Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Dang snazz fire that puppy up and put some distance between you and Hogzilla.

 

Yep Duker and Pj, it's time to make tracks, as Life Goes On.

I awoke to the Quail Com beeping, with a message to call Ed. I sashayed into the truckstop and took care of business. You know, I did number 2, read over the latest bathroom stall news, bled the lizard, washed up, and thought over my situation.

Ring, ring, " This is Ed ! "

I filled him in, " Ed ! That pig that you ..."

Ed was in the know, " She already called me ! I faxed you some paperwork and it's waiting for you at the fuel desk there. I only have one question for you. Well, actually two questions. First, what was Sue doing in a motel room with you, at two in the morning ? "

I explained, " She started talking crazy in the truck, so I got a room to get away from her. We were held up at the truckstop, because of the weather. She showed up wearing her nightie and tried to rape me. "

Ed laughed, " So tell me the truth ! How was she ? Did you have to use a house-jack ? "

I didn't see the humor, " Get real Ed ! This is serious ! "

Ed snickered some more, " Did you strap a 2 X 4 to your butt, to keep from falling in ? "

It hit me, " Ed ! You, think that this is funny ! Well, it's not ! Now, what kind of paperwork did you fax me ? "

Ed busted a gut, " It's ya'll's marriage license ! "

I rolled my flapping eyes, " Keep it up, just keep it up ! "

Ed finally quit cackling, " It's something that our lawyer came up with. Have Sue sign it and get it witnessed by a notary. You'll need to fax it back to me. Then have Sue gather up her stuff and wait there. She has already agreed to all of this, so you can keep rolling. "

I had to ask, " So, I just leave her here ! I mean, that's fine with me, but how is she getting home ? "

Ed whispered, " Screw her ! That fat slob can walk ! She thinks that we're settling up with her. That broad is as dumb as dirt ! Once she signs that release form, she doesn't have a fat leg to stand on. "

I was confused, " I don't get it Ed ! If your settling with her and she's signing a release form ? "

Ed crowed, " She thinks that we agreed to pay her $15,000 and pay for her way home. That's for her dropping everything and not pursuing it. The truth is, that once I have that notarized release. Well, she's done for ! We're not paying her, but the $100 bucks she has coming. "

I wasn't convinced, " Are you sure about that ? I mean, can't she claim that you ...."

Ed was positive, " Think about it ? Sue claims that you raped her ! Right ? Then she doesn't bother making a police report ? She's willing to settle in exchange for a few thousand dollar ? Hell ! She has a history of filing bogus lawsuits. We knew that she'd probably pull this ! "

I stated the obvious, " Do what ? Ed ! If you thought she was going to pull this, then why in the hell did you hire her ? "

Ed was Ed, " She'd of tried suing us for sex discrimination ! Hell, this way is a lot better. There's not a lawyer out there that'll take her case now ! "

So, I agreed to do my part and had Sue sign the faxed release. Yep, it was notarized, witnessed, and faxed back to Ed. Sue gathered her stuff, as I checked out of the motel.

Sue was all giggly, " Don't feel bad Barney ! It's nothing against you ! "

I played along, " So, what's going to happen now ? "

Sue waved her ATM card at me, " I'm $15,000 dollars richer and don't have to put up with crap anymore ! Tell Ed, he's a sucker ! I'd of settled for half of this ! "

I grinned, " You might want to check on that ! "

Sue pranced over to the ATM, " Wait a minute ! This can't be right ! It only shows $112.00 dollars ! What's going on here ? "

I sashayed out the door, " Well ! Good luck Sue and I hope things work out for you. Oh, Ed said that you can kiss his butt and kiss your driving career goodbye ! Well, tootles and don't spend all of that in one place ! "

So, I set sail solo and fancy free. Now, I guess you'd of thought that I was pleased with the outcome. Well, not really ! You know, to me all that had happened was a big waste of time. Yep, TLX came out alright and had managed to get a couple of weeks of cheap labor. I wasn't any worst for wear and got my trainer's pay. Sue probably learned her lesson, if that was possible. Yep, it just seemed to me, that had TLX screened their students better and paid a decent wage. Well, you know what I mean. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

You lucked out on that one, I was worried you were going to have more bogus charges against you.

 

And they have to fix the lower bunk that got "Customized".

At least the truck rrode level again and he could take the helium out of the tires.

 

When you mess with the Bull you usually get the Horn !
Or is that a Cow in this case ?
Or something about karma raising its UGLY head only to spit in your eye..
Anyway glad to see that you finally were able to rid yourself of 2ton Tessie

 

DON'T LEAVE ME HERE BARNEY. WE CAN WORK THIS OUT. I'LL LET YOU ON TOP! BARNEY!

