Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

The phone in my motel room woke me up with Blackie sounding all up beat. He had a heck of a deal for me. There was a collector of muscle cars in Waco, Texas that had sold his entire collection, to a buyer in L.A. So, the deal was, that I'd have a steady run back to L.A; The best news was about a new auto dealer that was opening, just 50 miles outside of Waco. Yep, a dedicted run with back to back's from L.A., to the Waco area. The better news was the money. Yep, the new sports cars from L.A., to the Waco area new car dealer, paid top rate and the collector was paying prime rate too. Yep, lfe was good. I agreed to take on the job and loaded my gear into Maxine. Juan had done a fine job and even detailed her. Blackie handed me the $900 owed from my settlement shortage. He claimed that he was just paying me under the table, so Uncle Sam woudn't get too fat. I figured he was just trying to rip me off and didn't think that I'd notice. Whatever, it didn't matter as long as I got my money !

I drove to the shipper's yard and loaded up the new sports cars. There was enough room to park the Titanic, so no backing was required. What a deal ! I signed for my load and set sail East, across I 10 / I 20, and Texas bound. Life was good ! My mind did some calculating and summed it up. If I could get her done, I'd be some tall cotton ! Yep, maybe a new Maxine or at least, a newer nicer truck. Maxine read my mind and threw a belt. So, an hour later and $ 40 lighter, I kept my thoughts to myself.

I made the new car dealership and was instructed to unload from the service road. Yep, the dealership was still under construction, so each of the salesmen drove a car away, to an undisclosed area for storage. That worked for me just fine. So, there was a security guard at a shack, just to the side of the site. I could deliver 24/7, as long as the guard signed for them. What a deal ! I was unloaded in no time and dead headed the 50 miles into Waco. The collector had a driveway as big as the interstate. Yep, a millionaire with money ! He was a retired heart surgeon and his wife of 50 years was a high dollar divorce attorney. His chauffer, gardner, chef, maid, butler, wife, and himself all pitched in. The muscle cars were inside a garage as big as the 12,000' sq. ft. mansion. Each car was slowly driven to my loading area, which was as big as an airfield. Matter of fact it was his private airfield. So, he signed my paperwork and told me I could get a load anytime, day or night. What a deal !

So, I decided to go North on I 35 and hang a left on the Loop. Yep, I was parked in front of my house in Idiot City. The muscle cars all watched me as I sashayed to my front door and entered. I noticed a stack of mail ontop of my table. Yep, the one I'd shot up. So what ! Anyway, it was a Kodak moment. All most every envelope opened had a late notice ! What in the world was going on ? Man ! Wifey better get home soon ! She had some explaining to do !

Let's break, Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Oh Snazzy, here we go.....................

 

Pass the lighter.
Soon, I'll be wallowing in aromatic second hand fine cigar smoke,.........
and all will be well with the world.
Cubano?
WoW!
Nice cigar.

Used to trade American cigarettes with the our Northern neighbor Big truck drivers for Cuban cigars up there in up state New York.

Nothing could be finah that to smoke a fine cigar in Carolina.
on a hoomid day. Or night.



puff-puff
Ahhhhhhhh. :smt033

 

Puff away, AfterShock, puff away. Yep, Attitude here we go, as Life Goes On.

I heard my Kingcab pull in the driveway. The twins ran over to check out the fancy muscle cars. They had on thier rah-rah outfits and Wifey screamed for them to get away from that greasy truck. I stood at the front door as the twins ran into my arms. We hugged and kissed, before they were ordered to thier rooms. Wifey was all business as she entered and placed the boxs of new uniforms ontop of the unpaid bills. She held up her bargains and displayed what a $600 cheerleading uniform should look like. I couldn't hold my anger back.

I tried to use reason, " Well, those are nice, but how are we going to pay for them ? I noticed there are some bills on the table that haven't been paid. Didn't you get the money I sent ? "

Wifey turned red, " Well don't even ask how they did ! Your Girls are going to the State finals ! Like, alot you care ! We've spent every minute we had to get this far. So, I guess your going to ruin it for them ! "

I reached under the empity box, " Let's see a $700 morgage past due, so add $150 late fee, an electric bill with a final notice, before being shut off, a car payment that's two months late ! What are you doing ? Don't you care if these get paid ? "

Wifey took the defense, " Those have all been paid ! If you'd just asked me, I could of told you ! Oh no ! You have to snoop and see for yourself. I have the canceled checks ! Do you want to see them ? I can't do anything right ! Is that it ? I'm too dumb to do anything, without you watching over me ? "

I backed down, " Okay ! It's just that it's better to pay them on time. Those late fees add up and if the money is in the bank ? Well, you know. How much longer is this cheerleading stuff going to last ? I thought you said it'd be over with in two weeks ? It's been over a month ! "

