Welcome to my Nightmare.

I was...

But right now, the money is STUPID.

 

Years ago, when I was a kid, I was driving my built up K5 Blazer down the highway. Fuel hand didn’t work, and she ran out of gas. Sun was setting. Got a antifreeze jug, and started walking. Gonna be a looooooooooooong night.
This huge suburban with 44 inch tires pulls over, window rolls down, and this guy that looked like a mix of a 400 lb Rob Zombie and Blackbeard the Pirate after he returned from Hell.

This guy looked like a rednecked Satan.

“Hey fella, need a ride to the gas station?”

(this could be a mix of “Deliverance meets the Exorcist”)

Well, I jumped in and the guy took me to get gas and then 5 miles back to the K5. Cool guy. Had guns and knives all over inside that suburban.

I was grateful! I was alive too! “Sir, how much do I owe you? Thanks so much!”

And Redneck Satan said to me, “The next time you see someone that needs help, you help.”

A few years later, I was in Vero Beach. No longer young and innocent (the PD does that to you really quickly). Guy and a girl had a fight, and he pulled her out the car, got her luggage out the trunk and left her stranded at a truck stop. I was leaving out when the sun set, so I was polishing the truck and preparing for a run with the vampires. The girl asked someone for a ride and he asked her for a blowjob. She refused.

When the sun was going down, I fired up the white flat top W900 largecar numbered 666 up, turned on the black lights for an eeerie glow on the tanks, and turned on all the chicken lights. Pull out of the truck stop, and made a turn on the on ramp. I see that girl sitting in the trees on her luggage. She’s been at it all day and didn’t get a ride. I pull on the shoulder.

“Hey, do you need a ride?”

She yells at me, “I’m NOT SUCKING YOUR D!€K!!!!”

I didn’t ask you to. I asked you if you needed a ride.

“I’m not having sex with you!”

Well, I thought you were stranded and needed help. If you needed help, I was going to help, but since you don’t, I will ease on.

“I need help.”

Where do you need to go?

“DaytonOhio.”

I’m heading to Detroit. Get in.

So, she gets in the demonic KW with the demonic glow, with the gun toting driver that hates humans. I start easing through the gear. Ease through the gears, ease through the gears. Get up to the big hole and run along for a couple miles at the speed limit. This girl is shaking. The sun goes down. Show Time!

I grab the mike and announce on the radio that I’m stepping northbound on 95 and “Triple Six Is About To Put The Hammer Down.” (back in the day, you did this so that everyone who didn’t have the hammer down could have time to get into the slow lane.) Hammer down. The girl gasped and stopped breathing. That truck rocketed up the road. I told the girl to go into the back and get some sleep. I was going to drive until the sun came up. Stopped at the Hook in Knoxville. Woke her up. Topped off the fuel tanks, gave her a shower ticket (showing my age, aren’t I?) and told her to meet me in the restaurant.

Pretty girl. Especially after getting some sleep and a shower. We get back to the truck and ease on up 75. We get to Dayton, grabbed a pay phone and called her dad. She hugged me and asked me why I didn’t try to take advantage of her. I remembered Redneck Satan. I said to her, “I might be going to Hell, but I don’t take advantage of women in their time of need.”

“Six, how can I ever repay you?”

The next time you see someone that needs help and you can help, you must help them.

Yep, I learned that from a great big evil looking demonized redneck. I wonder if he was even a real person...or supernatural. 6’8, 400lbs rob zombie looking fellow in a blacked out 4x4 suburban with 44s.