Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

While visions of sugar plums danced in his head...

​

 

Hmm... what a coincidence I happen to be sitting at the Flying Hook in South Dallas reading this particular episode. Feels almost as if I'm right there in the TLX terminal.

Anyhow, darkness is fast approaching... and even though I've been, uh... awake since 7:30 am... yesterday, it's time to leave this hell-hole. The crack ###### are starting to get on my nerves.

C'est la vie

 

Yep Ducks, that picture was in my head alright, along with the sugar plums. I see that lilillill was just down the road from where these truer than fiction tales took place. Yep, the J Hook now sits right across the street from a motel and next to that is a church. Well, that church use to be the Lay Over Club. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

My new title, Yard Manager was a new position and no one knew what the job consisted of. So, I decided that it meant Manage the Yard. You know, if it was in the yard, I managed it. Yep, be it mineral, vegetable, or animal. If it was parked, growing, or breathing, then I managed it. Of course, I still had to recover and repower the out of routers. So, I sashayed around carrying my laptop and a clipboard. Yep, I did a little managing over here and then over there. Yep, here a manage, there a manage, everywhere I managed. Yep, I hummed, ' Ole Barney Goose is a Yard manager, He high ? He High ? No ! With a, sashay here and a sashay there, here I manage, there I managed, everywhere I manged, managed. Oh, Barney Goose was Yard Manager, He High ? He High ? No ! ' Well, it is a little catchy, you have to admit ! Anyway, I was managing over by the dumpster when Ed caught up to me. He had Crook Jr on his cell phone and was all business.

I was leaning on the lid humming, " Hmm,hmm,hmm,hmm. Hum, hum, hum, He high ? He high ? No ! "

Ed gave me the look, " I'm right here with him ! Hold On ! Barney ! I've got Junior on the phone. He wants to know, if you can get down to Laredo and handle something for us ? "

I had to ask, " What's the deal ? "

Ed gave me the run down, " We have a rig down there that needs to be repowered. It's kind of complicated, but it won't take you that long. "

So, I was bored and happy to do it. You know, I didn't ask a lot of silly questions. I mean, it sounded simple enough and it got me out of the yard. Yep, just run down there and handle it. Now, the only thing that was out of the ordinary, was the big rush. Yep, they wanted me to fly down there and right then ! Well, that was fine with me, so I packed up my gear and drove my company car to the DFW airport. Yep, with a swipe of my Gold Card and a song on lips, I boarded the Southbound Eagle. The flight was made up of your usual mixture. You know, first class snobs, busy business class, and touring tourist. I was seated in the first class business section. So, I could act snooty and business like, at the same time. Yep, it always amazed me how folks acted when they flew. You know, they charged around like they owned the joint and always wanted to act important. Yep, as the beauty queen mimicked her oxygen mask demonstration, everyone tried to act bored to tears. Yep, I bet half of them wouldn't of known what to do if those mask ever dropped down. They'd probably panicked and tried stuffing them back up there, or maybe used them as bungee cords. Yep, a whole plane full of bungee jumpers, all dangling around like babies bouncing about in their bouncy baby bungee bumper buggies. What a deal !

Anyway, it was one those flights where there weren't any meals or thrills served. You know, we weren't in the air that long. Well, long enough for me to get a snoot full. Yep, the two drink limit wasn't enforced and I had my fair share of those tiny 86% proof bombs. Yep, ain't nothing like flying high when your flying high. Whoopee ! The plane touched down, but I was still buzzing around. Now, flying never bothered me at all. Nope, it was those take off and landings that got to me. I mean, as long as you up there and not close to the ground. Well, you can't crash that way ! Who ever heard of a plane crashing into thin air ? Nope ! It's the ground that gets you. Yep, every time, it's good Ole mother earth that ruins your day. Anyway, I tried to sashay, but it was more of a sashay stagger. You know, two sashays forward and a sashay back, as I deplaned. Well, I figured out why those long corridors were made so narrow. Yep, I shouldered up and slid my way out towards the arrival gate. Well you know, there's really no gate, but that little fuzzy snake that fastens across the chrome post. Yep, it wasn't fastened, because we were deplaning. Well, at least I was ! I never did figure out where all them other passengers came from. Yep, I was the only salmon swimming down stream, as them other salmons swam up stream. Well, it might of been, because I'd passed out in my seat and nobody had bothered to wake me up. What a deal !

