Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

i been to alot of trucker websites but this post has got to be the best one i ever seen

 

First, a Big Snazzy welcome to Slowpoke1967 who claims that this thread has the best post he's ever seen. Now, that's worth a 100 Snazzy points for sure, as Life Goes On.

I was treated and released. Well actually, I refused to be transported to the hospital, because I wanted some time to think things over. You know, I wanted to go get a snoot full and have a good laugh. Well, Dan the shop foreman decided to join me, so we piled into my company car and made tracks. Yep, there was a Vacation Inn Motel that had just opened up and it was right across the freeway from the TLX terminal. Now, the only reason we chose that place, was it had the closest bar. Of course, to drink there you had to be a registered guest, or a private club member. Yep, it was a dry area, so only the private clubs could serve alcohol. It was silly, because the other side of the freeway wasn't dry, but the nearest bar was a good ten minute drive.

The Barmaid greeted us, " I'm Karen and ya'll need to fill these cards out, before I can serve you. We're a private club, so you'll need to have these with you every time that you come to see us. "

I filled mine out, " Here you go ! I'm Barney and that's Dan, we both work at TLX. That's the trucking outfit right across the Interstate. "

Karen read them over, " Oh, then I guess, ya'll know what happened over there ? Our whole building shook and the news said, that it was some kind of explosion. They never said, if anybody got killed. "

I rolled my eyes, " No ! Nobody got killed, but one Idiot did lose a few fingers. Oh, I'll have a Koor's and get Dan whatever he wants. "

Dan ordered, " I'll have a Windsor straight up and make that a double ! "

So, we sat there guzzling at the bar and cutting it up. Now, that club was a little too swank, for my liking. You know, it was your typical motel watering hole that tried to put on airs. Yep, every kind of liquor ever made was behind the bar, the tables were draped with white linen, and the customers were all Yuppies. Yep, they all were strutting around like big whigs and high rollers. I never understood how someone staying at a Vacation Inn could try to be snooty. I mean sure, as far as motels go they're not your typical Bed and Bug. But gees, anyone with a drivers' license and fifty bucks can get a room there. It's not like a five star palace, or anything. Anyway, me and Dan, were swigging them down and minding our own business. Oh, we might have been a little loud, because we were both poking fun at Nubs. You know, that's the new name we gave Napoleon. Well Franky Crook, Ole Junior's nephew. Remember him ?

Anyway after a few rounds, I decided to go bleed the cow.., err lizard, hiccup ! So, I sashayed staggered back to the mens' room and did my thing. You know how you do, when no one is in there and your all alone. Yep, the old let's see how far back I can go and still hit the urinal. Well, I was going for the record and doing pretty good. Yep, experience had taught me that it's all in the angle. Yep, if you can arch it just right and keep a steady flow. Well, I was a good 10 feet away and still backing up when my guest arrived. Yep, don't you just hate it when that happens ? I mean, there I was going for a new worlds record and ole Prissy Britches wiggles in. Of course, I quickly aborted my mission and sashayed forward. Yep, you have account for splash back, when your power pissing into one of them wall mounted things. Anyway, I finished up and stopped at the sink to wash my paws. Yep, it was one of them fancy kind with the electronic eye. You know, the water runs when your hands get close to the faucet. So, I pumped the chromed soap dispenser and lathered up.

Now, there was a full mirror facing me and I couldn't help but see what Prissy was doing. Well, he was just standing there and starring at me. I tried to ignore him, but he moved closer. Hmm ! I side sashayed over to the leave blower, err... hand drier, hiccup ! It was mounted on the wall and blew like a cutting torch. Yep I guess, because it was new that it worked so well. Anyway, I spun on my hells and headed out the door. Ole Prissy Britches had made me feel uneasy and I was happy to rejoin Dan.

