Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

First, a big Snazzy welcome to Ma Monster. Yep Snadlapper, I've gotten my fair share of gray hairs too and it would be nice to get a cut of those high priced George Washington bridge tolls. Now Dollylama, you must promise to keep the Snazzers updated when you begin school. Snazzy points all around, as Life Goes On.

I was still flat on my back, as the paramedics placed me in the back of their ambulance. A concerned Bear stuck his snout in to check on my condition.

The Bear had to ask, " Is he going to make it ? "

The Attendant was upbeat, " He's in good shape, considering the impact was so great it impelled him inside of his mattress. We'll have him cut out in a minute. How's the driver doing ? "

The Bear looked grim, " We can't get close enough yet. The Fire Chief wants us to keep our distance back here, until it's safe. Oh, here he is now. Hey Chief, what's the word ? "

The Chief filled him in, " We're lucky ! The cargo wasn't damaged and there wasn't a fire. That Idiot driver was still trying to move the rig. "

The Bear looked at me, " Is your partner nuts ? He must of been going over 70 mph, in that 55 mph zone, in the rain ! "

I sat up, " I was in the sleeper and didn't see a thing ! What did he hit ? "

The Bear gave a blow by blow, " He must of hydroplaned on that wet road surface and lost control. He ran into the medium barriers and jack knifed. "

So, I followed the Bear and had a look see, as Col Crash received more driving awards. Yep, them road mediums or better known as Jersey Curbs. You know, those big cement things that divide the lanes. Yep, the first one hit just slid back a few feet. The second one knocked the bumper plume off and shattered the grill. It had wedged itself under the front axle and both wheels were off the ground. A heavy duty wrecker arrived and towed us to a nearby repair shop. I stood in awe, trying to remember how that beautiful Century had once looked. Wilbur had to call the TLX safety department and then the call was transferred to Ed. I was standing next to Wilbur, as he handed me the phone.

I was nice, " Hi Ed, what's up ? "

Ed was Ed, " What are you doing ? Our Safety Department just took a report about that Idiot topping out a trailer ! Now, he's ran into some Jersy Curbs and jack knifed the rig ? What the hell are you doing ? "

I lit up, " Just what you and Jr, told me to do ! I think Col Wilbur is getting the hang of things. He sure hung you new truck up good ! "

Ed had to ask, " How bad is it ? "

I described it, " Well, I'm not sure where to start at. Let me see, the front wheels are leaning in, her axle is bent, the grill is gone, she's leaking oil, the smoke stacks are bent in, and you already know about her being gutted at Kunts Point. Yep, your probably looking at thirty grand, maybe more ! "

Ed went postal, " Just have them patch her up and make your delivery ! I'll have the shop here fix it, when you get back in. "

I was honest, " Ed ! If you don't fire Wilbur, I might not make it back ! He's the worst student driver that I've ever had ! He can't shift, he can't keep her on the road, and he doesn't listen ! You know, he hit a truckstop ! He blew himself up in Little Havana ! He was almost the main course in Melon Patch ! He screwed up at Kunts Point and topped out a trailer ! Now, he's ran off the road, while hauling hazmat ! What's it going to take ? "

Ed was Ed, " Just make you delivery and let me worry about Wilbur ! "

So, Jerry Rig the repair shop used Duck Tape and bailing wire to hold things together. Wilbur signed over a Com-Data check, approved by TLX. I sat steaming in the copilot's seat, as Wilbur took the wheel.

Col Whine Box sang his sad tune, " This isn't right ! Ed said, that I have to pay for all of this ! He thinks, that I'll let them deduct it from my pay. The hell, I will ! My dad ...."