 

Yep Lenannamarie, I lucked out on that one. I see W5, Pj, and Duker are still with us. So, Let's see what happens, as Life Goes On.

I ran solo and stayed out an extra week. It was nice not having a student to worry about. I simply used two logbooks and kept running team miles. You know, like I use to do. I finally got a load back to Dallas and sashayed into Ed's office.

Ed was Ed, " Did you spot your empty, turn in your paperwork, and do a post trip inspection ? That shops needs do a preventive maintenance, so write up everything ! "

I gave Ed the look, " Ed ! I know what to do ! Remember ? I'm a trainer and not one of your ignorant students ! "

Ed jumped up, " #### ! I'm running late for a meeting, so enjoy your days off and I'll see you later. "

Yep, Ole Ed was always on the run and taking care of business. I loaded up the Datsun and stopped by my apartment. I thumbed through my mail and checked the phone messages. The place was the same, except there were even more bunk beds, empty beer bottles, and grease spots. What a deal ! I left Mike a note informing him of my return and that I could be found at the Layover Club. I went ahead and checked into the Bed and Bug, took a crap, showered, and spruced up. Yep, Friday night in the Big D, foot loose, and fancy free. I sashayed into the club and hugged the one I loved. No ! Not Joe ! Julie ! Anyway, she gave me the usual cheek peck and tender neck hug. I gave her the usual one arm wrap, followed by a juicy lip smack that landed on her chin.

Julie wiped her face, " Did you just get in ? "

I mounted the toadstool, " Yep ! " What's been going on ? "

Julie poured me a cold one, " Nothing ! "

I took a gulp, " Man ! That's good ! So, where is everyone at ? "

Julie poured another one, " Hi Joe ! Barney was just asking about you. "

Joe slapped my back, " Just get in ? "

I lit up a 100, " Yep ! What's been going on ? "

Joe took a gulp, " Same old thang ! Where's your buddy Mike at ? "

I blew smoke, " He'll probably be in later. "

So, Joe and I sat chewing the fat and gulping down cold ones. The club slowly filled with elbow bending long haulers, as the jukebox sang out our favorite sad tunes. Joe's wife made her appearance, so we claimed our regular table. Now, you know how drivers are somewhat loners. They're easy to spot, because they have that certain look about them. It's like their eyes are always searching for something. I knew that look, because my eyes were guilt of the same thing. You know, searching, darting, looking around, but not for anything special. They just do that. I don't know why, maybe because we do that on the road ? You know, getting the big picture and trying to see who goes there. Anyway, I noticed a guy who was seated at the end of the bar. He kept his eyes fixed on Julie ! Hmm ! I tried not to notice. You know, she was a looker and sure filled out them tight fitten jeans of hers. Well, Julie kept busy wiggling her jeans and ole Gawker kept on gawking.

Mike the Beard pulled up a chair, " I saw your note. Did you just get in ? "

I rolled up the empty pack, " Yep ! What's going on ? "

Mike waved Julie over, " Not much ! Hey Julie ! Bring us a round ! "

Julie hugged my neck, " You need to slow down ! I don't get off until closing and ..."

I hugged her waist, " Whose that guy over there ? "

Julie had to ask, " Which one ? "

I nose nodded, " That guy at the bar, who keeps on staring at your butt and ..."

Julie giggled, " I don't know him and he's not bothering anyone. "

I was me, " Well ! He better stop it ! Look ! He's still gawking over here ! "

Mike the Beard elbowed me, " What's the problem ? "

Julie defended the Gawker, " Barney's acting silly ! "

I stood up, " I'm going over there and finding out what his problem is ! "

Julie grabbed my arm, " You sit down ! He's not doing anything ! "

I sat back down, " Well ! If you like him staring at your butt ! Here ! Bend over and ..."

Julie pulled away from me, " Don't do that ! Now, you behave and I'll be right back. "

Joe had eased dropped, " I noticed that too ! Look ! He's headed over here and ..."

Gawker staggered over, " You need to keep your hands to yourself ! "

Mike stood up and pointed, " You need to go back over there and have a seat. She's with us and ..."

I stood up, " Screw you buddy and the horse you rode in on ! "

Joe stood up, " Ya'll need to chill out ! Come on, there's no need to..."

Gawker was looking for it, " If ya'll can't control your friend, I'll have to straighten him out ! "

I held Mike back, " No Mike ! He's mine ! If he wants to ..."

Joe pleaded, " Come on guys ! Here ! I'll buy us around ! "

Gawker slapped Joe's hand, " Keep your money ! If he wants to.."

