Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

While I've never been married and thusly never divorced, I have, however, gotten a DUI. I've never revealed this to anyone on this forum before. I got a DUI just 2 years ago. (If you look above you'll see I've been a driver for 4 years) I too had to deal with a shark of an attorney and no one will ever find my DUI. I never even had my license suspended. Heck, I went to work for Anhueser Busch with the Clydesdale's almost a year after my DUI.

 

Yep, Scarecrow it's all about money. Down here we have the best justice money can buy. Sad but true,as Life Goes On.

I sat in the court room for over an hour before the Judge made her entrance. What an entrance ! Yep, Wifey was being escorted by her high dollar female attorney. The Judge had her arm around Wifey's waist and I was in shock. So, Wifey and her Lawyer walked straight out the door. The Judge took her seat on the bench and I was brought before her by the bailiff. I knew this wasn't looking good.

The Judge gaveled, " In the matter of Barney Goose v Wifey Goose the court rules as follows. All property is hereby awarded to Wifey with the exception of a 1989 Kingcab and the personal clothing belonging to Barney Goose. All outstanding debts are the responsibility of Barney Goose. In matter of child support, all three minor children are awarded sole custody of Wifey Goose. An amount of $1,000 per month shall be paid by Barney and this amount shall be back dated for a period of six months. Barney shall pay for all of Wifey's attorney fees and court fees. Barney shall not have contact with said Wifey, nor shall Barney have any contact with the minor children. Barney shall keep full coverage medical insurance on Wifey and the minor children at his expense. Barney Goose do you understand the court's ruling?

I did, " So, let me see ? Wifey gets custody of my daughters, but I pay for thier needs. Wifey gets everything she owes on and I get to pay for it. The only thing I get are the clothes on my back and a Kiingcab pickup that I no longer own. Sounds fair to me ! Do I get kissed ? How about it ? "

The Judge gaveled again, " Your out of order ! Bailiff take custody of Mr Goose and untill he pays $500 to the court he shall remain in jail ! So, have you anything else to say Mr Goose ?"

Of course I did, " $500 ? Hell, make a $1,000. No, $10,00 ! Just take it all! Oh, I forgot ! You aready have ! Well kiss me running ! What a deal ! Man, your nuts ! Wifey and I had an agreement, before we ever came to court, so somethings wrong ! "

The Judge smiled, " No, Mr Goose there's nothing wrong ! Well except, that the court was made aware of your violent abuse ! That poor woman cried her eyes out and only wanted in the Witness Protection Program. That's all she wanted ! You've shot at her, beat her with a stick, clubed her with a crutch, and bragged about killing other men ! Your lucky I don't commit you for psychratric evlauation ! Now take him away !"

I sat in the cell and realized that it just wasn't my day. So, I paid the $500 and went to mount Amelia. Yep, she was gone ! What a deal ! Geez ! What else can happen ? As, Life Goes On.

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy!.

 

I stood there looking where Amelia had been parked. It was like that I didn't want to believe my eyes. Wifey pulled up driving an old clunker and parked.

Wifey barked at me, " Get in we need to talk ! "

It hit me, " You took my Amelia ! Why ? She's all I've got ! Why ? I gave you everything ! Why ? Why ? Why ? "

Wifey shoved the door open, " Get in and don't make a scene. You have to hear me out. I can't live without you ! I love you and we can work this all out. Just listen to me ! "

I took a seat, " You love me ? You told that Judge that I've beaten you, that I've tried to kill you, and that you want in Witness Protection ? Man, someone's nuts ! "

Wifey drove us away, " We'll stop and pickup something to eat. When we get home we'll have the house to ourselves. Just promise me you'll stay the night. If you want to leave tomorrow, I'll let you. "

I sneered, " How about some chicken ! All wings ! Extra hot and spicey ! "

Wifey grinned, " I got your hot and spicey right here ! I really feel like going to that truckstop for some chickenfried steak. You remember how you use to take us there ? I miss that and I miss you. What happend to us ? We were so happy and so much in love. "

I didn't have an answer, " I don't know ! I guess it was both of us. You had your cheerleading and I had other interest. "

Wifey turned red, " You had your little teenager slut ! You left me for a girl that's your daughter's age. I know that I can't be 21 again, but Barney your not a kid anymore ! You just turned 38 and will be 40, before you know it. Can't you see that girl is just playing with you ? She doesn't love you ! "

