You know you are a professional driver when...

I'd be content to never hear those words again. I'd rather french kiss a chick with herpes than actually meet the dude whispering, "I'm not wearing any panties".

 

...You pick the lane for your offramp miles before you get there.

 

When you take your lady "out" to a truckstop for a "special dinner" and she's looking at you funny while you call the waitresses "Darlin" and they all address you as "Sweety" or "Hon".

OR.....

You take her to a "nice" place and you...

1. Address the "Mater D" as Sweetcheeks.

2. Ask about the buffet

3. Start looking around for the TV so's you can "check the weather".

4. Order beer with your Pate de Foix Gras.

5. Unconsiously put your "Rewards Card" on the plate with your credit card and then never take your eyes off the waiter till he brings your card back. Make small choking sounds about what they added for "tip".

6. You've really screwed the pooch if you do this..... ask wifey "Your place or mine?"

 

I am guilty of both of these. I have caught myself doing a daily pretrip on my Suburban. My wife looks at me like I have lost my mind. I then realize what I'm doing, and finish it.
Then I get in, and she drives, cause I drive too slow.

 

You can drive around town all day doing errands and never use your brakes.

You signal everything about a 1/4 mile ahead of time even on empty roads.

You cant even go half a block without using the cruise control.

You forget you can use the drive through and park out back and walk in.

You call everyone Hand or Driver.

You begin every conversation with "where ya headed"?

You pull forward from the gas pump before going in to pay and curse people who don't.

You circle around and do a set up on the drivers side before backing in.

You kick your tires.

You get dressed to take a pee in the middle of the night.

 

No I am not...but the first time I heard it about 8yrs ago I thought it was really funny.....

 

I agree with all of this but the chick with herpes.....I would have to pass on that one...

 

Who double clutches anymore?

 

You stall the car because you forgot to give it some gas before you let the clutch out.