Child support and truckers

No, I didn't get screwed over. I pay what I pay because I pay half of private school tuition and yes mother puts her fair share in to raising our daughter.

 

One more thing I gotta say, if you are paying child support it is because you are a father....
you need to relive that separation of the mother and the father is hard enough on your children, they get it from all around them, friends, school and sadly the place they should feel the safest and most loved, in their homes, their home with their mom and their home with their father. it is really tough and painful for a child to feel the angst of a father who is resentful of having to pay child support. It creates very conflicting emotions in Avery important relationship in their life, their relationship with their father.

Our youngest had a friend over for a sleepover, they were in the family room playing while I was in the kitchen I hear her friend say " next weekend you can stay over at my house" Then I hear my daughter say, "can't, I am with the sperm donor!"
I stopped what I was doing and went in to address that. When I ask my daughter what she said.. she knew, she was in the wrong.. and her friend just happily chimes in..
"It's okay, I have a sperm donor too,".
So, I sat down with them and age appropriately explained what a sperm donor is, and Afterwards I looked my daughter in the eye to tell her.."Sara, you know your parents were together when you were born, you were conceived as result of the love they did have for each other, you were not conceived through sperm donation!"

The next day, the mother of Sara's friend came over to yell at me about taking to her daughter about sex... which is not really what I did, I had to explain sperm donation to them because obviously she hasn't and worst, she is the one that added that vocabulary to her daughter and mine.

I was raised to respect my parents, and in our house our children respect both of their parents and their step parents, we do not allow father bashing...

When her father came to pick them up the next weekend, we were standing there and I asked Sara if she want d to tell her father what she learned.. She gave him a big hug and said "sorry, daddy, I called you a sperm donor, I learned what a sperm donor was and your not one."

I never did let our daughter stay over at her friends house, her friend was welcome and did stay at our house... but, I was not going to let our daughter stay over at her friends and be around that sperm donor father bashing environment..

The kids well being, physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is the main focus that guides all of us. It was a rocky and challenging journey, especially in the beginning.. but, we worked through it as adults for the benefit of the children..

Their father knows he is respected and not bashed at our house, we simply do not allow from the children or adult, and the same is true in his house, he does not bash their mother or me.

Yes, it did take work, communication and commitment on of all of us, and it was difficult and challenging especially in the beginning.. But, as we finally got it worked out... I will tell, it clearly had a positive effect on our children.

 

Not sure about your area but up here child support is paid until they are 25 TWENTY FIVE!! provided they are in school. I agree with others..pay for your responsibilities. Here your drivers license is suspended if you fail to pay child support

 

The Department of Agriculture says the estimated cost of raising a child from birth through age 17 is $233,610, or as much as almost $14,000 annually. Divide that by 12 and it is $1167 a month.

However, I think that is actually a low estimate, I want my kids to excel and succeed in life, so that means more costs.
Our son who loves sports made the base ball team. Yay..
$200 Rawlings baseball glove, $70 new cleats cause he out grew last years, $30 batting glove, $90 each for two base ball bats, $45 for new bat bag, his was very worn and tattered, $150, various clothing items for practice. $75 a week for batting coach and batting cage time, $64 complete sports physical, $125 for two team base ball uniforms. $40 batting helmet.

Of course there will be other expenses, like tournament fees, taking him and team members out for pizza after a game or two, not to mention feeding a growing active teenage boy, sports drinks, gas to get him to practice, games, tournaments, the batting cages.

He will also be trying out for the football team and more that likely make the team and he does use the home gym we bought him.
Would you like a run down of those expenses.. or maybe my daughter who has taken up tennis and golf, or of the cost of my youngests interest in music.. piano and piano lessons, guitar and guitar lesson, flute and sax for school..

Let's not forget Prom and homecoming and all the other events, new dress for recital, a suit for the team awards dinner, and more

Truck drivers complain they can't even feed themselves on the road for $300 a week and you think that is more than enough to feed, cloth and provide for a growing child..

Please, get a hamster... do not have kids... they are wonderful....but way out of your budget.

