Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

What a Christmas story.... HO! HO! HO! (jingle, jingle, jingle in the back ground) Hope Old Saint Nick saved your behinds this year...

 

Thank you Snazzy for your stories........ We all enjoyed them this year and hope for some more ! Merry Christmas and best wishes for a wonderful New Year to you and yours!

 

Let's see, Merry Christmas right back at you Kenmar, Big Duker, Creekrd, Rikdev, and Knife Edge. Oh humbug, Merry Christmas to all you Snazzers, Guest and Lurkers. Snazzy points all around ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

I pulled the yellow knob in front of the TLX shop. Yep, I'd made it back and wanted Dan to check Ol' Blue over. He seemed happy to see me and wished me a Happy Thanksgiving. Yep, I'd almost forgotten that tomorrow was Turkey Day. Anyway, I spotted Ed and cut it up with him a few minutes, before driving the low-rider back to the River Queen. Capt Hook hand waved, as I toted my gear inside and checked things out. Yep, there was a stack of mail, several phone messages and a package waiting for me.

Knock, knock, " Hey Barney, are you in there ? "

I waved him in, " Come on in Mr Hook ! "

Hook pointed, " That package came for you a few weeks ago and I signed for it. I put your mail up there and ... "

I lit a 100, " Yeah, I see that ! Hey, I sure appreciate you taking care of things and I need to get caught up with you. You know, the docking fee, electric bill and stuff. "

Hook flapped his arms, " Whenever ! Whenever ! There's no big hurry ! "

I opened the box, " Man ! Look at this ! What the hell is it ? "

Hook's brows arched, " That's one of them urns ! You know, like the ones that funeral homes use. I bet, that's what that is ! "

I read the paperwork, " I'll be ###### ! Yep, this is Hot Legs and I can't believe this ! I mean... "

Hook spoke over me, " That poor girl ! I never did hear, if they caught that guy, or what happened. "

I blew smoke, " The cops said, that he committed suicide. Oh, man ! Check this out ! This is an insurance check for $10,000 and I'm the beneficiary. "

Hook read over my shoulder, " It sure is ! I didn't know, that you had any insurance out on her. Well, it's good that you did ! "

It hit me, " Oh, I remember now ! That's the policy that TLX offered. You know, since Hot Legs was my employee and drove for me. Well, I sure didn't know, that she carried me as her beneficiary. "

Hook had to ask, " What are you going to do with her ashes ? Did she have any last request, or maybe other family members that... "

I cut him off, " No ! She has a mother, but she's in some nut house and her dad died, when she was just a kid ! Well, that's what she told me anyway. Man, I'm not sure what to do. "

Hook removed his cap, " I think, as much she liked it out here that she'd want them scattered over the lake. Remember ! She really enjoyed herself and I'll never forget her in that bikini she wore. "

I set it her on the bar, " I don't know, maybe that would be what she wanted. Well, there's time to think it over and not a big rush. Oh, I noticed they were doing something to the dock, when I pulled in. "

Hook pointed, " Yeah, I'm having them replace some of the pier supports and paint everything. I hate to ask you, but would you be able to anchor back a few feet ? You know, far enough back to let them get this over with. "

I was honest, " If she'll start, I will ! "

So, Hook agreed to play mechanic and help get things going. He went below and I could hear her cranking over. After several attempts she roared to life, as the smell of diesel fumes filled the air.

Hook pointed, " I'll go release her and just back her up a bit. Drop your anchor and I'll pick you up in my dingy. You can come and drink a few beers, until their done. It shouldn't take that long. "

So, I backed her up and dropped anchor. Of course, I left her running and made sure things were ship shape, before joining Hook in his dingy. We made it ashore and entered Hook's Bar. Yep, there were the usual local drunks, a few new faces telling fish stories and several Biker Types huddled around the jukebox. I really didn't pay much attention, because of Lobo. Remember him ? My dog that Mr Hook had adopted and took care of ? Anyway, I petted him and fed him a few beef jerkies. No ! Not Mr Hook ! Lobo ! Come on Snazzers and get with it ! Anyway, I heard a familiar voice call my name.

