In a bit of a pickle, need advice...

A hard core doper won't change their ways until they hit rock bottom. The drugs create his mentality and behavior. You don't need to be around for that. Life is too short. Even though you love him very much, there is another man out there you will love even more and don't have to put up with that crap. No pain, no gain. Who knows if he does go off the wall, you might be the one he takes out. I'd catch him straight and give him one last ultimatum. Then I would do anything to get him out of the house with help. You don't need to do it by yourself.

He will have a hard time finding a driving job without a refresher course. He don't need to be driving until he gets rid of his addictions.

 

Drunks and drug addicts abuse because they enjoy it more than dealing with reality. They don't change for others, only for themselves whenever the excitement is gone and they're at the bottom. He has a good gig going on now, why would he change anything?

 

Sounds just like my sister and her predicament. If he doesn't think he needs help.........LEAVE. You are enabling him by being there for him and tolerating his behavior. It's a dead end for you if you don't leave. He will drag you down. You can't help someone who doesn't think he needs help. Leave while you can. If he doesn't want to help himself, why are you still there? Hoping that he'll change? That he'll straighten up? If that was his intention he would be doing it. You have given him the okay to be like that by being there. I'm sorry it sounds harsh, but you sound just like my sister who's bf is an alcoholic and doesn't want to quit drinking and doesn't think he has a problem. And she hangs on because she dreams about him getting the help he needs and then life will be some fairytale and it's just not going to happen.

I could tell you horror stories about my sister and the life she has chosen to live being with her bf, but it won't change your situation. If you love the guy? Leave him. Tough love is exactly that......tough.

My sister's bf goes through the DT's every time he runs out of money, and she's so proud that he's making an effort to quit (yeah, right). And then when his unemployment checks are extended he goes right back to drinking. One time he even had an alcoholic seizure (alcohol withdrawal) and his BAC was .20 when he had the seizure. She told me it scared her to death to see that. I told her, "Janie, this is your reality, and I hope you don't have issues with changing his diapers when the time comes, because it will come", if he doesn't kill her first (long story). Yeah, nice life they've got going there. It breaks my heart that she would live in the conditions she lives in, but she's chosen it and there's nothing I or anyone in our family can do about it, except pray for them.

But if you're smart, you'll leave. And if you think he's going to straighten up because his cash cow (unemployment) is running out? Think again. He's going to bleed you dry. I've witnessed this type of thing first hand and know of what I speak.

 

He'll probably talk with his sister then. Hopefully she isn't a partier and will take your side. If she parties, he might move in with her.
You have some more hurting in front of you. None of us can predict the way he's thinking. Maybe this is his wake up call and he'll quit cold turkey. Just don't keep punishing yourself too much longer if he doesn't. People that been married 30-40 years get divorced. Life changes!

 

I can write the ending to this story. OP gets a job, the BF quits working, and gets to sponge off her forever and ever. The end...

Quit wasting your life on a loser. This guy is a capital L loser.

 

Kick his arse out the door......