Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

"amovin on up, to the east side"--BIG PLANS are in store....

 

Barney Goose in a private jet-Oprah watch out. And I can't wait for the flight attendant adventures.

 

Something about the "Mile High Club" come to mind ?????

 

Yep Pjw044, Mile High Club on the East Side and Big Duker posted a great picture, as Life Goes On.

For my Christmas bonus, I received a frozen turkey, a one thousand dollar TLX stock certificate, a fifth of Windsor bourbon, and my new uniform. Well, it was something that Ma Crook had thought up. Yep, all the office peasants were required to wear our new TLX cheer leading outfits. Now, they weren't all that bad, but I sure didn't care for them. Yep, they were red pull over Tee Shirts, with collar, a pocket with the TLX emblem, and dark blue slacks. I stood in front of the mirror and snickered at myself. Gees ! I looked like a middle aged fast food employee. Knock, knock, knock.

I opened my office door, " Hi, Ed ! Man ! You look sillier than I do ! "

Ed was Ed, " I think, they look good ! Where's your hat at ? "

I stuck the red ball cap on, " Would you care for fries with that ? "

Ed went postal, " You better not let Ma Crook hear you ! She personally picked these out and I think we look good ! Your the first one to complain and everyone else really likes them. Have you seen dispatch and how nice they look ? "

I plopped down in my desk chair, " Ed ! We're grown men ! Now, if we were all 20 years old and in good shape...."

Ed cut me off, " Oh you haven't heard ! Ma Crook is giving us all free memberships, at the Valley Health Club. They have professional trainers that get results. I've already started there and it's terrific ! They have their own sports drinks that are made out of fresh vegetables. You know, they use a blinder and make it out of celery, onions, beats, tomatoes, garlic, soy beans, cabbage, ,,, "

I couldn't take it, " Ed ! I'm not a #### rabbit ! Now, if you care for that crap and want to ..."

Junior walked in, " Ed ! They need you down in dispatch, right now ! "

I grinned at Junior, " Would you like to super size that order ? "

Junior waited for Ed to exit, " How was your holiday ? "

I was honest, " It sucked ! I just visited with my folks and .. "

Jr had to ask, " What do you think about those outfits ? "

I lied, " Oh ! I guess their alright, but ..."

Jr was blunt, " Be honest with me ! "

I was, " These are stupidest looking things I've ever seen ! It's makes us look like a bunch of Mikey Dee's rejects. Now I will say, that the office girls don't look bad ! I mean, the ones that have something to show. "

Jr agreed, " Yeah ! I saw Water Balloons ! Man ! She does look good, but most of them look like hell ! Man, my mom sometimes gets these ideas of hers and ... Have you seen her ? "

I lit up a 100, " No ! Is she ..."

Junior shook his head, " She looks like a hippo in a dogie sweater ! "

I doubled over, " Oh man ! We all look like third graders attending Mother of Holy Mosses ! I don't want be seen like this ! It's degrading ! "

Junior cut another one, " Well ! It could be worse ! She was looking at some Bell Hop clown suites ! I swear, she's losing it ! I had to keep her, from requiring our drivers to wear these costumes. Can you imagine ? Our big ole drivers out there in these getups ? They'd quit before.... "

I cut loose, " The drivers ! How about me ? I can just picture me out there wearing this ! Man, in San Francisco, they'd made me Rainbow Queen and riding side saddle in the Fairy Float Parade ! Gees ! "

Junior understood, " Look Barney ! Just, go along with it for now and I'll get her, to change her mind. In the meantime, if you have to go somewhere, just change out of that. Just, make sure that she doesn't catch you. "

So, I agreed and decided to play along. Now, there would of been a time, when I'd of quit a job, over something like that. You know, employers that require employees to do silly things. Like Fallmart ! Yep, back when I had worked as a cop, I was working security there. Well, every morning the store employees were required to do a Fallmart chant. Yep, they'd hold hands in a circle and scream about being number one. Well, I was in plain clothes and didn't want to gawk at the poor souls. So, I sashayed over and stood by the front doors. Well, a young assistant manger spotted me and ordered me to take part. I tried to explain to him that ... Well anyway, he more, or less gave me a choice. You know, join in, or else ! So, I elsed it right out the door and refused to work security there. Yep, it paid well and I sure needed the extra pay. But hey, I'll never, ever, ever, compromise myself, when I feel... Well, you know what I mean. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Wow, you sound just like my mother. When she was 3 years old she earned the name pie. She became fascinated with the pie trucks at a young age and that is all she wanted to do. She got into trucking and worked for some of the worst companies. Yet, she never complained; even when she slipped 3 discs in her back. Even now as she sits awaiting back surgery, she wishes she could be back on the road.
Good for you.

