Shark Killer

[FONT=Times New Roman, sans-serif]My new smokin hot girlfriend has a houseboat on the Florida gulf coast.
Yesterday we were enjoying the afternoon about a quarter mile off the coast along with a few of her friends.
Everything going along real smooth until about an hour before dusk.
That's when I heard the scream. I raced to the port side to discover one of the chicks in a near hysterical state.
It must have been contagious, because my chick, who I previously thought to be very mature for a 28 year old, began freaking out as well.

An adult shark was hanging around making some lazy circles. Since sharks are carnivores, I could only guess that he was attracted to the smell of cooking meat on the grill. I still wonder how he could recognize the aroma of beef or pork, since neither are indigeneous to his habitat.

Anyway, now the third girl has joined in the hysteria.
I tried my best to convince them that there was no possible way the shark was going to leap up into the boat. And he wasn't about to ram us and sink us like in the movie JAWS.

At the end of my rope now. The crying and screaming is making me nuts.
Just like Sgt. Barnes in PLATOON when that little girl in the village wouldn't shut up.
So I did the same thing. I got out my .45

I calmly walked to the railing and asked "If I take care of this thing, will yall shut the hell up? Please?"
No answer. Totally frustrated now.

Only 20 feet, but a harder shot than you would imagine at a moving target from a rocking boat with three screaming women in the background. Just as I squeezed the trigger the boat rode up on a wave and I missed by six feet. I stayed focused and fired again in that split second I knew the boat would be still. Bullseye!
I admit there was some luck involved, but it was truly satisfying to nail him squarely between the eyes. The 230 grain hollow point pretty much took out the back of his head.
The other dudes were truly impressed.High fives and whatnot.

But now my chick is looking at me like I'm a pedophile or something.What now, I ask.
"Oh how could you? You murdering #######!"
I remain calm, thinking the hysteria hasn't wore off yet. I try logic, which rarely works with some women, but it's worth a try.
I explain that the shark is at the top of the food chain in the ocean.
And man is at the top of the food chain on the planet.
The shark survives by eating other helpless fish.
What I have done is to create food for the bottom feeders. By killing only one fish, I have ceated meals for many.

It was no use. I couldn't reason with her.Silent treatment. She wouldn't even drive me out to my truck this morning. I had to call a cab from the clubhouse.
Oh well, might have to rethink this relationship.
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Don't worry, I haven't abandoned Johnny Ray.
This is just something I've had on the back burner a while, and I thought I would bring it out.

 

Shark Killer Chapter 2​

Riding across I-10 to finish my trip to Houston when my Blackberry chirped.​

Florida area code. but definitely not my chick's number. Guess I need to quit thinking of her as my chick anyway.

"Hello" I said.

"What's up Rick. this is Chad. Dude on the boat yesterday." said the caller.

