Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

At first glance yup you would most definietly be thinkin so but then I remeberd who the Hero of the story was and then I realized ....nope not a step up at all.........hurry get the popcorn....the white fluffy kind and lets wait and see

 

Dang Snazzers, ya'll sure are piss-toe=miss-tick, as Life Goes On.

The good, the bad, and the ugly. Well, the good part was being out of the pit and somewhat on my own. Yep, as the heavy haul driver I didn't have Fran, Red Beard, and Hog Face to put up with. The bad was driving an old KW-900, long nosed, day cab, that was a piece of crap. The ugly was having to deal with Ma Hell Hole. Yep, she was Fran and Stan's birth mother and looked a lot like them. Well, except she sported a thick mustache and was twice their size. You know, some woman can't help it, if have some unsightly facial hair. Most try to keep it trimmed, or at least try covering it up with makeup. Oh no, not Ma Hole ! She wore it like badge of honor, for all to see. I swear, she must of waxed it and ironed it every morning. Yep, Ya'll Smitty Sam would of been jealous. Anyway, Stan had gone over my duties. Yep, I was to load up a road grader and haul it to New Mexico. There was a dam being built and Hells Hole had gotten the contract to be a part of it. Now, Stan explained that the supervisors at each work site were responsible for loading the equipment. Yep, they'd have the operators load it up on the drop deck and chain it down. All I had to do was drive the rig and stay on schedule. What a deal !

So, I did my pretrip and drew a line in my comic book. I pointed the big nose North and headed out. Hells Hole main office was just off of the big road and located close to the DFW airport. It was a good three hour drive and the heavy traffic made it longer. I spotted the exit and swung in the main gate. There were rows of big yellow machines all lined up. So far, so good. Hmm ! Let's see, park here, pull the knob, love that sound, draw a line, shut the door, sashay over there, comb my hair, don't step in that, and here we go.

I opened the office door, " Anyone here ? You who ? "

The Mustache bellowed, " It's about time you got here ! What did you do, stop and get you some ? "

I swore, " No Sir ! I got here as quick, as I could. Stan said, that ..."

Mustache spat, " You call me, Ma Hole ! You got that ! Now, quick jerking around and get busy ! This is your paperwork and their waiting on you. Take the loop, go West on 30, head North on 287 ! Are you listening to me and getting all of this ? "

I lied, " Yes Sir ! I mean, Mrs Mustache, err a ..."

Mustache led the way, " Well ! Let's get you loaded ! Back up over there and let me show you what to do ! "

So, I backed her up and checked my mirrors. Of course, all I could see was that bushy lip flapping in the breeze. Ma Hole climbed up inside and the grader approached. It did an about face and backed onto the trailer.

I was impressed, " Man ! You sure know how to ...."

Mustache pointed, " Quit jaw jacking and help me chain her down ! You don't have all day and I've got things to do ! "

So, we tugged and pulled, hook and binded, cussed and sweat, and got it on. I was plume tuckered out and dying of thirst. Yep, I was about to ask, if there was a coke machine, but noticed Ma Hole had disappeared. Hmm, I guess she went back into the office. So, I sashayed back to the trailer and dropped in my coins. The Mountain Dew chilled my dry lips and soothed my innards. Hell I think, I'll have another. Man, that's good ! Well, I guess we better get going and be on our way. What about Mustache ? Oh screw the hair lip ! What a piece of work ! I bet she has bigger gonads than I do and pulls wings off of flies. You shouldn't make fun of her ! She can't help how she looks and.... Shut up mind voices ! Let's see, don't step in that, over there, open this, set that here, alright one more sip, here we go, wiggle the shifter, that's neutral, push in the clutch, sounds good, draw a line, check your mirrors, here we go, what's that ? What ? That ! I don't know, maybe a,,,, Oh crap ! Hit the brake ! Hit the brake ! #### ! So, I sashayed back and got my ears full.

The voice was muffled, " #### Idiot ! Didn't you... "

I tugged on the binder, " I'll have you loose in a minute ! Are you hurt ? "

The voice grew louder, " Just loosen that ! #### chain caught me and I tried to tell you ! Are you hard of hearing ? "

I bit my tongue, " I'm sorry ! I didn't hear you ! Wait ! Here ! I got it ! "

So, somehow that chain had gotten tangled up in her.. Well, you know. Yep, I had to use another chain to tie down the grader with and drove off with Ma Hole in my mirrors. Yep, she was hoofing it, dragging that chain, and cussing me, all at the same time. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Run Forest err Barney Run!!!