 

There is a big difference between "raising" a child and spoiling a child. You can give a child every single thing he or she NEEDS, for a lot less than 1167 a month. Its when all the extras come into play that the cost goes up dramatically. Where many men have a problem with child support isn't in paying it. It is when they see the kids in old hand-me-downs, while the mother drives a nice car and has nice clothes. And the dad knows she couldn't afford that stuff without screwing the kids over on child support. EVERY single penny a parent pays in child support should go directly and exclusively to the care and upbringing of the child. I'd give my children far more than a court ordered settlement if I knew it was utilized correctly by their mom. Having said all that, I am happily married, and take care of my kids as best I can. They don't want for much. In fact, if we did split up, I'd probably end up with a pay raise. Thats how much of my income I willingly give over to my family I love. Most of these men are not bemoaning the support of their kids. They are bemoaning a woman who squanders what they pay on things other than the kids, and then has the audacity to come asking for more, and getting a court to give it to her. Whole system in most states is so unfair as to be laughable.

 

That may be the case for some, but not all mothers are like that. Often times, it is more do to a man or woman, not working through and accepting the fact the relationship is over... they still let anger and jealousy about their ex cast a dark cloud over their kids..

I know that was the struggle for us at first. I dated my partner for almost 6 months before I met the kids and she let their father know. Before then he had never complained about child support and was friendly with her when he picked up or dropped off the kids. Then when he found out about me, it changed, he wasn't as friendly with her when he picked or dropped off the kids, he made comments and complaints about child support.

When her and I decided to move in.. I put my house on the market and we bought a bigger house for us and the kids. That's when things got bad, he kicked up his complaining about her, me, the child support.. it was tough for awhile, especially on the kids, he and Dan, our son got into some nasty fights about it, For awhile Dan didn't even want to go with his father for his weekends.

Wasnt till That day when he was standing in our house, that I sold my house to get, when my partner and I both work full time and I make more money than he does, and he thinks it is his child support that is proving all of it.. That's why I just grabbed money out of the ATM and gave it to.. we didn't need it.. if he didn't want to contribute financially for his kids fine, we could and would.

It took months and work afterwards to get to where we are now.. where we get along well, I know it is better for Dan to see us all sitting together at his games, his parents and step parents there to cheer and support him on, same with the recitals and zip know the kids love it when we all get together either our house or his and grill out, eat and play games together.

I saw his face, when his oldest daughter helped his youngest step daughter with her plate, when she took her by the hand and took her inside to use the bathroom.. it touched his heart to see that..

If he had stayed in his anger, resentment and jealousy he would of missed out on that and much much more.

Now, I do most certainly know there are mothers who are not doing right by and for their children.. like the one who yelled at me for correcting and explaining sperm donor to my youngest daughter and hers. That is why I never let my daughter spend the night over their. I know that woman does bashes the father and refers to him as a sperm donor... not the environment I want for m daughter

 

My divorce went thru west va.. and their also they said if payments were missed drivers license suspended.. which I totally agree with.. them kids not cheap.. i also spoil my girl wayyyy to much.. but oh well

 

A big part of that $1167 is for housing and health care, so I don't know that it could be done for a LOT less.

I agree to some degree with your other points. But many fathers simply don't want to pay, regardless of anything.

 

Not to mention all the silly games, the kids came home one weekend from their dads with a puppy.. they had picked it up that Friday after he picked up the kids, sho they had all weekend with Molly, that's what the named her... Molly is now a very loved addition to our family.

The thing was, and he knew it, was we had an agreement with our youngest daughter that if she brought her grades at school up and kept up on her chores, which would show us she was ready for the responsibilities of a puppy.

He was told about the agreement when he picked the kids up. onhis next weekend he got the puppy. On his weekend with the kids Katy our oldes daughter came home with a kitten. Now, at the time he lived in an apartment that didn't allow pets.

On the night before his next weekend with the kids, Dan was laying on the couch in the family room watching tv.. I was on the love seat with the dog and cat,no asked Dan what e was going to come home with.. he laughed and said, he is trying to talk me into a snake or lizard, but don't worry, I told him I don't want one and I won't bring them home if he gets one. Then he told me that he was trying to talk Katy into a miniature pony but she said no to that.. so he got her the kitten..

Of he, he never offered to help with or even asked about the vet bills for the shots, all the other things like dog collar, kitty liter boxes, dog bed, cat beds, toys...

It turned out good as Molly and Phillip are nice furry additions to the family and have brought us lots of joy and fun.. but, that's not why he got them..

 

Here's some advice. Want to #### around? Do it in a different country. That $400 plane ticket is way cheaper than all this crazy ####.
I pay 0 in child support. And I have 0 kids that I know of.