Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Of course it's true, Duker. After all, she bowed before Barney and told him...

 

Well Ducks and Big Duker, both out did themselves with those displays. Ducks shaking her booty and Duker's photo of Fong. Yep, 200 Snazzy bonus points to each, as Life Goes On.

It had gotten dark outside and the neon light began flashing it's reddish glow thru my small motel cell. I stepped over to wall sink and belly busted the 5 lb bag of ice. You know, so I could mix me another highball. Several hard bounces later, I scooped up a hand full and filled my plastic cup. Let's see, about half of that and a little more coke. Yep, that's about right. Knock, knock, knock.

I opened up, " Hey ! Ding, err,,,Dong, Ding Dong, Dingy ! Come on in ! "

Fong bowed, " Onorable Oose, our so ind ! Ay I Ome in ? "

I bowed back, " Sure, here, have a seat. Let me move that over here and this over there. No, that won't work ! Here, just sit down on my overnight bag. What are you, about 4' foot, three ? Man, your tiny ! "

Fong squatted, " Ole High-Knees roverb ay, ig hangs ome in mall ackages."

I took gulp, " Yeah, I,ve heard that saying, so let me fix you a drink. All I have is bourbon and coke. Here ! Wet your whistle and tell me what's on your mind. "

Fong took a sip, " Ay, hat retty ood ! I ome oo arn u ! Pong eally ad an ! He ry rick u ! Oor Oses, he ice and me ike ! We it it off and Pong no ike ! Pong ad an ! He ill Oses and I ee im ! You n anger ! "

I took another swig, " Wait a minute ! Your saying, that Pong killed Moses and you saw him do it ! Man ! So, why am I in danger ? I mean, all Pong is up to, is trying to get me, to get him more orange juice. This just doesn't make any sense ! "

Fong dropped the bomb, " Ugs ! No, range uice ! Hose artons of uice r ull of erion ! I hoe, I hoe ! "

So, I started to sing along. You know, ' High hoe, high hoe, it's off to work we go.' Well, she wasn't singing that une, err tune. Nope, she was trying to show me the setup. Yep, them small orange juice cartons were filled with white China Opium. She pulled one out her hat, err drapes. Well, that thing she was wrapped up in. You know, a cow pokey, or Kay Mona's, or what ever you call them. Yep, it was pretty neat setup. You see, Pong had an inside man back in Florida where the orange juice was loaded. Well, after the trailer was sealed and dropped in their yard. Yep, you guessed it ! Pong's man would switch out a few cases of the juice and replace them with cartons of the drugs. Yep, he'd reseal the trailer and no one was the wiser. It wasn't a bad setup at all and dang near fool proof. But, poor Moses didn't know a thing about it. Yep, when he made that delivery to Pong's there was a problem. Yep, there wasn't any dope filled cartons back there. Nope, just your regular quart sized, cardboard cartons, of Florida sunshine. What a deal ! Well, Pong figured that Moses had ripped him off, so Sigh A Norrow to Mr. Medford. Remember, that was Moses' last name. Yep, it was all beginning to make sense to me, as I fingered the carton and listened to Fong a little longer.

I poured us another one, " So, Pong really is a drug dealer and he thought that Moses ripped him off ! That makes sense ! But, your saying that there was a mix up. That figures ! Yep, Pong killed Moses, but there wasn't any dope back there to start with. Yep, that's why Pong is so anxious to get a second load. I bet, his inside man has the drugs ready to go now. Yep, ole Pong is pretty sharp ! He raises a big fuss and acts all worried, about that stinking juice. Yep, when it's really all about that ... "

Fong yawned, " Ee Ister Ose, it's etting ate. Me hay ere nd ive ou ack ub. Me est ack upper n Hina ! "

I belted down another one, " A back rub ? You do back rubs ? I mean, that sounds good, but why bring that up ? "

Fong expained, " Irst we et aked nd me ive u assage. Ice low assage n hen me ive u ull reatment. Me ive u ood ax ob ! "

