Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

First a big Snazzy welcome to Popatop and with a name like that he'll fit right in here. Let's see Pjw044, how ole Barney fares in the City With a Bay, as Life Goes On.

I awoke at the crack of noon and sashayed down the hall. Yep, you had share the facilities with all of the other guest. Now, I'm not all that shy, but I'd rather sit in an outhouse all alone, than do my business in public. Yep, that's one reason I disliked the military and hated jail so much. Anyway, I shut the door to the end stall and took a seat. Now, have you ever noticed how many of those sliding latches are broken ? I mean, your sitting there and it's not like that latch is going to lockout anybody. Yep, if someone wanted to get you they could grab your ankles from under the door. Man ! Just imagine that ! Yep, your just sitting there and the next thing that you know. Well, your butt is scooting along leaving skid marks. So, I kept one hand pushed against that stall door and my feet tucked tightly around the commode. You know, like I was riding a crotch rocket. Anyway, I did my number two and tinkled like a little girl. You know, sitting and trying to hit the edges of the pot. Yep, that keeps the noise down and any listeners from hearing the water fall. I thumped it three times, wiped, and flushed. The shower was one of those dozen shower head types. You know, a small room, with tile walls, cement floor, with a drain. I had on my shower flip flops, but shed my towel and joined in. Yep, there had to be standing room only and they were all eying me. I ignored their stares and lathered up, but was careful not to drop the soap. Yep, them old perverts made me uneasy and I didn't shower very long. I flip flopped back to my room and my cell phone rang.

Ring, ring, " Hello ! "

The phone, " Mr Goose ? I'm detective Gum Shoe and need to meet with you. Can you make it over to the Dragon's Lounge ? "

I toweled off, " " Sure ! I'm right across the street from there and can see it out my window. I'll be right over ! "

So, I got dressed and sashayed over. The street was buzzing with little yellow folks all yacking at once and busy as bees. You know, street vendors pushing carts, rig shawls racing around, and street walkers walking. What a deal ! Detective Gum Shoe was seated near the buffet and waved me over. We shook hands and sized each other up. He looked a little like that tv detective on that police show. Remember, from the streets of Sam From Cisco ? Yep, he was an older tall fella, with rugged looks, and wearing a cheap suit.

I took a seat, " I hope that you can fill me in. All I know is that we had a driver killed and ..."

Gum Shoe handed them over, " These are the crime scene photos and I just got back from the autopsy. He was stabbed to death just a block from here and left in the trailer. Do you know him ? His name was Moses Medford. "

I thumbed thru the pictures, " No ! Can't say that I do, but we have close to 1.500 drivers now. Man ! Someone sure did a job on him ! "

Gum Shoe agreed, " He had over 50 stab wounds and most of them were defensive wounds. He sure put up a fight alright ! Now tell me ! What was Moses doing in China Town ? "

I fingered my laptop, " He was delivering orange juice to a retail store. Let's see, Ping Pongs Herbal Outlet. Do you know where that's at ? "

Gum Shoe did, " That figures ! It's right around the corner and Pong is a known drug smuggler. I bet he'll claim that truck never made it to his place and ......."

I lit up a 100, " If he does, he's lying ! Look ! See that ! This is the last message sent from Moses over his Quail Comm. It shows that he arrived and was being unloaded. That was night before last and see this ! That's the GPS tracking and it shows that ..."

Gum Shoe was impressed, " Man ! Do all of your trucks have that ? This is great and I can use it to get a search warrant ! "

I was honest, " Yep ! Most every TLX truck is equipped like that, but mainly to keep tabs on the drivers. You wouldn't believe how some of them try to ripoff the company. Oh ! Where is the rig at and can I see about..."

