Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

First, let's have a big Snazzy welcome for 59halfstep, our newest Snazzer. Let's see, on page 20, so a year from now 60fullstep should be caught up. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

I sat at the bar and read over my checkbook and it didn't look good. Yep, after paying cash for the River Queen and buying that Mustang. Well, I was pretty tapped out. Yep, I hadn't counted on losing my job and things didn't look to good. I weighed my options, let's see, that's no good, nope, maybe, yeah that might work, could try that, let me call and see. Shut up !

So, the next morning I sashayed into the bank. No ! Not the one downtown. It was the local bank where I had my account. You know, the one that TLX required for direct deposit. I sat and filled out the loan application and tried to look honest. The loan manager knew me and motioned me over.

He shock my hand, " Hey Barney ! What can I do for you ? "

I handed over the clipboard, " I'm a little short on funds and need a loan. I filled out that thing the best I could. It looks like ya'll are adding on again."

He fingered his computer, " Oops ! Not good, oh gees, foreclosed, repo, feet stink, and so on. Well, most of this is pretty old and you have a good history with us. Your wanting ten thousand, is that right ? "

I nodded, " Yep, just something to hold me over, until ,,, Well, you know, just to be safe. I spent most of my savings and Mr Tightwad, I'm good for it."

Mr Tightwad had to ask, " Your still with Crook Trucking, or TLX, as their G.M, aren't you ? "

I lied, " Well I'm GM, over their Lease Truck Division. Unless they fired me on the way over here. "

Tightwad snickered, " Your a Hoot Barney ! Now, one thing ! We'll need some kind of collateral. You know, stock, bonds, deeds, just something to secure the loan. "

I was honest, " I don't have anything like that. Well, except for the River Queen. You know, that boat I bought. "

Tightwad rolled his eyes, " We discussed that, when you bought her. We can't loan money on something that old. Hey ! Didn't you just buy a new car recently ? "

I was too honest, " Well I did, but it was for one of my daughters. She's expecting my first grandchild and I wanted to give her something nice. "

Tightwad understood, " That's was awful nice of you. Now, did you title the car in her name ? "

I lit up a 100, " No, the title is my name and it's in my safety deposit box here at the bank. "

So, I fetched it and signed a bunch of loan papers. Yep, I put the ten grand in my checking account. Well, minus a few hundred that I put into my pocket. You know, I always liked having some cash on me. Anyway, I stopped and did some shopping, before heading home. Dan was parked in front of the River Queen and waiting for me.

I greeted him, " Hey Dan ! What's up ? "

Dan dropped his bomb. " Junior sent me over here to get your company car. Now Barn, I didn't want nothing to do with this, but he... "

I grinned, " It's not your fault, so let me clean her out and you can have her. Oh, who is that with you ? "

Dan rolled his eyes, " That's Guy ! You know, the fella that took my place, when I went on vacation. Hey ! I'll have him drive my truck back, that way you don't have to hurry. "

So, Guy drove away in Dan's truck and left us to ourselves. Dan helped me in with my things, before we sat down at my bar.

I popped the tops, " Here Dan ! So, what's going on ? "

Dan took a gulp, " It's crazy ! Junior has lost it and is driving us all nuts. Now, you have to tell me ! What the hell is going on ? "

Ring, ring, " Just a minute Dan, let me get this. Hello ? Speaking ! Uh huh, yeah. When ? Now ? Your kidding me ! Ok, yeah, I'll be here and that's okay. No ! Just, whenever ! Ok, I'll be here and see you later. Alright ! No! I promise, I won't ! Okay, goodbye !


I hung up, " That was my x-wifey and she's on her way over. ####, she wasn't making alot of since. Something about a Fly Boy and for me to hold my temper. Well, I'll find out when she gets here. "

Dan jumped up, " Well, your busy and I need to get back ! Hey ! Let's get together this weekend and you can tell me what's going on then ! "

So, Dan made tracks. Well, he actually drove off in the only vehicle I had to get around in. But hey, it wasn't his fault and I'd rather he take it than anyone else. Anyway, I had other things on my mind. Yep, I wondered what Wifey was so head up about, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Good to see Dollylama is doing well with Maverick and those kind words you posted are worth Snazzy points. I see Big Duker and Pjw044 are accounted for, so on with the show, as Life Goes On.

It had gotten dark and I was on my tenth cold one, when knock, knock, knock.

