how to refuse a load?

Yeah, sounds like he's already dead.

 

The reasons you're giving for being afraid of making a switch are not big deals. You're making them into one in your head. I know this because I did the same exact thing when I was depressed. How you talk about finding some place to stay being a big long process is the exact kind of thing I used to do. I got to the point that I could not make phone calls because in my mind I had made them into obstacles bigger than a mountain. Then you do it and you realize it wasn't a big deal.

And that's what you need to do. Just do it. OTR anywhere you go is going to be the same customer wise for the most part. Go get a local job, find an extended stay hotel, motel or whatever. Then you can go about finding something more permanent. Just make the change. Clearly it's not working for you right now.

 

I use the no negotiating method. "Im not going there". Period full stop.

They will simply find you another load. You wont hear about it again.

 

Your not alone , been that done that.
As I already posted a change of companies can rejuvenate you.

 

Get on the internet and ask for advice so you don’t have to think for yourself.

 

Dying inside? Seriously? Tell your dispatch you don’t want to run to those areas or you will be looking for another job. You are the commodity being a qualified driver with experience. Stop this pity party and start making an exit strategy. Get enough saved up for rent, utilities, etc and find a place to live. Otherwise, you get what you deserve. I’ve never let anyone talk down to me, one because most people are gutless punks when it comes down to it. Two because I can get another job tomorrow.

 

Hey, that’s life. You look out for you, the company looks out for them. It’s not just in trucking, it’s everywhere. Save money, get a place to live, and make the necessary change. Understand that they need you more than you need them regardless of your short term financial issues. I’m not being coddling or empathizing because you need reality. Take stock of your situation and make the best decision for you, and use this forum to find info on good companies.

 

There's a place for everyone in this life. We all serve a purpose. Some are meant to be the Used while others are meant to be the Users. It's clear you've made your choice to be the Used and I can respect that, OP. Does that validate your feelings enough? You've made that choice on your own. You can change that as well but we all know you won't. The fact that you've lived in a truck for a year and have no money put aside to show for it displays you're great at making poor decisions. Enjoy your choices, Driver. Just don't sit around and cry about them and expect the Users to feel pity for you. It's just not in our blood and it's not part of our role as the Users.