 

You shoulda left her chained up with the Grader!!!!!!!!HAha.....LOL

 

a bottle of Nair will take care of all of that
ok maybe 2-3 bottles

 

Duker thinks running might help, mc85 would of left the chains on, and Pony suggest drinking Nair. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

I made good time and didn't lolly gag around. The crisp fresh air and bright stars of the Enchanted State held me spellbound, as I drained my lizard. Yep, that must be the dam site, where all those lights are. So, I shook it three times, thumped it twice, and zipped up. Let's see, turn here, keep going, keep going, that's it, slow and easy. There it is, park here, draw a line, there you go, pull the knob, love that sound, get out, shut the door, sashay over there, and knock, knock, knock.

The door answered, " Come in ! "

I stepped inside the trailer, " How's it going ? I brought you a grader and this is the paperwork. "

Big Arms looked it over, " Great ! How was your trip ? "

I was honest, " Not bad, except a flat in Armadillo and finding this place. I didn't know to take that turnoff and..."

Big Arms slapped my back, " Yeah ! I know what you mean ! Let's go get you unloaded and see what's up. "

I followed him, " Do you need me to ..."

Big Arms pointed, " No, we'll take care of it ! Uh, have you eaten yet ? "

I rubbed my tummy, " No ! They said, that ya'll were waiting on this and.."

Big Arms exploded, " Go back in there and warm up that pizza ! It's in the icebox and put it in that microwave ! We'll handle this ! "

So, I thanked him and sashayed back. Yep, he seemed like a real nice guy and was sure different from the.. well, you know. Lets see, open this, there's the box, set it here, flip this open. Hot #### ! Hamburger ! Boy, oh boy, oh boy ! Let's see, there's a plastic tray, three, no four ! Yeah, four slices, open that, set the timer, um ? Let's see, four slices, I guess, four minutes ? No ! Three minutes and we'll check on it ! Poke, poke, poke, beep, beep, beep, and hum, hum, hum. It's going, see it even spins that thing around inside. What a deal ! Now, we'll put this back in the icebox, there we go ! Oh ! A coke machine ! Let's see, Pep See, Diet... Nope ! Pep See is fine ! Slide that in there, #### it ! Come On ! There it goes ! Man, that's cold. Oh, a sink ! Yeah, I know ! Well, I'll wash them now ! Let's see, turn that, twist this, a little more, there's the soap. Oh wait ! That water is way too cold. Here, leave that one run and shut this one off. DING ! What was that ? Oh, the pizza ! Open this, finger that, oops, it's not hot enough, shut that, beep, beep, beep. Man, that sure smells good ! Well, you have to wait ! I didn't say....Shut up mind voices ! ......... Oh, the sink ! Crap ! Here, shut that off, use these paper towels, there you go ! Oh look, it had that stopper down there ! No wonder ? Well, I didn't see it and neither did I ! Would ya'll shut up !

