Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

You gotta double the Snazzy points for Duker this time, Snazz. I'm sitting here laughing my ### off. (I wish. Unfortunately, there's plenty of it still firmly planted back there. )


I can't even hazard a guess what Officer Wiggles is up to... but something tells me it ain't gonna be good for our Mr. B. Goose.

 

First a big Snazzy welcome to Rainrider who recently had some house guest. I too have had some out of state guest for the past few weeks. Gees ! Their leaving tomorrow and none to soon ! Love them to death, but .. Well, you know what I mean. I see that Pjw044 is reading with his eyes closed and Big Duker has been using Viagra eye drops. Poor Ducks is suffering from Snazzy flabby buttocks and is getting paranoid, so Snazzy points all around, as Life Goes on.

I awoke to an empty bed, but a head filled with the morning after. My eyes burned, my joints ached, my stomach had knots, and my manhood organ had blisters on it. Yep, I must of really had a good time. What a deal ! I plopped down on the icy cold throne and squirted out watery pellets that were well preserved in alcohol. While sitting there my tongue located an unwanted guest. Yep, the dreaded hair end that just keeps going no matter how long you thread it thru your lips. That sucker must of been six foot long and thick as a piano wire. Yep, I always wondered where those came from. You know, it wasn't like I'd slept with a hairy beast, or anything. Anyway, I staggered into the shower and rinsed off the stale odor of booze and did the soap burn jig. You know, how those small blisters sting when soap is applied. I got dressed and called the U.S. Marshall's office. The same agent that I'd already cut it up with agreed to meet with me later. So, I sashayed thru the waist deep snow and pigged out at the motel diner. The breakfast, along with the hot coffee helped to clear my mind. Yep, I was ready to face the day and take care of business.

Knock, knock, knock, " Just a minute ! "

The door, " It's Deputy Marshall Big Grin ! "

I opened up, " I'm Barney Goose ! Come on in and have a seat. Man ! I can't believe that it's still snowing. Here ! That's the evidence that I dug up and told you about. "

Marshall Big Grin read all about it, " This is good ! Where did you get this and does he know you have it ? "

I was coy, " It's all in the public records and as far as I know, Chief Scam doesn't know. Well, about the evidence, but he knows he's breaking the law and ... Well, you know what I mean ! "

Marshall Grin took charge, " Here's what we'll do ! I want you to agree to pay that bond. Now, it would be a lot easier, if you can lure him off that reservation. Yep, that way he can't try to use that separate nation crap. Do think you can do that ? "

So, I pulled another hair out of my mouth and agreed to do it. Yep, I called the reservation and Chief Scam fell for it, by agreeing to meet with me later. My excuse was, that I didn't want to chance being charged with contempt of court again. He bought it hook, line, and sinker. Yep, ole Chief Scam didn't know that our call was being recorded and that he was about to trip over his greedy red fingers. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

GM Snazz! Love you, but ummmm.... what "Tribal Nation" in Boston?

Wait, wait... is it in the Fens? Home of my Boston Red Sox? Be very careful of the natives there.

And oh yeah, if you are a Rangers fan, your BP has some serious issues.

SWT <smiling while typing>

 

DANG!!! Been chewin' my fingers tips off....waitin' fer the circumclusion...uhhmm...curmlision..uhhh...OHHHH!!! Curclusion!!! Is that right?? I KNOW it's a 'lusion,m or sumpthin!!! RIGHT???

 

Yep, there ain't no pulling the fur over Sapphirecat's eyes and she sure made a good point. Now, I've been known to take a sip every once in awhile, so I might be a bit confused on exactly where this truer than fiction tale took place. Would you believe Wyoming ? How about upper Michigan ? No ! No ! I remember now ! It was Vermont ! Or was it Kansas ? Well, the hair part was true. Yep, I still use it in my weed-eater and that's a fact. Well, sort of, as Life Goes On.

The snow had finally quit falling, but it was knee deep to a giraffe. Agent Big Grin had wired me up for sound and followed my rental car to the agreed location. I sat parked and waited for Chief Scam's arrival. The TLX rig was just the other side of the rickety bridge and within my view. It was still daylight and the snow covered scenery reminded me of an artist painting. You know, it was a pretty sight and very peaceful. Anyway, I hadn't been there long when a familiar vehicle showed up. Yep, it was the Tribal Police jeep that Officer Wiggles drove. It slowly made it's way across the bridge and parked next to me. Chief Scam was still wearing his drug store costume and hot footed it over, err cold footed it over.

