Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

First, a big Snazzy welcome to t8s15j00 who is lost and can't parallel park. I see that Big Duker fielded that one and his advice sounds reasonable, well thought out and is worth trying. In the million miles I've logged there were only two occasions that required me to park in that manner. Of course, I'm referring to real world driving, not school or driving test skills. So, you might check, the experience driver section. I'm sure that subject has been well covered. As a last resort, you could ask your driving instructor. I mean, that's why he makes the big bucks and I bet, he or she, would be more than happy to steer you in the right direction. Of course, if he or she is a bit of a hot head, or too good to share with you. I'd suggest, you getting with another student. You know, one that already has mastered that skill.

Yep, don't get all lathered up, or give up trying. Like Duker said, it takes practice and time. Oh sure, it would be nice to slap her in there and sashay around. You know, all puffed up and strutting like a Pee-Kock in heat. But hey ! We all had to pay our dues. Yep, there's plenty of time to brag and boast, " Look at me ! Look at me ! I can parallel park ! Ain't I something ! " Yeah, big man on campus and a truckstop bully. Gees ! Give the guy a wheel and he turns into an ego maniac. Hell, he probably wouldn't give us Snazzers the the time of day. It makes me sick ! He comes in here with his hat in his hand and pouting about sucking at parallel parking. What do we do ? We bend over backwards and take him in, as one of our own. The thanks we get ? Slam bam, thank you man ! Then folks wonder why us Snazzers stay to ourselves. What else can we do ? The whole world will never accept us, for who we are. They'd rather poke fun at us and exclude us from the main thread. Oh, we're not good enough ! Yeah, go ask the Snazzers how to parallel park. Then wipe your shoes before coming back !

It reminds me of Nazi Germany. First, they came for their political foes, but we weren't against them. So, we did nothing. Then it was the Union members, but we didn't have one. So, we did nothing. Then they came for us Snazzers and there was no one left to stop them. To arms ! To Arms ! Unite Snazzers and let's stand together ! We can.. ??? Oh never mind ! Anyway, welcome aboard t8s15j00 and I see that Bronc-rider stopped in. It's always good to see him and I slip over to his site every once in awhile. I see that Pjw044 is back for his abuse. Anyway, Snazzers stay tuned and keep the shiny side up, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I kept my quilt wrapped around me and headed straight for the bathroom. It was freezing cold and my lizard hid from my cold fingers. You know, how it shrinks up and hides down there. I finally fished it out and drained the golden liquid. I tippy toed over and checked on Candy. She must of been dreaming, because her ears kept moving around like radar dishes. I tucked her covers around her shoulders and tip toed back out. My morning coffee tasted extra good and helped me warm up. Let's see, it's Friday and I'll need to call and check with Ray. Yep, finance should have those two trucks approved and I'll need to check with what's his name. You know, the guy taking Dan's place over at the shop. Oh, Guy ! No ! Not guy ! The guy that.. HIS NAME IS GUY and ... Well, you don't have to get snippy ! Shut up, mind voices ! Man ! It's getting late and we need get ready. Well, put down the mug and ... Screw you, I can finish this and still be on time ! Well, go ahead and be late ! Your the one that ... Come on ! We need to get dressed !

I swung in and parked under the canopy. You know, my assigned space that had the sign on the wall, " Reserved for GM Goose ." I locked her up and sashayed into my office. Jill my secretary handed me a fist full of memos and poured me a cup. I grunted a thank you and logged onto my computer. Let's see, did that, need to check on that, done, did that, not sure ! Yeah, I did that already ! Alright, done, will do, will do ..."

Knock, knock, " Got a minute Barn ? "

I lied, " Sure Ed ! Come on in. You want a cup of ..."

Ed waved his hand, " I quit that poison ! You know, one cup of that has enough caffeine in it ... "

I held up my hand, " Goose speaking ! Sure ! He's here with me. Alright we'll be right up. Bye ! That was Junior and wants us over in his office. Man ! I'll never get caught up today ! "

So, Ed and I sat in front of Jr's desk and waited. Yep, just like two bumps on a pickle. I wanted to lite up, but neither one of them smoked, so I stuck in some juicy fruit and smacked away.