Gum Shoe gave me the look, " The rig ! You've got a man dead and all your worried about is the rig ? "

I blew smoke, " No ! I'll need to find out what happened to the orange juice. You know, TLX is responsible for it until we have a signed BOL. "

Gum Shoe rolled his eyes, " I'm not releasing anything, until we get to the bottom of this ! You can help me and speed things up, or go sit in that gay hotel of yours ! "

I was dumbfounded, " Gay hotel ! What gay hotel ? You mean the Oriental Hotel is for gays ? Man ! No wonder, I felt out of place there. You know, I took a shower over there and ..."

Gum Shoe heard enough, " Spare me the details ! Just, call your boss and tell him that you'll be here for a few days. You'll need to come with me to the office and we'll make copies of that, for my warrant. "

So, I did. Yep, me and Gum Shoe, got to know each other and swapped old cop tales, from our past. He really was an interesting guy and had seen plenty over his 20 years of service. Of course, you know how I can tell a tale, or two. Yep, we cut it up until Elsie came home, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

An OJ caper before the BIG OJ caper !!!

 

Yep Pjw044, the cases, err.. case of the missing Orange Juice, as Life Goes On.

I slept with one hand over my mouth and one covering my a-hole. Yep, there wasn't any sense in taking any chances. I awoke early and showered to avoid any onlookers. I fingered my laptop and searched for better accommodations, but a convention in town had every room booked.

Ring, ring, ring, " Barney ! This is Ed ! Are you up ? "

I was, " Yeah ! I'm up and we've got a problem ! There's a detective here and he wants ..."

Ed was Ed, " Yeah, I know ! Detective Gum Shoe and he wants you to stick around. Well, do what you can ! Oh ! Some guy named Ping Pong called and claims that orange juice never got delivered. I thought ......"

I lit up, " Yeah ! He's lying and we can prove it ! That's why Det Shoe.."

Ed had heard enough, " Well, this is Pong's number and he wants you to call him. Just see, what you can do and let me know something. "

So, I hung up and called Pong. Yep, he sounded like Charlie Chan and I knew that he was trying to pull a fast one. You know, claiming that the TLX truck never had made it. Anyway, I no sooner hung up when Det Gum Shoe showed up.

Knock, knock, knock, " Barney ! It's me ! Open up ! "

I let him in, " Hey, Det Shoe ! I just off the phone with Ping Pong and guess what ? That Idiot wants me, to get him another load of ..."

Gum Shoe cut me short, " Perfect ! Now, listen to me ! I served that search warrant this morning and ole Pong has his storeroom, as clean as a hound's tooth. There wasn't a drop of blood, or any orange juice anywhere. He's had time to cover his tracks and I guess to make it look good..."

I blew smoke, " Yeah ! He's pretending that truck never showed, but we can prove different ! Now, he doesn't know, how we know, you know, about the GPS and Quail-comm. Man ! This is a little confusing, but you know, what we know, and I know, he doesn't know. You Know ? "

Gum Shoe gave me the look, " All I want you to do is wear a wire and let him do the talking. Maybe, he'll slip up and spill some beans, or orange juice. Now, I have to ask you this and be honest with me ! Is there any chance that your driver Moses was involved ? You know, in the drug trade, or anything like that ? "

I defended Moses, " Hell no ! I mean, he was just a driver and living hand to mouth. I checked ! That Florida orange juice was from one of our biggest clients and they're a fortune 500 company ! My guess is that Moses must of seen, or heard something. You know, Moses showed up late that night and wasn't expected until the next morning. "

Gum Shoe agreed, " That makes sense ! But, is that normal ? I mean, why would he get there early and..."

I enlightened Shoe, " The quicker your empty, the more miles you can run. I imagine, Moses was just trying to make a buck. Now one thing that I did notice was this. That was TLX's first time to deliver to Pong and why would he order so much orange juice ? I mean, if he's dealing in drugs and just using his store, as a front. Well, you know what I mean ! "

Gum Shoe got my drift, " That's a good question ! Let me get you wired up and you can ask him that. Now Barney, there's no reason for you to take any chances. If things don't go right, just back out of there and we'll try something different. "