I reached over and unlocked the passenger door, " How's it going Chief ? Go ahead and get in. This weather is something else ! "

The Chief's head feathers scraped the headliner, " Did you bring the money and is everything cool ? "

I handed over the envelope, " It's all there ! That's $5,000 cash, but I'll need a receipt, or something to show..."

Chief Scam thumbed the bills, " What about your driver ? "

I acted unconcerned, " Screw him ! You can bury him in an ant bed and stick sugar cubes up his nose ! "

Chief Scam chuckled, " Man ! Your cold blooded ! Here, you'll need to sign at the bottom. That shows that you posted the cash bond and that I'm releasing the rig to you. Oh, how are you going to pick it up ? "

I signed the bond, " I'll leave my car here and drive the rig back to the motel. Can you get someone to ....."

Chief Scam agreed, " Yeah ! I'll get someone to do that for you. Now listen, you'll have to drive that rig back this way. There's two low bridges going back to the interstate and it won't fit under them. "

I gave the look, " Do what ? Your charging $ 5,000 for crossing over that piece of crap ! Now, your telling me to drive back over it ! Man ! You guys are something else ! "

So, as Chief Scam exited my car, the Feds moved in and made their arrest. Yep, they'd been sitting in a parked van and listening to every word. Chief Scam was read his rights and awarded the chrome bracelets. I removed the hidden microphone and handed it back to Agent Big Grin.

Big Grin was all smiles, " We got it all on tape and caught him red handed. This money that I fronted you is marked and that bond he had you sign is the nails in his coffin. You did real good ! "

So, I shook Agent Big Grin's hand and sashayed over the bridge. Yep, the rig was in good shape and the trailer seal wasn't broken. Her chrome stacks gave out smoke signals, as I made my way. Now, that old bridge wasn't in the best of shape. I mean, it had seen better days, but it wasn't like going over the grand canyon. You know, it just passed over some old rail tracks and didn't stand more than 30' foot tall at it's top height. Yep, just a short 100' foot drive and I was home free. Now, I'd always heard that the faster you go, the lighter the weight. You know, like when your driving on a flat. So, I got up a head of steam and holy cow ! Yep, I made it all the way across, except for her trailer tandems. Crap ! I got out and did the old head scratch. You know, like you do when your reading this and trying to make sense of it. Anyway, I heard a vehicle approach and it was Officer Wiggles. Yep, she had Dexter with her and they hoofed it across. You know, there wasn't a bridge to drive cross anymore.

Dexter stated the obvious, " Man ! That whole thing gave out ! How are you going to get her moved ? "

I lit up a 100, " I'll have to get a wrecker out here and see if they can.."

Wiggles jumped in, " There's a towing outfit just off the interstate and they have a huge wrecker. I can radio dispatch and get them out here. "

So, she did and an hour later Dexter was on his way. Nope, I didn't fire him, because that wouldn't of been right. I mean, he'd learned his lesson, about driving out of route. Well, at least I hope he did. Anyway, Officer Wiggles left her car and followed me in the jeep. You know, the one that Chief Scam had left behind. We parked at the motel and sat on my bed.

I was honest, " Man ! I'm glad that's over with ! "

Wiggles took my hand, " Are you sure that your alright ? When I saw that bridge and the way that truck was..."

I laughed, " Yeah ! I guess no one else will ever be driving over that thing. Just think ! All of that over nothing ! "

Wiggles disagreed, " Now that he's gone, we can get someone who won't be pulling that crap ! Oh, here's your $200 dollars back ! Did you know that he told me to keep it ! I wanted to shove it up his ..."

I refused, " No ! You keep that ! I already put that down on my expense account and ..."

Wiggles went on the warpath, " Keep it ! Your no better than Chief Scam, if you pull that ! This money belongs to your company and you better turn it in, or I'll..."

I thought, she was kidding, " Your not serious are you ? I mean, my boss knows that ...."

Wiggles waved it in my face, " I'm going to call your boss and report this ! Your ripping them off and trying to corrupt me ! "

I said the wrong thing, " Man ! You earned it ! I mean, you risked..."

