It's that time of the year again

It's that time of the year again--time for the Frankenstein Freightliner to make its appearance. The Frankenliner uses robotics, cameras, and servos to keep drivers driving after they pass on to the next world. If you're a driver and your company has Frankenliners in its fleet, know that if you die, you may or may not stop driving. Your company may keep you in the cab for a few days or even a few weeks.

If you see a truck going down the road with wild animals, buzzards, and clouds of flies following it, you know it's a Frankenliner. The next time you see a driver who looks like he's "death warmed over", he might just BE dead.

Dead drivers don't ask for home time. Dead drivers don't require benefits. Dead drivers don't need vacations or bonuses. Dead drivers don't even need a log book. Dead drivers don't require pay. Dead drivers are cheaper than even Mexicans.

Go dead. Go Frankenliner.

 

The FrankenLiner will, no doubt, encounter resistance.

For one thing, corpse drivers with faces that scare small kids may pose a problem to the general public. This can be solved through the application of heavy make-up.

Another problem is "going in reverse". How is this accomplished? When a corpse must back up, an experienced living driver who is in the terminal at the time can be summoned to operate the joy stick.

The DOT may have problems with a corpse behind the wheel, as in some places (such as Wyoming), drivers must stop and enter the ports with all required paperwork. Some very creative robotic advances can allow the corpse to walk normally and turn permit-book pages.

Some problems may not be solvable, though.

For one thing, the unions may raise a stink over drivers who may stink more than normal, as in 'rotting flesh' stink. Business elites can simply throw money at the unions to shut them up.

Some docks with no lumpers require drivers actually unload. In these cases, the unemployment offices nearest these docks will have to be on speed dial at the companies.

The media may have a big problem with dead Americans driving trucks. This is easily remedied--simply use dead illegal immigrants as wheel holders. Supplies of such corpses can be located in desert regions near the US border with Mexico.

 

Can't forget the JobHunt version of the Frankenliner. Just look in the back row for the trucks with the water connections and electrical lines running in, complete with weeds growing up around the tires. Of course, the drivers of those particular trucks are dead, so look for the vultures circling overhead as well.

 

It's sarcasm, which is something we know you wouldn't understand.

The tinfoil hat thing is getting old. Come up with a new ad-hominem.