Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

So, we go from Saint Snazz to Agent Snazz !
And i suppose you gave Eugene his official super secret decoder ring
to use.......like i said--dont gotta be crazy to be a trucker--------

 

Yep Big Duker hell bound and I bet I'm not alone and Pjw044 a decoder ring for Eugene, what a deal, as Life Goes On.

I had to gather my courage up to reenter the tomb of death. It took a few minutes, but I knew there was no choice. So, I jerked the door open and took a seat. The rain had washed away a lot of the caked on crud and the old Kenworth didn't really look all that bad. I fired her up and sat in deep thought. You know, trying to piece together a workable plan that, well would work. Anyway, I decided that my first order of business was to fully evaluate the situation. You know, get the big picture and see where I stood. So, I mustard up a bit more courage and had a look see. Yep, there he was all deader than hell and stinking the place up. I flipped on the sleeper light and held my nose, as my mind tossed around ideas. Hmmmm ! Alright, that's good ! I'll stick his arm back over there and try to pull the covers over this way. Good ! Let's see now, he's ontop of that sleeping bag, so maybe I can scoot him over a bit and get this over his shoulder. That's good ! Now, if I can unzip it and get his legs in there. Alright ! That's good and this there, oops sorry, there you go ! Now, what the hell is that ? Oh crap ! Oh man ! Those are maggots ! Yuck ! Oh gees, their all over him ! Of man ! Wait a minute ! Wait a minute ! Let's get some fresh air and get out of here !

So, I staggered back inside the truckstop and entered the mens room. The mirror over the sink reflected back an image that I already knew. Yep, I was a mess, all pale looking, with bloodshot eyes, and green around the gills. I ran the water and scrubbed up like a surgeon getting ready to operate. As I stood there it dawned on me. You know, how things just come together if you just think about it. Yeah ! That's it ! Brilliant ! Great idea ! So, I put my newly formed plan into action. I sashayed over and selected the needed items. Let's see, that, a pair of those, that medium one should fit me, a roll of that, a box of those, that ice chest, safety glasses, rubber boots, some of these, and that should do it.

The cashier was all smiles, " That comes to $136.19, out of $140.00, and here's your change. You came back and see us ! "

I smiled, " See you around and thanks a lot. "

I placed my purchase ontop of the passenger seat. For privacy, I unfolded the silver window screen and covered the front windshield. I slipped on the clear plastic rain suit and rubber boots. The safety glasses fit me, as did the latex gloves. I removed one of the nose filters. You know, those little white paper things that are suppose to filter out dust. It had an elastic band that fit around the back of my head. You know, the filter part covered my nose and mouth. I sprinkled some smell good on the filter part and gave it the sniff test. Yep, we're cooking with gas now ! I played mortician and flung ole bloated Tyrone around like a rag doll. He fit quite well inside that sleeping bag and none of the maggots complained. Once I got him all stuffed in there I zipped him up. Yep, every bit of him ! No ! I couldn't leave his head out. Hell, he was dead and it wasn't like he had to breathe ! Besides that, if I'd let his head hang out, he'd looked like a dead guy in a sleeping bag. Duh !

My next chore was sealing up the tomb. You know, making it airtight, so the smell would stay back there. I cut the duct tape and fitted it snugly around the sleeper curtain. It was a bit time consuming, but worked out quite nicely, if I do say so myself. I then placed the rain suit, safety glasses, and other such items inside a large black trash bag. I placed the bag inside the side pocket and did a quick walk around. Yep, this could work, with just a little luck, and some quick thinking, almost anything is possible. I hung the 20 or so cardboard tress all around the inside cab area. You know, like the ones inside your car that smell so good. Yep, that about did it. Well, I did have to shower and do some laundry. Anyway, that's the excuse I gave myself. You know, I was beat and deserved a day off. I left the windows slightly cracked, so the ole Kenworth could air out a little. I checked into the Bed & Bug across the parking lot and slept like a baby. Yep, it didn't bother me a bit ! I mean, what was the big deal ? Just your average driver, doing what drivers do. Right ? What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Well, now that you have your "rider" safely entombed in his coffi--er,umm
bunk you can set sail for the great unknown. Lets hope the highway trolls
dont get to nosey around your rig....

 

I think Ol' Vic would like Donner Pass. With a little luck a blizzard might follow you and they could worry about him in spring. Maggots. Yuuckk. That is as nasty as it gets.

 

Yep, PJW044 buckle up and away we go, as Life Goes On.