 

Still here Snazzy! Got the double clutching down, and look forward to my bedtime story from this site everday. Keep it coming!

 

First, a Big Snazzy welcome to Shoshonestorm and let's wish her mom a speedy recovery. I did sneak over and peep at Shosh's profile, which has her photo. No ! Not her mom's ! Hers ! Well, I guess it was her ! Anyway, she's a looker, so none of you male Snazzers need to click over there and slobber all over everything. I see that Dollylama is still with us and if memory serves me she's in driving school. So, let's all keep pulling for her and hope she keeps us updated. Yep, our little thread is growing by leaps and bounds. What a deal, As Life Goes On.

It was New Years Eve night and I was celebrating by myself. Yep, I was held up in the Bed and Bug, trying to drink away my sorrows. Well, I was swigging down that fifth of Windsor bourbon and watching the fireworks on tv. Yep, out with the old and in with the new. ! 1995, had been full of challenges, disappointments, heartbreaks, victories, defeats, sexual escapades, profits, losses, and surprises. Yep, I stood in front of the medicine cabinet and barely recognized my reflection. Yep, I was sure looking my 43 years. Well actually, I looked more like 53 and felt 63. Now, you might be wondering, why I was down in the dumps ? Well, things just hadn't gone as well as I hoped. You know, when I had first started at Crook Trucking, I had plans saving up a bundle and becoming an owner operator again. Well somehow, I had gotten sidetracked and, knock, knock, knock.

I sashayed staggered, " Who is it ? "

The voice, " It's your neighbor ! Come on honeys and open up ! "

I peeped thru the hole, " Wait a minute ! "

So, I got an eyeful of what was out there. Yep, she was a lot lizard that stayed a few doors down from me. I recognized her black leather mini dress, black knit stockings, and red high heels. I paused before opening up and allowing her in. She wasn't bad looking, for a lot lizard. You know, she was tall, slender, early 30's, well built, dark skinned, black haired, red lipped, and doable.

I unchained, " What's up ? "

She took my hand, " I knews yous by youself ! I's alls alones ands we's needs tos rings this news years ins togethers ! "

I checked outside, before locking the door, " Have a seat ! I'm Barney Goose and I've seen you around here. You care for a drink ? "

She took my offer, " This is goods ! Nows, whys yous sitten heres alls bys yous selfs ? We'se likes twos pees ins a pods ! Is thats thes times squares theres ? "

I turned up the volume, " Yeah ! That's old uh, what's his name ! Uh ? The guy that host that every year. Hell ! I can't think of his name ! Anyways, err uh, anyway ... "

She snapped her fingers, " That's oles what's yous may calls its, froms Amerca's bands stands. Yous knows ! He's beens arounds forevers ! Yous minds, ifs I's to use your little gal's room. I's abouts to pees myselfs ! "

So, I watched her stagger back and take a seat. Yep, she didn't even shut the door, as she sat there pissing like a race horse. I was a bit taken back, so I busied myself mixing us another round. She made her way over and plopped down on the bed. I was standing by the window and peeping out the shades. Yep, I wasn't sure what the setup was and kept expecting the worst.