Wifey blew a gasket, " I never said that ! I told you they had two weeks left in commpetition ! They won ! So now it's the State Finals ! It's a totally different deal. It's set up, so just the best teams compete. They have eliminations and then the best teams goes to Austin. Then the winner there goes to national's. Aren't you excited ! "

I squeezed out a silent fart, " Just peachy, I'm so proud of you ! Now, do you want to know about what I've been up to ? "

Ring, ring, Wifey grabbed the wall phone, " Oh hi, Betty ! I know and so does her mom. It's all over town, we need to sit down and decide if she can or not. That's not going to stop us ! She can try to..., Oh, wait a minute ! My husband is here. Yes, when I got home. No, not yet, hold on !

I stood there being ignored for five hours. Well at least, five minutes.

Wifey gave me her, don't bother me look, " This won't take long. Why don't you go get us some fried chicken, I'm too tired to cook. You know how much the girls like that Captain Crunch. Get all white meat and the works. We're starved ! Aren't you hungry ? "

I grabbed the keys off the table and headed for the door. The voice inside my head, you know, the one that just asked you," What Voice ?" That one. Anyway, it started mocking me. 'Goes get that chicken ! We's shuffle on down theres and gets some fine bird for Miss Wifey. Shoot, no Wifey of our's is going to have to pluck no feathers ! We's aims to please that Wifey of ours, no Ostrich coulds satisfy ours Wifey ! No sirs ! We's gets down theres and plucks our owns !'

Oh course the voice never shut up and I've had to listen to it for the past 20 years. But, hey ! Life Goes On !

Let's break for some cold chicken, your Snazzy1.

 

sniff sniff......
mmmmmmmmmm......
Sweet......

Where'd you get that ?
He did?
No kiddin....

Snazz ya passin out ceegars in honor of OUR fuzzy new babies ? ? ?
Aw how sweet.....

He said WHAT ? ?
No he didn't.
About our babies......

Well did you tell him that YOU :smt071
and that's how we got 'em~~~~
No I didn't think so...........

 

Okay Gang make sure Ya'll check out Shandera's pictures, those are some cutties, and those puppies don't look bad either. Now, Life Goes On.

I was headed back to the house when the red and blues pulled me over. Of course I had a breast in my hand and my kingcab smelled of fried chicken.


Sgt Huey was all smiles and shook my hand, " Dang Barney where have you been ? Long time no see. I told your Wife that your insurance would cover that. I went ahead and wrote up a police report. I put you down as the complainant since it's registered in your name. Those dad-burn thieves ! "

I licked my fingers, " What thieves ? "

Huey pointed to my missing tailgate, " The ones that ripped you off. Heck, they got a good half dozen of them that night. Right there in that Motel 5's parkinglot. Yep, last Saturday night and all them folks didn't see a thang ! "

I stared at where my tailgate belonged, " They stole my tailgate ? "

Huey handed me the police report, " It's all down there and tell your wife that she needs to report things like that. I understand why she didn't want to make a report. Heck, her brother-in law said..."

I had to ask, " Whose brother-in-law ? "

Huey answered, like it was a pop quiz, " Her sister's husband, the one that's visiting ya'll from out of town. I hope his wife is doing better and that her surgery went alright. "

I looked puzzled, " Who had surgery ? "

Sgt Huey gave me that, your dumber than dirt look, " Your wife's sister ! You know, the one from out of town. She was up in the room and waiting for them. That's why they didn't want to make a report. I told em' it wouldn't take but a minute. But, like your Brother-in-law said, chances are we won't catch them. But hey, at least you can file on your insurance. You know if it were me, I'd just stop by Car Zone. They have them nets that go across there, where that tailgate goes. Yep, alot cheaper and they're suppose to save on gas. "

I kept my kool, " Hey, is that brother-in-law of mine still puttting on weight ?
He was a fat tub the last time I saw him. "

Huey laughed, " He was fat ? Man, he's as skinny as a rail now and kind looks like an Ostrich ! " Well, I need to get going. I'm sorry about that ole tailgate, just let me know, if there's anything else I can do. "

Sgt Huey killed his overheads and spun away. I sat behind the wheel and reread the police report a dozen times. Hmmm, well, this is interesting ? Maybe she does have a sister, that I never heard of. Bullfeathers ! She wants chicken, I'll give her chicken !

Let's break, Your Snazzy 1.

 

Oh boy...............