I'd heard enough, " Wilbur ! If I was Ed ! You'd be off the truck and on foot walking ! There's not a company out here that would keep you on. Not after two at fault accidents ! Now, your dad might have some money and maybe he's got some pull. But, he's got one big Idiot for a son ! "

Col Paper Butt didn't get it, " Well ! When we get back to Dallas, we'll see who still has a job ! Your not fit to be a trainer, in my opinion ! "

I went postal, " Wilbur ! Your talking like a man with a Paper Butt ! I don't give a cats pee, about your opinion. Mater of fact, just pull over and we'll settle this right now ! "

Wilbur turned pale, " Mr Goose, you need to mellow out. I was just saying that it's not all my fault ! "

So, I retreated back to the padded cell sleeper and bit on some nails. Well, my fingernails, that is. Yep, ole Col Dingy had finally gotten under my skin. Now, he hadn't been the only student to ruffle my feathers. But, there was something about Wilbur that just rubbed me raw. It wasn't because he was a nut case. Hell, that worked to his advantage, you know what I mean. I could let things slip by, if it was caused by some mental disorder. I guess, it was Wilbur's attitude that did it. Yep, if he'd just tried to do things right and had listened to me. But, oh no ! He knew it all and didn't care what anyone else had to say. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

MR GOOSE-MR GOOSE
YOU ALRIGHT BACK THERE?

 

Now you have me reading them stories of yours. Good job, love a good read, and now I have to catch up onpast stories. Nice thread
ma monster
God Bless

 

I see Big Duker posted a good picture and Ma Monster sure has a lot of reading to do, as Life Goes On.

After a day's delay we finally got back on our way. The mechanic at the repair shop had advised me that the Century really wasn't road worthy. Well, I'm sure he was right, because I'd never seen anything like it on the road. Her front wheels looked pigeon toed, the grill was completely gone, along with her bumper, the hood had several cracks that ran like spider webs in every direction, but the worst part had to be her smoke stacks. Yep, those chrome beauties sure stuck out, one sticking out this way and the other that way. What a deal ! Wilbur tooled down the big road like it was business as usual. I had somehow managed to drift off into a restless sleep and was counting sheep. No ! Not regular sheep ! These sheep were armed with Tommy Guns and wearing olive drab fatigues. I was their leader and had five stars displayed across my helmet, which had two holes. You know, so my Ram Horns could fit through them. Anyway, I was leading the charge and the sheep were following me. You know, like sheep do and we had Col Wilbur dead to rights. Yep, we had him surrounded in an open field and BAM !

I sat up and tried to focus, as the second jolt tossed me forward into the safety net. Yes ! I had fastened it across the bottom bunk, just in case. Well, there was moment of silence, followed by the sound of grinding metal and a noise that I'll never forget. You know, it was like in those old war movies when the submarines begin to crush under pressure. That creaking, popping, metal bending sound. I also noticed that the rig was rocking back and forth, as the Cat Engine roared at full throttle. Well, I didn't have to get dressed this time, because I already was. I slipped on my Hushed Puppies and opened the sleeper door. Col Wilbur had hold of the wheel and his foot heavy on the go pedal. I plopped down in the shotgun seat and looked up. Nope, no bridge over head and I didn't spot anything in my mirror. So, I glanced over across Wilbur and spotted it in his West Coast reflection.

I screamed, " Stop Wilbur ! Stop ! "

Wilbur was hell bent, " I can make it to those fuel pumps ! I guess that front axle must of given out. "

I screamed again, " Stop, you Idiot ! Your dragging something behind us ! "

Col Will Blur ignored me, " I'm not dragging anything and here, we made it. Can you fuel us up ? I need to go sit on the pot. It must of been that taco salad, I ate for lunch. Hey ! Why is everybody running ? "

So, I grabbed the fire extinguisher and leaped out, as Col Clueless just sat there behind the wheel. The smoke was coming from the trailer tires. No ! Not our trailer tires ! The ones on the auto hauler that Wilbur had clipped and drug across the parking lot. Yep, it was a tense moment, as I battled the flames and cursed under my breath. The Auto Hauler rushed to my side carrying his and together we smothered out the blaze.

The Auto Hauler pointed, " You need to move away from those pumps ! She might blow ! "

I stated the obvious, " I can't pull up ! I'll drag you right into them ! Can you pull me back ? "

