Its not that simple.
Even in a situation where you are not to blame, there will always be that "If only I had . . . . . " guilt going on.
You will think things like, If only I had been in a different lane, if only I had stopped to re-fuel i would not have been there, if only, if only . . . . .
Its called Survivor Guilt, and its a bit like post-traumatic stress, in that you replay the situation over and over in your mind, wanting it to end differently.
Its in no way linked to blame, its just the mind's way of processing what happened, and wishing it hadn't.
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I can't add any words of comfort or advice that haven't already been tendered, so I'll simply wish you the very best in your own continued recovery from this tragedy. I can not imagine how I would handle it, but I suspect it would be very similar to how you have done so.
Prayers and best wishes.
Survivor guilt is about wishing things could have been different and that the incident would never have happened.
IF you had just stopped a minute longer at the last rest area, you would not have been in the same place at the same time.
IF you had been hauling a different load, and run slower, you would not have been in the same place at the same time,
If, if, if, . . . .
It is not rational, it has nothing to do with blame, or the cause of the incident.
its just the human mind wishing that it had never happened.
Nothing at all to do with what you could have done differently in the actual event.
Most drivers instinctively take the best course of action they can, in the split second that they have to make a decision.
But then they go on and wish that they had just not been there at all.
Everyone may be different in the way they deal with something like this I don't know. as for me, not wanting to take sides in this argument, the first few days I did run the accident over and over in my mined like a song u can't get out of your head. and there were a lot of " If only this or that had happen " but who knows it may have made it a worse outcome. I mostly think about how unfair it seems for a 19 and 31 year old to died when a 46 year old lived. I suppose this is survivor's guilt. my therapist tells me That the reason I feel this way is because the younger boy who died was so close in age to my kids. I feel worse about this than anything that I have every been involved in right or wrong good or bad, but I do know it wasn't my fault. I don't blame my self. I even find my self getting mad at times at the driver of the pickup at the same time that I'm grieving for his loss. I think what were u doing? All I can think most of the times is how much of a wast of life this was and how easily avoided it could have been. well sorry if I'm starting to ramble but these are the thoughts that consume me day and night.Last edited: Jun 13, 2014
I have heard of another driver in my area who killed a pedestrian ,and it wasn't the drivers fault. He felt like you and gave up driving. No one can tell you how to feel,it may take some time,but I hope you hang in there,and keep driving.
I'm sure you have replayed the incident in your mind a thousand times, and wondered over and over why it happened as it did.
There are no answers.
Yes it seems unfair that those young guys died.
A former neighbor of mine died of leukemia last month, also aged 19.
I wonder why too.
There are no answers, life is unfair, period.
If you are a reader, may I suggest a couple of books by Philip Yancey?
They are based on talks he gave following major tragedies like Sandy Hook, and while he also has no answers, he does somehow give comfort and perspective to these horrible situations.
The first is "The question that never goes away - WHY?"
and the second it "What good is God?"
But if you don't want to read, no problem, it sounds as if you have a sensible therapist, and I hope you will work through this.
Today I got an offer from my insurance co. on my truck of $24,000. I ask were they came up with this price and they told me it was the average price in truck paper, so I looked at truck paper and took all trucks with in 50,000 miles of mine higher and lower, year models 2007, 2006 [ my was a 2007 9400i] with the same specs. motor, trans power window, etc... I found 13 9400i with in a 500 mile radius of where I live and came up with a average of $32,487. so I guess the adjuster flat out lied to me. I had the truck insured for$37,000 at the advice of the co. that sold me the policy, However this is not the same co. an under writer I think. So now I guess I'll have to fight with the adjuster for every penny I also had 5,000 in content insurance and they are telling me that this is a secondary policy and that I have to file with my home owners policy, Well I was mad to say the least. and this argument isn't over. But these guys are going to make me jump through hoops to get payed
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