I sat on the toadstool, " Hey Dan ! Did you notice a guy in here that was acting strange. He's wearing a flowery shirt, has a sweater tied around his waist, and a pair of glasses stuck ontop of his head ? "

Dan nodded, " That guy that was sitting over there and that kept looking over at us. Why ? "

I was honest, " When I was taking a piss he stood right next to me and kept ... Wait a minute ! He's headed over here, so let's see what he's up to. "

Prissy introduced himself, " Hi guys ! I'm Prissy Britches and I couldn't help but notice your outfits. I guess we'll be seeing alot of each other. "

Dan had to ask, " What's makes you say that ? "

Prissy put his hands on his waist, " Well ! I'm going to be your new General Manager. I interviewed with Mrs Crook this morning and am scheduled to start tomorrow. "

I spewed my beer, " Do What ! We already have a G.M. and he's ..."

Prissy was in the know, " Well ! You see, Franky Crook and I go back a long way. He was the one who wanted to hire me, as his assistant. Well, I made such a good impression with Ma Crook that she offered me..."

I interrupted, " Now wait a minute ! What about Nubs ? I mean, Franky ! I thought that he was ...."

Prissy dropped the bomb, " Well ! I learned during my interview that Ma Crook and her son Junior. Well let's just say, that they weren't too happy with Franky's performance. So, they offered me the position and here I am ! "

I rolled my eyes, " Does Nubs, err.. Franky know about all of this ? He was doing a bang up job earlier today ! "

Dan fell off his barstool laughing, " Ha, hee, hee, ha, hee, hee, haw ! A bang up job ! Gees Barney, your a hoot ! "

Prissy didn't get it, " What's so funny ? I tried to call him, but all I got was his voice mail. I hope they didn't already tell him. I wanted to break it to him easy. You know, me and Franky are as close as two friends can be. I do plan to keep him on as my assistant. "

I had to ask, " Does that mean, that he'll have to finger the computer and use his hands ? "

Prissy didn't get it , " What is so #### funny ! Both of you are acting like a couple of clowns ! Now ! What is it ! I want to know ! "

Well, I couldn't tell him and Dan was laughing so hard that he had tears in his eyes. So, we just sat there keeping our little secret to ourselves. Yep, Ole Prissy must have thought that we were on drugs. He actually got mad enough to spin on his heels and wiggle away. Of course, Dan and I were on the floor by then and out of control. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

omg !! lmao snazzy1 to only have been there

 

Nubs.....Jeez, Snazz you killen me here...

 

Oh God Barney. I hope nubs doesn't run into Roy Thackerson. If so you are in deep ducus. I used to play in fiddle contests back in the 70-80s. This guy showed up called the fingerless fiddler and he was pretty darn good. Hope Ma Crook doesn't buy him for Nubs.

 

Let's see, I'm killen Pjw044 and Tame really should of been there. Big Duker posted a great photo, so Snazzy points all around, as Life Goes On.

My cell phone had rung itself dead and I wasn't answering the room phone. Yep, my caller ID was showing 10 tries, by Junior and a half dozen, from Ed. Gees ! Anyway, I made it in the next morning and parked in my reserved spot. You know, ' Yard Manager Only ' ! What a deal ! Junior was cutting it up with Dan in front of the shop.

I sashayed over, " Hey Dan ! What's up ? "

Junior gave the look, " Where have you been Barney ? Ed and I, both tried calling you ! "

I lied, " Oh ! This #### cell phone has been acting up and my room phone ringer wasn't ..."

Junior heard enough, " Go ahead Dan and let me know when the insurance adjuster gets here ! Come on Barney and lets go to my office ! "

So, we sashayed. No ! I sashayed, as Junior strutted across the parking lot. We entered Jr's office and took our seats. I was still half drunk, from the night before and really wasn't in a very good mood. Junior leaned over his desk and handed me some papers.

I had to ask, " What's all of this about ? "

Junior handed me a pen, " It's just a waiver that states, that you aren't holding TLX liable for what happened. Dan and everyone else already signed theirs. "

I signed it, " Here ! How's Nu.. uh, your nephew doing ? Is he going to be okay ? "

Jr rolled his eyes, " That Idiot ! He's claiming that our shop was at fault ! Something about the air hose didn't have a warning label ? Well ! Screw him ! He can sue all of us, but he doesn't have a..."