Jr plopped behind his desk, " Ed, have you told Barney about this ? "

Ed took the fifth, " No ! I thought, you decided to...."

Jr interrupted, " It's no big deal Barney. You can make that deposit and it won't take long. He's already approved everything and there shouldn't be a problem. "

I had to ask, " What deposit ? "

Jr pointed to Ed, " Go ahead and fill him in. I need to call over there and make sure about something. "

Ed was in the know, " You remember a few weeks back, when payroll was late with making that deposit. Anyway, we just need that money to be there, before 2 pm. That way we can be sure that nothing bounces. "

I smacked my gum, " If all ya'll need is someone to make a bank deposit. I'm sure Jill can do that. I've got too much going on and ... "

Ed was Ed, " Look Barney ! I'd do this myself, but they all know me and that's why Junior needs you to handle it. There's no risk and the money will be transfered, by the end of the day. It'll just cover us and this way we'll be able to dodge the bullet. Now, you understand ! It's just a stop gap and gives us a little time to work with. "

Jr hung up the phone, " It's all set ! Now, Barney the limo will be here and we need to get you ready. I think there's an extra suit in my closet that will fit you. Yeah, here it is ! Try this on and Ed can give you a hand. I'll go get the briefcase and we have plenty of time. "

I protested, " Wait a minute Ed ! I can get dressed by myself ! Man ! This suit is a little big for me. Look ! These pant legs are way too short and the waist is way too big ! ####, Junior sure is built funny ! "

Ed played tailor, " Here ! If you tug them down a little bit and fold the waist in. There you go ! Stand still and I'll see how this tie looks. "

I gaged, " Your choking me Ed ! Wait a minute ! "

Junior rushed back in, " That looks fine and here's all you need. This is the deposit slip and these are the cashier checks. I'll put them back in the briefcase here. When you get there see a Mr Will Banks. He's one of the bank's V.P.'s and will be expecting you. Just make the deposit and get back here. Ed, can you think of anything ? "

Ed snapped his fingers, " He needs something to make him look more flashy. How about letting him wear your Rolex ? That would look better ! "

Junior slipped it on my wrist, " That's a $ 20,000 dollar watch, so don't lose it. Here, this is my money clip and there should be. Let me count it, six, twelve, fifteen, two, twenty six hundred and four dollars. Make sure to let him see your roll ! Now, do you have any questions ? "

Boy did I, " What the hell is going on ? Something isn't right here ! Now, I don't mind doing something to help out. But, I can't do anything illegal. I've been in trouble before and .... "

Junior held my arm, " Barney ! I've never lied to you and this isn't illegal ! Those checks are worth every penny written on them ! That's my money and we need it ! A stupid account talked me into a shady deal and I fell for it. It was suppose to be safe in an offshore account and be tax free. Well, he tried to steal the funds, so I had the money wired to another location. Anyway, it's taken me several months to get the funds back and they need to be deposited. If Mom finds out about this she'll ..."

Ed snickered, " Man ! When she does find out...."

Jr gave Ed the look, " Shut up, Ed !

Ed defended himself, " All I said, was..."

Junior turned Red, " If she hadn't pulled this ! Now, Barney are you willing to go along, or not ? "

I gave in, " I'll do it ! But, on one condition ! What's the worst that can happen to me ? I mean, be honest ! Are we talking money laundering, tax evasion, fraud, ..."

Jr laughed, " No, Barney ! All of these funds are perfectly legal. All the taxes have been paid and everything is on the up and up. I just have to do it this way, to keep my mother from finding out. Now, your name is Mr Getaway and all your doing is making a deposit. As soon, as that's done I can wire transfer the money back into my account. It's that simple ! "

I didn't buy it, " No ! There's something more going on here ! Your mother wouldn't care about cheating Uncle Sam and if that money is legal. Well, you'd just deposit it yourself ! I wasn't born yesterday, so tell me the truth and be honest with me ! "

Jr gave Ed the look, " Give us a minute Ed ! "