Wiggles slapped me, " I EARNED IT ! You SOB ! I get it ! You think, that I slept with you for this ! Well ! I'm not a prostitute and I should of known better. You drivers are all alike ! All you want to do is screw around and get what you can ! Slam, BAM, and Thank You Mam ! Well ! We'll see what your boss has to say, when I let him know ! "

So, Officer Wiggles, wiggled out the door and out of my life. Yep, I was dumbfounded and caught off guard. I mean, she had a point, I guess, but I just never understood. Well I mean, if she really felt that way and thought that I was ... Well, you know what I mean, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

AND KIDDIES THE MORAL TO THIS CHAPTER IS?
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Hell hath no fury like a Woman pi$$ed off....

Seems like Duker got it right..a slight case of Foot
in Mouth disease... or a small case of Athletes Tongue..

 

Let's see, Simplyred1962 is chewing on her fingertips and Pjwo44 made a good comment about that picture. Yep, ole Big Duker knows how to pick em and they sure help the story lie..., err line, as Life Goes On.

Ring, ring, ring, " Hello. "

Ed was Ed, " Barney ! This is Ed ! You need to fly out to San Fransisco, as soon as possible. How soon can you be there ? "

I gave the phone the look, " Your kidding me ! Ed ! I just finished up here and haven't had time to..."

Ed didn't want to hear it, " Just get out there and I'll e-mail you on what's going on. This is serious Barney and we're counting on you ! "

So, I packed my gear and headed for the Logan airport. I barely made the last boarding call and had to sit in coach. Yep, I was back there with the common folk and was handed an oar to row with. You know, how they treat you back there. Yep, no six course meal, or fancy exotic drinks to sip on. So, I chewed on the stale nuts and swigged down several 40 oz brews. The flight was one of those red eye nonstop deals. Yep, six hours of sitting with my knees shoved up my nose. What a deal ! Anyway, I fired up my laptop and got my eyes full. Yep, some TLX driver done bit the dust and caused a stink. Of course, I was use to that. Well, you remember, what's his name. Yep, I deplaned and sashayed staggered to the taxi stand. The cab driver understood drunken slur and dropped me off at the Orient Hotel. Yep, I had giggled the laptop keys and reserved a room. Now, according to their website this was suppose to be a four star establishment. Yeah sure ! I tipped the driver and gathered up my gear. Now I admit, that I wasn't all that sober and those trashcans did stand out. But gees, there must of been 50 cats that called them cans home. Yep, I tripped over them and fell straight on my back. Them stampeding cats left paw prints all over me and never looked back.

Anyway, I finally made it up to my room, after climbing the six flights of stairs. I did save money by not having to tip the bellhop. Yep, there wasn't one to tip and only passed out winos were in the lobby. My room was the size of a prison cell and about as well furnished. You know, a cot, a filthy sink, a cracked mirror on the wall, and dusty rags for the window shade. Well, at least the window was stained glassed. Nope ! Those were blood stains. What a deal ! Yep, I plopped down on the bunk and it was like sitting on cement bags that had hardened. The large neon light attached to the wall outside blinked a steady reddish glow. Yep, I bet folks wouldn't even commit suicide there, because they wouldn't want to be found dead in such a dump. I was so beat, that I just closed my eyes and drifted off to slumber land. Yep, I'd get down to business after 40 winks and sawing some logs. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Hello all, I'm Popatop, I've been a driver since '85, took a few years off in the 90s to work in a factory, came back to trucking in 2000. I've pulled mostly van, some reefer, did a stint with those weird 8 axle Michigan steel hauling flatbed trailers, even hauled nuclear waste for a while. I've been in 48 states and 7 Canadian provinces. I still don't know anywhere near everything. I drove the last 2 years for a Canadian company called Reimer Express Lines in Winnipeg, Mb. they're owned by Roadway and haul mostly Roadway freight, I was there on a work visa as I'm married to a Canuck, and her dad needed some help. The govt. wouldn't renew my visa, so I'm on the way back to Ky to get another job. My wife and I drove team almost 5 years, now she works at home maintaining a news service website. I came here to get info on some companies I had ideas about, but I think I'll keep coming back as some of the posts are hilarious, as well as informative.

 

Check under the bed--could be last nights contestant is still there..
And watch your butt in the ??? Bay...