Discussion in 'The Welcome Wagon' started by diesel dawg, Jun 1, 2014.

  1. SheepDog

    SheepDog Road Train Member

    Nov 30, 2008
    Sand Lake, MI

    Very sorry to hear of your loss. Thank you for coming on here and giving us your thoughts...
    hal380 Thanks this.
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  3. diesel dawg

    diesel dawg Light Load Member

    Sep 26, 2009
    thetourman, I'm so sorry, think u for you'r input. How long do u think after the accident would be appropriate time to wait before speaking with him. I want to do anything I can to ease his suffering. The company I'm leased to is scared. I'm sure the are thinking of law suits. but I feel It would help me to be able to tell him how sorry I feel for his loss and to answer any questions he may have.
    David61 Thanks this.
  4. xlsdraw

    xlsdraw Road Train Member

    Nov 17, 2010
    Winter Haven, Florida
    Like you I would want to but yet I wouldn't. You don't have the training to communicate in a way that your words can't be misunderstood, taken out of context, or even twisted.
    bergy Thanks this.
  5. wore out

    wore out Numbered Classic

    Jun 5, 2013
    A little peace of mind that their child didn't suffer could go a long way to a parent. Then again it may be the opposite and he spews words that affect you for life. I could see both scenarios happening with me honestly. Its hard to say what he has to say, till you hear it. Its a tough decision that in the end only you have to live with, not the lawyers and company. It doesn't need to be made overnight either, I'm sure hard isn't the right word for talking to the father. Prayer and counseling hopefully will get you thru, I will do a little of the first for you myself.
    bergy Thanks this.
  6. JCTransport

    JCTransport Bobtail Member

    Jun 5, 2014
    Prairie Grove, AR
    The best thing is to get some counseling by a professional. I'm a retired professional firefighter in heavy rescue, the too many to count vehicle wreaks I went to and had to do my job. The fatalities of all ranges of age will bother you and in fires. It bothered others I worked with more than others. It's just something you have to live with, because it happened. It will get better with time, but you will always remember. A Counselor with help you through it Please see one. You can't do it alone trust me. If you don't it can and will destroy you. Trust me from experience. A guy I worked with tried it on his own, he said he was a man an could handle it all. Well he froze up on day on a scene. He ended up having to retire and went into counseling and is better now. But he did tell me he was wrong not getting some help. I know this is not the same, but the again it is. It's all connected in a way. Also Prayers help very much.
    hal380 Thanks this.
  7. bergy

    bergy Road Train Member

    Nov 1, 2013
    There have been some good pros and cons posted that I agree with.

    Normally I'm a face to face guy, but in this case, maybe email? That would keep it a little more arm's length for you anyway.

    I'm sorry you were in this tragedy.
    diesel dawg Thanks this.
  8. thetourman

    thetourman Bobtail Member

    Dec 6, 2012
    Several issues we have to deal with.

    The company/insurance is worried about anything you say. I know of one case where a not at fault party in a crash admitted to driving one or two miles per hour over the speed limit in a court case and it changed the outcome of the court case. In todays world of common sense not applying to things you need to be careful.

    The words you say will have a great impact. I have been a first responder for over thirty years. I have seen more than I care to have and just this week had to talk to parents that have lost their child. Words are very important. Since I lost my daughter I am more supportive and aware of my words when I talk to them.

    Lack of words also can hurt. Some people avoided me when I went back to work after time off from my daughters death. They did not know what to say. It is not that they did not care One of the healing movements was when a friend came up to me put is hand on my shoulder and told me I do not know what to say but I can listen.

    Maybe you can write your thoughts down about it. That gives you a chance to work out what you say if you talk to them. For me I wanted to know someone was with my daughter when she died. It gave me some comfort to know she was not by herself alone. If the company is worried write a card out have the company approve it and mail it.

    The big issue in all of this is for you to take care of yourself. You and your family are very important. Until my daughter died I had never been to counseling. I found a group of parents who had lost children. We did not have any professional counselors just a group of other people that understood and that I could talk to. It was the one place that I felt I could be myself.

    It has been going on eight years for me. I still have good days and bad days. The good days out number the bad days. Yours will to. It takes time. How long varies for everyone. I went through the grief stages. Started smoking again after being stopped 20 years (since stopped) and although I do not have a drinking problem I made sure I did not drink for two months as I did not want to drink while angry.

    Do not let the what if's get to you. My daughter was watching a football game before her car crash and it went into overtime. I kept thinking what if it did not would she still be alive? Do not go down that road. It is a one way street.

    As a father who lost a child and a first responder I can tell you that life is not fair. Bad things happen to good people. Sometimes people are just in the wrong place at the wrong time.

    I know this is a long post but I hope it helps. Please ask anything you want as I and the other posters here want to help. You are not alone in this. I usually just read the post so I do not think I have enough post for private messages
  9. Polky55

    Polky55 Light Load Member

    Jun 2, 2010
    Galion, OH
    May God watch over you and help you in dealing with this most unfortunate incident.
  10. pattyj

    pattyj Road Train Member

    Jul 19, 2008
    Sioux City,ia
    Very sorry what happened.with my first trucking job,my trainer was involved in an accident and I was sleeping.Took me quite sometime to finally get over it and move on.This is normal you being depressed and may take along time before you're back to yourself.Can you seek counseling for your depression?
  11. Mev

    Mev Road Train Member

    Jul 29, 2009
    Remember that guilt will gnaw on your mind whether you were at fault or not.
    Its an unfortunate consequence of this kind of thing , its just the way the mind works.
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