Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

PJW044 is pulling for me, Sandlapper hopes that Santa brings me a new puter and AllLab is still homeless, but hanging on. Yep Snazzers, my troubles aren't quite over with yet, as Life Goes On. Thanks for staying tuned and I'll do my best to. Well, you know.

I never enjoyed the holidays after my marriage ended. Yep, Christmas of 1996 was just another day to me. You know, what's the big deal ? Hell, most of the year your family and friends don't care, if your dead or alive. Yep, then they all want to be friendly and kind, because ? Well, hell if I know. Yep the holidays to me, were just excuses to pretend that everything was just peachy. Well, humbug and screw it ! Yep, I didn't play that game. So, I wrapped the presents and dropped them off at my folks place. You know, I didn't spend an hour with them and made up an excuse to leave. TLX didn't shut down, so I put in a few extra hours. The next week was out with the old and in with the new. Yep, 1997 finally rolled around and I was happy to see it. Crook Junior came by my office and was full of bright tomorrows.

I hung up the phone, " Hey Junior ! What's up ? "

Jr took a seat, " I'm glad your here Barney ! I need to run this by you and see what you think. "

I looked at it, " That's nice ! What's the deal ? "

Jr pointed at it, " That's the advertisement brochure we're going with. We'll mail out around 10,000 and have a few trade magazines ..."

I interrupted, " Oh ! It says here, that TLX is starting an owner operator division. Man ! I heard that you ...."

Jr jumped in, " It's long over due and I wanted to get her going a year ago. Well, at least we'll have her up and running, by next week. "

I was shocked, " Next week ? That's awful quick and ..."

Jr was Jr, " Hell ! This is all we've worked on, for the past six months ! Oh, you've been busy and gone for awhile. Anyway, I want you to get with Sissy Britches and help get her setup. "

I rolled my eyes, " Man ! I can't work with him ! That Idiot can't..."

Jr cut me short, " I'm not asking you ! I'm telling you ! I've got too much invested in this and ...."

I lit up, " Hey ! Don't blame me ! This is the first that I've heard of it ! I mean, why does Sissy have to be involved ? He can't manage what he has now and ..."

Jr turned red, " Barney ! Sissy Britches is doing a fine job and he's your boss. If you can't work with him, or at least try to ..."

I blew smoke, " Look ! Me and her, errr him, have a truce going. I stay the hell out of his way and he ..."

Junior fanned the smoke, " You need to quit those things ! Now, all I'm asking, is that you do what he says. We've already started recruiting and there isn't time to argue. So, you get with him and we'll go from there. "

So, I did. Well, sort of. You know, I really didn't want to and tried to think of someway not too. But hey ! It wasn't any skin off my nose. Nope, if ole Junior wanted me to ... Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, right after Junior left, Sissy Drawers wiggled in.

I tried to be friendly, " Hey Sissy ! What's up ? "

Sissy was Sissy, " Did Junior fill you in ? We need to get started on this and decide how to ..."

I gave the look, " Decide ? I'm here to take orders and do what I'm told ! This is your deal and ..."

Sissy looked hurt, " Barn ! We've really never got to know each other and this is our chance to .... "

I rolled my eyes, " Look ! You do things your way and just tell me, what you want me to do ! I'm not here to make friends, or .... "

Sissy pouted, " At least give me a chance ! I deserve that much ! You might be surprised and ........"

I was honest, " Look ! I might have to work with you ! Now, that's as far as I go ! I don't need any surprises and ..."

Sissy flapped his eyelashes, " Oh, your still upset, because I made General Manager. Well, I didn't ask for it and ..."

I stood up, " Hey ! That has nothing to do with it ! I could of taken a G.M. position out of town, or ..."

Sissy stood up, " Well ! Why didn't you ! I've worked my fanny off here and have tried to..."

I'd heard enough, " All you've done, since you've been here is stir crap up. There's not an employee here that ..."

Sissy begged to differ, " That's what you think ! Well Buster ! I've got more loyal followers than ....."