So, she did ! Yep, we stripped down and she started giving me a slow hand massage. Yep, we ended up on the cement hard bunk and going after it. Now, I'd never poked a midget before. Of course she wasn't really a midget. Well, sort of, but you know what I mean. Yep, I was on top and her baby sized feet were beside her ears. Now, what amazed me was how big her beaver was. I mean, that gal had an extra large. Anyway, her tiny head only came up to my nipples and since she was folded in half. Well, you really had to be there. I was plugging away, when the door knocked and it was one of those urgent knocks. You know, Boom, Boom, Boom ! So, I jumped up and wrapped myself in that Kay Mona. Well, that silky drape dilly thing that Fong had been wearing. Yep, I sashayed over to the peephole and eyed Det. Gum Shoe.

I opened the door, " Hey Gum Shoe ! What's up ? "

Shoe starred at my crotch area, " My God Barney ! You must be hung like a horse ! Geez ! "

I opened my drapes, " Oh, I'm sorry ! This is Fong ! "

Fong was hanging upside down and still attached, " Leased to eat u. "

So, Det Shoe decided to give us a few minutes. You know, so Fong could unhook herself and we could get dressed. I fixed us a couple of more strong ones and let Gum Shoe back in. Yep, he got his eyes and ears full, as me and Fong filled him in on the latest. No ! Not about doing that ! I mean, about Pong and the case of the missing O.J. What a deal, as Life Goes On.


Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazy1.

 

Trying to end the nite with a bang, eh Snazz ?

 

Yep Pjw044 the big bang theory, as Life Goes On.

It took a few of days before that second load of orange juice arrived. Yep, Det Gum Shoe had contacted the DEA and got the Feds involved. Their plan was to have me deliver it and play along. You know, they kept the trailer under surveillance back in Florida and sure enough. Yep, Pong's inside man removed several cases and switched them with the high grade drugs. Yep, the TLX driver had no idea what he was hauling. I met the rig at a local truckstop and hood winked the driver. Yep, he thought that he had won driver of the month and was setup in a plush hotel for the weekend. I drove the rig and spotted my tale immediately. You know, the Feds that had been following it since leaving Florida. They parked beside me in their fancy Win-A-Bagel, behind an abandoned warehouse, where Det. Gum Shoe and his men were waiting for us. The Feds broke the seal and tested the suspected cartons. Yep, it was high grade smack alright and worth it's weight in gold.

Det Shoe made the introductions, " Barney ! This is agent Hard Nose and he's with the DEA. "

Hard Nose shook my hand, " We appreciate your help ! Now, it's best that you just play dumb. You know, don't do anything and let us make the bust. Now, do you have any questions ? "

I lit up a 100, " No ! I think that Det Shoe pretty well covered it. Oh ! What happens if Pong gets wise ? You know, he might try to..."

Hard Nose slapped my back, " Don't worry ! We'll have you covered at all times and be listening in. Now Det Shoe tells me, that your an ex-cop and know how to wear a wire. Let's get you wired up and get this show on the road. Oh, as soon as your sure that Pong signs that bill of lading give us a signal. How about saying, ' Nice doing business with you ! ' That'll be our signal to move in and for you you take cover. "

I blew smoke, " Well, that sounds alright. But, why not just wait until I pull out. I mean, that way, I'm out of your way and ..."

Hard Nose cut me off, " No ! We need to move in as soon as the deal is done. There's too much that we don't know about his operation. We need to catch him red handed and off guard. Now, if your scared to..."