What's that smell ? All I smell is that pizza ! No ! It smells like something is burning ! Can't you smell it ? Here, sniff around the edge ! No ! That smells great and look, 19, 18, 17, 16, ... What's that ? Water ! Oh man ! Where's it coming from ? I don't know ! Of gees ! Here, open that cabinet and check under that sink. No ! I don't see anything leaking. Well, it's coming from some.... Ding ! Oh, the pizza is ready. Wait a minute ! That water is ankle deep and getting deeper ! What are you doing ? I'm going get the pizza out and... SCREW THE PIZZA ! Let's the get the hell out of here ! Oh crap, the lights just went out. Here, I can feel my way over there and... Would you forget about the #### pizza ! Well, I don't want to die on an empty stomach ! Here, that's the table, the door is over there, easy, easy, that's it ! Turn the knob, push, push,... I'm pushing ! I'm pushing ! Crap, the door is stuck ! Oh, wait a minute ! We have to wait until it rises above the door. Do What ? You know, the door won't open until.. That's in a car you Idiot ! Well, car, trailer, what's the difference ? A car isn't as tall and ut-oh ... Yep, we're moving ! Feel that ? The whole #### thing is spinning and ... OH CRAP ! It's going to roll over ! Oh Lord, have mercy ! Don't do that ! Do what ? Use the Lord's name ! WELL EXCUSE ME ! Well, your the one that doesn't believe and he won't... WOULD YA'LL SHUT UP ! Here ! We can use this to float on. What is it ? Hell, I don't know ! It floats and here we go ! Man, that water is cold ! Yep, and it's pitch black ! I can't see a #### thing ! THAT"S IT ! The Dam must of broke ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I kept a death grip on my flotation device and held my breath. The scariest part was when the office trailer broke apart and the current carried me away. What a deal ! Yep, it happened so fast that there really wasn't time to panic. All I could do was hang on and hope for the best. Now, I really couldn't see all that much. Yep, it was patch black, my eyes were closed, and the water was freezing cold. After what seemed like an hour, but probably wasn't more than a few minutes, the rapids slowed. I could see land ahoy and decided to go far it, so I kicked my legs and pointed the ice chest. Yep, what had saved my life was a large ice chest that was half filled with golden brew. I managed to drag myself and the chest onto a huge flat rock. It took me a minute to take in my surroundings. Lets' see, that's a cliff over there and one above me, so this must be a canyon. Well, at least we're safe and won't drown. Wait a minute ! What if that dam breaks all the way ? I mean, this might of been just the start ! Let's get to higher ground, just to be safe !

So, I listened to my mind voices and made my way up higher. There was trail that zigzagged and curved slowly upwards. Yep, I bet that pack mules must have made this years ago. Well, are you coming ? No, let's wait a minute and catch our breath. O.K, but let's not dally too long ! Alright, here have a beer. Man, that's good ! Gees, it's cold out here ! Look, at those Goose bumps ! Oh, quit whining ! Let's get to the top and maybe we can start a fire. You know, dry out these cloths and warm up a bit. Yeah, that does sound good. No ! Don't be a litterbug ! Put that empty bottle back in here and we'll dispose of it later. Your a Idiot ! Did you know that ? Here we are lost in a canyon, a hundred miles from nowhere and your worried about littering ! Well, you know ! Keep America beautiful ! Would ya'll shut up and be quiet ! Your giving me a headache !

So, we made it to the top and gawked around. Yep, I could see the stars above, the deep canyon below and miles of nothing. Well except cactus, barren land and scrub brush. What a deal ! Let's see, there's some tumble weed and here's my lighter. Now, be careful ! You don't want to waste that flint. Easy, easy, there you go ! It's going, its going. Here ! What's that for ? It's a cow patty ! A what ? You know, cow dodo, or a buffalo chip. It'll burn good and keep the fire going. Man, that does do a good job. Let's find some more. Here, here, and one over there. That's good, now let's get out of these soaked clothes and get warmed up. Man, I'm freezing and could sure use a smoke. Hey, there's a new pack in those jeans. Yeah, that's right. Oh man, a warm fire, cold beer and a fresh pack of smokes. Yep, life is good ! Well, it'd be better, if we had that pizza ! Oh ! Would you get off of that ! We're lucky to be alive and your belly aching, about that silly stupid pizza ! Wait a minute guys ! Did ya'll hear that ? What ? That ! No, I didn't hear anything ! There it goes again ! Yeah, I heard it that time and I did too. Gees ! I wonder what it is ? Well, let's keep the fire going and stay close to it ! Oh man, I don't like this and neither do I ! I wonder if that pizza had extra cheese ? Would you .... Oh crap ! We've got company ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

It has to be Natalie Wood's ghost come to have wild sex-doesn't it?

 

Nope Big Duker it wasn't Natalie Woods, but good guess, as Life Goes On.

The creature stood still, as we sized each other up. The campfire flickered just enough to allow me a dim view. Let's see, it was wearing some sort of aluminum foil uniform, complete with a glass tinted helmet and scuba type air tanks. Now, I didn't want to startle it and get zapped. You know, it might have a ray-gun, or x-ray vision. So, I knelt slowly next to the fire and tried to appear harmless. The Alien stood it's ground and didn't move an inch. I could feel it's eye, or eyes scanning my nude body. Yep, I was still butt naked and waiting for my clothes to dry.