I had to say it, " Well ! Get them to help you and tell Junior that we can't work together ! I hate to say this ! But ! Well, your an Idiot and that's a fact ! I don't know what the Crooks see in you and ...."

Slap ! I froze and just stood there, " Did you just slap me ? "

Sissy folded her arms, " I sure did and I'll do it again ! "

So, I busted Sissy Britches right in his kisser. Yep, he/she sailed a good ways back and landed out cold on my office floor. It happened so quick that I never remembered throwing the punch. Now Snazzers, don't get me wrong. I knew the second that he/she hit the floor that I'd done did it. Yep, a thousand thoughts flashed through my mind and visions of cell bars appeared in my mind's eye. So, I panicked and darted out the door. Yep, I'd been shot at, did hard time, ran with bikers, and the mob. But, for some reason that punch of mine. Well, you know what I mean, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Yep Big Duker it was self defense and ilillill please no drooling, as Life Goes On.

I sat on the edge of my bed and thumbed through the yellow pages. Let's see attorneys, civil, criminal, ring, ring, ...

I answered, " Hello ! "

Whisper, " Barney ? You okay ? It's Junior.

I was shocked, " Junior ? What's up ? "

Jr whispered some more, " Look ! Your in the clear and every thing is fine. You need to get back here and ..."

I didn't buy it, " Are you nuts ! Hell, the cops are probably buzzing around there like flies. Is Sissy going to be ......."

Junior cut me short, " He just quit and is out of here. Man ! You must of really ....."

I lit up, " Hey look ! He hit me first, but I shouldn't of ..."

Jr snickered, " Screw him ! I knew that you'd send him packing and ..."

I blew smoke, " Wait a minute ! You mean, that ..."

Jr was Jr, " Yeah ! I knew, that ya'll wouldn't last five minutes together. Of course, I didn't figure that you'd lay him out. But, it worked out just fine. He quit and Mom can't blame me. "

I felt used, " That's it ? You figured that he'd quit and ...."

Jr came clean, " No, that's not it at all ! I was hoping that he'd fire you and then I could......"

I was confused, " Junior, your not making any sense ! Now, what .. "

Jr explained, " It's like this ! See, I've been trying to get Ed off my back. He's been kissing up to Mom and both of them are driving me nuts. Well, now that Sissy is out of the picture. Well, Ed will have to come back and fill in. That way he won't have time to kiss up to Mom and second guess everything that I do. "

I had to ask, " You wanted Sissy to fire me ? How would of that gotten Ed off your back ? Hey, anytime that you want me gone, just say the word and I'll ..."

Junior backed up, " No Barney ! If' he'd fired you, then Ed would of fired him. See, Ed hates Sissy more than you do. Well actually, he feared Sissy more than he does you. It's really simple, if you think about it. "

So, I thought about it. Yep, Junior was right and it did make sense. See, Ma Crook thought the world of Sissy and that made Ed nervous. You know, Ed was Vice President and Ma Crook's right hand man. So, Ed had tried to make Sissy look bad. Yep, the the longer Sissy stuck around, ole Ed must of heard footsteps. So, if Sissy had fired me, then Ed could of fired him and then.... Wait a minute ! Ma Crook hated my guts ! If Sissy would of fired me, then she'd probably thrown a party. I mean, me and her couldn't stay in the same room together. Yep, she thought that I was an Idiot and a lazy truck driver. I thought, that she was a snob and a busy body.

Well anyway, Sissy had threatened to call the cops on me. So, Junior told him, that if he did. Well, he'd fire him. So, Sissy got all flustered and called Ed. Yep, that must of made Ed's day. Anyway, Sissy resigned and wiggled out, with his swollen lips. I heard later that he went to work for one of TLX's competitors. I also found out, that he was deathly afraid of me. Yep, something about, if he'd called the cops on me. He'd of ended up ... Well, you know what I mean, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Yep Big Duker a flowchart might help sort this mess out and Sandlapper don't go postal yet, as Life Goes On.