"Hey. what's going on dude? Not expecting to hear from any of you guys again."
"Yeah. well I hate bothering you like this. but there may be a problem." he tells me.
Suspicious now."Oh yeah? What's up?"
"Well. no problem with me bud. but remember that Cindi chick?" he asked.
"Ah. I think so. Was she that skinny vegon girl? Hippie looking chick? Squeaky voice?" I asked.
''Yep. that's the one. I don't know how to say this. but she may be a problem."
This guy is starting to annoy me now. I wish he would just spit it out. whatever he's trying to say. and I told him so.
"Ok man. it's like this. Cindi is totally freaked out over this whole deal. I mean like traumatized or something." He tells me now.
"So what?" I respond. "Tell her to get over it. It was just a dumb fish. They barely have brains anyway."
"Well pal. it's like this.She wants to have you arrested and she may have the pull to get it done.
Just so happens her pop is a big shot with the Florida Fish'" Game Commission. And he is a regular hardass too.
I'm sure he would love to bust you on illegally fishing with a firearm or some such charge" he tells me. almost cheerfully.
It's starting to feel like this guy is not really on my team.
"Whoa buddy. What are you talking about? There is no evidence anything ever happened.
There is no corpse. for one thing. All we have is a hearsay account from some drunks on a party boat. No grounds for a warrant there" I said.
Then he drops the big one on me.
"Well. there is always the video" he tells me in a voice that is turning evil.
A chill ran up my neck. My throat got dry. Plus I was momentary speechless.
"Video? Who the hell took video? No way." I demanded.
I could sense a smile in his voice as he began talking.
"While you were busy playing Ricky Rambo the shark assassin. I was doing my best Geraldo Rivera imitation.
I was being an investigative journalist. Got it all bro. And wait tit you see the edited version.
I got you walking around waving your pistol. terrorizing those poor ladies.
They are screaming in fear. Fear of you."
I was incredulous now.''You are efing crazy dudel They were screaming at the shark. not me you idiotl"
"Now. now. just calm down Mr. Truckdriver. The tape doesn't lie. Be surprised what a little editing can do.
This tape can be very useful to me. I'm not talking U- Tube either. I'm thinking Entertainment Tonight. or maybe Oprah.
You see. Cindi doesn't know about the tape. For the right price she never has to.
Now you have to ask yourself. what's it worth to keep this entire matter between us?"​

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To be continued .....​

 

Voice in my head

Crap, crap, crap. What have I done now? I should have never started messing around with that young chick.
Nah, ain't her fault. Like the old saying goes "I knew it was a snake when I picked it up".
Should have left the gun in the truck. Nah, that ain't it either. I got in that hero mood and it wouldn't have mattered anyway.
I would have used the #### flare gun. Or maybe found a harpoon on the boat somewhere.
Don't matter now anyway. Need to focus on the present. Deal with that A hole Chad.
I don't have the kind of money he's gonna want, I know that much.
Ain't selling this truck to raise it either, that's for sure.

What if there isn't really a video at all? Maybe he's bluffing.
No, I doubt it. He wouldn't expect me to hand over the cash without me seeing that it actually exists.
What if he just made up all of that crap about Cindi? Maybe she didn't even care about the shark and her pop really isn't a game warden.
Only one person I could ask and she's not taking my calls. Probably not ever.
Even so, he could still do a lot of damage with the right media connections.
And that weasel probably knows other weasels who would be more than happy to assist.

Wait a minute here. What the hell am I thinking? Why should I play by his rules anyway?
No, forget that. Time to get proactive. Little Chad don't know who he's messin with.
Time for a plan stan.

To be continued....
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Huge thanks to road dust for instructing me on how to do that.
Hope everybody enjoys the story.

 

Riding across I-10 to finish my trip to Houston when my Blackberry chirped.
Florida area code, but definitely not my chick's number. Guess I need to quit thinking of her as my chick anyway.
"Hello" I said.
"What's up Rick, this is Chad. Dude on the boat yesterday." said the caller.
"Hey, what's going on dude? Not expecting to hear from any of you guys again."
"Yeah, well I hate bothering you like this, but there may be a problem." he tells me.
Suspicious now."Oh yeah? What's up?"
"Well, no problem with me bud, but remember that Cindi chick?" he asked.
"Ah, I think so. Was she that skinny vegan girl? Hippie looking chick? Squeaky voice?" I asked.
"Yep, that's the one. I don't know how to say this, but she may be a problem."
This guy is starting to annoy me now. I wish he would just spit it out, whatever he's trying to say, and I told him so.
"Ok man, it's like this. Cindi is totally freaked out over this whole deal. I mean like traumatized or something." He tells me now.
"So what?" I respond. "Tell her to get over it. It was just a dumb fish. They barely have brains anyway."
"Well pal, it's like this.She wants to have you arrested and she may have the pull to get it done.
Just so happens her pop is a big shot with the Florida Fish & Game Commission. And he is a regular hardass too.
I'm sure he would love to bust you on illegally fishing with a firearm or some such charge" he tells me, almost cheerfully.
It's starting to feel like this guy is not really on my team.
"Whoa buddy. What are you talking about? There is no evidence anything ever happened.
There is no corpse, for one thing. All we have is a hearsay account from some drunks on a party boat. No grounds for a warrant there" I said.