She had to ask, " Whats yous lookens ats ? "

I was blunt, " Look ! I don't know what your game is, but let me tell you something ! I'm an ex-cop, an ex-con, a longhaul trucker, and I've seen it all ! Now, whatever your up to isn't going to work ! I mean, your a good looking gal and all, but I'm not interested ! "

She took a swig, " Honeys ! Yous thinks thats cuss I's blacks, thats I's ups tos sumthins. I's jus thinkens thats yous alls alones ands mights wants somes companies. I's lonesomes toos and we's mights as wells gets togethers. "

I took a belt, " Well, if your just lonesome and want to hangout. Well, that's fine, but if that boyfriend of yours is up to something... "

She laughed, " Mys boyfriends ! Yous talkens abouts Bigs Boys ? He's nots mys man ! Bigs Boys works ats the clubs wheres I's dance ! I's a dancer ats the Twilights Lounges. Yous thinks thats I's somes streets walker ? I's works theres fors overs a years nows ands makes plentys ! Honeys ! Yous needs tos chills outs ! "

I apologized, " I'm sorry ! It's just that every time, that I've seen you, your with that guy and you do keep some weird hours. Plus, your always dressed like that. "

She crossed her shapely legs, " Dos yous likes mes dressed likes this ? I's use to bes a reals goods lookens gal ! Theys calls mes Tina ands Misters Gooses, yous a goods looken mans. I's bets we's coulds becomes goods friends. Yous don'ts has nothens against black folks, do's ya ? "

I was honest, " No ! Well, when I was locked up, a couple of them did try to jack me But, hell ! There's just as many white a-holes in this world, as I guess you know ! "

Tina lit up, " That's the gospels truths ! Yous seems likes a nice man and yous see ! I's nots ups to's nothens and yous sees ! "

So, we sat starring at the tv and swigging down highballs. Yep, ole Tina did look alot like Tina Turnhead. You know, that sexy, good looking, long legged, ball of fire, that can sing, dance, shimmy, shack, and make men act like fools. Anywasy, err,, anywasy,, #### it ! Anyway, I enjoyed sharing my tv and bourbon with her. No ! Not Tina Turnhead ! The Tina that, well you know ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Thank you. My mother looks like me except brown hair and a star tattoo on her face.
I hope you get back to that story soon.

 

Hey Snazzy, keepin up with you. Had my truck 2 mos. now still hangin in there, but this not havin anywhere to hang my hat deal is kind of odd, not sure if I'm coming or going. Your stories are my inspiration though, good things are just around the corner.

 

Yep AllLAb, not having a place to hang your hat can be a bummer, but it can also work to your advantage. Keep on trucking and keep us updated. Now Shoshonestorm, I'm trying to picture a star tattoo on your mom's face. Hmm.. She' not related to Gene Simmons ,of Kiss is she ? What a deal, as Life Goes on.

It was still early, I guess around 10pm, when the phone rang. Yep, me and Tina were both two sheets to the wind and feeling no pain. It took me a couple of tries to lift up the receiver. You know, I was seeing double, as well as drinking them. Hiccup !

I shouldered the mouth piece, " Happy New Year ! Hiccup ! "

Ed was Ed, " Barney, it's Ed ! You need to get over to the airport and head over to Lost Vegas ! "

I thought he was kidding, " Sure Ed ! Hey ! I'm so high now that I don't need a plane ! How about, if I just flap my arms and click my heels. Hiccup ! "

Ed didn't see my humor, " Sober up and get going ! Junior needs your help and this is serious ! "

I rolled my glassy eyes, " Don't tell me ! He bet the farm and Elsie is kicking his butt ! "

Ed was coy, " The corporate jet is on standby and waiting for you. Get over there and keep me updated ! This is bad ! Real bad ! "

So, I hung up and filled Tina in on the situation. I mean, she needed to know what was up. Yep, Tina had become my confident and best friend. You know, she was the only person on earth that really cared about me. Hiccup ! Anyway, she offered to drive me to the airport in my company car. I tossed a few things in my overnight bag, grabbed my laptop, and away we go. Hiccup ! Now, the Leer was at the Alliance airport and was a good hours drive. Of course it being New Years Eve the traffic was backed up party favor, to party favor. We hadn't gotten halfway there, before I crashed and burned. Yep, I was barely conscious and fighting thru my alcohol induced coma, when it hit me. Hiccup !

I sat up, " Where are we ? "

Tina's gold tooth flashed a smile, " We's just tooks offs ands is.. "

I jolted awake, " We did what ! I mean, how did I .. "

So, Tina passed the champagne bottle and filled in the blanks. Yep, she'd driven up to the gate and the checked in with the security cops. They had been waiting for us and helped to carry me aboard. What a deal !