I bellowed, " It's not locked, come on in ! "

Wifey made her entrance, " I figured that you'd be drinking ! "

I took a swig, " Why do have on them dark shades ? It's pitch black out there and I bet, you can't see. "

Wifey tugged on her mink, " I can't stay long and he should have been here by now. Has he called ? "

I gave the look, " Who ? Somebody is suppose to call me ? "

Wifey flashed her diamond ring, " Oh, I hear him now ! Now, let me do the talking and you just listen. I already know what I'm going to say. "

I snickered, " Well, you need to get rid of them sunglasses and shed that imitation fur ! You look, just like, Jackie Oh Nash Us. Hiccup ! "

Knock, knock, " Come in ! Hiccup ! "

He marched in, " I'm sorry that I'm late, Mother Goose. I got lost on my way over here. "

Wifey spat, " Don't call me Mother Goose ! I'm Mrs Guitar Man and your here to listen ! You've got some nerve, after what you've done to my daughter ! I should let Barney ripoff your head ! "

I belched, " Uuuuurrrrpppppp ! Parnen, parhen, hell, hiccup. Pardon me ! So, General do care for a bear, hiccup, beer ? "

He stood at attention, " No sir ! I'm terribly sorry and hope you can forgive me. I care very much for your daughter and .... "

Wifey went postal, " Care ! Care ! You SOB ! Alot you care ! Do you have any idea, what your putting us through ? I can't sleep at night and this is causing problems in my own marriage ! Now, all I want to know, is what are your plans ! Piggy needs to decide ...."

I hiccuped, " My little Piggy, sweet little Piggy, Piggy, Piggy, Piggy. Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup ! Where is my Piggy ? "

Wifey pointed at him, " He's the one who knocked up Piggy and your just going to sit there ? Some father you are ! "

It sank in, " Oh ! Fly Boy ! I get it now ! That explains that Bellhop uniform and, hiccup, hiccup, and hiccup ! "

Fly Boy looked scared, " I'm really sorry and please Mr Goose let me.."

I spat, " Call me Mister Tibbs ! Hiccup ! I mean, don't call me working, I sir for a living ! Wait a minute ! Hiccup ! That didn't come out right ! "

Fly Boy got it, " Sir, I mean, Mr Goose ! I believe you meant, don't call me sir, I work for a living "

I agreed, " That's what I said ! Hiccup ! Don't call me, I'll call you ! I mean, whatever you sad, hiccup, said ! Hell, what did say ? "

Wifey exploded, " This isn't getting us anywhere ! Now, what are you going to do ! "

Fly Boy removed his saucer hat, " Piggy and I have decided to wait, until I graduate my flight training. You see, I got my commission in the air force, by serving in the air corp. It was part of my high school credits and then when we won our division in football. Well, I received a scholarship. So, I was accepted straight into flight training. The problem is they won't allow anyone in that have dependents. Now, ya'll can see why..."

Wifey ripped off her shades, " Do you see this ? Take a good look ! My marriage is on the rocks ! Guitar Man is so upset that he ...."

I ####ed the hammer, " I've heard enough ! I'll just blow his hiccups out. I mean, his brains out ! "

Fly Boy begged, " Please Sir ! We do plan on ..."

I starred at him, " I'm not talking to you ! I talking, about Ostrich Neck ! Did he really give you those shiners ? "

Wifey defended him, " He was upset and who can blame him ! He's going to law school full time and is on the city council. He doesn't have time, for all of this ! Besides that ! You don't have any room to talk ! "

I disagreed, " The only time I ever hiccuped, hicup, hiccup, was when you had it coming. No one beats the hell out of you ! Hiccup ! Except me ! "

Fly Boy eased towards the exit, " Well, I need to get going and ..."

I pointed the barrel, " Get over here and sit down ! Hiccup ! This 327, I mean 348, hiccup, 396, hell 427, hiccup ! What the hell is this ? "

Fly Boy sat, " I believe it's a 357 magnum, sir ! "

I looked down the barrel, " Yeah ! It's loaded too ! "

Wifey ran for her life, " Your crazy and I'm leaving ! "

I waved the pistol, " Tootles and take care ! Write ! Don't hiccup, be a stranger ! Man ! I didn't think she'd ever leave ! "

Fly Boy wiped his forehead, " Your really not going to shoot me, or you ? "

I laughed, " For what ? Now, if you raped her ! That's a different stoty, err story, hiccup ! "

Fly Boy swore, " No sir ! I love your daughter and would never hurt her ! "

I laid the law down, " Hiccup ! What are you 18 ? Your not old enough to hiccup ! When I was your age we didn't know what sex was ! Oh, we fooled around and hiccuped some, but it was something to get stinky fingers. Yeah, we never knew what home, home, home base, hiccup, was. So, you know what I'm saying ? "

Fly Boy nodded, " I think, I do, Sir ! "

I confessed, " I feeding you a line of crap ! Hell, when I was your age it was the roaring 20's, I mean, hiccup, the 60's. You know, flower love and free children ! "

Fly Boy got my drift, " You mean, free love and flowerer children ? My dad grew up back then and ..."