 

what does texas fried ostrich taste like?:smt117

 

Hello everybody, this is my first time posting on here. All I can say is, Snazzy your a writing genious!. Why do I say that?
1. I dont like to read
2. I dont like to read
3. I dont like to read!
4. I have spent the last 3 days reading your stories. I wake up get coffee and read my fare share of snazz, before doing anything else. As you can see it took me that long, cause heck I'm just not that good at reading fast ( at least not in english). Well any ways I just wanted to say your stories are awesome, they rock and I look forward to the next rendition of the snazzy heralds in the morning. lol, Keep up the good work we all look forward to your great story telling.

 

Yep, oh boy ! Attitude, oh boy ! Now, Life Goes On.

I parked in my drive and noticed that my oldest girl's V.W. was gone. It had been there when I had left. So, I entered my castle, with the large family sized chickenbox under my arm. Wifey was still on the phone and turned her back to me as I approached. I set the greasy box down ontop of the table and selected my weapon. Yep, a wing that was bigger than my hand. Wifey never missed a syllable as she stood facing the wall phone.

Wifey was twirling the curly wire with her fingers, " I know and Betty, you know, how she's always pulling that ! We need to ..."

I interrupted, " Tell her, you'll call her back ! Come get it while it's hot ! "

Wifey bought it, " Betty, he's back so, I'll let you go. Why don't call them and see if they want to do that. I'll call you back, okay ? I know, but we need to make sure....."

I insisted, " It's going to get cold ! "

Wifey raised her her right pointy finger above her head, as a signal to me that it'd be just a minute. " Okay, Betty and if they don't want to do that, we can call Janice and ask her. I know, it's just like last time ! They say that and then they never do ! Well, call me back or should I call you ? Well, if she tries that just have her call me. I'm not going to put up with it ! She doesn't have anything to do with which cheers we do ! I know, I know, but that was what she said before ! Did you ever hear anything about when she was going to do that ? Well, okay. Okay, I'll be here. Just call and let know. Oh, are the girls there ? Let me talk to ... Now, don't forget to come by here, before school tomorrow. Your sister's will need those outfits and I won't have time to drive back over here. No ! I don't want you driving after dark ! Did you stop and get those tacos ? Well good, and me and your daddy will save ya'll some chicken. Okay ! I'll see ya'll tomorrow. Love you ! "

Wifey hung up the phone and snatched a couple of plates from the kitchen cabinets. She bounced them on the table and headed for the icebox. She placed the katsup and picture of icetea down.

Wifey spoke sweetly, " Go ahead and sit down. I had the girls go spend the night over at Betty's. You know Betty bought her daughters that new tape, with what's his name ? Bruce Willis ? The girls just love him ! After we eat, I want you to see thier last competion. They did real good and I had Betty use my camera, she knows how to zoom in. It looks good on tape, better than a professional. Their going to win tomorrow ! Then it's not that hard to believe we can go all the way ! "

I slowly turned, step by step, inch by inch.

Ring, ring. "I got it. Hello. No, she's busy right now, I'll have her call you back. Okay, I'll tell her. Bye ! "

Wifey was seated at the table with her back to me, " Was that Betty ? I needed to tell her something ! "

I yanked the phone line out, as I pretended to sneeze, " Ahchewy, excuse me ! I'll be right back "

I went to the bedroom and yanked the phone line from the wall. Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch, I made my way. Wifey had picked thru the box and had selected her last meal. I stood behind her chair.

Wifey tilted her head back, " What are you doing ? "

My left hand grabbed a hand full of hair, while my right hand did the dirty work. Muffled cries of uuuggghh, eeeuuuuffff, ooophiiiiii, as I smothered her face with the chicken wing. It flew from forehead to chin, in a frantic flight of anger. Wifey flipped all the way back, as her chair hit the carpet. The wing wouldn't relent as it went for her throat. More muffled cries, ooohhhh, doonnnt, helllllppppp ! I tossed the weapon and went for the kill. My fingers squeezed Wifey's neck, as she turned purple and limp. The humanity of it all. I guess I'm part cat, because I decided to play with my kill.

I yanked Wifey up to a sitting posistion, " So, how's your sister doing ? I heard that your brother-in-law came to visit. Did ya'll do some surgey in that motel room ? Well, here have some more chicken ! "

Wifey, " Uhhhh, uhhhh !

I decided that she'd had enough. Well, not really but I was kind of afraid that I'd end up killing her. Now what fun would that of been ? Don't answer ! So, I gave her the old speech. You know, the standard one. You don't know who your dealing with ! I'll bury you so deep that the china men will have to find you ! I could snap your neck like a twig ! Blah, blah, blah !

I took all the keys. Yep, house keys, car keys, garage keys, desk keys, piano keys, the Florida Keys, any keys. Then I jumped in Maxine and split. Was I mad ? Your dang right I was !

Let's cool off, your snazzy1.