I puffed up, " Scared ! Of that little squirt ? I'd knock him into next week and never raise a sweat ! "

So, I climbed into the T-600 and made my way. Yep, the Feds, Gum Shoe, and swat teams followed me down the narrow streets. We went up one hill and down another, curved this way, and then that way. Yep, the streets of San Francisco weren't made for big rigs and that's a fact. I swung down the narrow alley and pulled the fart knob. Yep, I was a little early for the 10pm delivery. Of course, I wanted to give the swat teams time to get into position and allow myself time to gander around. Let's see, there was just a single dock door and and no entrance door. Yep, there wasn't even any windows back there. There was a light pole that shined a yellowish glow around the trashed out area and a large over filled dumpster sat next to it. There was barely room to back the 53' trailer, due to the old brick buildings being so close together. I sashayed back, swung open the trailer doors, and found reverse. Yep, it was a tight one and wasn't easy. The front fender came within an inch of being scratched, as the trailer swung around next to the dumpster. Yep, I spun that wheel like a Frisbee and foot jabbed the clutch like a kick boxer. My hard work paid off, as the thud of victory signaled a successful dock bump and the air fart was music to my ears. I grabbed my clipboard and felt my way around the corner. Yep, a heavy fog had settled in, giving the night an eerie feeling of gloom. What a deal !

Anyway, I knocked on the front glass door and double checked my hidden transmitter. You know, that wire that I was wearing concealed under my shirt. There was some whispers behind the shaded glass, followed by a short pause of silence, before the door opened.

Pong stuck his nose out, " Me see u ake it Ister Oose ! Ery Ood ! "

I wasn't in the mood, " Cut the crap Pong ! Do you want that stinking orange juice, or not ! "

Pong opened the door, " Man ! You sure woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Did you have any trouble ? "

I gave the look, " Trouble ? Try backing a 53' footer on that crummy dock of yours ! There's not room to fart back there ! You guys kill me ! Why the hell have a dock, if a driver has to ..."

Pong heard enough, " Well ! Come on in and get unloaded ! You drivers whine like little girls ! Man ! I could have you hand carry the..."

I stopped in my tracks, " Screw you and the pony you rode in on ! This isn't a driver unload ! You better read this and get it straight ! I ain't unloading dottely squat ! I'll call my office and get this straightened out ! "

So, Pong ignored me and we made our way thru the doorway chimes. Yeah, the ones that hung over the entrance to the back storeroom. Yep, I had to do a double take, because we weren't alone. There were at least a half dozen yellow midgets all milling around and slant eying me. Two of them carried over a metal dock ramp, as another one hand pulled on the chain opener. You know, it raised the dock door and revealed the cases of. Well you know, the pallets of orange juice.

I stood firm, " I'm not unloading that and that's, that ! "

Pong slapped his forehead , " Well ! Just keep out of the way then ! You drivers are worthless, as tits on a bored hog ! "

So, I stood there with my arms folded and watched. Yep, them little fellas sure knew their teamwork. Let's see, four of them grabbed a hold of that pallet jack like a team of horses, while the others restacked the cases. Yep, it was one of them restack the crap onto smaller pallets. You know, just like a grocery warehouse does it. I was mumbling under my breath and rolling my eyes. You know, how you get all pissed off and crazy thoughts fill your head. Yep, I guess if they had their way about it. We'd be stocking the crap on their shelves, pricing it, handing out green stamps, plus sacking it up, and carrying it out to the car ! Gees ! Well, I couldn't just stand there, so I pitched in and manned the plastic wrap roller. You know, how you have to clear wrap the cases, so the stuff doesn't fall off. Well, I was still pretty hot and was circling them pallets like a man possessed. Yep, one of the Chinaman was a bit slow and got caught up in my work. Yep, he looked like a bug in a plastic baggy, all hung up and no place to go. Well finally, the last pallet got wrapped, so I tossed down the roll and handed Pong my clipboard.

Pong read over it, " Where do you want me to sign at ? "

I fingered the bottom, " Right there ! Now, from now on, if you want the driver to assist with the unloading..."