Ed slithered out and Jr locked the door, " Here's the deal ! That's mother's money and she has been embezzling funds from TLX. Her accountant came clean and snitched her off. Ed's the one that came to me and he swears that he didn't know a thing about it. Now, I still don't trust Ed and if he is involved in this. Well, I'll find out ! Anyway, it's getting late. Now, are you in or out ? "

So, I picked up the briefcase and sashayed down to the limo. The driver was parked out front and held the door open for me. I sat in the backseat,as we headed down the Interstate. I had my doubts, about what was going on and tried to ignore my inner feelings of gloom. I mean, just call me Mr Getaway, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

The bank was the main branch, located in the middle of downtown Big D. The limo parked right in front of it and the driver opened my door. I had found a pair of glasses inside the briefcase, so I slipped them on to help disguise my face. You know, I figured if any mugshot-photo spreads were shown. Well, you know what I mean. So, I sashayed towards the glass doors and stopped to admire my reflection. Yep, I looked just like myself wearing a bad pair of Buddy Holly black rimmed glasses. Man, they were hard to see out of too. Everything was magnified three times it's size and was blurry. It took me a couple of tries to enter inside. You know, it had one of them glass doors that spins around. You know, it makes you feel like a hamster on display. Yep, I spun around at least twice, before making my grand entrance. Luckily it was high noon and the huge lobby was jammed back. The half dozen elevators were busy bringing down the hungry workers. Yep, the top 60 floors were office spaces and all the high heels and business suits were headed out the exits, for their two martini lunches. What a deal ! So, I spotted an old bat sitting at a desk with a sign stating, ' receptionist. ' Of course, I had to slip down them glasses to read it. The old bat was one of them hardcore type. You know, snooty looking and wearing a gray bun hairdo. I slowly sashayed over and was careful not to lookup at the security cameras.

I cleared my throat, " Excuse me, I'm Barn, err, uh, uh, Mr Getaway. I'm here to see Mr Will Banks. "

Gray Bun sized me up, " Do we have an appointment ? "

I bit my tongue, " I believe he is expecting me ! "

Gray Bun tapped her pencil, " Your name, again ! "

I spoke slowly, " Mister Getaway, that's G E T A W A Y ! With a G ! "

Gray Bun wasn't impressed, " And this is in reference to what ? "

I thought about, " Banking Business ! B A N K I N G ! B U S I N E S S ! With two B's ! "

Gray Bun pushed the buzzer, " A MISTER GETAWAY, is here to see you. Very well ! Mr getaway, Mr Banks will see you shortly ! Please have a seat and help yourself to our free complimentary coffee. "

So, I turned and tripped over the chrome rails. You know, the ones that make you zigzag like a rat in a maze. My briefcase sailed that away, the glasses went the other, and my pants fell to my knees. What a deal ! Yep, the security cameras got a perfect moonshot of Barney's white cheeks. I quickly recovered and regrouped. The leather coach made that funny sound they make. You know, like you just sat down on a farting buffalo. Of course, I looked around for any snickering fools, but luckily didn't spy any. The glass table was full of reading material. You know, News Week, Money Mart, Texas Monthly, Wall Street, but no Mad Magazines. I thumbed a few pages, before Mr Banks shuffled over. Gees ! He had to be 150 years old and looked like Mr Scrooge.

He offered his paw, " I'm Mr Banks, but call me Will. It's an honor to finally meet you, Mr Getaway. How was your flight ? "

I lied, " Just fine ! I hate to rush, but my limo is double parked and I've got several errands that need my attention. "

Mr Banks began to shuffle, " Let's go back to my office and this shouldn't take long. Miss Gray Bun ! Hold my calls and have Joyce come to my office. Mr Getaway is pressed for time ! "

I took half steps, so I wouldn't run over the old goat. He slowly opened the door and finally took his seat. I remained standing and flipped my briefcase open on the chair, " These are the checks and this is the deposit slip. "

Mr Banks looked them over, " Oh, I see that you already have endorsed them and all we'll need is the notarized affidavit to satisfy ..."

I cut him short, " No ! That's all we need ! I don't know anything about any Afro David's ! Uh, I've never had to ..."