So, me and Fly Boy chewed the fat and killed a bottle of booze. Yep, I took an immediate liking to him and understood his situation. I mean, if he did the right thing and married Piggy. Well, so long to his air force career. Yep, no scholarship, no officer and a gentleman. Yep, you care for fries with that order ? On the other hand, if he waited until after his flight school. If he lived, that is. Yep, that's why they only accepted single guys and gals. You know, if they crashed and burned. Well, it is cheaper that way. So, I understood and just made one thing perfectly clear. Yep, love her, beat her, but never leave her. Well, unless she lets you go. Then it's time to move on and never look back. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

I read over the want adds and circled a couple of them. You know, looking for something to tide me over. Well, I was still hoping that Junior would come to his senses and offer me my old job back.

Knock, knock, knock, " Oh, hey Ed ! Come on in. Man, thats a good looking ride. Is that a Mercedes Bends ? "

Ed didn't look back, " It's a Let's Us and Ma Crook gave me that as a wedding gift. So, have you heard from Junior ? "

I lit up, " No, he fired me and ... "

Ed was in the know, " Yeah, I heard about that ! So, what are your plans ? "

I was honest, " That's why I've been calling you. Man, I must of left a dozen voice mails and ..."

Ed cut me short, " Well Barney, I was on my honeymoon and wasn't taking any calls. The French Rivera is beautiful this time of year and Ma Crook had us flown down there in the corporate jet. Yep, she sure has fine taste and knows the jet set. We're flying out tomorrow to a ski resort in Aspen. "

I rolled my eyes, " I bet, Junior loves that ! I remember when he got that thing Ma Crook threw a fit. Remember ? "

Ed turned red, " Screw him ! Now, our attorneys have drafted this up and you'll need to sign it. It's just a statement, about Jr having you make that bank deposit. I'll get it notarized and we'll be done with it. "

I read it over, " Hold it Ed ! I can't sign this ! I'll be admitting to ... "

Ed assured me, " We're not filing any criminal charges ! This is just to cover us in civil court. Once Junior sees that he can face federal charges. Well, he'll back down and Ma Crook can negotiate a settlement. "

I protested. " No ! I can't sign it ! This makes out like Jr was trying to embezzle company funds. That's not what he was doing ! "

Ed handed me the pen, " Just sign it and I promise you, that Jr is done for good. He'll be lucky to get out with his shirt on. He's the one that tried to push her out and it backfired on him ! "

I reminded Ed, " Hey, it was you that set Junior up and that's a fact ! He can tear this apart and blame you, for everything. This is silly, goofy, and not worth the paper it's written on ! "

Ed coaxed me, " Well, go ahead and sign it ! I bet, he's not smart enough to figure it out. You know, he's more afraid of going to jail than being burned alive ! "

I signed it, " Here ! But, I'm telling you, that if I have to testify. Well, I'll tell the truth and let the chips fall ! I can't believe that a mother and son can try so hard to hurt each other ! Man, I've heard of disfunctional families, but this takes the cake ! Both of them need to be in padded cells and kept away from decent folks ! "

So as I ranted, Ed jumped into his Bad Mobile and made his getaway. The laptop that he left behind got my attention. I mean, Ed wasn't the sort to forget stuff like that. I poured myself a cold one and then opened her up. It was one of them metal cased, newer models, that was pretty fancy. I flipped on the power switch and the recording began, " Good evening, Mr Goose. Your assignment, if you chose to accept it, is awaiting you. Of course, in the event of your capture, any involvement by others will be completely denied. There is a loaded TLX rig, located behind the TLX headquarters, in Lost Co Lean Us. You are to deliver it, at a location in California. The exact destination won't be known to you until... Yes Dear, and I'm doing that now ! No ! I'll make sure that Idiot Barney can't figure out it's me. Yes, Sugar Plums and I love you too ! Where was I ? Oh, your to go there and drive the rig to.... ####, did I already say that ? Oh well, just drive the rig to the new headquarters in Ontario, California and see the Big Man there. Keep this laptop with you and good luck. This message will delete itself in five minutes. I wonder ? Let's see, record voice mail, leave message, set timer, hit f-4 delete, and enter. That's it ! Good ! "

So, I replayed the message several times and thought about it. Yep, Ed didn't have nothing on Junior. Well, as far as being too smart. Yep, it was Ed's voice alright and Ma Crook in the background. So, I decided to play his silly game and see what was up. I mean, it might be interesting and I sure didn't have anything else going on. Yep, I'll drive over there and... Wait, I don't have a car anymore. Remember ? Oh crap, well I'll take a cab over there and check it out. I'm curious and this might... You already said that and the Snazzer's aren't dumb. I never said they were ! Well just say,...

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Let's see Pjw044, if signing that thing comes back and bites me on my buns, as Life Goes On.