I turned my head, " Mike ? Mike the Beard ? Well, how the hell are you ? "

Mike hugged my neck, " ####, Man ! Where have you been ? I haven't seen you since ..... Hell ! How long has it been ? ####, it's good to see you ! "

I got off the stool, " Yeah, it's been awhile ! Here, let me buy us a round and have a seat. Hey ! Capt Hook ! Bring us a couple of beers ! This is an old buddy of mine and I want you to meet him. This is Capt Hook here and that's Mike the Beard ! "

They shook hands, " Glad to meet you Mike ! Name your poison, I've got Coors on tap, Bud, Bud Light, Mick a Lobe, Pick a Loaf, Red Dog, Sas a Fras, Moose in a Glass, and ... "

Mike thumbed his beard, " Red Dog will be fine. Say Barney, I need to tell you something and ... Well, it's about that apartment you had. You see, what happened was.... "

I took a swig, " Oh, don't worry about it ! That's ancient history and water under the bridge. I moved out of there and ... "

Mike jumped in, " Are you still driving a truck and whatever happened to that chick Julie ? Man, I can't believe, how long it's been ! "

So, Mike and I drank down memory lane and soaked up the suds. Yep, it was good to see an old friend and update our current events. He hadn't changed a bit and was the same old Mike. I knew, that appearance wise, I'd aged much more than he had, but what the hell. Yep, Mike always looked older than me and he was, by a good ten years. Yep, we just looked closer to each others age and that was fine with me. Anyway, things settled down, as the bar filled with thick smoke, loud music and slurred words. Yep, it was just about last call, when Pink Elsie staggered in. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Don't let em' move in Barney. No more freeloaders or troublemakers.

 

Barney Goose Trucking and Landscaping Services announces the Grand Opening of the River Queen Boarding House...

 

Shackin' up again....Ol' Goose just can't help it !!!!

 

Awww Poor ol Hot Legs made him rich in the end awwwwwwwwwwwww I sure do miss her............... :O( but life goes on dont it? Well where is this Julie chick coming in? lol hes a sparked wire!!!!

 

Hummm The old River Queen Boardin' House on floats... Has a Ring to it... But don't let me tell you how to do business, and with known freeloaders, well ya know...

 

Yep Ricdev, Kenmar's, ' River Queen Boarding House, ' has a nice a ring to it. Big Duker sees, freeloaders and troublemakers. Creekrd knows, Goose can't help it and Knife Edge can't remember who Julie is. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Mike insisted, " Come on Barney ! You can bed down at our Club House and I'll bring you back tomorrow. Hell, it's still early and we can have a few more. "

I stuck to my guns, " No, I better not ! I've got to get the River Queen squared away and ... I'll tell you what ! Why don't you come back by tomorrow and we can barbecue something. You know, some road kill, or old tires, or something. "

Mike punched my arm, " Same Ol' Bar, Bar, the Barney Man ! Alright ! What time should we get here, and I'll bring the beer ! "

So, Mike and his band of Motley Crew mounted their Choppers. No ! Not the denture type ! You know, Hardley Motorcycles and roared away. Capt Hook steered his Dingy and dropped me off on the River Queen. Yep, it'd been a long day and I was ready for some shut eye. I pushed the green button and heard the anchor lift, as I doubled checked the gauges and eased her in gear. Her running lights gave off ample light and it wasn't 50' feet to the dock. I tied her off and then sat back down behind her controls. You know, like drivers do when they park at the truck stops. Of course, I wasn't in a big rig, but old habits are hard to break. Yep, I was just sitting there and enjoying my last smoke, when he pulled in. It was the local Lake Patrol driving a late model cruisers decked out with all the bells and whistles. The young skinny officer strutted over and shinned his flashlight.

I waved though glass, " Come on aboard ! "

He entered the pilot's nest, " You got anyone else aboard ? "

I sat back down, " No sir, just me ! Take load off and have seat. Do you care for anything ? I've got some cokes, or I can put on pot. "

Skinny Cop was all business, " I'll need to see your drivers license, boat registration, and lake permit. Why aren't wearing a life vest ? "

I thought, he was kidding, " Life vest ? I'm docked ! Why would I need a life vest ? Oh, my registration and permit are on the wall over there and here's my driver's license. Is there a problem ? "

Skinny Cop snarled, " How much have you had to drink tonight ? Don't tell me that you haven't been, I can smell it on you ! "

I took a swig, " Well I guess, counting this one. Let me see, seven, or eight, maybe nine. Yeah, that sounds about right ! "

Skinny Cop rolled his peepers, " Well, that figures ! Now, answer me this and don't lie to me ! In what time frame ? "

I didn't get it, " What do you mean, time frame ? "

Skinny Cop spoke down to me, " T I M E-F R A M E ! What TIME did you have your first drink and W H A T-T I M E -IS-IT- NOW ? "

I mocked him, " O H ! W E L L ! L E T- ME - SEE ! I HAVE NO IDEA ! "

Skinny Cop turned red, " Your telling me, that you have no idea, what time that it is ? "

