Life Predicament and Lost

lol great responses guys,

to the person that asked, I’m 34 and not a citizen

 

Alright, I didn’t want to read it because I expected it be worse than it was, but I agree with your first paragraph.

and the second
And the third
And the forth

Ur right, I need any

****Explain, don’t bs us about it, what is toxic?****
It may just be me, and my illness messing with my head, but I don’t think it is, because when I lived by my self, I felt/was better and started to see clearly, even when I “ran away” and slept in my car.

So by toxic I mean due to my father and mother being alcoholic throughout my whole life, there was a lot of yelling, verbal abuse such as name calling and him putting me and my mother down, he’s hit me on multiple occasions and when my mother had surgery on her — I forget the name of it but it’s the bone on the foot by the big toe — both feet, he picked her up and threw her into the snow during a blizzard and told her to go look for me, I was at the apartment complex’s basketball courts with HIS friend ( yes during a snow storm, I’m a baller - ball is life) … he could have called me, or him if he was so worried, anyways. That’s just a few things…also something terrible happened that I will keep to my self, but I believe it was one of the reasons I developed schizophrenia. It’s my fault really because I didn’t and don’t have to stay at home, there’s nothing stopping me from going pretty much anywhere.

I am severely depressed and was a video game addict since my teen years, used to get high, and had no social life other than on world of Warcraft. I blame my self and think it’s an excuse, but it’s not it’s my fault.

Yes, I am sensitive - and I feel energy, and the energy around them is negative/bad, and I’m a retard for not getting out of here sooner. I have tried, and failed many times due to my mental health and stupidity. Like I promise you getting a job and moving out was literally my main goal since forever, but I just distracted my self from real life through video games and music, and stuff.

What problems did I present? Sorry I can’t read it now, but I will once I finish this post.
I do have a license, I have been complimented on my driving. I live in Mount Prospect in Illinois. I’m 34, turning 35 tomorrow. =/ it’s pathetic, I know.

***So go with them**** My mom told me I need to get a place of my own. They’re renting a 1 bedroom. My friend said the same thing, or implied that I can/should go with them, my Dads gone 4-5 days a week (he’s the main problem, or not so much him but my relationship with him - which I have tried to fix but it’s hard, very hard; I need space and time(I’m a terrible person). I have issues and I can’t stick to anything.

I’ve quit almost every job I’ve had because I “didn’t feel like working” or “didn’t want to work”. It’s sad, my ex was right, I’m a hypocrite, the biggest hypocrite in the world.

I crashed the car, which my parents bought for me, a 2023 Elantra, and my mom gave me $2000 to get a car and said I’m not getting any more.

I’ve been telling her I need to move out. I want to move out, I remember the long post by that autistic dude who sleeps in his car and it made me think of how bad of a son I am =\.

I’m prescribed Caplyta, but my friend told me that it’s bad for me/it’s killing me and I should get off it. He says I need to focus on God and my Health and he’s not sure if a job is right for me atm. But I’m Polish and I need to work. I need to be successful to help my parents.

Yes, I have been hospitalized, like 5-6 times, because of catatonia, where basically I was frozen and not moving or speaking but fully aware, except one time where I woke up with tubes in my mouth and felt like … idk …

last time was almost a year ago.

yeah, I know what you’re thinking… this isn’t for me; or anyone else on the road.

what else would you guys like to know so you can advise me?

like, I can go to Canada chill with my friend and train to get back into shape, but I’ll need a car… like for any job to get to work, I’ll need a car and it’s like $700 if not more for registration, title, taxes according to multiple sources, can I even get a car for like $2000?

if I went to Canadia I’d have around 3700 when I got back, so minus 700 for the before mentioned; I’d have 3000 for a down payment or outright to buy a car, I’ve never done this and don’t know anyone that can help me, and I’m not asking my Dad. My friend said she’d be willing to add $1000 to the car fund so I’d maybe have $1000 then I’d have a car and could sleep in it while working a kitchen and bathroom remodeling helper job paying prolly $1150 a month (with SSDI and I would get paid under the table) plus/minus around $150…

I really don’t know what to do guys. Heh.

 

Question. I know it isn’t as simple as “how many miles is a lot/too many that will cause breakdowns (for cars)” but…how many miles is too many?

 

What year is like the oldest I should look for? Sorry can’t edit the posts for some reason.

 

I’ll share a PM.


Man thing is I might be getting in over my head hah. I do have hallucinations daily, I see black shadows like ghosts basically, and hear voices haha. It’s funny you bring up Catalonia, as that’s what I have, although haven’t had an “episode” in like almost two years.

Man it’s just like my Dads a trucker and I once drove a cab and he’s like, if you driving so much why don’t you get a CDL, and recently I “ran away” in my car, and drove, and did the math and the money seems amazing..

I want to have like a normal life, meet a girl and hang, go out and that’s one important thing that I would sacrifice.
You said if I cause an accident I’m ####ed financially and I’d lose the job, and ####in that’s worrying af as I’m scared I won’t be able to learn how to drive.
Man…like thing is, I could like go to Canada for two months and train and get back into shape (I used to lift everyday, but I’m a ##### now) and get a job as like a kitchen and bathroom remodeling helper, or framing helper, or wooden floors, or pretty much anything you can associate with polish people and construction…. I could prob get paid $20 an hour under the table, plus my SSDI…totaling to $1250 a week, net.

I’d have a crib, could go out, party, concerts, etc. idk bro it’s like, I honestly keep hearing like negative things and I know it’s true, but it’s like appealing too, ehh idk man.