Mr Banks assured me, " It's just something the banking regulators require and Joyce is a notary. Here she comes now ! "

Joyce was all business, " I'll just need to see your drivers' license, two credit cards, social security card, library card, birth certificate, and shot records. "

I peeled back my sleeve, " Oh, my goodness ! I'm late and really have to run. I guess we can arrange to do this some other time ! I don't have a lick of identification on me and ...."

Mr Banks protested, " Now, Mr Getaway there's no sense in rushing around and leaving matters half baked ! Your a young man and take it from me. Your headed straight to the cardiac ward, if you don't slow down. Now, surely you must have some form of identification on you ! "

I pulled out the wad, " No ! Just my money clip and this pack of juicy fruit. Nope, unless there's some other way we can handle this ? I guess, we'll have to reschedule, or perhaps I can find another bank that...."

Mr Banks kept a death grip on the checks. " Joyce ! I can vouch, for Mr Getaway ! He's a world investor and has stock in most of the Fortune 500 companies ! It's an insult to require him to prove who he is ! "

Joyce saved the day, " What's this right here ? This is all we need ! You've already got a notarized form 1442 ! "

I snapped my fingers, " That' right ! My secretary had that done at my office and I remember now ! So, is everything good to go ? "

Mr Banks stood and took my paw, " Now, Mr Getaway ! You take my advice and slow down some ! Back when I was your age...."

I pulled free and headed for the exit, " Oops, I almost forgot my briefcase and I'll need it ! It sure was a pleasure doing business with you and Joyce it was nice meeting you ! I really have to run ! So long ! Bye ! "

So, I half ran and jumped into the limo. Yep, the driver threw her in gear and away we went. I slipped off the necktie and exhaled a sigh of relief. Yep, I bet old man Banks was telling Joyce, that movers and shakers, like that Mr Getaway were hell bound. Yep, just like ole Howard Fuse, all half nuts and running around chasing their tails. What a deal ! Anyway, I sashayed into Junior's office and was greeted like a conquering hero. Yep, just like when Cesar returned to Rome. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Yep Big Duker, that's how they hide them security cameras alright and we need to beware of the ides of March, as Life Goes On.

Me and Candy were sitting at the bar, when Dan came in. She jumped for joy and licked his face. Dan rubbed her back, " Did you miss me girl ? Daddy sure missed you ! Was she any trouble Barn ? "

I lit a 100, " No ! She was a perfect angle and I enjoyed keeping her. Do you have time for a beer ? "

Dan pulled up a stool, " I can't stay long, but that does sound good. "

I spoke loudly, " Hey ! Mr Hook ! Bring Dan a beer and I need another one. Oh, go ahead and let Candy have some more of that jerky. She sure loves them things ! "

Dan grinned, " Man ! Barney, she must of gained 10 lbs. You must of fed her good and I bet, you've spoiled her rotten. "

I took a gulp, " Thanks Mr Hook and keep the change. Here you go Candy ! Your not spoiled, or you girl ? Good girl ! "

Dan took a swig, " Hey Barn, have you heard anything about TLX moving it's operations, out to California ? "

I was honest, " No ! That's probably just a rumor ! I mean, as long as the Crooks have control of it and ...."

Dan clued me in, " Well, I stopped in at that new terminal in Ontario and something is going on ! You know, that new terminal that TLX built ? Well, the Big Man out there, told me that TLX is moving everything out there. He even showed me the new office building being built. You should see it and it's bigger than that Ivory Tower in Lost Co Lean Us ! "

I snickered, " No, Dan ! Old lady Crook wouldn't ever leave her perch ontop of H Hoss Parole's tower. She still runs Crook Oil out of there and still has control of TLX. Now, maybe Junior might want to move out there, but as long, as she has any say. Well, you know what I mean ! "

Dan looked shocked, " Oh, hi Ed ! What are you doing here ? "

I turned and looked, " Hey Ed ! What's up ? "

Ed was paler than usual, " Barney, we need to talk ! #### ! That dog just bit me ! "

Dan fastened on the leash, " Sorry Ed ! She's never snapped at anyone before. Are you alright ? "

Ed rubbed his shin, " She just nicked me, I'll be ok. "

So, I bid Dan and Candy goodbye, as they left. Ed followed me over to the River Queen and we sat at my bar. You know, the one on the second deck, that had the shag carpet on the floor. Anyway, I popped a top and waited for Ed to speak his mind.