Now, I knew that renting a car wasn't an option in my condition. Yep, it's best to be safe than sorry. So, I haled a taxi to take me over to the rig. Yep, them four wheelers are too dangerous to drive under the influence. Of course, the taxi driver didn't understand drunken slur. Well, not English drunken slur anyway. So, I pointed to the written down address and hiccuped a few times. The golden skinned, black haired driver, dropped the red flag and away we go. Yep, I was happy to get out of that Laredo airport. You know, it was like being at the Tijuana bus station. Yep, folks carried their luggage around in cardboard boxes and had carryall chickens in cages. Well, I knew that something wasn't right, as we stopped at the border patrol check point. Yep, we were still on the U.S. side, as the custom officer questioned the driver. Yep, I was confused and drunker than a brewery keg rat. I mean, why would the Mexican driver be trying to cross into Mexico illegally ? Well, why would the U.S. care anyway ? Yep, I decided to just stay out of it. Hell, I still had a whole pocket full of those miniature whiskey bottles to keep me busy.

Well, we got passed the U.S. customs, but them Mexican Federal Owl Ease weren't so nice. I mean, they began raising a stink about something. So, I decided to use some tact. You know, the Ole Barney charm. Yep, I hiccuped a few times and belched a loud one. Yep, that worked and two of the friendly officers escorted me inside the station for a tour. Well, finally an English speaking officer explained. You see, the taxi driver had given our destination, by using what had been written down. Well, that address on the Southern side of the border was where a military base was at. Yep, the address I needed was back on the American side. So, it was all just a little misunderstanding. Yep, we got turned around and headed into the right direction. Of course, when we returned to the American side I got the third degree. Yep, there my none English speaking taxi driver was, not being asked a single thing, while I was treated like a alien from mars. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

NO HABLA--eh SENOR ?????:smt102

 

Yep PJW044 can speak that lingo and I sure could of used him back then, as Life Goes On.

We made it back to the U.S. side and finally arrived at the correct address. It was a run down motel located a stones throw away from the Rio Grande river. Yep, it was close enough to hear the Kook A Roaches, singing in the canteen on the other side. So, I paid the taxi driver his $40.00 fare and tipped him with two miniature bottles of booze. What a deal ! I was greeted by the motel manager who spoke with a heavy Spanish accent and attempted to explain things to me. Of course, with me being two sheets to the wind it didn't make alot of sense, but I really didn't care. Yep, I was plume tuckered out and suffering from jet lapping, err...jetlag. Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, from what I could gather, my contact would be there early the next morning. So, I checked in and unpacked my things. Well, all I had was my overnight bag, my Petro duffel bag, and my laptop. The room was small and smelled of moldy disinfectant. Like it had been soaked, with seaweed, boiled in pine oil. The room's only light was a table lamp that was missing it's shade and glowing dimly with a 40 watt bulb. Yep, this sure wasn't no five star hotel and that was for sure.

Anyway, I plopped across the lumpy mattress and called it a night. At the crack of noon a loud banging on the door echoed thru my throbbing head. Yep, it was the mother of all hangovers and I wasn't in to good of shape. So, I weak kneed it over to the chain locked door and greeted my guest. He was light brown, in his late twenties, stood about five eight, slender built, and dark haired. He was dressed neatly in starched jeans, a white short sleeved shirt and cowboy boots. A pair of sunglasses covered his eyes and a ball cap topped off his head.

I offered my hand, " Have a seat ! I'm Barney Goose and it's nice to meet you. Sorry for the mess and let me move this over here. There you go. "

He remained standing, " If you got the money, we're ready to go ! "

I had to ask, " What money ? I'm just here to ...."

He poked me in the chest, " You better have it ! No money ! No deal ! "

I gave him the look , " Hey ! Keep your paws off of me ! Now look ! I don't know what the hells going on and ..."

He spilled the beans, " Your partner agreed to furnish the driver and pay us for loading it. It's ready to go, so pay up ! "

I was honest, " I don't know what the hell your talking about ! I'm just here to ...."