So, I got wired up and ready to go. Now, this wasn't my first barbecue and I knew that there were risk. But hey ! We've been in dangerous situations before and Barney Goose doesn't back down. Well, very often. Well, only when it makes sense. You know, I mean, when backing down is the right thing to do. Well, when it works out and is the smart thing to do. I mean, what's wrong with backing down ? Yeah sure ! You never would back down and that makes me a coward ? Sure ! Your sitting there stuffing your face with chips and dip, and passing gas, err,,, judgment. Gees ! After all we've been thru and this is thanks I get ! Man ! What a bunch of whinny, two faced, back stabbers. I have a good mind to ... What's that ? You didn't mean it ? Well alright, but don't let it happen again, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

​

Me call you a coward??? Never, Snazz. Never in a million years would I do that. How can you think such a thing???? *sniff, sniff*

Now my fragile little feelings have been hurt... and the only thing that will fix it is lots and lots of Snazzy points -- all redeemable for massive quantities of cheese doodles.

 

Yep Ducks more cheese doodles and your the one with the flabby Snazzy buttocks syndrome. Well, I will apologize for being a bit testy last night. When my out of town guest were here, one of them wanted to upload some family pictures. Yep, they blew out my video card, so I'm typing on a monitor that has gray streaks, shadows, and such. Yep, this old 1999 Gateway, running Windows 98, and still using dial-up, is on her last legs. Now, the good news is, that quite by accident, I discovered that there is a wireless connection just floating around out here. Yep, I was on Greg's List earlier and pricing some slightly stolen laptops. So, when my $600 check gets here from President print all the money in the world and go shopping. Yep, I'll fill up my 1972 Dodge pickup and... Wait, I'll be broke again ! #### It ! Oh well, Snazzy points to all of the registered Snazzres and a few extra to Flabby Butt Ducks. Now, I'll have to go reboot and squirt some eye-drops in, before Life Goes On.

 

I read some where that they were making all of Granbury wireless. Is that for real? Man with a new rig, err computer and high speed we can stay up all night reading the latest adventures of Barney.

 

Oh yeah... sweet. Real sweet, eh?

 

Now, now... don't you be gettin' testy with me, sweetheart. It took a long time and lots of cheese doodles to get this flabby ol' butt of mine!

​

(You know we luv ya', Snazz... even on the testy days. )​

 

Yep Big Duker I read that too, but I'm a good ten miles South of Granbury, Tx and suspect that those free airwaves were off my neighbors service. Now, he did offer me the free use of it, since I helped him put up his power booster antenna. Of course, it might be coming from the nuclear plant and that's just plain scary, as Life Goes On.

I sashayed over to Ping Pong's Herbal Outlit, as Det. Gum Shoe followed in his unmarked cruiser. You know, he had the receiver to the wireless doodad that was taped to my chest. I was carrying my laptop and tried to appear business like. Yep, I kept my eyes peeled and took it all in. Let's see, both sides of the street were lined with tall buildings that had small retail shops on the ground floor. They were plate glassed with all sorts of strange writings, pictures of dragons, and stuff. I turned the corner and continued down a couple of more blocks. Pong's Herbal Outlit was on the corner and fit right in the cluttered neighborhood. A bell above the door announced my entrance and a young yellow midget greeted me. She was one nice looking gal and all wrapped up in Christmas paper. Her long black hair was in a bun and had two large knitting needles sticking out of it.

I spoke first, " I'm Barney Goose and Ping Pong is expecting me. "

She bowed, " Grad to eat you, Mr Oose. My ame, is Cow Dong Fong Fue Yip Yow Moo ! U can all me Fong, lease ollow me. "

So, I followed her back to the storeroom and passed thru some hanging chimes that were in the doorway. Yep, they ding-a-linged and echoed our passage. Ping Pong was seated behind a desk and using his calculator. Yep, it was one of them square doodads with beads strung thru fishing lines. He slide a few over one way and then slid some the other way.

I cleared my throat, " Mr. Pong ? I'm Barney Goose and we spoke over the phone, about the orange juice. "

Pong stood and bowed, " Leased to eat ou, Mr. Onorable Oose ! Lease ave eat and u care for tea ?