I kept my kool, " It's not love ! But, I'll tell you this much, Sweet Thang has been there for me ! She's never asked me for anything. Never ! If it wasn't for you threatening her. I'd still be there ! Now, her dad wants to kill me and I've got a DWI ! Thanks alot ! "

Wifey parked in her drive, " I knew it ! It was just a matter of time ! You go out and get wasted, then drive 50 miles where she lives. I don't even drink and those cops out there have stopped me twice ! They're just itching to catch people ! "

I should of kept my trap shut, " Oh it wasn't those cops. It was a set up by Big John ! Her Dad is serious about getting me ! I really think he might try to kill me ! "

Wifey sat at the kitchen table, " So, I see now ! You don't have anywhere to go ? Do you ? Sweet Thang is off limits and I've got Amelia ! Well how do you like that ! You better be nice to me, or I'll call him up. "

I knew she was kidding, " Don't joke about that ! He's crazy and I think he'd kill you just as quick ! You shouldn't of threatend Sweet Thang. He's really not all there and I think he want's to make something happen."

Wifey and I ate our carried-out chickenfried steaks. I didn't know how to feel. I didn't hate Wifey and never had. Oh, I hated alot of the things she'd done and who wouldn't of ? But, we'd been thru some much together. She was the mother of my wonderful girls and had always taken care of them. Wifey put on some BB King, so it was a 'Rainey Night in Georgia', as two very mixed up people tried.

I really don't know what we were trying to do ? So much had happend that I felt like a stranger in my Wifey's arms. Matter of fact it was like making love to an Ostrich ! Yep, that's what would flash thru my mind. What a deal !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Oh no! This isn't looking good for Barney. Wifey may really want him back, but what if, she's setting him up? Oh dear, I'm worried for Barney, all he's gone through...

 

I agree, I smell a set-up.

 

Do I see a rape charge in the near future?

 

Geez ! Mechwyphx2b, Leannamarie, and Ducks sure have glummy outlooks. Let's see if they're right, as Life Goes On.

Wifey had it all planned out and had me by my gonads. She had decided that we needed to take a vacation. Yep, she could afford it with what I had paid her. So, we hopped a train and went somewhere. I was so worried about losing Amelia, that DWI, and my future, that I just gave in. Yep, I sat on the train and watched the world go by. Wifey never stopped reminding me of what a complete Idiot I was. Yep, and it was all Sweet Thangs fault that I had fallen from grace. We ended up in Los Angeles and I was surprised that my old Army Buddy picked us up. Yep, I hadn't seen him in years and it was just good to have a friend to talk to. Of course his wife and Wifey had stayed in touch. So, the they did what scorn women do, as My Buddy and I drank cold beer at a local tavern. It was strange, because My Buddy and his wife were seperated. Yep, our two women had used my divorce to fanangle a reunion. It was wierd ! My Buddy had left his wife for an older woman that had lots of money.
I listened, as he filled me in on his stange situation. He'd gotten discharged from the MP's and went home to L.A. where he joined the LAPD. He and his wife had two children, but thier marriage was on the rocks. My Buddy had moved in with the older woman, who owned a private security company. He was now a private investigator. Well he practacally ran a fortune 500 company and played PI for fun. What a deal ! Yep, he offered me a job, but I turned him down. Nope, I didn't want to play cops and robbers anymore. Besides, I didn't want to be in the middle of his divorce. I'd been there and done that with Blackie. My Buddy did offer and I accepted a $3,000 loan. Yep, I was flat busted and sure needed some help. I felt sorry for My Buddy's Wife, because she had always stood by him. She'd turned down a modeling career and married him just out of high school. Yep, she had never been a big spender and had stayed loyal to him for all those years. I'm sure my Wifey gave her some evil advice how how to fleece him. We stayed for 3 days visiting and then Wifey gave me my second surprise.

Amelia was standing pretty as BB climbed down and gave me a bear hug. Yep, Wifey had hired BB as her driver ! Well, it wasn't quite that bad. She lied to him, about my not being able to drive. So, he'd driven Amelia to LA, under a load and agreed to team back with me. Great ! Anyway, after all was said and done, Wifey and I had come to an agreement. In return for me breaking up with Sweet Thang, Wifey would return Amelia to me. She futher agreed to not have the divorce finalized. Back then both parties were given 90 days to appeal the courts rullings. Wifey had her attorney ( the one I had paid for ) put in writing that if we reconciled the divorce was nullified. All it meant was, that if I were to come back to Wifey, all was forgiven. Yep, just like nothing ever happend. What a deal !