It slipped out, " A finger to stand on ! "

Junior busted a gut, " Hee, hee, haw, haw, ! Your a real Hoot Barney ! Man ! Anyway, Dan mentioned that ya'll met the new G.M. last night. Now Barney, I didn't have a thing to do with that ! My mother..."

I wasn't in the mood, " Look Junior ! I've already decided that your not going to.... "

Junior interrupted me, " Wait a minute ! Now that Ed is my vice president and this new guy isn't going to cut it. Well Barney, the job is yours ! Just wait and see ! That buddy of Franky's isn't going to last a week ! He's never done anything, but worked in fast food. Now, he did do well at that and he has an impressive resume. He's got a business degree and was G.M. for Flip-It Burgers. You know, they are a national chain ! But, he's never even set foot in big rig and ..."

I agreed, " Your right ! He'll screw things up here, just like Nu.. err.., your nephew did ! It's just, that I have some ideas that might do some good ! I mean, there are a few things, that I'd like to try. "

Jr shook his head, " No ! Don't you do anything ! You wait until, what's his name is out of here ! "

I knew his name, " Prissy Britches ! His name is...."

Knock. knock. knock, " Come in ! "

Prissy wiggled in, " There you are ! I've been waiting in my office, like your mother told me to. She said, that you would help me get started. "

Jr smiled, " Well ! I'm busy right now and you'll have to figure things out for yourself. I tried to explain that to you yesterday. This job requires someone who can think on their feet and hit the road running ! "

Prissy fluttered, " Well ! I'm your man ! I can whip this organization into shape ! When I was G.M. at Flip-It Burgers they called me, Wonder Man ! I'll...."

Junior yawned, " Look ! Wonder Bread, or whatever your name is ! Take your bright ideas and get to it ! I'm in a conference right now and ..."

Prissy didn't get it, " I understand ! I'll leave you two. Oh, Mr Goose ! I didn't see you there and it's nice that we'll be working together. I spoke with Franky last night and told him how much we..."

I belched, " BuurrrP ! Excuse me ! Oh, how is ole Nu.., uh, Frank doing ? "

Jr put his foot down, " You need to get with it and quit bothering Barney ! We're in the middle of something and don't have time to..."

Prissy got it, " I understand and I know how difficult it is to run a corporation this size. I'll get hopping, so don't be worrying about me ! "

Jr waited for him to exit, " That #### Fruitcake ! Did you see how he wiggled out of here ! One of our drivers is going to tear him apart ! I can't believe that my mother even considered him, for ..."

I agreed, " Your right ! He sure doesn't fit in and ..."

So Junior and I, sat discussing Fruitcakes..err, Wonder Woman's..err, Prissy Britches future. Well, actually his lack of a future, with TLX. Now, I really didn't have anything against the man. Oh sure, his mannerisms and overtures weren't easy to overlook. But, I was raised to treat others, the way that I'd like to be treated. You know, we're not all alike and some diversity is good. No ! I don't go that way and .. Well, you know what I mean ! Yep, it was going to be interesting, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

It didn't take long for Prissy Britches to upset the boat. Dan and I were hiding behind a dropped 53' footer. You know, one of the empty trailers parked next to the shop. The crew that was fixing the place up was safe, but we weren't.

I lit up a 100, " Man! We've been here over an hour and I still don't see them. You think that...."

Dan interrupted me, "They can't still be in there ! He'll have to let them out pretty soon. I've got 15 tractors to service and a few more to make ready. This is nuts ! "

I blew smoke, "I'm just happy that we managed to escape. Those poor souls must be tuckered out by now and .."

Dan grinned, "Better them than us ! I bet a couple of my mechanics are coughing their lungs out ! Hell, they smoke as much, as you do and poor Greg is fatter than I am. I bet he's really having a hard time."