So, I took a seat and Fong poured us some hot tea. Pong and I sized each other up, as we cut up our business. He was a good 4' 3", middle aged, wore a pony tail, and had on a black outfit. Yep, he looked like a mini Johny Cash, with slanted eyes and a black pencil mustache. It took me a few minutes to get the hang of his lingo. You know, he never pronounced any of the first letters, of his words. But, I was able to get his drift and knew that he was a liar. Yep, he stuck to his story, about that TLX truck never arriving and not a drop of o.j. bumping the dock. I tried to let Pong do most of the talking and kept my wired chest aimed at his lips.

I'd heard enough, " Look Pong ! TLX isn't going to make good on that juice and that's final ! I've got a driver dead in morgue and ..."

Ping Pong dropped his phony accent, " Alright ! Listen to me and I'll make it worth your while ! "

I was stunned, " #### ! You speak better English than I do ! What's the deal, with you ? "

Pong grinned, " I'm just a small businessman trying to keep my head above water. Now, you guys must be insured ,so just turn it over to ..."

I stood firm, " Noway ! Our cargo insurance has a $10,000 deductible and our rates are high enough. Now, you need to know something ! I can prove that TLX truck was backed right onto your dock here ! If you keep lying thru your teeth...."

Pong tried to bribe me, " Look ! You seem reasonable, how about this ! I'll order another truckload and you guys can deliver at a discount. Now, that's fair enough isn't it ! Say, half off ? "

I fingered my laptop, " Wait a minute ! It shows here that load was suppose to be C.O.D. Man ! What are you trying to pull here ? You already got your shipment and it didn't cost you a red cent ! Well, other than murdering Moses and having to unload it. Gees ! "

Pong threatened me, " You can't prove anything ! You better watch what your saying ! Now I told you, that I'd make it worth your while ! All you have to do is play along ! You report to your company that your truck was hijacked before it got here. Then you can offer me that half price discount and I'll take care of you. Say, a thousand cash ! "

I played along, " Well, say two thousand and I might be interested. But, before this goes anywhere and just between us. What really happened ? I mean, what happened to Moses and why ? "

Pong was coy, " What difference does it make ? Let's just say he stuck his nose where it didn't belong and leave it at that ! "

So, I left it at that and sashayed out. Yep, Det. Gum Shoe met with me back at the hotel and reclaimed his wireless doodad. He replayed the tape and we both added our thoughts.

Gum Shoe summarized, " You did real good ! But, all we can prove is that he's an orange juice thief ! "

I disagreed, " We can't even prove that ! He never admitted to anything ! Well, not really ! I guess you might get him on conspiracy to commit getting a half price discount on orange juice. Man ! Did you notice how he dropped that Charlie Chan act and spoke English better than I do ! Gees ! He's pretty sharp and ...."

Gum Shoe interrupted me, " Wait ! He did mention something about Moses sticking his nose where it didn't belong. That's a start ! Look ! You call him back and play along ! Tell him, you'll get him that discount and see what he says. This isn't over yet ! "

So, I called Ping Pong and agreed to do it. Yep, he repeated the part about giving me a cut of the action. Of course, he didn't know that Det. Shoe was recording our phone conversation. Yep, we had more tapes of Pong , than Nixon did about Watergate. Anyway, Det Shoe collected his stuff and called it a day. I sashayed over to the corner liquor store and purchased my dinner. Yep, nothing like a liquid diet to keep you going. I plopped down on the bunk and called Ed. He didn't seem all that interested and just egged me on, about getting the truck released. Well, I no sooner hung up and ring, ring. Yep, Fong was on the line and she invited herself over. Yep, something about it being a matter of life and death ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

O LORD HERE WE GO AGAIN. OH MY FLUTTERING EYE BE STILL.

HARO MR OOSE IS IT TWUE WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT YOU TWUCK DWIWERS.



O IT'S TWUE IT'S TWUE !!!!