So Little Joe, that's what we called him, because Joe wasn't but 5'2", and weighed about 200 lbs. Anyway, Joe plowed into the Gawker like a windmill. Yep, his fist were like a buzz saw spinning out upper cuts. I was so shocked that I let go of Mike. Well, Mike did what any pissed off biker would of done. Yep, the old beer bottle to the head, followed by the boots to the face. Now, somehow I'd managed to get tangled up in my chair. Yep, me the chair were fighting like a couple wrestlers in a death match. What a deal !
The bar lights came on, security rushed over, and the mace flew. I had the chair over my head, but the chair had me by my leg. (You really had to be there.) Yep, the whole bar watched in awe, as I flung the chair over the table, as my leg took flight with it. (Told you, you really needed to be there for this one.) Anyway, the security tossed the Gawker out, as Joe's wife tended to Joe. Mike the Beard disappeared, as I continued to kick the crap out of the chair.

Julie was plenty pissed, " Quit it ! "

I kicked it one more time, "You SOB ! You don't know who your dealing with! I shot and killed a dining room table, twice your size ! "

Julie had enough, " That's it ! Barney ! You need to leave or I'll have security put you out ! "

I gave Julie the look, " Put me out ? The chair started it ! I was just trying to defend myself ! "

So, I got a security guard escort. You know, one guard guiding an elbow each out the door.Yep, ole Barney done screwed the pooch on this one.
What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Ring, ring, ring, " Hell, hell, ... What ! "

The phone spoke, " Barney ? You up ? It's Ed ! "

I sat up in bed, " Ed ? Ed, who ? "

Ed was Ed, " I need you to get in here ! How soon can you make it ? "

I was me, " What time is it ? I'm not due to..."

Ed growled, " I've got a hot load that has to be in Seattle ASAP ! Your rig is already to go and I have your student here waiting ! "

I protested, " Ed ! I just got in yesterday ! I haven't even had a ..."

Ed bribed me, " Alright, 23 cents per mile ! That's an extra $80 per week ! "

So, I stumbled around and gathered up my things. My head felt like it was going to explode, my eyes burned like they were on fire, and my stomach was tied in knots. What a deal ! I loaded up my Datsun and drove the ten minute drive. Ed was standing by my rig and waiting for me.

Ed barked his orders, " This is your paperwork and Eugene will be out in a minute. He passed his drug test and is watching our safety video. The minute he finishes orientation ya'll need to get going ! "

I gave Ed the look, " Don't tell me, let me guess. Doper ? Retard ? Convict? No ! I got it ! A Martian with antennas on his forehead ! "

Ed assured me, " No Barney ! Eugene was a college bowl player and played pro. ball for awhile. Look, here he comes ! Now, get going and I expect you to get her done ! I'm counting on you ! "

Ed ran like a rabbit on fire and disappeared into the terminal. I sized up Eugene and decided to lay the law down. You know, my usual speech.

I poked my finger in his knee, " I don't care how big you are ! I'll rip your head off and piss down you throat ! Your black and I'm white ! So what ?
All I see is a big dummy ! You want to make something out of it ? Don't even think about it ! Now, get your big butt in there and keep your mouth shut ! I'm not in the mood to put up with your crap ! "

So, all 6' 10 ", 450 lbs, of Eugene climbed aboard. I fingered the Quail-Com, pushed in the yellow knob, and raced away. Yep, I was still two sheets to the wind and didn't give a ####. You know, Julie, the bar fight, that bully chair, and now this. A giant that could break me in half without raising a sweat. I drove like a madman and had her ears pinned all the way back. The white stripes became a solid white line, as we hit warp speed. Eugene sat silently in the co-chair and held on for his life. I drove all day and half the night, before parking at the Greasy Spoon, Truckstop. Eugene had taken refuge in the sleeper, so I yanked open the curtain. I was shocked at what my eyes spied.

I screamed, " Get up Eugene ! What are you doing down there ? "

Eugene stood up, " I can't fit on that bunk, so I just slept on the floor here. That's ok, isn't it Mr Goose ? "

I rolled my flapping eyes, " Whatever ! Now, let's go get us bite and we'll have to make it fast ! We've still got aways to go and the roads are turning slick. That #### Ed ! "

So, Me and Man Mountain Eugene tromped across the snow covered lot. Yep, Mother Nature was handing out her last winter storm of the year. I knew that Eugene couldn't sit at the counter, so we plopped down in one of those booths. You know, like the ones that are at all of the truckstops. An Old Hag flipped over our coffee cups and poured in the thick smelly brew. She then slammed down a couple of menus and stomped away. I thumbed the menu and burnt my lips on the day old 40 weight.

I whispered to Eugene, " I've never stopped in here before and sure won't do it again. Man ! What a dump ! "

Eugene grinned, " Do we have time for me to order some bacon and eggs, a stack of pancakes, and ...."