Pong took his copy, " Here ! "

So, I turned and sashayed out the way that I'd entered. Yep, them chimes chimed and the bell rang, as I felt my way back to the rig. Yep, that fog was as thick as soup by then and I was still mad as a hornet. Yep, I drove a good city block before yelling into my chest, ' Nice Doing Business With You Azzhole ! ' What a deal, as Life goes on.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Whens the bust, huh, whens the bust ?????

 

So this was a case of, "Ooooh Mistah Goose, me love you Fong time!" ???

 

The bust Pjw044 will be in chapter 46 D-Cup, as Life Goes On.

I returned the TLX rig to the driver of the month and haled a cab back to the Oriental Hotel. Det Gum Shoe and Agent Hard Nose met with me early the next morning. Yep, the drug raid had gone well and my services were no longer needed. Det Shoe released the other TLX rig to me. Remember ? The one that Moses Medford had been found dead in ? Yep, it was later discovered that Ping Pong had used a Sam or Rye sword to slice Moses up with. What a deal ! Anyway, instead of flying back to Dallas, Ed wanted me to pick up a load and drive back. Now, that didn't bother me, because I kind of missed being behind the wheel. I dead headed over and loaded up with Dallas bound goods and headed out. Yep, back behind the wheel and counting the white lines. Life was good ! I shut down in Arizona, at an independent truckstop, for my 40 winks. Yep, after a hot meal, hot shower, and good nights sleep, I continued on my way. Now, I didn't have to, but decided to push it. You know, why lolly-gag around ? Yep, I was pushing 80 and had her ears laid back, when the red flashing lights caught up to me. Yep, it was a full grown Texas Bear and I was just this side of Van Horn.

I sashayed back, " How's it going Officer ? Here's my CDL, that's the cab card, registration, insurance, IFTA, BETA, COMMDATA, NAACP, Sear's card, social security card, green card, ace of hearts, six of clubs, ..."

The Bear was hungry, " I got you on radar doing 78 in a 55 mph zone ! That's 23 over and ......"

I defended myself, " Wait a minute ! It's a 70 mph zone ! I was only going 8 over and ..."

The Bear growled, " You didn't see that speed zone back there ? Well, I'll have to cite you and this is a serious offense ! You know, anything over 15 can cause ...."

I begged, " Now come on ! Really Officer, I'm being honest with you. Can't you just...."

So, right in the middle of my pleading, the Bear's hand-held beeped. Yep, an urgent all cars alert, BOL-(be on the lookout), all hands on deck, stop what your doing, don't touch that dial, don't collect $200 and go straight to jail, all swimmers out of the pool, and so forth. Yep, the ole hot pursuit in progress and headed straight for us. The Bear was calm, as he drew his Colt 45 and took a swig.

I cheesed, " That sounds pretty important and I sure don't want to keep you. I guess you need to get hopping and ..."

The Bear didn't buy it, " I need you to block the Interstate ! Go ahead and swing your rig across both lanes and ..."

I gave the look, " Are you sure ? I mean, do you really..."

So, he was and I did ! Yep, I had all the Eastbound lanes blocked and a bird's eye view of our tax dollars at work. It was a pretty neat setup, if I do say so myself. Yep, my rig was facing the guardrail and nosed right up against it. The bear positioned his cruiser facing the outside guardrail, but could move back and forth. You know, like a gate to allow the traffic thru. A second Full Grown Bear, along with his cub rookie swung up code three. I sat in my front row seat and took it all in. Yep, this was going to be good. The Bears huddled up, like Peewee footballers and plotted their next move. The PA, (public address speaker), mounted on the light-bar, broadcast a blow by blow. Yep, they were 10 miles away, but closing in fast. Wind speed 10 knots, barometric pressure holding steady, dew point 27 degrees, DOW JONES down 154 points, Nasty Dick arrested for sodomy details at 10, and so forth. I spotted the helicopter above, as it hovered over the action and drew closer. My hands were moist with sweat. No ! Not from me, but from that 40 oz Big Gulp I was sipping on. I rolled the window down and perched my chin ontop of the glass edge. I was all bucked tooth and big eyed, just waiting for the action. Two Bears were flapping their arms at the approaching traffic, as the other Bear sat waiting to close the gate. The air was filled with excitement and I had to pee.