He nodded, " Oh, I get it ! You think that we're going to rip you off. Man ! We don't do business that way and you'll see. Come on ! I'll take you to it and show you. "

I sat down on the bed, " I'm not going anywhere ! Now, if you know where that TLX truck is at...."

He cut me short, " Look ! Call Alex and tell him, that unless I get that six grand, the deal is off ! Now, if your afraid to deal with me. Well, tell Alex he better get someone else to drive ! Go ahead and call him and I'll be back later. You got that ! "

So with that, my guest turned and stormed out of the room. I peeped out the dusty curtains and took a gander. Yep, Ole Ball Cap climbed into a black Suburban, with dark tinted windows, and mud caked wheels. It was one of those four wheel drives that stood taller than most. Yep, I'd be able to recognize it, if I saw it again. Of course, I wasn't able to get the license plate number. But hey, I didn't need no stinking plate number ! Yep, all I needed was a shower and a few aspirins to get mind right. You know, to deal with my aching head and wash away the stench of stale booze. Yep, I wasn't ready for any of this crap and sure didn't know which end was up, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazers, your Snazzy1.

 

Another chapter in " The Mis-adventures of Barney Goose "

 

I had just gotten out of the shower, when another knock on the door needed my attention. So, I wrapped a towel around myself and peeped thru the peeper. It was the motel manager, so I slid the chain over and invited him him.

I was polite, " Come on in and take a load off. "

The manager refused my offer, " That's alright ! I just need to give you this. It's all in there and you can count it ! "

I opened the envelope, " What's this for ? "

The manager gave me the look, " Your money ! That's the $ 6,000 that was agreed to. Now, when Jose gets back here you can pay him. "

I was confused, " Look ! All I want to do is pick up that TLX rig ! I don't know what's going on and ..."

The manager poked my bare chest, " A deal ! Is a deal ! You'll get your cut when the load is delivered ! You got that ? "

My towel dropped, " Whoops ! #### it ! What's with you guys ? Now, keep your fingers to yourself ! Here ! I don't want your money ! "

The manager refused to take it back, " A deal ! Is a Deal ! Now, give that to Jose and quit screwing around ! He has the drop information and when you get to Houston...."

I'd heard enough, " I'm not going to Houston ! All I want is that truck and to head back to Dallas ! If ya'll can help me do that..."

The manager turned red, " Your going to do this ! A deal ! Is a deal ! You better get with it, or I'll have Alex pay you a visit ! "

I didn't give a ####, " Alex ! Alex ! Who the hell is Alex ? Go ahead and send the Idiot over here ! If I don't get that truck back by today. Well, I'll call the cops ! "

The manager turned pale, " Cops ? Are you crazy ? Alex will cut your heart out and don't think that he won't ! Nobody double crosses Alex ! "

So, before I could utter a reply, my cell phone rang. The manger spun on his heels and made tracks back to his office.

Ring, ring, " Hello ? "

Ed was Ed, " Barney ! This is Ed ! Now, listen to me ! We're not paying a red cent to anybody ! If they won't release that rig to you, just call the cops !"

I gave the phone the look, " Ed ! What the hell is going on ? I got here to pick up that rig and all I've gotten is the run around ! Who the hell is Alex and what has he got to do with it ? "

Ed came clean, " The driver delivered down there and then we didn't hear a thing from him. Right after that, the GPS tracking board lost contact, so we figured that something was wrong. Then, someone called here wanting to talk with the Idiot driver. Well, dispatch transfered the call over to me and some guy offered to get our truck back for us. He didn't make alot sense, but agreed to meet you at that motel down there. Wait ! I wrote his name down and it was. Hold on ! Yeah, his name was Alex ! Did he ..."

I'd heard enough, " Ed ! All I know is that some guy named Jose came by and wanted six grand ! Something about the truck was loaded and he'd take me to it. Well, I told him to stick it up his..."