Then he drops the big one on me.
"Well, there is always the video" he tells me in a voice that is turning evil.
A chill ran up my neck. My throat got dry. Plus I was momentary speechless.
"Video? Who the hell took video? No way." I demanded.
I could sense a smile in his voice as he began talking.
"While you were busy playing Ricky Rambo the shark assassin, I was doing my best Geraldo Rivera imitation.
I was being an investigative journalist. Got it all bro. And wait til you see the edited version.
I got you walking around waving your pistol, terrorizing those poor ladies.
They are screaming in fear. Fear of you."
I was incredulous now."You are efing crazy dude! They were screaming at the shark, not me you idiot!"
"Now, now, just calm down Mr. Truckdriver. The tape doesn't lie. Be surprised what a little editing can do.
This tape can be very useful to me. I'm not talking U-Tube either. I'm thinking Entertainment Tonight, or maybe Oprah.
You see, Cindi doesn't know about the tape. For the right price she never has to.
Now you have to ask yourself, what's it worth to keep this entire matter between us?"

To be continued.....

This is a repeat of Chapter 2. Sorry for the confusion, but this version was meant to replace the small type version above.
The rest will be in proper sequence, thanks.

 

Well, there is more to come. Wait until you see how evil Brother G can be.
Have to get back to Johnny Ray first . The break helped though, ready to get back at it.
Now if I could only do something about that pesky job thing.

 

Six days later...

Riding out of Miami on the way back to Houston when the Blackberry chirps. Check the ID and what do I see? Not a welcome caller, that's for sure.
"What?" I answer, making no effort to be polite.
"Oh Ricky boy, is that any way to greet an old friend?" Chad announced.
"Old friend my butt, what the hell do you want?" I retorted.
He ignored my question and continued unfazed.
"You will never guess who is curled up in my lap with her tongue in my ear, as we speak."
I said nothing, not wanting to play games.
"Don't be so coy Ricky. It's so unbecoming for a stud like you.Since you won't play along, I'll just tell you.
It's the lovely, vivacious and perpetually horny Penelope."
I felt my jaw clench and my heart race. Must maintain. Gotta control it son.
"Like I really give a crap who that skank is with" I replied,
trying to add some machismo to my delivery.
Chad laughed at this.
"Oh Ricky, Ricky, you are a terrible actor. It kills you and we both know it. If it makes you feel any better, I understand.
She is absolutely insatiable. And guess what? She feels that you must pay for your sins. Monetarily that is.
Which brings us to the reason of my call. Have you given any thought to our last conversation?"

So that wench was a party to this extortion. I should have known she was untrustworthy.Actually I did, but was powerless to walk away.
I sacrificed my integrity for sexual pleasure.Does that even make sense? Maybe I didn't have any integrity to start with.
No, that's not true. I'm a decent fellow. I'm only guilty of thinking with the wrong head, as we men often do.

"Ricky? Are you still there? Watcha thinking about son?"
Thinking about doing you two like I done that stupid shark I wanted to say, but wisely held my tongue.

"Just spit it out Chad. I know you're dying to wreak further havoc on my life." I said.
"Oh Ricky, it's not that bad. I'm a reasonable man. Nothing 20 grand won't clean up." He announced.
"20 grand! You're effing crazy dude!" I yelled.
"Now, now, calm down son.You better think long and hard about this thing. It's not about the shark anymore. Not at all."
He said nothing else for a while, allowing this to sink in.
I was starting to become physically ill as the realization of this implication sunk in. No way he's talking about...oh holy crap.
"No there never was any shark video my boy. But the video I have is far more interesting.
And I must say, Miss Penelope is quite the actress. I have never seen such realistic role playing."

Stay tuned for more...


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