I pointed, "Here they come ! Gees ! It looks like they got rode hard and put up wet. Man ! This is nuts !"

So, they staggered over a few at a time. It was like they were shell shocked and ready to surrender. A few of them were carrying their shoes and drying off with towels. Dan and I didn't want to stare, or make a scene. You know, they'd been through enough and needed time to regroup. I noticed Junior's two seater Mercedes swing in and park in his reserved slot. I knew that it was time for a sit down and sashayed over. Junior didn't see me and hot footed it straight to his office. I wasn't far behind and joined him there.

I didn't mince words, "Junior ! Your going to have to do something, about La La Lalane ! That SOB is ..."

Jr had to ask, " Who? Whose, La La Lalane ? Who are you talking about ? "

I went postal, "Your General Manager ! He's gone too far and you need to do something ! For the past few weeks he's been requiring us to do morning exercises ! It's like he's Jack Lalane and Jane Fonda, all wrapped into one ! He's nuts ! He took all the furniture out of the driver's lounge and put down gym mats. We're suppose join him there every morning and ..."

Junior gave me the look, " That's all that's bothering you and has you foaming at the mouth ? "

I wiped my lips, " Look ! You know, I've quit jobs over crap like this ! I'm not going to run in place, flap my arms, do deep knee bends, jumping Jack's, push ups, and act like a fool ! Then have to watch him wiggle around in his shorty shorts. That little lady needs to know that some of us aren't that way ! He can't keep his hands to himself and it's not the females he's after ! If SOB ever lays a hand on me ! I swear, I'll ..."

Jr understood, " Now Barney, you need to cool off ! I'd like to send him packing, but it's not that easy. My mom thinks, that he's doing fine. I hate to say this, but our freight is up, our stock value is increasing..."

I piped in, " That can't be right ! We've lost more drivers since he took over, than I can remember. Morale is so low that even the office workers are quiting ! Dan lost two mechanics and we can't keep going on like this ! "

Junior dropped his bomb. " Well, you don't have to worry about him anymore. I'm having you head up our new driving school. Now, it's not a pay raise and ..."

I had to ask, " What driving school ? I can't be involved in anything like that ! You know, the State requires..."

Jr had the answers, " No ! Your not going to have to be certified by the State. Your title will be Operations Manager and you'll just see that everyone there does their job. The school is in Fort Worth, but I'm going to move it here and see how that works. "

I rolled my eyes, " Great ! Just peachy ! I can see it now, me with Ole Sissy Lips hanging around my neck and .."

Junior laughed, " Sissy Lips ! Ha, ha, hee, hee, ha ! No ! He won't play any part in this ! It'll be your baby and you can run it anyway you want to. Now, I do expect to see some results. Your the one that use to complain, about how the students didn't learn anything. Remember ? You use to call them CDL mills, back when you were training. Anyway, what do you think ? "

So, I thought about it. Yep, since I sure wasn't going to be made General Manager anytime soon. Well, why not give it a try ? I mean, what did I have to lose ? Yep Barney Goose, Operations Manager of TLX driving school. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Whats he trying to do....turn you guys into a bunch of "jarheads"

 

The first few weeks passed by quickly. You know, there's alot that goes into setting up a driving school. Well, not really setting one up, but moving it from Fort Worth, to Dallas. I had met with the staff and visited their old location. It sat off the Interstate and had been a car dealership. Actually, it wasn't a bad setup. You know, it was kind of out to itself and had plenty of asphalt to practice on. The old showroom had been turned into a classroom, the small sale offices were used by the office personnel, and the service garage had been used to service the equipment. The only drawback was that the owner of the school wasn't able to make a go of it. Yep, he'd ran out of funds, by under estimating his startup cost. Well, the bank decided not to extend him any more credit, so Crook Jr ended up getting a good deal, kind of. Well, the biggest problem was the equipment. Yep, the owner had purchased a bunch of junkers to use as training trucks. They were worn out fleet trucks that he had bought at auction. Half of them didn't run and only a few passed DOT inspection. Of course, Junior had more trucks than the law allowed, so I guess it was a good deal. Anyway, I talked Jr into buying a couple of metal classrooms and having them erected on the far end of the North forty. You know, like the schools use to keep from being over crowded. It only took a couple of weeks to have them in place and ready to go. So, I was in my new office and getting ready for the big day, when Junior showed up.