I laughed, " Just don't order the kitchen sink ! We're doing good and with a little luck we'll out run this white stuff. Say ! Just oder me a number three, with hash browns, and biscuits. I'll be right back. "

So, I sashayed over to the little boy's room and bled the lizard. Yes ! I washed my hands and used soap. Now, one thing that I had noticed about that hole in the wall truckstop, was how deserted it was. Yep, it wasn't a National Chain type and sat off to itself. You know, it was like a Mom and Pop type operation with just a couple of old rusty fuel pumps, that run down diner, and a sorry excuse for a parking lot. You know, it was full of pot holes and just a couple of rigs had dared to pull in. Anyway, I sashayed back to join Eugene. He was still seated at our booth and had a worried look on his face.

I had to ask, " What's wrong ? "

Eugene hesitated, " Nothing ! Uh, Mr Goose I'm really not hungry and if it's alright with you, I'll just wait for you in the truck. "

I was stunned, " You feeling okay ? We're not in that big of a hurry. It might be awhile, before we can stop again. "

Eugene tossed some change on the table, " That's alright, I'm fine. I'll be out in the truck. "

I jumped up, " Wait a minute ! You'll need the keys. Here, just keep that one and don't lose it ! "

So, Eugene bundled up and headed out the door. The bell dingle signaled his exit. The Old Hag shuffled over with a fresh pot of go juice and took my order. I sipped on the hot coffee and glanced around. You know, like drivers do, just out of habit. I noticed that at the counter were two old goats cutting it up. The Old Hag was stuffing paper napkins into the chrome holders and snickering along with the goats. I kind of wondered what they were laughing about. Well, I still had my biker beard and was wearing my leather jacket. Yep, they probably were having a laugh on me. You know, I bet they figured me for a rebel without a cause. Anyway, my breakfast was served and I pigged out. The meal wasn't that tasty, but I'd had worse. The Old Hag kept my cup filled and even tried to act friendly. I finally had my fill and sashayed over to settle up. I got a better look at the goats, as they both eyed me from their toadstools at the counter. One was an Old Goat wearing a straw cowboy hat that had seen better days. There were small pins displayed all around it. You know, little emblems from here and there that advertised his travels. The one that stuck out the most was a Confederate Flag. Now, the other Goat wasn't that old, but looked like he'd had a hard life. His tobacco stained teeth and weathered skin made him look older than his years.

Old Hag fingered the register, " Was everything alright ? Out of twenty ! "

I took my change, " It was fine. Say, what smells so good ? "

Old Hag slid the pie on the counter, " That's fresh out of the oven and is our special of the day. Lemon more-rang, with a whipped topping. Do you care for a slice ? "

I patted my belly, " I better not ! Hey wait ! Tell you what ! Go ahead and cut me a couple of slices to go. That student driver that's with me ..."

Old Goat cut me off, " Student ! That buck N-Word ? Hell ! They must pay you awfully good to train apes like that ! "

Young Goat stuck out his hoof, " I want to shake your hand driver ! I don't know how you do it ! "

I pulled my hand back, " Wait a trucken minute ! You mean, just because he's black, ya'll ..."

Old Hag bragged, " That's why I refused to serve him and that's my right ! Now, you seem like a ...."

I exploded, " Like what ? That man has just as much right to ..."

Old Goat stood up, " Sure didn't figure you for a N-Word lover ! She can refuse service to anyone she wants to ! He knew his place and scooted out that door. Now, I guess you need to get out of here ! "

Young Goat leaped up, " You heard him ! Now, scat ! "

So, I ran like a little girl and tinkled my panties. No, I didn't ! You know how sometimes things just happen. You really don't have time to think about it. Well, somehow that lemon more-rang pie plastered itself all over the face of that Young Goat. Yep, it was like the old Soupy Sales Show, where the guest got the creamed pie and the audience roared with laughter. Well, there wasn't an audience and nobody was laughing. I also discovered that those half-inch glass plates can really do some damage. I guess that's why they used paper plates. Anyway, somehow the Old Goat's straw hat began flogging the hell out him. I managed to grab a hold of it and stomped it into a small nest of broken twigs. What a deal ! Now, the Old Hag just stood there, but kept eying that long butcher knife on the counter. I did my good deed and reminded her that them things sometimes end up in the oddest of places. Well, I bid them a good day and sashayed out to the truck.

Eugene had to ask, " What's that on your sleeve ? "

I hammered down, " Oh that ? It's just More Rang Pie and I think I've just figured out why they call it that. Hey ! Let's get down the road a piece. Say, just past the State Line and have us a decent meal. "

Eugene grinned, " I could eat a horse ! "

So, that's what we did. Yep, Eugene had his horse medium well, as I savored the memory of two well done Goats. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Good for you, Snazz !!

 

Way to go Barney. May come back to you in spades. No pun intended.