Yep, I kept thinking, that just any minute, the pooh was going to hit the fan. But, when you got to go, you got to go. So, I climbed out of the passenger side door and hunkered over the tractor rear tandems. Yep, I could still see between the tractor and the trailer, as the golden stream gushed. Yep, this was one of them all day kind. You know, how you amaze yourself at times. It just keeps going and going. I mean, it was like a fire hose hooked up to a hydrant. Now, I never understood why a pecker gets hard, during those marathon whizzes. Yep, it was like handling a diesel's radiator hose. I tried to keep it aimed low, so as not to draw any attention. Yep, the river below me began to swell and puddle back towards me. Well, about half way thru my record breaking tinkle the pursuit arrived. Yep, it was a faded, 1964 Rambler, 4 door, with one lone occupant, and four flat tires. Yep, they'd used those spike strips and she was running on her bare rims. Sparks flew, sirens whaled, as urine filled the air. Yep, I done lost my grip and it was every man for himself. The Rambler t-boned the trailer right in it's center and came to a jolting halt. Yep, she had to be topped out at a good 5 mph. Of course, a thousand shotguns racked and high pitched voices screamed.

The Bears barked, " Driver ! Show me your hands ! Throw your keys out the window ! Quit resisting ! Look at that ! What is it ? Who called the fire department ? Gees ! Is it raining ? Man ! What's he doing ? "

So, I tried to spin around the other way and caught the news crew. Yep,it Ikey Oliver and the live at 5 live news crew. They scattered like roaches being sprayed with Raid. Of course, I couldn't stop. You know, it was like a bad dream and I just kept hosing down the Interstate. What a deal ! Well, finally the gushing slowed to a manageable squirt, as my lizard went limp and things settled down. Yep, the drunk driver of the evading Rambler got maced, beaten, dog bit, cuffed, stuffed, and led away.

The Bear put on his latex gloves, " Here's you stuff back and since you helped us out. Well, we appreciate it and have a safe one. "

I had to ask, " Well ! What did he do ? Was it a bank robbery ? A kidnapper, or child molester ? Why were ya'll after him ? "

The Bear grinned, " Indecent exposure ! He was urinating in public ! "

So, I spun the wheel and headed out. Yep, that was a close one and I sure needed to keep my speed down. Well, maybe make a few more pits stops wouldn't hurt either, as Life Goes on.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Gees, Snazz -- we're gonna stand you in a puddle and call ya' a fountain!

​

 

Oh Snazz that is funny. Glad I had to get up at 5 this AM. If I had read that last night I would still be up laughing my ### off. Well at least part of it. A few more chapters like that and I will be back to my fighting weight.

 

I see that Trucking-on-through is still with us, Ducks posted the perfect picture again, and Big Duker is an early riser. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

I was fit to be tied and beside myself, as I stormed into Ed's office. I placed the evidence on his desk and gave him the look. Ed hung up his phone and sat in silence.

I pointed, " There's two missing bulls and she wasn't plugged in her charger, like I left her ! Now Ed ! I locked up my office and this is proof that someone's been in there screwing around. Look ! You see that ? That wheel wasn't like that ! I'm not going to put up with this ! That rig isn't a toy ! "

Ed grinned, " Barney ! Get real ! Maybe, the cleaning crew, or Junior played with it. Now, if you don't want anyone to mess with it. Why don't you just take it home ? "

I was honest, " I shouldn't have to ! Gees ! Am, I asking too much ? All I want is to have folks keep their mitts off my stuff ! How would you like it, if I came in here while your gone ? Yeah, I might just do that ! Let's see, I could take this is and rub it against my crotch, or maybe wipe my butt with it ! "

Ed snatched it back, " That's my family portrait ! Now Barney ! Settle down and cool off ! "

Crook Junior strolled in, " Hey Barney ! Ed ! What's going on ? "

Ed rolled his eyes, " Nothing ! Oh, Barney just got in and we took care of that deal in San Francisco. How did you do ? "

Junior opened his briefcase, " This is a brochure and that's her right there. She's not new, but has real low miles. Well I guess, flight time is the term they use. "

Ed whistled, " Man ! She's a beauty ! Now, how does it work ? I mean, do you have to pay by the month, or ..."

