Psychological Testing or Maybe Protesting

Way back in the late Pleistocene Age as the great glaciers were retreating, back when Homo Erectus (That's Latin and it ain't got nothing to do with no male appendage.) that some claim were the progenitors of our own Homo Sapiens who had by then joined them were still wandering around looking for some mastadon or sabre tooth tiger whose kiester they could kick in the interest of first class victuals, I was just getting started trucking. Back then, it didn't take much to get a job as a truck driver. In Ohio all you needed was what they called a "Chauffers License", the same license you needed to drive a taxi cab, and be able to fog a mirror which they might hold in front of your face.

There were, however, a few exceptions. The Brakes, Lights and Tires Trucking Co., was one of these. I found this out when my friend, Charlie, and I went to apply for a team driving job at that most august and prestigeous operator of fugitives from various scrapyards that was then holding ICC authority. The company was so named because prior to each trip, drivers were always demanding working brakes or lights or tires or any combination thereof. Generally, a driver could expect to have two out of the three at the very most. I guess that management figured 66 and 2/3% was pretty #### good. After all, no batter in the history of baseball had ever or would ever average .667. This, of course, not withstanding the fact that such a percentage would get you a failing grade in kindergarten which, by the way, was the educational standard for hiring in at the company.

There was, however, one tiny minor little stumbling block before any driver could successfully gain employment there. There was the dreaded psychological test. Now, I'm just absolutely certain that in addition to questioning the veracity of the entirety of this absurd little tale, you are specifically pondering why such a crumby slipshod operation would demand a psychological test. The answer is quite simple. The president of Brakes Lights and Tires Trucking Co., one Delbert Plushbottom Dypscheiss once took a first semester course psychology in his first semester at university which was Taxidermy Tech. To be sure, he failed the course and flunked out of TT that very first semester with a grade point average of .667. This, of course, made him eminently qualified to be the CEO of a trucking company. Not only that, he really liked psychology and kept a hand in by testing all of his applicants with the dreaded psychological test.

So, there I was face to face with the examiner who would give me the psychological test. Actually, it wasn't all that involved. There was just one question on the test. Not only that, the test was administered and answered orally. This was because the average applicant might likely have some problems with reading and writing.

This was the question and I quote quite literally. "You're headed South down US 19 in North Carolina.(In those days the 50 ft. limit was not yet heard of nor were any of the Interstate Highways in that proximity.) You're coming down a 5% grade grossing 72,000 lbs. The road is two lane.
On your right side, there is no birm but instead a sheer cliff wall goin straight up nearly 200 feet. On the far side of the Northbound oncoming single lane there is no birm and it drops off straight down 700 feet. You're winding downhill. You come around a blind curve to the right and encounter an oncoming loaded log truck being passed by a set of doubles. The two oncoming trucks are side by side with a closing distance of less than 75 feet." The question was what do you do?

I answered in a heartbeat. "I'd wake Charlie up out of the sleeper. He ain't never seen a wreck like that before!"

Needless to say, I passed the psycholoical test with flying colors. Thus I went on to trucking infamy and incompetence for the next epoch.