I was behind my desk, " Hey Junior ! What do you think ? "

Jr looked around, " This is nice ! The only thing that I don't get, is why did you want it, so far from our terminal ? "

I grinned, " Well, I figured you wouldn't want a bunch of new bees crashing into stuff over there. Besides, we need open spaces and room to grow. Now, from what I understand, we'll have a full class Monday and ........"

Jr interrupted me, " We're already booked up solid, for the next couple of months. That's what I need to talk to you about. We're going have to cut the course, from being a three week class, into a two week and we'll have to double the size. You know, from 30 to 60, students. That way...."

I gave the look, " Wait a minute ! We can't do that ! The classroom only seats 30 and there aren't enough trainers to go around. No ! We can't push that many thru at one time ! "

Jr tossed it on my desk, " I've read over what you proposed and there's noway we can do that ! Barney ! This is a business and we're here to make a profit. I've got stockholders that invest their money and expect ..."

I stood up, " What do you mean ? Every student that comes thru that door will be making you a bundle ! Hell ! I read over those student contracts and ...."

Junior stood, " That's the exact contract, that every outfit out there uses. The students are getting their monies worth and ...."

I rolled my eyes, " They're getting shafted and you know it ! I've been there ! If the government hadn't paid for me, I'd of found a way to get my CDL ! Man ! Have you read it ? Those student's don't realize what their getting into. Twenty four percent interest, a year's commitment, and ...."

Jr stood his ground, " That's the business Barney ! Look at you ! You were down and out, with no place to go ! TLX hired you on, fresh out of school and see where your at now ? "

I disagreed, " No ! Your partly right ! I had to stay unemployed, so that I could qualify for that grant. But, I chose to do that ! Most of the students don't have a choice. They've been laid off, or can't even find a job ! Then some slicked tongued recruiter, sells them on pie in the sky and promises them a ...."

Jr grinned, " Barney ! You were a recruiter, so don't tell me that you never misled them ! They're old enough to make decisions on their own and have got to see that some of ..."

I gave up, " Yeah sure ! I guess that makes it alright ! But, I'm just saying that you get, what you pay for ! I just can't understand how cheating, lying, and screwing new hires makes any sense. "

So, I didn't make any points with the boss that day. But hey, at least Junior knew where I stood. Yeah, it still wasn't right and I did take part in it. You know, in a system that I despised and knew that was unfair. Yep, sometimes we can't see the forest, because we're smelling the coffee. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Yep Pjw044, Ole Prissy fancied himself as a real live fitness trainer, but we all knew that he just liked wearing those skimpy, shorty shorts and wiggling his fanny.What a deal, as Life Goes On.

It was springtime of 1996, when the first TLX class began. Now, there were a few glitches and that was expected. You know, nothing ever goes off without a hitch. I had tried to foresee and plan, for the unexpected. But sometimes things just don't work out as well, as you might want them too. Yep, the first problem was just getting the Idiots to Dallas. I mean, it can't be that hard. You know, the ones that were local only had to show up. Oh no ! Half of them claimed, that somehow the TLX school was responsible for their bed and board. I mean, that was silly to me, because where had they been staying before enrolling ? Well, you guessed it. Yep, about half of the them were homeless and being sponsored by different government agencies. Now, that didn't bother me, because I had been there and done that. It was their attitudes that got me. I mean, it was more like they were demanding a free handout and cared more about mooching, than learning. Yep, I learned real quick that screening applicants took up most of my time.

