Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

I'm tellin' ya, print this out, slap it 'tween some hard covers, you got a best seller here! :smt023

 

He really does! I'm sittin here shaking my head over being more upset over the truck than all the rest lol!! Guess this stuff really does get in your blood

 

I'm finally caught up on my reading here... and only to come in where Maxine is about ready to receive her last rites. 'Tis a sad day, indeed, in The Snazzyhood.

Yeah, my friend -- they butchered her... sheer and utter mutilation on your gal, Snazz. #### the torches! #### the coathangers!

Snazzers... Snazzettes? We need to gather and pray...

​

 

Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today to celebrate the life of Maxine. She was a good work horse. She always thought first of getting that load down the road before even so much as coughing out a backfire. A selfless ol' girl who always gave it her all. From Model T's, to Yugo's, and collector muscle cars to Limo's, she ran those cars all over the southwest and kept her head high. I remember once she even carried another woman and never thought twice about being jealous or uttering a word to Wifey. She'll always be remembered as a good girl who brought a feller into this wonderful world of trucking. A true go-getter who was happiest when running wide open down I-10 going thru the deserts of west Texas, New Mexico, Arizona and southern, CA.

Friends, join me in celebrating the life of an American legend whose life was taken too quickly by a butcher disguised as a mechanic.

R.I.P., Maxine.

 

Yes Attitude I'm crying as I type and Kane there's going to be a need for book sales posistions. Get with Scarecrow and he can put you down for a truckload. Ducks is on the ball with the much needed photos and Scarecrow wrote a good eulogy. So, Snazzy points to all, as Life Goes On.

I made the deliveries and even picked up a load of the collector's muscle cars. Maxine began to shimmy like a belly dancer on meth, as I made my way back to Idiot City. I parked in front of my house and pulled her knob. The house was a complete mess with dirty clothes, filty dishes, and a large gapping hole in the living room ceiling. I stood in awe as some birds made a nest on my fireplace mantel. Geez ! So, I unpacked my gear and cleared off a spot to sit at the table. Yes ! The one I shot, so what ? Anyway, I read over the foot tall stack of mail. Let's see, past due, final notice, past due, cable service canceled, you just won, final notice, we'll get you sucker, past due, past due, final-final notice, 30 days late, 90 days late, and past due.
The phone rang.

Ring, ring, " Hello."

A recording played, " This is Acme bill collections ! Our records indicate that your more than 90 days..."

I hung up the phone and fed the birds on the mantle. I bet that nest building is hard work. So, Wifey flutters in all excited.

Wifey set the shopping bags on the kitchen floor, " Oh, your home ? Why haven't you called ? "

I threw another piece of bread, " I tried to call a 100 times and there's no answer ! " What's with these bills ? "

Wifey took the offense, " Well, your girls and I have been busy ! I guess you noticed the hole in the roof ! We had a terrible storm and lightning did that. We had to spend a whole week in that 5 star Hotel in Austin. "

I had to ask, " Why would you rent a motel room in Austin ? "

Wifey folded her arms, " The finals ! Don't you care how they did ? "

I couldn't of cared less, " Did they win ? "

Wifey sat ontop a pile of dirty clothes, " Well, that's not important ! The main thing is that they placed. Your girls were in the State Cheerleading Finals ! I have a tape of it. Do you want to see it ? "

I held up a fist full of bills, " I'd like to see your check book ! I've deposited over $5,000 in past few weeks. Why haven't these bills been paid ! "

Wifey turned sweet, " Well, me and Betty just signed the lease a few weeks ago and that stock in our garage just got here. "

I had to ask, " What lease ? What stock ? "

Wifey lead me to our attached two car garage, " See ! It's all here and we'll start stocking the store this week. Oh, that reminds me ? I need to call the electric company and get the store's electric turned on. "

I looked at the boxs of candy stacked to the rafters, " What is all of this and what are you talking about ? "

Wifey glowed, " I guess you don't know. Me and Betty leased that old shoe store at the shopping center. We're going to call it the Tweet Sooth ! So, all I had to do was sign the lease and order the candy. Betty's going to work full time and the girls will help her. I can take some more sick days off and help on weekends. That's why those bills are a little behind. It cost alot of money to open a new business ! Oh, I need to call about renting a truck, so we can start stocking the new shelves. I hope they came in, Betty was suppose to call me. "