The next morning I pulled out of the motel parking lot and headed down the access road. Just as got to the turn around. You know, where you go to turn around, under the overpass and head back the other way. Well, I couldn't. Nope, there were a hundred bobtails all exiting the freeway and had traffic backed up for a good mile. What a deal ! So, I put the company car in sneak and weaved through. Man, there must of been one hell of accident, or maybe some construction ... Oh crap ! Their all trying to pull into the TLX terminal. So, I jumped the curb and parked next to the fence. Yep, I sashayed on in and couldn't believe my eyes. There had to be a thousand truck tractors all parked inside the yard and a thousand angry drivers standing in line. Yep, they were all waiting to be signed up. I went to the front entrance and slid in my security ID. The door beeped and allowed me in. The sight wasn't pretty and caught me off guard. Yep, it was like a full blown riot in progress. The office staff was pend in behind the glassed in petition and trying to keep the mob from crashing through the side door. Ed was shoving paperwork through the round hole and trying to settle down the ruckus. Junior spotted me and ran over.

I spoke first, " What the hell is going on ? "

Jr was in shock, " I figured we'd have about three, maybe four hundred show up. I never expected ...."

I rolled my eyes, " Man ! I've never seen anything like this ! We've got do something, or ......."

Jr agreed, " Look Barney ! Just try to calm them down and let them know that we'll get all of em signed up. "

So, I did. Yep, I sashayed back outside and stood on on top of one of the picnic tables.

I screamed, " Okay Drivers ! I'm Barney Goose and ya'll need to settle down. Crook Jr has assured me, that all of you will be leased on and ready to roll, by the days end. Now, I need all of the owner operators to form a line over here. If your a fleet driver and your boss is leasing on. Well, ya'll need to bobtail over to the back yard and put your cb's on channel 40. Now, anyone that has already signed a lease ya'll need to step inside there and see Ed. He's the tall pale looking fella behind the counter. Let's try to work together and stay calm. "

I jumped down and headed over to the shop. Dan the foreman was beside himself and ready to explode.

I spoke calmly, " Dan ! Now, try to stay focused and ..."

Dan cut loose, " I can't inspect, tag, banner, and install Quails in all them rigs. It takes at hour, for each one ! This is nuts ! "

I agreed, " Your right ! Here's what we'll do. Just hand out the registration tags and door banners. Have your mechanics do a quick inspection and I'll call the Quail folks. They can go by there and have them install them. We just need to keep things moving and try to...."

Ed ran up, " What are you doing Barney ? We need to ..."

Dan slapped my back, " I'll do what you said and get right on it. Thanks Barn and I owe you a beer. "

Ed turned red, " What did you tell Dan ? I need him to..."

I gave the look, " Ed ! You need call that medical clinic and get them on the ball. All these drivers are going to need drug screens and current DOT physicals. I'll call over at the driving school and have the students start shuttling them over there. We need to get the safety guy to run current license checks and give them their driving test. Oh, don't forget that stupid orientation tape and we'll need payroll to issue them fuel cards. "

Ed didn't agree, " Barney ! I'm the one in charge here and I'll decide on how things get done ! Do we have an understanding ? "

I shrugged, " Hey, if you want to handle things. Well fine, with me. I was just trying to ....."

Junior ran up, " Barney ! What about the ones that already have the Quails installed ? Most of those fleet trucks do and I'm sure that..."

Ed interrupted, " I can have dispatch contact the company and just switch their service over to TLX. I'm going to have ...."

Junior blew a gasket, " Ed ! I'm talking to Barney ! Now if you need to go take care of something...."

Ed stomped off, " Great ! Let Barney handle it ! "

So I did. Yep, I setup a production line that Henry Ford would of been proud of. Remember back when I had leased on with Ace Trucking ? Yep, it was just like that. The trucks rolled in and before you could say, " Man, I sure got screwed. " Yep, TLX at it's best ! What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.