Junior jumped right in, " No ! Well, sort of. You see, I pay a certain amount each month and then there's the actual flight time. Let's say, that I don't use her at all. Well, there's still hanger fees, the pilot standby cost, and ......"

I interrupted, " You bought a Leer Jet ? Man ! That's a good looking..."

Junior continued, " No ! It's like a time share deal ! You see Barney, how it works is like this. That jet belongs to several corporations and we're just one of them. Well, not really owners ! Its' more like a time share rental. Anyway, it suites our needs and ...."

Ed piped in, " It's a tax write off too and Ma Crook was telling me ..."

Junior turned red, " Ed ! My mother had nothing to do with this and I'm getting a little sick of you, bringing her up every time I do anything ! "

Ed backed down, " I didn't mean that she..."

Junior slammed his briefcase, " Barney ! Come with me and Ed ! Don't you have some work to do ! "

So, I did my puppy dog impression. You know, nipped at Junior's heels and followed him to his office. Yep, I figured to calm down the situation and let Junior vent. I mean, it was obvious to me that Jr and Ed were on the verge of having words. Now, that didn't really bother me, but hey ! You know, it wasn't good either. I mean, they were both important to me. Well, as far as my job was concerned and to be honest about it. Well, I kind of figured that it was going to happen sooner, than later.

Jr shut the door, " Have a seat Barney ! That #### Ed, sometimes he really pisses me off ! He knows how hard I've worked, to put this all together and then brings her up every chance he gets ! Hell, if it wasn't for me, we'd still be leased on with PST. I guess you heard, that their in bankruptcy now. "

I sucked up, " Yeah, I heard something about that and it doesn't surprise at all ! They're a joke and ..."

Jr finished my sentence, " Yeah, there's a bunch more of them getting ready to bite the dust ! We're doing pretty good and growing faster than anyone could have imagined ! Well, I want to show you this. It's our new headquarters and ..."

I whistled, " Man ! Where is that ? I mean, that looks familiar ! "

Jr agreed, " It should ! That's over there by H Hoss Payrolls and we'll be leasing the whole top floor. Well, mother has her offices already over there and TLX will be right across the hall. "

I had to ask, " She's running Crook Oil out of there ? I thought she was moving her offices over here and ..."

Jr explained, " Well, she was ! It's like this Barney ! We're going to still have our dispatch center here, but were moving our corporate offices over there. You know, like payroll, billing, humane resources, and .."

I was confused, " Isn't that going to be a problem ? I mean, if you move all of that out there...."

Jr enlightened me, " No ! We'll still have some of the folks here to keep things going. You know, to deal with the day to day operations. But, now since we're expanding nationwide, we need to keep pace. You know, from there we can keep everything under one roof. "

I scratched my head, " I thought, that's why you expanded the terminal here and ..."

Jr spelled it out, " We're growing so fast, that if we don't do something soon, it'll be to late. Barney ! You have no idea how TLX is growing ! Since we've gone public and got our Crook Brokerage Firm up and running. Well, we're getting ready to bust wide open ! I've got somethings on the drawing board that would knock your socks off ! "

So, I sat and listened to Junior's plans. Yep, he was spitting out numbers like a Bingo Caller and sounded like a man possessed. Now, that was fine with me. You know, he wanted someone to take some interest in hearing what he had to say. Yep, according to him, TLX was on the verge of becoming one of the big boys. Yep, mergers here, buyouts there, and Katy bar the door. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.