Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Now that there is funny, I don't care who you are.

 

Boy Snazzy, that bear didn't know just how crabby you could get!

 

Yeah old Snazzy had that bear doing the Spanish Two Step on one foot.

 

I see Scarecrow hears them voices too, Mechwyphx2b has suffered thru these entire post and Kane is still with us. What a Deal ! As Life Goes On.

I unloaded the steel in Ranchero Cucamonga and of all thangs it was being used to build a California Prison. Yep, that was one for the books. So, I dropped the empity flatbed and leased a dry van. I got loaded with some electronics and set sail for Baltimore, Md.,another good mileage load.Yep,ole Tarmac sure had the miles.Amelia was roaring to go and I sitting pretty.She topped those hills like they were nothing and drove like a dream. Yep, Life was good ! Well, except for Baltimore. Man, that city was in bad shape back then, of course, so were most all the major cities.The place I had to deliver to was a driver's nightmare.It was one of those places where you had to fold in your mirrors and weave inside to thier dock.Geez ! Man, poor Amelia was tied into a knot and I was in a complete state of confusion. An old Security Guard decided to guide me back. Yep, he flapped his arms and danced around like a Praying Mantis on a hot tin roof. What a show ! Finally an Old Driver had seen enough.

The Old Driver was a little gruff, " Hey ! Driver ! What's your problem ? "

I confessed, " I just can't back on that dock to save my life ! "

The Old Driver shook his head, " You guys amaze me ! Buy a truck, get out here on the road, and can't drive ! It makes us all look bad ! Now, you want me to help you or not ! "

I pulled the button, " If you wouldn't mind. Geez I feel stupid ! "

The Old Driver agreed with me, " Well you should ! How are you going to be a Driver, if you can't back up ? What's the point of driving across the whole U.S., if you can't back onto a dock ? You new guys are something else ! "

I tried to defend myself, " Well, see, I've been out here for awhile, but I'm not use to there 53' footers ! "

The Old Driver spat, " That's no excuse ! None of us are ! Backing is backing and it don't make a difference ! So, you know what your doing wrong ?"

I hung my head down, " No, not really. "

The Old Driver dug his spurs into me, " You got that right ! Here's what's wrong ! It's your set up ! What you have to do is pull back out that exit and get a better one. "

I pulled out and backed in, " How's this ? "

The Old Driver climbed up in Amelia's passenger seat, " Okay this is better ! See, that wall right there ? You were too close and that's why you couldn't cut your wheel ! Now, look at where your at and decide what you need to do !"

I started to cut the wheel, " I see ! If I can swing back now, I should have it. That's alot better ! "

The Old Driver blew a gasket, " STOP ! Now what's wrong with this picture ? I know your not that stupid ! "

I answered like it was a pop quiz, " Oh, I guess, I need to fold her mirrors back out ? "

The Old Driver shook his head, " Buy em books, send em to school, and they eat the teacher ! Now, get to it boy ! "

I unfolded the mirrors and started to back, " #### ! She still won't cut far enough ! What am I doing wrong ? "

The Old Driver had me step out, " See that ? You got your rear axles spread all the way back ! You ain't going to back in here like that ! Now, I'll pull this lever here and you back up till I have you stop ! "

I ran like a little girl back to the captain's chair and slowly backed up.The Old Driver raised his arm and then rejoined me.

The Old Driver spoke calmly, " Stick your head out and look at your tire ! Now, turn your wheel untill it's straight ! Look at the center of your cab. That's your nose ! Now, stick your head out and look at your butt ! That's the very end of your trailer ! When you back up, that nose is going to do what you tell it ! Now, the back of that trailer is going to do just the oppsite of her nose. It's simple ! Too simple ! "

I backed and learned, " Yep ! I see what your saying and she sure cuts better with them axles pulled up ! "

The Old Driver grinned, " Well give that man a cigar ! By golly you might make a driver yet ! Now listen to me ! There's only one way to learn ! You have to Practice ! Practice ! Practice ! I don't care who you are ! Yep, I've backed on every dock between here and Haities ! Most of them are cake walks ! Yep, but some are real Bears ! So, what are you going to do ?"

I stuck my chest out, " I'm going to PRACTICE ! I'd also like to buy you a cup of coffee. "

The Old Driver let me and we cut it up in the break room. He was one fine character and gave me some of the best advice I'd ever been given. Yep, some them old goats weren't house broke, but they sure knew thier trade.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I got a load out of Baltimore back to Fort Worth pulling the same dry van full of window blinds. My entire trip out netted me about 8,000 miles and paid Amelia around $7,000. Remember we're still in 1990 and diesel was going for about $1.10 per gallon. Yep, Life Was Good ! I didn't even run illegal and averaged about 600 miles per day. I even took a day off and made the trip in about 13 days. That let me have 3 days at home, so it went. Yep,Tarmac had the miles and Amelia was an earner. It cost me about 44 cents per mile to operate back then and that left 44 cents per mile profit. I paid myself 22 cents per mile, which was $ 800.00 per week. The other 22 cents was for my business account. You'd thought I was happy. Well, yes and no. The home front had turned sour. Somehow Wifey had threatend Sweet Thang, so Sweet Thang's Dad decided that I needed to go. Yep, Ole Big Bad John, the cop who had killed two on duty and few off duty was after me. Wifey had hired a high profile attorney for our divorce. I wasn't doing too good at all. I never thought I'd be unhappy, with as much money as I was making. But that old saying about money can't buy you happiness is somewhat true.