At the crack of noon I checked out of the Bed & Bug and sashayed back to the Stink Mobile. I was pleasantly surprised that the stench wasn't near as bad. Yep, my plan and hard work had paid off. Now, I didn't dare unzip that sleeper curtain. You know, I knew that dead Tyrone was still back there and I sure didn't want to stir things up. So, I drew some lies in my comic book and headed out. The truck traffic was heavy, so I just rolled with the flow and tried to fit in. The CB air was filled with the normal rants of Nutty Nuts and Rambo Truckers. You know, who I'm talking about ! The ones that you'd like to strangle to death with their own microphone cords. Those guys ! Anyway, I made good time and even managed to relax a little. Ed had faxed me that BOL showing me delivering in Lancaster, PA. Yep, just to be on the safe side, I even kept rethinking things over. You know how you do, when everything needs to work out as planned. It wasn't like I'd get a second chance at this. Yep, getting caught wasn't an option that interested me. So, I held the wheel, watched my speed, and tried to keep a low profile. Yep, that's hard to do in a 13', 6" rig, pulling a 53' footer, equipped with a dead guy in the sleeper.

I made it all the way to Salt Lake and parked in the back row of the 76. I felt safe there, because it was a stop that was familiar to me. I pulled the yellow knob and breathed a sigh of relief, as she farted a good one. The lot wasn't crowded and most of the rigs had bedded down for the night. Yep, I was ready for a tasty meal and chance to stretch my weary legs. I locked her down and sashayed into the Grassy Spoon. A waitress that knew my face, but had never heard my name, poured the 40 weight. I ordered the number 9, with Thousand Island, toast, and cream gravy. My meal was served and it satisfied my needs. So, I paid up and sashayed over to the truckers store. You know, where they keep all of the high priced stuff that cost truckers an arm and a leg. I thought about sawing one of each off of Tyrone. You know, he was the reason I had to buy that crap in the first place. Anyway, I sashayed back out and climbed back into the rolling cemetery. My newly purchased bedding fit just fine. Yep, I placed that ice chest between the seats and fluffed a pillow ontop of it. I stretched out, kicked off my shoes, and tried to get comfy. The late spring air had just enough nip in it to make it perfect for sawing logs. I snuggled up with my soft quilt and fell into dreamland.

The herd of big rigs awoke me, as they thundered towards the exit. I swam out of dreamland and slowly sat up. The sun was just peeping over the rise, as I lit up my first one of the day. The morning sashay was done at full speed, due to a full bladder. I shook it three times, washed up, and refilled my thermos. I decided to check in with Ed, so dialed his cell number, using the pay phone by the fuel desk.

Ring, ring. " This is Ed ! "

I was all business, " Ed ! It's Barney ! "

Ed whispered, " The GPS board shows you at the 76 in Salt Lake City. Is there a problem ? "

I snickered, " Yeah ! Tyrone refused to drive, so I had to drive his hours."

Ed was Ed, " That's not funny ! Now, you need to get a move on ! Hell, you should be halfway there by now ! "

I set him straight, " Ed ! Don't rush me ! This isn't as easy as you think ! "

Ed backed up, " Alright ! When do you think you'll get there ? "

I was honest, " If everything goes as planned, I should be there in about 30 driving hours. So, that'll make it sometime around Sunday night, or no later than Monday. "

Ed wasn't happy, " Well ! Hurry up and get this over with ! I can't sleep at night and Crook Jr is beside himself ! "

I rolled my eyes, " Well ! Why don't ya'll try bunking down with Tyrone ! You know he snores and kicks all night ! "

Ed giggled, " Your a Hoot ! I guess Tyrone isn't much company unless you like the silent type ! "

I shot back, " He's a cold fish ! "

So, Ed and I cut it up and swapped dead jokes until Elsie gave up the ghost. Yep, there wasn't any sense, in acting sensible, about this senseless situation. You know what I mean ! Anyway, I set sail, Ed simmered down, and Tyrone just laid there. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Hey Tyrone, did you hear the one about the farmer's daughter and the traveling salesman? I'm not keeping you awake am I? Tyrone? Anybody?

 

So Ed cant sleep and C jr havin problems...well LA DE DAAA.
Try haulin' a stiff around.....noticed they didnt volunteer to take over.

 

Yep Big Duker, Ole Tyrone kept a stiff upper lip and never cracked a smile, as Life Goes On, (for some of us.)