He darted his eyes around, " This is a nice boat and I can see why you moved out here. Are we alone ? I mean, there's no one here, is there ? "

I blew smoke, " Nope, it's just us two chickens ! Here, have some of this orange juice. I can mix you a ..."

Ed was Ed, " No ! This is fine ! Now, what I'm about to tell you, has to stay between us ! Barn, well, I don't know where to start. Here's the thing ! You and I both know, that, well, things, .... "

He had my attention, " Look Ed ! Whatever is going on, isn't any of my business. Now, I know that Junior and his mother are,,, well, strange. But they manage to ...."

Ed dropped his bomb, " Me and Ma Crook are getting married ! I know, she's quite a few years older than me and leaving my wife, after 20 years of devotion. Well, it's going to hard on all of us. Are you ok ? "

I lifted myself, " #### ! I must of fallen off my barstool. Now, sometimes my hearing plays tricks on me, but did you just say...."

Ed was add a mint, " She's really a wonderful person, once you get to know her. She is much younger at heart than anyone gives her credit. She can work nonstop and dance all night. She's thoughtful, caring, loving, and generous to a fault. You understand ! Don't you ? "

I slugged down the suds, " I need another beer ! Here, have some more orange juice. Now Ed ! Don't get me wrong, I,,, well,,, kind of,,, but,,, well,, I'll go ahead and say it ! Are you nuts ? I've met your wife and those boys of yours are great kids ! I mean, your not going to throw all of that away and ruin everything, that you've worked for ! Now, think about it ! I mean, what about Pa Crook ? She can't do anything until he's gone and ..."

Ed was full of bombs, " Pa Crook passed away a few hours ago ! She's free to do, whatever she wants ! She needs me and I can protect her, from Junior and the rest of her family. They can't wait to get their hands on ... "

I blew smoke, " Bull feathers, Ed ! Junior cared more about his dad than he did himself ! It was Jr that got him into that medical center and made sure that he got the best of care ! That's back when Ma Crook was spending all of her time trying to take over. Remember, back when she ...."

Ring, ring, Ed flapped his arms, " I'm not here ! If that's Jr tell him, you haven't seen me ! "

I lied, " Hello ! Hey Junior, what's up ? No ! I haven't seen Ed ! Uh huh, oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. Yeah, uh huh, well, I'm sure sorry to hear about your dad. I know, I guess we all knew, that he didn't have long. Yep, he sure was a fighter and at least he's not suffering. Yeah, you just got to look at it that way. Well you know, if there's anything I can do. How's your mom holding up ? Oh, she's still in California ? No, I think that Ed had mentioned that, last week. Yeah, well again, if there's anything I can do, just let me know. Ok, you take care and I'll see you Monday. Oh, that's right and you'll need to take care of that. Ok, let me know, bye ! "

Ed had baited breath, " What did he say about me and why did you tell him that I mentioned something ? "

I lit up, " He just said, that his dad died and wanted to know, if I knew where you were. Oh, that thing about you, was about me knowing that Ma Crook was in California. Remember ? You told me that last week. "

Ed stood, " Well I guess, that I better get going. Now Barney, the only reason that I came by was to warn you. That whole matter concerning those bank deposits was a setup ! Junior fell for it hook, line and sinker. He thought, that he really had his mom, right where he wanted her. Now, she has him, by his balls ! He'll see what playing hardball is all about ! Now, all you have to do is simple, just play along and watch your back ! I'll explain it later and you don't have anything to worry about. Well, if you play your cards right and stay with the winning team. "

So, Ed strutted out and I decided to get drunker, than a brewery keg rat. Yep, this was more than a sober mind could handle. I mean, it was a no brainer that battle lines had been drawn and it was going to get messy. My choices were few. I mean, hang with Junior and maybe get hung, or switch over to Ma's team and .......... Hell, the mere thought of Ed and Ma Crook caring on. You know, that fat wrinkled old Duck and pasty faced Ed naked and ... Ugh, it was too gruesome to even imagine. I shuttered and took a shower to wash off the terrible thoughts. They followed and wouldn't let go. Yep, they still drift in mind today and it's more than I can bare. I want to rip them from my brain and stomp them into a pool of puss. Oh the humanity of it all, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Well Snazzers, I did post last night, but when I hit the submit reply button. Yep, you guessed it ! My puter screen blinked and then informed me that the server was busy. Anyway, I wasn't able to get back on this site until this afternoon. Of course, I had other matters pending, so I'll try again. Sorry for the delay, as Life Goes on.