Ed agreed, " That's what this last caller said ! Well, we're not paying them a #### cent and you tell them that ! I bet it was that Jose fella that called me just awhile ago. Do you know where the truck is ? "

I fessed up, " Ed ! I don't know a #### thing ! Now, get this ! Just before you called me, the motel manager handed me an envelope stuffed with cash and I'm suppose to pay Jose with it. That manager even threatened me, about how Alex was going to.... Hold on, someone is at the door ! "

So, I twisted the knob, as the door flew open and knocked me back. Yep, my cell phone sailed that away, as the towel slipped to my knees and cash scattered across the floor. My right nostril was stuffed with three inches, of the six inch barrel, as a shoe pinned my neck to the floor.

The gunman spat, " A deal ! Is a deal ! Man ! "

My voice had a nasal tang to it , " You must be Alex, I presume ? "

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Holding your rig for ransom, with a trailer full of illegals,to boot! LOL

 

" Say Hello to my Little Friend "

:smt071

 

Yep, simplyred1962 sure knows how to read between the lines and PJW044, let's see what happens, as Life Goes On.

Alex was in his mid thirties, short, stocky, and mean looking. He wore a bright multi colored shirt, starched bluejeans, hand tooled leather boots, with matching belt, and lots of flashy gold jewelry. His chrome plated .357 had white ivory handles and I hoped not a history of going off. His sidekick was a large, barrel chested, hairy gorilla in a muscle shirt. Alex barked out his orders and was a bit of a control freak. You know, get dressed, pick up that money, pack up your crap, and let's go. So, I did. Yep, who was I to argue with a loaded Colt Python ? So, we sashayed and marched. Well, they marched and I sashayed out to the black Suburban. Yep, Jose was behind the wheel, Alex rode shotgun, while I kept the gorilla company in the backseat. The windows were so dark tented that the bright Texas landscape turned into a twilight covered shadow. Alex sat side saddle and held the Python between the bucket seats, keeping me covered. We hung a right on the blacktop, went that away at the light, and continued straight. Jose and Alex cut it up in their native tongue, as the gorilla sat giving me the evil eye. We turned down a white graveled road that left behind a trail of dusty smoke, along with my hopes of us being spotted. Yep, we were in the middle of nowhere and headed deeper into it. Finally an old barn appeared and Jose parked beside it. I was led inside by my three unwanted guest and informed of my job duties.

Alex made it clear, " A deal ! Is a Deal ! Your going to drive this rig and that's, that ! Hector here, is going to keep you company, and if you try anything. Well, don't ! He'll slice you open like a ..."

I pleaded my case, " Wait a minute ! Look ! I don't know what's going on here and that's the truth ! I'm just a company driver that was sent down here to repower that rig. I was doing, what my boss told me to...."

Alex wouldn't listen, " Your boss agreed to this and I'm holding you to it ! No one screws me around ! You need to deal with him ! Your boss..."

I tried again, " My boss ? He owns his own business and wouldn't have anything to do with... "

Alex rolled his eyes, " The Green Go that owns that truck ! Not the Patrone that he is leased to ! Calvin ! Your boss ! He's the one that ..."

I was honest, " I don't know anyone named Calvin ! My boss is Crook Jr and he owns TLX ! He has over a thousand rigs and ..."

Jose piped in, " Just blow his brains out ! I can get you a driver and you don't need him ! "

Alex went postal, " I'll blow your brains out ! How about that ! Your just a #### coyote ! You need to stay out of my business ! I put this deal together and you got your money. Now, go sit the car and keep your mouth shut ! I'll be out there in a minute ! "

I tried some tact, " Look, Alex ! I've been honest with you and believe me. I'm just a company driver and that's all. I don't know anyone named Calvin and I guess, he must of been filling you a line of bull ! That's a company truck and TLX doesn't even have any owner operators ! Trust me ! If anyone tries to drive that rig. Well, they won't get very far ! I'm sure it's been reported stolen by now ! Trust me ! "

Alex raised his cannon, " Well ! Either you die trying, or you die right here and now ! It's up to you ! Nobody screws me around ! A deal ! Is a deal ! "

So, I decided that Alex had a point. Yep, maybe I could make it to Houston and make everyone happy. You know, Alex would be all smiles, Crook Jr would get his truck back, the illegals would get their new starts, I'd live to see another day, and things would be just peachy. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.