Oh, I was holding my own and doing okay I guess. It's just that it seemed like my whole world had come crashing down and my new world was so much different. It's strange that I never did fall madly in love with Sweet Thang. Our age difference and the fact she was such a dreamer really didn't help our relationship. It's crazy, but I still had strong feelings for Wifey. She was in worse shape than I was. Yep, she'd threatend suicide and began to stalk me. I actually felt sorry for her. I mean we were married for over 20 years, on and off, and we had practically grown up together. I never knew how smart Sweet Thang was when she had said that Wifey and I had a sick love. It turns out she was right. Yep, looking back, our feelings for each other would of been a psychatrist dream. So, that's what happend. Yep, I was committed to the nut house.

Now, this is a warning to you Snazzers. I've posted it in here early on that some of ya'll may not like me as the facts unfold. Yep, I did ! So,if you want to keep liking me, just quit reading. On the other hand, maybe you might like hating me. Either way I've enjoyed our time together. I'll try to be somewhat honest telling my side of things. Remember there are always two or more sides to consider.

Let's break Snazzers and Snazzettes, your Snazzy1.

 

Ahh, Snazz we all have breaking points. Sometimes they just aren't handled well. But I'll remain loyal, yes I will. I have no one else to tell me not to.

 

You're scarin' me, Snazz. But I will continue to read. While I try not to read between lines, I've done so with some of your posts... and that's why I'm worried.

I want your ending, so to speak, to be roses. But I don't think it's so. So continue with your story, and I will try not to judge. I might be disappointed, or consider your actions reprehensible and not without consequence, but judgement of the person is reserved for the Big Guy upstairs.

 

Okay Ducks and Mechwyphx2b here we go. No I'm not gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. No I don't molest children and there's plenty wrong with that ! I am a lesbian trapped in a man's body, but that's no big deal. Let's see, as Life Goes on.

I ran hard for for several months and things rocked along. I'd come home and Amelia was being serviced. Sexy Thang wanted to go out because my divorce hearing was set for that Monday. It was Saturday night and I'd been out on the road for my birthday. So, we killed two birds by letting off some steam and a birthday party to boot. Sexy Thang played Chauffeur and we took her pickup. Her brother who was a Fort Worth Officer worked security at the night club we went to. It had just opened and was a huge country western bar. The night passed quickly and we had a good time. Well almost,Sexy Thang had a bit too much, so her brother was concerned if I was okay to drive. He gave me the heel toe, nose touch, alphabet, walk the line, stand on one leg, and checked to see if my eyes bounced. Once he was satisfied that I was fit to drive we headed out. I noticed a Fort Worth police car following us, but I just assumed that it was a friend of the brothers. Anyway, as I was taking the freeway exit the cop car lit me up. I pulled over and because Sexy Thang was naked, I walked back to greet the officer. I was happy to see that it was an officer I knew from my Idiot cop days.

Officer Back Stabber, " You got a license and proof of insurance ! "

I grinned, " Hey Stabber ! Long time no see ! Here's my license and I'll have to get the insurance card. What's been going on ? "

Officer Stabber, " You've been drinking ! "

I grinned, " Yep ! We just just left the Boot Scooter's Club. Ole Little John, my soon to be. Well, never going to be brother-in-law was working security there. That's a nice place. Have you been there ? "

Stabber stuck his flashlight in my face, " How much have you had to drink and why were you speeding ? "

I was shocked, " I wasn't speeding ! Are you kidding ? "

Stabber wasn't kiddding, " Put your heels together, shut your eyes, and tilt your head back. Now, touch your nose ! Now, the other hand ! Walk this line, lift that bale, mop that deck, and raise that sail. Okay, recite the alphabet from the letter Q to J, backwards ! Lift your left leg and your right one at the same time ! Just what I thought ! Your under arrest for DWI!"

I was speechless (we know better), " What is your problem ! Dang ! Stabber you better be joking ! This isn't funny ! Oh I get it ! Little John put you up to this ! I see ! Is he in the car with you ? "

Stabber hand cuffed me, " You have the right to remain silent, if you give up that right, anything you say may be used against you.."

I couldn't help it, " If you can't afford an attorney one will will be appointed!"

Stabber put me in back of his patrol car, " Whose with you ? Are they sober or do I have to call for a wrecker ? "

I couldn't believe this, " That's Sweet Thang ! Big Johns daughter ! Your ex-training officer ! Little John's sister. My girlfriend ! The girl who works at the 8-12 and use to give you free coffee ! What the hell is you problem !"

