MyOl Post: 021512 This Week Sucked
It had been a brutal week wave after wave of unpredictable nonsense was pounding the shores of our resolve. Lifes Major League star pitcher was throwing curve balls right over home plate and us, avid sports haters. We were pummeled for seven days a week which sucked, STILL sucks, and sucked the life right out of us.
Pouring a large, much needed goblet to the rim with two dollar merlot, I rolled into an acapella rendition of The Fiends This Week Sucked from their horrendously absurd Gynecology LP What of it?? When you have as many records as we do, its inevitable you have turds in the mix. Anyway, Jen was unfamiliar with the novelty number, so I figured on enlightening her to the malodorous ode to crappy days.
Karloffs Frankenstein Monster looked down in an eternal, solemn gaze plastered to the backboard of the stereo cabinet. Unflinching, his eyes peeked from heavy lids as I placed the slab of wannabe L.A. ####-Rock wax upon the slip mat. Flicking on the power, the Stanton SRT8-60s operational lights cast their subtle blue glow across the surface of the vinyl but there was no motion. The Fiends disc lay still beneath the needle zero revolutions per minute.
Like a confused dog nudging the hand of its dead Master, I pushed the wheel of steel to and fro back and forth generating a slow motion D.J. scratch as if to give the machine some form of stereophonic C.P.R.
I panicked freaked out my mind raced with denial as I sorted through potential options and mechanical cures. Recollections flashed P.O.V. pictures of my days of youth disassembling record players replacing snapped belts with those thick blue rubber bands used to bunch together asparagus.
Yeah!! Snapped belt! Thats gotta be it
I scrambled to the garage and returned with an assortment of screwdrivers and began the exploratory surgery to access the Stantons inner workings. I backed out a four-count of machine screws before it hit me like the proverbial ton of bricks
This is a ###### direct-drive!
I dont take this kinda #### well. In a hail of F-Bombs, I returned the STR8-60 to its previous state intact and, inoperable. Then I jumped on our outdated, pink flip phone and began the process of pricing repairs versus replacement - because there was no other option our household cannot function without the airborne warmth of vinyls sweet presence.
So, say Hello to AT-LP120-USB state of the art, Audio-Technica direct-drive turntable with a cornucopia of bells and whistles which have absolutely no interest to me! Just under three bills, this reasonably priced floor model was, more importantly, compatible with the old Stanton hard cover lid which is slathered in kick-### stickers
Soon, we will be holding a burial for the STR8-60, polluting the soil with its plastic hull and worn out guts. Its going to be rough on us the Stanton was like a member of the family. We shared laughs with The Meatmen, shoved each other around with Negative Approach, enjoyed the holidays with The Six Million Dollar Man Christmas album, had ####tails with Tommy Dorsey, air drummed with Rush, and even contemplated overdosing on pharmaceuticals with Flippers Brainwash.
The grieving process is a slow one, but were recovering helped along by the return of music. Weve learned a few things since our Stanton died like 33 RPM + 45 RPM = 78 RPM who knew? We also learned to never take ones turntable for granted treasure it, adore it, take it to the park, or to its favorite restaurant. And remember to say I Love You often.
Yeah that week sucked. And since we can spin records again we realize The Fiends suck too.