I thumbed my chest, " Me Barney Goose ! Welcome to earth ! "

The Alien nodded it's helmet and pointed with it's gloved claw.

I flipped it open, " We call this an ice chest. ICE CHEST ! Would you like a beer ? BEER ! BEER ! Here take it. "

The Alien slowly stepped closer, as I twisted the cap and handed it over. I lifted my long neck and took a swig, " See ! You drink it ! Drink it ! "

The Alien set the bottle down and twisted off it's helmet. Of course, that caught me completely off guard. Yep, her long black hair and large soft eyes, wasn't what I expected. She removed her gloves that exposed two normal hands. She then reached into her uniform and offered me several small chunks. I held them close to the fire and examined them. Let's see, looks like some sort of organic stuff. You know, like when you knock the bark off a tree. No ! Not the bark ! The stuff behind the bark. You know, the skin part that they make paper out of. Pulp ? Yeah, I guess that's it. Anyway, she popped a few in her mouth and took a swig of beer. Yep, I bet this was some kind of Alien food and she must of sensed that I was hungry. What a deal ! So, I followed her example and did the same. Yep, no need to hunt for food, nor dirty up the kitchen. Just pop a few of these in every once in awhile and BONG ! Yep, it didn't take two minutes and I could feel her vibes. I mean, we were on the same wave length. It was like we were communicating, without words and flying through space. The star filled sky lowered around us and circled like a galaxy of strobe lights. The campfire danced and I could smell colors. What a deal !

She unzipped and two large melons, with hard pink nipples, dared my lips to taste them. I was prone on the ground and tugged loose her aluminum pants. Two shapely, but hairy legs straddled my manhood. Remember ? I was still naked as a jaybird and my flag was at full staff. Yep, one small hunch for man and one giant hump for Barney. The Alien began screaming in a foreign tongue, but I could understand every syllable. Her nails dug into my shoulders, as I rolled and took top position. It was no holds barred and may the best beast win. We raised such a commotion that the wildlife
circled around us. Wolves, bears, coyotes, and rabbits watched in dismay, as the sex battle continued. Now, it did cross my mind that maybe this Alien was trying to fornicate me to death. You know, screw a guy to death and then suck his brains out. Yeah ! That's it ! So, I flopped her over and entered her doggy style. Yep, two hands full of fluffy white cheeks and a high hole beaver ! Well, that did the trick ! Yep, her knees straightened and we slowly sank to ground level. Her labored breathing, puffed up small clouds of dust, off of the desert floor. Our bodies had become one, as the world stopped and the universe blinked. The animals turned and quietly went their ways. They knew, what they had witnessed was never to be matched. I collapsed on my back and the stars grew dark.

Early the next morning, as the sun rose, I fought through the fog and tried to focus my eyes. The rescue party was led by Big Arms and several State Bears. They stood in awe and disbelief.

I sat up, " Oh, man ! My head is killing me and I'm freezing to death ! "

Big Arms wrapped a blanket around me, " I'm just glad your alive and we found you in one piece ! Whose that naked gal ? "

I lit up, " She's an Alien and ...."

The Bear chuckled, " An Alien ? That's a good one ! She's that missing lady from the porn show ! They were shooting some kind of triple XXX movie out here, when she wondered off. "

I blew smoke, " Noway ! She had on that space suit over there and speaks some sort of Alien jargon. Her beaver is deadly and look at those hairy legs, of hers ! She ain't from earth and that's a fact ! "

The Bear helped her up, " She's from France and they don't shave down there. I mean, in France ! Anyway they told us, she's hooked on them wild mushrooms and can screw a man's pecker right off ! "

So, I double checked my ding dong and followed the pack. No ! Not the animal pack ! The rescuers ! Anyway, I bid the French porn star a heart felt goodbye and went on my way. No ! She wasn't as good, as Sexy Thang, but pretty dang close. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Dang it boy! A frenchy porn star? Way cool, tomorrow his little bone will fall off but no great loss. "cuz I'ma thinkin Sexythang will be sure you don't get to use it again... ROFLMAO I'll be prayin fer ya Snazzy