Now, I didn't want to prevent anyone from participating and tried to work with all of them. Yep, I didn't want to get sued for discrimination, or for violating their civil rights. But be hanged, if I was going to allow some lazy dope head to waste everyones time. You know, most of students wanted to better themselves and at least tried to get with the program. Now, the out of town students were a different problem. Yep, they did need a place to stay and all of them were company prehires. Well, most of them had to pay their own way down, but TLX would provided them with a room and a small per diem pay. You know, like allow them to draw $50 every third day. Yep, they were issued fuel cards and at least they wouldn't starve to death. Of course, every penny they drew was later deducted, along with their tuition cost. Yep, in the contracts they signed, it allowed up to $150 dollars be deducted, from their weekly settlements. Now, at a nickel per mile, starting out with a trainer and then ten cents per mile, driving as a student team. Well boy howdy, man alive, and how about that ! Yep, talk about slave wages and owing their souls to the company store.

Well, I tried to look on the bright side. You know, if a guy, or a gal, really knuckled down they could survive. Oh, it wasn't easy and most of them realized pretty darn quick that it was a royal ripoff. But, for the really die hards and those that were desperate. Well, it's a way to make a living if they stayed with it, for at least a year. You know, once they paid their dues, well the sky was the limit. Anyway, TLX did allow for students to use the fleabag motel discount. Yep, it saved them a few dollars and most of them doubled up to offset the cost. I had setup a van shuttle, to pickup the students arriving at the Dallas bus station. From there they went directly to the motel, but were required to report to the school the following morning. Now, the hardest part, for the out of town folks was having to get a Texas license. Yep, they had to surrender theirs and get one of ours. What a deal ! Well, what I did, was made sure they knew what to expect. Yep, every student enrolled received a Texas driver's handbook and a CDL study guide in their mail. So, when they got here all they had to do was take the written exam. Now, for the local students, I required they already had a CDL learners permit. Yep, until it was in their hand, I wouldn't even allow them on the property. Now I know, that sounds cold hearted, but there really wasn't any choice. I mean, they only had two weeks to learn how to steer the big rigs down the big road. Yep, it was asking alot, but it did payoff. I mean by the time they made it that far, well it showed that they were serious and not just playing games.

I was standing by the rigs and watching orange cones being squashed, when Junior approached, " Hey Barney, have you got a minute ? "

I lit up a 100, " Sure ! What's up ? "

Junior fanned the air, " ####, you need to quit those ! Hey, I understand that only 30 students showed up. What happened to all of them ? "

I blew smoke, " Well, half of them never made it and I bet, we'll lose half of the ones that are here ! "

Jr rolled his eyes, " I heard what you did and that's why we're so short. Barney ! Who told you, to require them to already have a learner's permit ? That's why their going to school ! It's so they can learn to... "

I blew smoke, " No ! If they can't read and study that guide, well sitting in a classroom won't do them any good. It's just common sense and anyone can .."

Jr argued, " Barney ! Some of them haven't even seen a big rig up close ! They can't ...."

I argued back, " Hey ! There are 150,000 truckstops and a couple of million drivers out there ! Hell, for a cup of coffee, most of them would answer any question there is, about anything ! I even have a hot line setup to answer anything they want to ask. Now, if we had a full three weeks of school ..."

Junior didn't want to hear it, " We've been through that and it's not going to happen ! If you can't teach them in two weeks ... "

I butted in, " Oh, I can, I can ! Yep, in two weeks they'll pass that driving test, but that's about all ! No wonder you can't get any trainers ! "

Jr gave in, " Alright ! We'll just have to enroll more students next time and try to get at least 60 to ..."

So, I knew that it was a lost cause. Yep, Jr and all the other outfits only cared about the bottom line. Yep, as long as they had CDL's, that could hold wheels and work for peanuts. Well, that's all that mattered to them. Now, I knew that it was wrong and tried to change what I could. But hey, I didn't invent the system and never did agree with it. But, I sure went along with it, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, you Snazzy1.