The non English speaking taxi driver dropped me off and I did a quick pre trip, before heading out. It was one of the new Centuries that had all the bells and whistles. The 53' trailer was new as well and the TLX banners were still wet, from freshly being painted on. I checked the cab card, BOL, and everything seemed to check out. Yep, just a load of used office furnishings headed to the land of fruits and nuts. I stopped just the other side of Van Horn, Tx to bed down for the night. Yep, it was a little independent truck stop that set off to itself. My mind voices had helped keep me company and were the ones responsible for me stopping there. Yep, back a few years ago, you know, when I ran for Blackie, Tarmac, and PST. Well, even back when I was a company driver for TLX. I'd always try to stop in there and bust chops with the old couple. Lets see, Fred and Wilma, were their names. Yep, just like the cartoons and hard names to forget. Everyone called Fred, Pops and Wilma went by, Mom. They were as old as dirt and had owned that place for over 40 years. Yep, it had seen better days, back when West Texas oil flowed and cattle barns were everywhere. Old Pops had started out with just a small diner and over the years added the truck stop, motel, and his hobby. Yep, Pops loved to play with CB radios and was really good at it. He had customers come from near and far to pay for his expertise. Hell, he should of been good at it. I mean, he had retired young after working as an engineer. Nope ! Not for the railroad ! He had helped build the atomic bomb for the good ole USA. Yep, him and Mom settled into the West Texas plains to grow old together. They were quite a couple and you couldn't help, but to feel their love.

I stepped down and got my land legs going. You know how drivers do after sitting a few hours behind the wheel. Yep, I stomped around and did a couple of shoulder twist, before sashaying towards the diner. I saluted the big orange ball, as it sank slowly in the West. Well, I shielded my eyes from it's bright rays and swung open the door. The bells jingled my entrance and a voice rang out, " My goodness, come look Pops, and see what the cats drug in ! "

Mom hugged my neck, " I can't believe that it's you ! Where on earth have you been ! Me and Pops were just talking about you the other day. "

I hugged her back and blushed, " I've been meaning to stop in, but I've been off the road awhile. Man ! This place is dead. What did Pops do, run everybody off ? "

Mom burst into tears and an angle appeared from behind the counter, " Don't you fret Mom ! Yous come backs heres and sits a spell. We's don't need yous to bes alls upsets ! "

I felt terrible, " I'm sorry and didn't know things were bad. "

Mom wiped her tears, " It's not your fault Barney and I'll be alright. "

So, I watched the Angel guide Mom through the swinging doors, back into the kitchen. I did feel like a jerk, as I sat on the toad stool. I mean, how was I to know ? Well, the Angel reappeared and had lost her wings. Yep, it was just a bright white waitress uniform that was filled to capacity. The porkly black woman wearing it slide a glass of water in front of me, " Wells I hopes yous happy ! Miss Moms is backs theres cryings hers eyes out ! "

I hung my head, " I'm really sorry and if there's anything ....."

Pops voice roared, " Is that you Barney causing all the fuss down here ! "

I stood up and shook his cold hand, " #### ! Pops you must of grown a good two feet, since I saw you last ! "

Pops cut loose, " Nope ! You done shrunk a couple ! Now, roll me back over there and you can tell me some good lies ! "

I pushed the chair to the corner booth, " Is this ok ? "

Pops lit his cigar, " Hell, your driving ! Now, what have you been up to ? "

So, we sat and chewed the fat for a good hour. Yep, I got my ears full and my tummy too. It was strange listening to Pops version of current events. From what I gathered, he had hired a drifter to help out around the place. Well, the guy ended up being a real nightmare. Yep, he'd pretty much taken over and had the old couple to scared death.

I'd heard enough, " Now Pops. you can't let someone like that get away with this ! You and Mom, worked hard and ... "

Pops rolled closer to me, " Barney ! This is our problem and I appreciate you wanting to help ! But, I put us in this mess and we'll survive. Now, promise me, that you won't do anything stupid ! "

I lied, " No, I'll stay out of it and let you deal with it. "

Mom shuffled over, " Pops it's getting late and we need to go take your medicine. You tell Barney good night and ya'll can see each other in the morning. Now Barney, you were planing on staying ? I've already got your room ready. "

So, I lied some more and watched Mom roll Pops away. Yep, they were as nice a couple that ever walked, well walked and rolled the earth. I just couldn't believe that some low life, dirt bag, sorry piece of crap, could cause them. Well, you know what I mean ! Anyway, I paid my meal ticket and fetched my overnight bag, from my truck. The motel was right next to the cafe and my room had a view of the graveled parking lot. I had just stepped out of the shower when the door knocked. My mind voices sang in harmony, " I wonder who that could be ? " What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.