Dan was dressed in his Sunday go to meeting outfit and was the first one back. I was seated behind my desk, as he took a seat.

I spoke first, " Dang Dan, you look good in that suit. So, how did it go ? "

Dan loosened his tie, " It was the biggest funeral that I've ever seen. That church was huge and there was standing room only. I bet, half the State showed up. There were news crews and even some State Officials. I guess, old man Crook must of really been important. He looked good too ! You'd never known he was dead, except for laying in that coffin. There were flowers everywhere and the preacher was really good. "

I had to ask, " How did Junior and Ma Crook holdup ? Was Ed there ? "

Dan gave me the look, " How do think they did ? Junior was crying like a new born and had to be helped out. Now, Ma Crook had Ed there to help her. She had on one of them black lace veils and Ed held her hand. Yeah, I'm sure sorry that he's gone. That old man sure helped me out, when being nice to blacks wasn't real popular. "

I agreed, " Yeah, from what I've heard old man Crook was a pretty decent fella. So, when are they going to find out about the will ? "

Dan rolled his eyes, " How would I know ? I'm not related to them and that's none of my business. #### Barney they just buried him ! "

I backed up, " Your right and I shouldn't of mentioned it. I mean, they'll have to wait and.... Oh, hi Junior ! "

Junior stormed in, " Dan, I need a minute with Barney and could you shut the door on your way out ? "

Dan patted Jr's shoulder, " I truly am sorry for your loss and if there's anything I can do. Well, just ask me ! See ya'll later. "

I watched the door shut, " You ok, Junior ? Have a seat and ...."

Junior exploded, " What did you know and when did you know it ? "

I was shocked, " About what ? Watergate ? "

Jr turned red, " About my mother and your buddy Ed ! "

I played dumb, " What about them ? "

Jr didn't buy it, " Don't lie to me ! My mother has spilled the beans and I'm not taking this laying down ! Ed thinks that he's so smart ! Well, he'll see who has the last laugh ! Now, who's side on you on ? "

I was honest, " Junior, I've always stood by you and Ed ! I don't want to be stuck in the middle of this and that's the truth ! "

Jr played detective, " You must think that I'm stupid ! Mother told me that Ed filled you in, about their plans ! So, admit it ! You've known all along and must of been laughing behind my back ! "

I defended myself, " Wait a minute ! I only found out they were planing on getting married the day your dad died ! I never had time to tell you and that's the truth, so help me ! "

Jr went postal, So, you admit it ! You knew and did nothing ! After all I've done for you and this is the thanks I get. Well, get the hell out of here and don't come back ! I mean it ! "

I stood up, " Now settle down Junior and let's talk this over. "

Jr poked my chest, " Get out, or I'll throw you out ! "

I'd had enough, " Keep your hands off me, if you touch me again I'll defend myself ! "

Jr scurried for the door, " I'll give you five minutes ! Then I'm calling the police and have you escorted off the property ! "

So, I gathered a few things together and sashayed out. I didn't clean out my desk, because there really wasn't any need to. You know, Jr wasn't himself and he'd cool off. Yeah, he'd beg me back and I'd let everything be forgotten. Well, you better not take the company car. Who said that ? Who do you think ? Listen mind voices ! I don't have time for this and just want to drive home. We can drink a cold beer and sort this out. It's auto theft and you can get arrested ! When Jr fired you that company car isn't yours to drive anymore. He didn't fire me ! Did too ! No, he just told me to get out ! Well, that's the same thing ! Is not ! Is too ! Great, ya'll argue it over and I'm driving us home ! I'll tell ! You better not ! I will ! I hear the computer clacking ! I do too ! Well, let's see if this post, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.