Today was a good/sad day

Well today started out great. I woke up this morning and had my daughters at my place. Life is always so great when they are with me. We went out and had some donuts and chocolate milk. Then we went for a 7.5 mile hike around a local lake (Lake Chabot) and had some good Father and Daughter(s) bonding time. We were pretty hot and thirsty after that so we went and pigged out on Gatorade and ice cream at a local ice cream parlor. Then we headed over to the clinic and I took my HPE physical and whiz quiz.

After leaving the clinic I called Missoula and let them know it is done and they tell me that they sent me an email. I check my email and see the orientation info. I was excited and relieved to finally know for sure when I am leaving. So the girls and I head over to a Mexican place to eat some food that is better for us then donuts and ice cream. I tell my kids that I will be leaving this Saturday and they seemed to be cool with it. We get home and play some boardgames and cards for a few hours until it is time to take them back to their mom.

On the way to their moms house, my oldest daughter(13) is in the front with me and we are just talking like we always do and my youngest(7) daughter is in the back and leans over and falls asleep. Things seemed normal until we get to their moms house. My oldest gives me a big hug and says she is going to miss me. She cry's a little but after I assured her I was not going to be gone forever things were good. It wasn't so easy with my little one cause she is the daddies girl. She lost it and broke down in tears, it's like it was not real to her until it was time to say goodbye. I have never seen her cry some much before and it broke my heart because I caused it.

I have been in the Military and know how to say goodbye to the people I love and deal with it mentally, but now that I have kids it is so much harder. My little one has called me no less then 15 times in the last few hours since I dropped them off, crying and telling me she misses me and doesn't want we to go. I know I will only be gone for 3-6 weeks at a time and can deal with that, but right now she thinks her dad has left her forever. It is really screwing with my head and making me wonder if I should have waited till she was older before doing this. I would be lying if I said it has not brought a few tears to my eyes.

Either way I am doing this. I need to get my life back on track. I need to be able to provide better for them. I want to be able to afford to take them on trips and stuff again. I am sure once I start getting home time we will adjust, but man, it is pretty hard right now.

I am sad and excited all at the same time. I will start packing in the morning, but tonight I am just going to stare at my walls and collect my thoughts.

 

Yep! I knew it was going to be hard to leave them behind.

I am feeling way more positive today and ready to do this. I couldn't sleep much last night so I got out of bed at 0430 and took a long walk to clear my head. Now I am about to head out and pick up a few things that I am going to need.

Anyone got any suggestions on what atlas I should pick up?

 

Yep, going with Watkins Shepard

Thanks for that advice, it sounds like a good idea!