So, that's what we did. I yanked Col Num Nuts out from behind the wheel and pushed in the yellow knob. The Auto Hauler managed to tow me back, as I steered backwards and followed his lead. Yep, it was a site to see alright. We ended up stopped in the middle of the lot and a safe distance from the pumps. Just as I pulled the fart knob, the first fire engine swung in code three. He was followed by a dozen more fire trucks, a half dozen ambulances, a dozen squad cars, a half dozen news crews, three dozen lawyers, the Oscar Myer Winnier wagon, a boy scout troop, a bus full of nuns, the Red Cross, and to top it off. Yep, a dozen helicopters hovered overhead. What a deal ! Now, I understand that it's best to error on the side of cation. But, evacuating the City Of Atlanta seemed a bit much to me. I mean, the fire was out and nothing was leaking. Anyway, it only took 12 hours for the scene to be declared safe. I was escorted to the command post. Well, a 1970 Winnebago equipped with lawn furniture. Let's see, a Fire Marshall, Dot Guy, FBI Lady, Swat Team, Police Chief, Dog Catcher, Meter Maid, and a Wino were present. I was seated at the end of the table, as the inquisition began.

The Dot Guy began, " You did good by moving the rig away from those diesel pumps ! But, why did your partner pull up to them ? "

I rolled my eyes. " Partner ? Partner ! He's a #### Idiot Student and a nut case, that's why ! You need to ask him ! I was in the sleeper ! "

The Fire Chief piped in, " Now, when you handed over this hazmat manifest. I noticed that the Picric Acid is labeled as explosive. You know that's not correct and it should of been labeled flammable. "

I defended myself, " Hey ! I just haul the crap ! Pow Chemical was the shipper and they're the ones who labeled it. They even furnished the placards ! I'm not a chemist, I'm a truck driver ! "

The FBI Lady joined in, " He's right ! Now, my understanding is that according to chapter nine, paragraph eight, Picric Acid can be explosive. It depends how the molecules are structured and how it is packaged. "

The Police Chief was on the fence, " It also depends on the amount being transported, according to Chapter 7, paragraph 8, of the old testament. "

The Wino concurred, " When I drink it, it, hiccup, it gives me the runs ! "

So, the panel of experts argued about whether I should had burnt to death or been blown to pieces. Mean while, Col Wilbur sat on the pot reading his soldier of misfortune magazine. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

The troops stand ready...

​

 

Make sure you keep them boots off that sheep You hear!
I know it can get lonely out there

 

OK ive been gone a couple of days--what did i miss ???

 

I see that Ducks found the perfect picture and it sure helps the storyline. Ma Monster trust me, it's never that lonesome out here ! Now Pjw044, you must keep up with the other Snazzers, as Life Goes On.

Wilbur was wiping his butt when the white smocks netted him.They fitted him into a snug fitting straight jacket and led him away. I waived goodbye and after fueling, got underway to unload. The delivery went well, but I did get ribbed a little. You know how it is, when your driving a rig that resembles the clunker used in the movie, ' Grapes of Wrath.' Anyway, I headed towards Dallas, fighting the wheel and riding the bronc. Yep, that Century bounced down the road, like a marble rolling across a washboard. I was happy not to of had my C.B., because I'm sure all the comments made were tacky and crude.
I swung into the TLX terminal and pulled out the yellow knob. Dan the shop foreman fainted at what I brung him. Yep, just as I slammed the door, the hood cracked in half and both smoke stacks fell, like mighty timbers. Ed met me at his office door and had me follow him into Crook Jr's office.

Jr was seated behind his desk, " Ed ! Shut the door and ya'll take a seat ! "

Ed sat, like a trained K-9, " Barney ! Tell us what happened ! "

I sat and lit up, " Oh, not much. Col Wilbur hit the side of a truckstop, blew himself up, almost got barbecued in Melon Patch, allowed the truck to be gutted at Kunts Point, topped out a trailer, ran over two. No ! I guess it was just one Jersey Curb, that he ran over. The other one he just hit and it kind of slid back a little. What else ? Oh, he ugh ? Well, I"ll draw a picture of it. See, the auto hauler, you know a full sized Rider Rig. It was parked here and the driver was in line to fuel. This fuel island was over here, so Wilbur must of cut it short and this is where he clipped it. Now, right here. No ! I guess it was a little futher over, maybe here. Anyway, our trailer got punctured. I think it was full sized new Chevy pickup. Anyway, it had it's front bumper, you know, they load them backwards. So the front end of it was about three feet or four feet stuck inside our trailer. I guess about here, above the tandem axles. Anyway, Wilbur drug that car trailer all the way around to here. I guess that's when those two new Z-28's got knocked off the top deck. Now, I was up by then and tried to get Wilbur to stop. Well, he kept going and spun that whole rig around 180 degrees. That's what started the tire fire ! Anyway, he pulled up to here and stopped next to the pumps. I got out and ran over to right here, with my extinguisher and the Rider Driver had his. We got the fire out and he towed me back to over here. Anyway, the emergency response team arrived and they decided to evacuate Atlanta. It was on the World News and I'm sure ya'll saw it. "