I continued on my quest Eastward and kept her in the high side of stealth. Now, one of the hardest parts for me was to run legal. You know, once you start running outlaw it's difficult to obey the speed limits, log legal, and do things by the book. Yep, I guess if every sleeper contained a dead body the Bears would have it easy. What a deal ! I didn't hear a peep out of Tyrone, so I assumed that he didn't have any complaints. We shot through Cheyenne, dodged by Des Moines, and sneaked past South Bend. It was late Sunday night, as I pulled the yellow knob and prepared to finish the job at hands, err, hand. The old abandoned shopping mall looked completely different at night. A low hanging fog had settled in and made it difficult to see more than fifty feet. I decided not to try and hide my presence. You know, I left her parking and clearance lights on. Yep, if anyone spotted the big rig, they'd probably just assume that some tired driver had shut her down for a nights rest. I decided to scout around and find a final resting place for the dear departed. You know, a place that was a bit secluded, but not so hidden that he wouldn't be found.

I opened the side box and removed the black trash bag that contained my necessary gear. My flashlight had fresh batteries that assisted my sashay towards the deserted buildings. You know, the shopping mall was a string of small retail shops that had long sense died. Yep, probably back when Trickle Down or Read My Hips were at the helm. I puckered up and whistled to the tune of, ' Whistle While You Work. ' It just helped to ease my tension and gave notice, to any bums that might be lurking. You know, I just wanted to make sure that there weren't any witnesses. Just around the first corner I spied a doorway that was missing it's door. I ducked inside and explored the possibilities. The floor was scattered with empty wine bottles, old papers, magazines, and assorted trash. Yep, it appeared from the looks of things that some homeless slobs had once called this place home. I stepped into rear area and discovered their makeshift latrine. It was an old five gallon bucket that had it's top removed and was filled with human waste. The strong oder of stale urine hastened my search and helped me make my decision. Yep, this was perfect ! Ole Tyrone could be laid to rest here and someone would have to find him sooner or later. I guess, what really sold me on it were the used syringes. Yep, a half dozen of them lined the floor.

I slipped on the clear plastic rain suit, rubber boots, latex gloves, safety glasses, and dust mask. I then slowly sashayed back to the makeshift morgue and unzipped the sleeper curtain. Tyrone's sleeping bag looked like an alien pod from outer space. I studied over things and decided on a side exit. You know, instead of dragging him over the seats, I'd just open the emergency side door of the sleeper. I pulled the handle, yanked her open, and tugged away. Ole Tyrone had leaked through his sleeping bag and was glued to the mattress. What a deal ! I took a hold of the mattress edges and gently lowered things down. I was sweating and huffing, but managed to drag the entire mess all the way inside. There was an area that looked to be like an old dressing room. It was located near the rear section and could help shield the gruesome discovery. I knelt down and knew what had to be done. You know, to make things look right I had to unzip that bag. I mean, who sleeps in a sleeping bag zipped all the way up ? So, I unzipped it and sure enough, they came buzzing out by the hundreds. Yep, a million flies filled the air, as I retreated backwards scooting on my butt. It took a minute for things to settle down and I finally got my last glimpse. Yep, Ole Tyrone sure looked different dead and without his trademark glasses. Yep, that wasn't going to cut it ! Where the hell are they ? Hmm ?

I pondered over the situation and narrowed things down. Those #### big windshields had to be somewhere. So, I sashayed back to the sleeper and began my search. Sure enough, they were neatly folded inside the sleeper closet. I stuffed all of Tyrone's worldly possessions inside of a plastic garage bag and placed it next to him. I even slipped that used syringe inside the sleeping bag. I stood there trying think of what I might have missed. You know, there wasn't going to be any do overs. Well, I couldn't think of anything, but I did notice a bit of a problem. Yep, when I had drug him in there that mattress had left a trail. So, I kicked some trash over and covered my tracks. I was completely worn out, but knew my job wasn't nearly over. I removed my rain gear, boots, gloves, safety glasses, and dust mask. I stuffed all of it back into the trash bag and placed it in the side pocket under the bottom bunk. I was to weary, to even think about doing anything with the sleeper. Yep, I just zipped her back up and headed out. There was a pickle park that won my company for the night. I pulled in and stretched out over the seats. I was out like a light and slept like a baby. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Ed had better spring for a new mattress for you, but I have a feeling he will even weasel out of that one.

 

Yep PJ and Leannemarie, with friends like Ed and Crook Jr, a guy sure didn't need any enemies. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

I parked and then sashayed into Ed's office. Both Ed and Jr were waiting for me, as I took a seat.

