Recommend a company for a company driver with these parameters?

Cut your list down by 70% and get a year of recent experience and then find something that matches your requirements when the freight market goes back up. Companies with contracted freight will definitely be going into the areas you don’t want to deal with. Spot market companies are barely able to keep their trucks profitable, so good luck with rejecting a load because it’s going to San Marcos, TX. If there is that mythical dream job, there’s a dozen drivers with 5 years of recent experience that’ll be filling those seats.

Luckily, you have low CPM requirements, so you’ll be pleasantly surprised when you find out 50cpm is about as low as anyone halfway respectable will pay.

 

I read the OP. I'd advise buying your own truck. If you present your list to a prospective employer...and he realizes you're not pranking him...he'll probably call in the rest of the PR staff, they'll have a good laugh, make some copies of your demands, then have you escorted gently but firmly from the building.

 

Maybe try the Schneider choice program. They have a load board and national freight.
Know a number of people that have been quite successful with it. Would meet almost every aspect of you requirements.

 

Why, yes...there is..


I will also need pickled onions, and radishes.

Oh, and homemade chips, and a good salsa. Not mild, and not fiery depths of burning hell hot. I will also need some tequila in a sippy cup, brought to me by a chihuahua, or a saint Bernard in a sombrero. Served in a gold tinted with fake diamond inlay container. The pattern of the fake diamonds doesn't matter, but I'll work an extra hour if it's the shape of a taco.



Sirscrapntruckalot -

 

That looks amazing. This is all I got. Fish tacos.

 

OP, you forgot paid parking at all truck stops, no night driving, no driving in the rain, and no traffic.

 

It's hard to pander to you when a good majority of your requests are unreasonable.

 

This is EXACTLY what I am looking for... do you know of anyone that is giving one away?!!!

 

Who's pandering to them? This reply feels a little racially charged. I could have misinterpreted that so if I did I apologize. Perhaps those folks can navigate the industry easier since they don't have a mile long list of requirements.