I was honest, " No, but I know that it's late ! Hey wait a minute ! Your wearing a watch, right there on your wrist ! Why don't you look at it, or if you can't tell time, I'll help you out ! "

Shinny Cop pointed, " Step outside, with me and leave your beer here ! "

I swallowed the last drop, " Sure ! This isn't going to take long, is it ? I need to pee and that's the truth ! "

Skinny Cop faced me, " I'm going to demonstrate, what you need to do ! Watch carefully and pay attention ! See, how my heels are together and my hands are by my sides ? I'm going to tilt my head back and close my eyes. Are you watching ? "

I thumped my lizard, " Yeah go ahead, I'm watching ! I just had to water the lilies and get a load off my mind. You had your toes together and ... "

Skinny Cop pointed, " Get back over here ! Now, with your heels together, head tilted back, hands by your side, close your eyes and on my command. I want you to take your right pointy finger and touch your nose. When I say left, use your left pointy finger ! Don't open your eyes, move out of position, or use the wrong hand ! Do you understand me ? "

I sure did, " I got it ! I want you face me and place your heels together. Now, watch me and I'll demonstrate ... "

Shinny Cop blew a gasket, " Are you trying to be a hard case ? "

I defended myself, " NO ! You said, to do exactly, as you did ! Now, pay attention and ... "

Shinny Cop slapped his forehead, " Alright ! If that's too hard, let's try this. I want you recite the alphabet ! You do know, your ABC's, don't you ? "

I was truthful, " I know them, but I don't recite em very often ! "

Skinny Cop lied, " I'll make it easy ! Just tell me, from the letter Q to the letter J, backwards ! "

I tried, " Q, P, R, N .... #### IT ! I sure screwed that up ! "

Skinny cheesed, " Do you want to try again ? "

I declined, " NO ! I'm not sure that I should ! I mean, what's the deal here ? Do I have the right to.... "

Skinny Cop ignored me, " Look ! See, how I've marked a line in the sand here, with my boot ? I'm going to walk heel to toe and watch me ! Now, I keep my hands to my sides, my head tilted slightly forward and count, as I go. One, two, three, four, all the way till the end. Now, watch me ! You see, at the end here ! I turn, still standing on the line and go heel to toe, all the way back and count out loud ! Think that you can do that ? "

Sure I could, " Yeah I'm ready, say when ! Alright, one, two, three. four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen ! Stop and turn, one, two, three. four, five, six, seven, eight, oops ! You drew that line too short, coming back this way ! "

Skinny Cop scratched his head, " Do what ? No, that doesn't make any sense and it's the same ! You must not of heeled toed it right ! "

I was insulted, " I HEELED TOWED JUST FINE ! It's your crappy line that screwed me up ! Look, you see ! It's longer over there and go look ! If you stand over here, you can see it ! Oh, wait a minute ! I see, what it is now and your right ! You see, when I heeled towed over there, you must of stepped forward ! See, the line goes past you and if you step back, then I can heel toe a few more times ! Do you get it ? "

Skinny Cop had enough, " Alright ! I'm going to be honest with you ! So far, you haven't done well, at all ! I'm going to give you a couple of more test and if you don't pass them. Well, I'll have to arrest you ! So, do the best you can and remember ! This is your last chance ! "

I mumbled, " This isn't fair, I haven't phoned a friend, or used any of my life lines yet ! "

Skinny Cop stood at attention, " With your hands, at your sides, lift one leg. It doesn't matter which one ! See, how I'm doing it ! Now, count, one, two, three, four, five..... Count all the way to thirty and keep your balance. If you hop around, or put your foot down, it's an automatic failure ! "

I tried to reason, " Look, Officer ! I'm not trying to be a smart butt and I'll be honest with you ! Years ago, I was in a car accident and broke my ankle and it never has worked right. I'm not sure that I can do this, but I'll try ! "

Skinny gave me the LOOK, " Well, use your good one ! "

I grinned, " I can't remember, which one is the bad one ! "

So, Skinny Cop stood watch, as I lifted one foot. No ! I don't remember, which one and it really doesn't matter. You know, it was my right ankle that got broken, but my left ankle was always the weak one. Yep, every since I was a kid, I always had weak ankles. Well, actually I'm pigeon toed, kind of, sort of, backwards. You know, my flappers point outwards and when I walk, it's like Charlie Chapman. Yep, it's always been noticeable and I've tried to overcome it. Oh, I could always run like the wind and even dance in the ring. I just can't stand on one foot and never have been able to. But, since this was do, or die ! Well, let's call it a night and I'll tell you Snazzers all about it tomorrow, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Boating while intoxicated, Just Barneys luck... off to the pokey.