Ed spoke first, " So, did everything workout ? "

I lit up, " Well sort of, but we're not out of the woods yet. "

Crook Jr had to ask, " What's that suppose to mean ? "

I put in my two cents, " He's where he'll be found and then we'll see how it goes. "

Ed acted shocked, " You worry too much, Barney ! The cops aren't going to do anything. Hell, it's a clear cut case of some dope head overdosing. I bet they don't even investigate. "

I played devil's advocate, " Your probably right, but that all depends. Let's say, the cops decide to take a closer look. Now, I know they'll contact you Ed, because that's just standard police practice. Since Tyrone was still working for TLX, they'll at least call and ask about him. "

Ed was Ed, " Let them call ! I'll just tell them, that he quit and abandoned the truck. That happens all of the time ! I had you repower it and make that deliver. I bet, that's the end of it. "

Crook Jr looked worried, " Barney ! You use to be a cop and know about these things. Is there something we're missing ? "

I blew smoke, " It just all depends ! Now, anytime there is a death that isn't by natural causes, the cops look into it. You know, even if it's by accident or whatever. They investigate suicides, overdoses, and ........."

Ed jumped in, " That's making too big a deal out of it ! I bet they just do an autopsy and that's all ! They'll find out it was a heron overdose and close the books. Tyrone was just a junkie, ex-con, on parole, and ...."

I butted in, " Ed ! Don't think for one minute that any of that matters to the cops. Hell, if they suspect foul play we might ...."

Junior stuttered, " Wa,wa, wait a minute ! What are you saying ? "

I was honest, " Here is what bothers me ! There are things that can be done now using forensic science. It's not like years ago ! They have DNA, ways to analyze blood samples, they can even check for different types of insect lava. You know, like flies that lay their eggs. "

Crook Jr gave me the look, " If you knew all of this, then why didn't you say something ? Ed ! We're sunk ! "

Ed gave me the look, " Well ! Why didn't you ? "

I defended myself, " First of all, ya'll were the ones calling the shots and to be honest about it. Well, I didn't even think about it, until it was too late. Yep, it'd been better, to had ole Tyrone disappear and never been seen or heard from again. "

Junior panicked, " We're done for Ed and I told you this wouldn't work ! Now, what are we going to do ? "

Ed defended himself, " We agreed to do this ! Your as much to blame, as I am. Hell, we're all in this together ! Barney ? What can we do ? "

I was me, " All we can do is to wait and see. Here's how I figure it. Since Tyrone was on parole, they'll find out real quick that he was working here. They'll track his ATM card, Fuel Card, and whatever else they can. Most likely, they'll just want to find the last place he was seen alive. You know, just to verify the suspected time of death. What they want, is to rule out it being anything other than an accidental overdose. "

Ed got my drift, " I see what your saying and look at this ! That's the last place he fueled at and got a cash advance. It was after he signed for that Kent load and the same day he picked it up in Cat Piss, N J ! As far as I know, that's the last time anyone laid eyes on him. He never answered any of his Quail Comm messages and our GPS tracked him being out of route. See this ? That's a copy of the GPS map and heres where I had his truck shutdown ! That's right where you found the truck at ! "

I nodded, " Yep, we're alright on everything, unless they discover any forensic evidence that sinks us. We'll know soon enough ! "

Junior was all ears, " How will we know and what if ........."

I was blunt, " If all the cops do is to call out here. Well, we're probably home free. I mean, even if they find some fruit fly eggs, that are only are known to the Northwest. Well, so what ! That truck ran all 48 and there's noway to prove what sort of fies may have hitchhiked a ride. "

Ed was impressed, " Your right Barney, so what's there to worry about ? "

Crook Junior saw where I was going, " You said, if they call ! That's it ! If they suspect more they'll want to go over that tractor with a fine toothed comb. Ed ! We have to do something with it ! "

Ed understood, " I see what ya'll are getting at ! If they can prove that Tyrone died in there, we'd have some explaining to do. Now, listen to me and see how this sounds. That tractor is due for retirement, she just turned 500,000 miles. I can call and have that used truck wholesaler go ahead and pick her up. She'll be sold at auction and we'll be rid of her. "

I burst Ed's balloon, " That won't work ! Since that truck was involved in interstate commerce the FBI might get involved. Best thang to do is to get rid of it for good. I'd suggest that you sale her to a private buyer and wash ya'lls hands of it. "

Junior was confused, " What difference would it make. The FBI could still track her down and ..."

I gave the look, " Let's say someone bought her just for parts ! You know, like Ed said, she's got over half a million miles on her. She's really a piece of crap and worth a lot more that way. Now, I know some people that can strip that gal down into a zillion pieces. No one could ever track what parts went where. Now, you'll only get a couple of grand that way, but ..."

Crook Jr was sold, " I don't care ! A piece of crap training truck isn't worth going to jail over ! Am I right Ed ? "

Ed agreed, " Hell, we don't get but a little more than that anyway ! "

So, I made a phone call and it was a done deal. That same afternoon the poor old Kenworth was headed to her demise. Yep, I bet in less than 24 hours, parts of her were shipped world wide, while other parts were melted down into molten steel. Yep, it was good to know who to contact, when you had connections. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.