I had already decided to appeal the divorce ! But Hey ! This was a good deal. It wouldn't cost me any extra and I was never in town anyway. I'd have time to decide on what to do. At least I had Amelia back and some time to think. Who knows, maybe Wifey and I could start over. Again, I never hated her, it was just some of the things she had done. Maybe, she'd learned her lesson and knew that she couldn't treat me like a paycheck. I had feelings and some women thought that I was the bee's knees, the cat's whiskers, the greatest, a real man's man, a real he-man, a Casanova, a good catch, the real McCoy, and the world's greatest lover. Of course we all know that I was just truck driver, excop, and the guy who hears mind voices.

Good night Snazzerettes, your Snazzy1.

 

Yes, we have gloomy outlooks. We are women, and we can smell an evil one a mile away.

 

Yep.. still not convinced everything is hunky dory. I'm still on pins and needles.

 

Geez Leannamarie, woman can smell evil a mile away ? Hmm ? Okay guys lets get the cologne out. Mechwyphx2b is on pins and needles, so here we go as Life Goes On.

Wifey decided to stay in L.A. for another week, so BB and I hit the trail. We got a load back to Fort Worth and I was happy to drop BB off. He was a real nice guy, but I just didn't want any company. I got a load of tripple deck 53' trailers to deliver in Columbus, Ohio. Yep, I still did some tow-away hauls and that was good. Ole Tarmac could keep you running since they had the tow-away, flatbed, dry van, and heavy haul divisions. If one was slow you could bet that one of the other divisions had a load. I did stop by the dealership and had Amelia gone over with a fine tooth comb. Remember that was a free service while she was under warranty. The only thing she needed was a clutch adjustment and her shifter had a worn bushing. Yep, Amelia was a fine machine and a real work horse. All I needed to do was run some miles and earn some money. Everything was going fine except that I felt like a heel. Yep, there's something about having criminal charges pending against you that makes you feel dirty. Like I was unworthy, or not the same ole Barney. It ate at me and my mind voices kicked in. At first it just murmers and then they turned loud.

Goody Two Shoes went first, " Got just what you deserved ! I told you so, but you wouldn't listen ! Yep, screwing around with that little Sweet Thang and leaving Wifey was wrong ! You knew better and now you'll have to pay the fiddler ! "

Bad Boy had to pipe in, " Screw that ! Wifey wasn't even trying to make our marriage work ! She'd spent every penny on that stupid cheerleading and had treated me like a dog turd ! Remember, she was the one that had left me twice, before I ever left her ! "

Goody Shoes shot back, " Hell fire ! You stuck a chicken up her nose and shot up your house ! Your nuts ! Then how about driving drunk ! You know better ! Man, it was just a matter of time. "

Bad Boy went on the defense, " It was a chicken wing ! You can't stick a chicken up someone's nose ! I shot the kitchen table ! I think she had it coming ! Running around with her boss and lying to me ? "

The Safety Voice interrupted, " RED ALERT ! Chicken coupe open ! Danger, danger, Mr Barney ! "

I had almost flew the coupe, but I swung in at the last moment. The Bear was signaling all go-green, so I goed ! Yep, that was close ! I had a hard time staying focused and it started getting worse. I stopped at a greasy spoon for thier buffet. The meal was average and the service stunk, but hey, I'd gotten use to that. I mean, you either do, or you don't eat. I remember standing in front of the cashier, with my money in hand. Then I had gotten distracted by another driver who was asking for directions. I couldn't help him, but another driver stepped up and did. I had put 20 miles down and that's when the blue lights flashed behind me. Yep ! I'd driven off without paying. Nope ! I'm not a thief ! Well, I guess if you eat and run, without paying, your a thief. So, I got a police escort back to the resturant and paid the meal ticket. I was just lucky that the manager was a nice lady. She sure could of had me charged with theft. I honestly think that since I'd left a tip, she believed me. Yep, what thief would leave a tip ? I guess that I would, if I were a thief. But, I'm not a crook ! Opps, that was Tricky Dickey. I'm not a thief ! That was me !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.