Junior nodded, " Us and half of the world did ! What about Wilbur ? "

I blew smoke, " Oh, I thought ya'll knew ! He ugh, had to pee in a cup and they found a bunch of prescription drugs in his system. They searched the truck and found a dozen different medications he was on. Now, they were legal, but he wasn't suppose to be driving when he took them. They were for some sort of psychotic disorder. You know, skits oh funny uh, or bats in the bell tree. So, then they called his shrink and found out that ole Col Screw Loose hadn't returned to the funny farm. Yep, they carted him off in one of those jackets with no sleeves. So, that's all I know ! "

Ed let it slip, " Wilbur must take after his dad ! "

I caught that, " I thought his dad was loaded and ...."

Crook Junior confessed, " That crazy SOB ! He sure had us fooled and knew what to say. I even paid for his airfare down here and put up in a five star hotel. Then after a couple of weeks of BS, he hands me a worthless check that was drawn on a closed account. It turns out that he was nuttier than a rapid squirrel ! Right Ed ! "

Ed defended himself, " Hey ! He fooled both of us ! "

I rolled my eyes, " Well, I guess, I need to let ya'll know. I've decided that I'm quitting ! Now, I want to give ya'll a fair notice and it's ..."

Crook Jr looked shocked, " You can't quit ! Barney, your one of my best paid employees ! Where will you go that pays as good ? "

I was honest, " Well, money isn't worth getting killed over ! I'd rather take a pay cut than to end up dead. Yep, I've had it with to here with your so called students. "

Junior looked at Ed, " Let's just go ahead and do it now ! We'll just move things up a bit and we can sure use him. "

Ed was Ed, " Look Barney ! Me and Jr, already talked about this and we think that you'll be good at it. Now, we're not saying that you were bad at being a trainer, but let's face it. You've trained how many students ? A dozen at least and how many made it ? One, maybe two ? "

I defended myself, " Students ? Students ! You call those dope addicted, convicted felons, screw loose, miserable, sorry of an excuse, thumb sucking, thieving, back stabbing, walrus looking, goat smelling, knot heads, students ? Man ! You've got to be kidding me ! "

Junior agreed, " You right ! We haven't been able to recruit the type of students that we want. That's why we need you to take the position. "

I laughed, " Do what ? You want me to be a recruiter for TLX and try to attract decent trainees for a nickel per mile ? "

Ed piped in, " That's what the industry standard is and you've got to admit that you've done pretty good here ! Hell, you can't tell me that there aren't qualified students out there, willing to sacrifice a few weeks ! "

I'd heard enough, " Nope ! I can't do it ! I can't lie and rope in a bunch of unsuspecting new bees, fresh out school and destroy their dreams ! "

Crook Jr bought me, " You'll be getting a $1,000 per week salary, a bonus of $100 for every recruit you sign up, an extra $500 the day they make their six months here, your own office, a secretary, a company car to drive, and an expense account. Barney ! You'd be a fool to pass this up and you don't have to lie about a thing ! You tell it, like you see it ! What more could you ask for ? At least think it over, before you say no ! "

So, I sashayed out and decided to think things over. You know, get a snoot full and weigh the pros and cons. To be honest about it, I never in my wildest dreams ever imagined me even considering such a proposition. But hey, let's think it over Snazzers, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Snazz, it sounds a lot better than training. I dont know how yall do it. Ive heard too many stories from both trainers and trainees during my time at England. I decided I was a solo driver and would not train. Im able to sleep better that way. Be all that you can be Desk Joookkkkyyyyy.

 

UH OH-BARNEY IS HEADED TO THE DARK SIDE. I KNOW YOU COULD SELL ANYTHING. POOR FELONS, NUTS, AND PEASANTS WON'T KNOW WHAT HIT EM'.