I stepped back into the kitchen, " Well, sounds like you and Betty are all set. So, I'll just pack my things and let ya'll get to it ! Yep, that's it ! No more ! I'm sick of this ! We're flat broke and thanks to you ! Yep, I'm out of here, so have fun ! Nice knowing you ! Hope it works out for the two of you. Yep, I bet ole Falmart is shaking in thier boots. Ya'll will run them out of business. Man, all the emplyees will be looking for new jobs ! Ole Wifey and Betty will be the new Sartha Mewarts of Idiot City ! Great ! Have fun ! Tootles ! "

I threw my gear into Maxcine and hobbled away. Yep, poor Maxine was pigeon toed and bow legged. We found ourselves at Blackie's bar. Psshht! Love that sound.

Let's break Snazzers, ya'll Snazzy1.

 

I dunno 'bout y'all but I'm just so bummed out that I think a little drinkin is in order.

Unpaid bills.............Candy Store.......what a crock of shiltake!!

 

Yep Shandera what a crock of crap, as Life Goes On.

I woke up in Sexy Thang's bed and had no idea how I'd gotten there. She was already up and dressed. My eyes strung, my head throbbed, my bones ached, my stomach hurt, and I had to pee. So, I stood over the bowl and bled the lizard.

Sexy spoke over the waterfall noise, " I called and he's waiting on us. Do you want me to follow you or ride with you ? "

I shook the lizard, " Well, let me think. I guess you can just drive us over there. Now, where are we going ? "

Sexy giggled, " You don't remember ! When you stormed in here last night, you were saying that Maxine had an abortion and you need to trade her in for a new truck. So, I called my uncle this morning and he said to bring her by. He's the sales manager at that new dealership in Fort Worth. I'll just follow you, so if she breaks down on the way over we won't be stranded. "

I jumped in the shower, " So, he's going to give me a truck with no money down, bad credit, and a truck that is on her last legs ? "

Sexy handed me a towel, " Hurry up and get dressed, you won't get nothing if you don't try ! "

I put on my clothes and Sexy Thang followed me as I rode Maxine like a bucking bronco to the new truck dealership. Her uncle gave Maxine the once look over. We walked into the sales office and I filled out a credit application. The uncle ran my credit report and we got to business.

The Uncle sat behind his desk, " Well, this isn't good ! There's no way to get you into a new unit. The problem I'm going to have is that our lender requires at least a third down on a used unit. Now, the lowest priced class 8 I have is $30,000. That's $10,000 down to get you approved. I can't take your Mack in trade ! We won't put a truck on this lot unless it can pass a DOT inspection. So, how much cash can you put down ? "

I pulled some black curly hairs out of my mouth, " All I have is about $2,000 in cash. I do have a settlement check coming for about $4,000 and that's it!"

Sexy Thang piped in, " I have about $880 that you can have and I get paid Friday! So, we're alomost there. "

I protested, " No ! Sexy I can't let you spend a penny ! This is my problem and you need your money ! "

Sexy hugged my neck, " I guess you don't remember asking me to marry you last night, but that's okay ! "

The Uncle handed me a business card, " That's my card and I'll give you the address to a used dealer. He buys and sales older trucks. See what he'll offer you. Won't hurt to try. Remember, that gal there is my favorite niece and I want to help ya'll if I can. "

I noticed that the used truck dealer wasn't far from where we were at. I had Sexy Thang follow me as Maxine limped like a ruptured duck towards our destination.

Let's Break, your Snazz1.

 

Boy, Snazz... you're lucky that I know about the Ruptured Duck, or I'd be sitting here with my lower lip jutting out in a major pout.

 

I have faith Snaz, things will get better. They may get worse before they get better, but they will get better.

Do you know I am an optimist?

 

No kiddin?!
Imagine that.
I think I need glasses.
Can you help me?

HuH?
Whuzzat?
A WHAT?

Oh!

An OPTIMIST!

Never mind.