'####!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it. Covered in poop, pee, and with my vomit on my chest, I think 'Oh God please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am in the middle of July, 104 degrees, 80% humidity, standing in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day.. He left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire.

I woke up laying on the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas. It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1 - Three of the fillings in my teeth have melted.

2 - I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek (not the left, just the right).

3 - Poop, pee, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as you might think.

4 - My left eye will not open.

5 - My right eye will not close.

6 - The lawnmower runs like a ######## now. Seriously! I think our little session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was better than new after that.

7 - My nuts are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot long.

8 - I can turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4 (still don't understand this???).

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things. I appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to triple check before I mow.

 

Rumor has it Schneider choice is moving off percentage to a flat rate whatever sni thinks a load should pay........

I foresee a lot of transfers to landstar ........