Stabber grinned, " Your the one with a problem ! I'm just doing my job!"

I tried to use reason, " Look Officer Stabber ! You know me ! Remember me!
I'm the guy who use to work this frwy on my police bike ! We use to work traffic together up here ! I'm Barney ! The ex-detective with Idiot City! The one who worked undercover ! The guy who saved your bacan that night you were jumped at the lake ! "

Stabber shook his head, " Nope ! I don't know you ! Hey Big John do you know this guy ? "

Big John reached thru the door and yanked my collar, " I told you! So, enjoy yourself ! If you come within a mile of my daughter again. I'll kill you!"

Big John drove away in Sweet Thangs pickup. I went to jail. What a deal ! Yep, Big House bound. What an Idiot ! That's a night I'll never forget ! But, wait ! There's more to come ! This is just the beginning !

Let's break, what Snazzers are left, your Snazzy1.

 

Don't worry, we're still hanging with you. We all have bumps in the road. Remember a friend will bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting beside you going, "dang, that was fun".

 

Yes Leannamarie that's so true ! Let's see what bumps in the road are ahead, as Life Goes On.

Jail is a nasty, noisey, crowded, and rude place. The Guards move in slow motion and half the prisoners are mental misfits. Yep, I fit right in. I was placed in a small cell with 30 other men. There was standing room only and the cell had no ventilation. It had a solid iron door that was air tight. Talk about miserable and unhumane. Geez ! You'd thought I'd killed and cooked babies. Now, I know that some may feel that I deserved it. That's fine and I'll respect that. My own opinion is that the punishment is being in jail and there's no need to tortue people. Since it was a Staurday night it took over 12 hours just to be booked in. We were marched before a magistrate and my bond was set at $500, for first offense DWI ! What a deal ! I knew one of the jailers and thought he was a friend. Nope ! I was treated worse than the other inmates. They locked me in a cell with a phone that didn't work. I'm not kidding! Finally, Sweet Thang had called a bondsman who got me released for $150, which luckily I had on me. So, broke, all alone, and like a lost child in the big city, I walked to the nearest bar. I called Sexy Thang and she came and got me.

I was actually afraid to go back to her house. She acted like it was no big deal. Matter of fact she laughed about it ! I didn't want to tangle with Big John. He was three times my size and I knew I'd have to shoot him. I didn't want to shoot anybody ! I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. We ended up at the Tamac terminal where Amelia was parked and waiting for me. Sexy Thang spent the night with me and I tried to forget my troubles. Life stunk ! Monday morning I drove Amelia downtown and met with an attorney. He was suppose to be, the best of the best ! A real Shark that knew his trade. I'd heard of him for years and always thought that if I ever needed a criminal lawyer. Yep, he was a Johnny Pusrun. So, I sat in his plush office and hung onto to his every word. He had so much clout that the D.A. faxed over my arrest report.

The Shark read over the report," Okay ! Now here's your problem ! You'll lose you D.L. and could go to jail for up to 2 years ! You can't drive your truck without a license ! Yes Sir ! You need my services ! Here's what I can do. First, I'll get that breath test refusal probated for 90 days ! That'll allow you to keep running, Secondly, I can beat this case so easy that it most likely won't go to trial ! What they did is illegal ! Seems like they targeted you and the D.A. won't go for that ! Third, I'm not cheap ! I'll need $2,500 upfront and another $2,500 before trial.

I caught that, " I thought you said we probably won't go to trial ?"

The Shark adjusted his silk tie, " Just a figure of speech ! I'll tear them apart with my bare tongue and they know that ! They'll wish they never pulled this stunt ! I play golf with the Chief every weekend and the Judge is my son's Godfather ! We'll have those two cops up on civil rights violations, assault, kidnapping, conspiracy, bed wetting, fornicating with giraffs, littering, and whatever else I can think up !"

I wrote the check, " Okay ! This is for $2,500. How long are we looking at this thang hanging over me ?"

The Shark looked at his $10k Rolex, " Time is on our side, the longer the better. Chances are we can roll this off the docket book ! I've got cases that have been pending for over 5 years ! Yep ! Just let time work for us and let me deal with it ! One thang though ! Stay away from that crazy cops daughter ! If you don't, I get $ 50,000 upfront for murder charges and that's my minimum ! "

I shook the Sharks fin and walked over to the civil courts building. I hadn't hired an attorney for the divorce. Hell, there wasn't anything to fight over. The house was gone and I'd left with just the clothes on my back. I didn't even have a car ! What little money I had wasn't that much. Maybe, ten thousand or a liitle more. I figured the judge would just award Wifey half of that and maybe $600 per month for child support. Matter of fact Wifey and I had agreed to all of that before trial. So, I sashayed in and waited, and waited, and waited. Yep, sat there just waiting !

Let's break Snazzers, you Snazzy1.