I had to ask, " Man ! I must of been out of it ! But, why are you here and why didn't you.... "

Tina explained, " Mister Gooses ! I ain'ts letens yous bees stucks ups heres alls alones ! That pilot fella dones says, ifs I's yous assistant that's fines with hims ! "

So, it all made sense to me. Hiccup ! Yep, there we were flying like a couple of V.I.P.'s. Well, if that stood for Very Intoxicated People. Hiccup ! I gandered around and soaked in the booze, err... my lush surroundings. Yep, it was a palace with wings alright. Let's see, it reminded me of the inside of a ritzy limo. You know, it didn't have rows of seats. Nope, there was just one big wrap around, red leather bench, that circled the whole inside. There was some fancy lights that were different colors and lit up the woodgrain walls. The shag carpet was deep piled and snow white. There were chromed poles, about every five feet and they reached from the ceiling to the floor. Some leather hand straps hung down to assist anyone wanting to sashay around. I noticed a light blue blazer fella seated towards the rear. Yep, his perch was a bucket seat and behind the bar. What a deal !

I sashayed staggered back, " How's it going ? Hiccup ! "

The Blazer lisped, " Just fine sir ! May I get you anything ? We have some excellent caviar, some fresh anchovies, perhaps you'd care for some..."

I belched, " Urrupp ! Excuse me ! Uh, you got anything to mix with this ! It's Windsor bourbon and Coke would be fine. Urrupp ! "

The Blazer wrinkled up his snoot, " I'm sorry ! We're not allowed to serve setups ! I could mix you a vintage drink, perhaps some Old Gold on ice, or Vermouth with a twist of lime ? "

I puckered my lips, " Well, how about a Koors beer ! "

The Blazer cringed, " We only have imported brews ! Perhaps, a German dark beer, or may I suggest an English light barley ! "

I'd heard enough, " Tell you what ! Give me Coke on the rocks and a stir stick ! "

So, he did and I gulped down half of it. Yep, I unscrewed the fifth of Windsor and mixed me a highball. Tina joined me, as we continued to party hardy. I noticed a C.D. player, but ole Blazer wearing, limp wrested, snooty, numb nuts, only had classical music to play. So, I reached into my overnight bag and stuck in some Doors. Hiccup ! Yep, ' Rider's of the Storm ', Do dah dee dee do ! Ba boom da de de Boom ! Well, Tina got all into it and decided to supply us with some entertainment. She kicked off her red high heels and grabbed a hold of one of them chromed poles. Yep, a pole dance at twenty thousand feets, err..., feet. Hiccup ! Now, I'll say this ! She could really shake a leg ! Well, matter of fact, she could shake parts of her body that most women don't even have ! Man ! I sat there all bugged eyed and bucked tooth, as Tina began to shed her clothes like a snake. No ! Snakes don't wear clothes ! You know, like they shed their skin ! Yep, she stuck one leg straight up in the air and I swear driver ! Yep, she used her tongue to lick that stocking all the way down to her ankle. It ended up between her teeth and she spit that sucker like a camel does it's ? Well, whatever a camel spits. Yep, it landed right on top of Snooty Numb Nut's styled hair. Well, he did a jig and for a minute, I thought he was going to grab a pole and join in.

Tina kept shimming and a shaking like a jellybean in an earthquake. Yep, her other stocking took flight and the next thing to go was her mini dress. Yep, she swung around that pole and it left her spinning around with nothing but a smile on her face. Yep, no bikini panties or lacy bra for Tina. Well, this is part that you've been waiting for. Now, make sure the kids don't see this and if your not a pervert. Well, you know what I mean ! Yep. Tina spun off that pole and landed on her hands. Now, I'm not making this up driver ! Hell, I couldn't dream this stuff up. Anyway, ole Tina hand walked over and snatched my cigarette right out of my mouth. Yep, she used her toes. You know, her big one and the one next to it. Yep, and then she stuck that smoking lit 100 right between her beaver lips. Yep, she was still doing hand stands and her legs were spread apart. Now, what got me was, what happened next. Yep, her beaver started puffing up smoke rings. Now, I'd seen a thing or two over time, but this beat all ! Yep, it was so incredible that even Numb Nuts was spellbound. Of course, I tried to keep from looking like a deer in the headlights. But, what happened next .... Well, let's wait till tomorrow and I'll tell you all about it, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy !