Where is everyone #5

Yer sayin quality stuff, like kickin back in the shop with a few pairs of Blue Ribbon, right?

 

I really have to watch myself around my kids. Sometimes one or two slip past the filter. You know how kids are. They know all the right buttons to push. I’m not trying to tell anyone what they should or shouldn’t say in front of their kids. I just try to be mindful not everyone is a filthy mouthed trucker.

 

My wife has never said a dirty word in her life, she gets on my ### all the time.

 

Yep, then that one long day happens to follow the sleepless night.

 

There was a road grader operator that regularly bladed the county road where Uncle Joe lived. Uncle Joe got tired of the operator backing in and pivoting on his new asphalt driveway. Asked him nicely several times. Called his supervisor several times.

Finally he met him out there one day with a hammer in his hand and told the operator if he didn't knock it off he would jerk him out of the grader and whip his arse right there in the road.

This guy looks at Uncle joe, who is almost 80 years old, and tells him that would be considered assault. Uncle Joe told him " You think I give a #### about that? Try it again and I'll bet I get out of jail before you get out of the hospital."

And that was the last time the grader backed into his driveway to turn around.

 

An they pick up on EVERY dam thing! Stub yer toe in the kitchen an two days later theys talkin like a sailors parrot!

Thats when ya jest gives Momma that sheepish look an say "Werent me, ya know how them schools is nowadays!"

 

Was at the TA in MocksvilleNC, walked around the corner to the pub. Had a couple brews when Lauren walked in. She seemed like the saddest person in the world.

“Hey, what are you drinking? Barkeep, get the lady a drink on me. She thanked me and told me of the death of her fiancé. Sorry to hear that. She’s an aspiring singer. Nice. I have no talent at all. I told her that I had to go meditate on the insides of my eyelids and she thanked me for the drinks and the listening ear.

 

So around here as kids you would grab a stray cat. Insert into mailbox. Drop nail in latch and give it a good wrap with a bat, stick, hand. Cats dont forget. Next person oddly removes nail and opens said mailbox. I think you know the next part.

 

I even say bed linen at home sometimes an they give me that look like I done lost the plot or somethin.