Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Discussion in 'The Welcome Wagon' started by Snazzy, Aug 3, 2007.

  1. Big Duker

    Big Duker "Don Cheto"

    Sep 18, 2007
    Weatherford, TX
    Here you go Barney-I got a feeling your going to need this.:biggrin_2551:

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  3. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    Sorry that tub is not big enough ......
    Big Duker Thanks this.
  4. Snazzy

    Snazzy Light Load Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    There's Big Duker and look what he done brought us, but Pj might be right, it may not be big enough, as Life Goes On.

    I awoke early the next morning and was careful not to wakeup Darline. The short drive to my office was uneventful and I parked in the guest spot. Yep, Pompous ### had taken my GM space and that didn't make me none to happy. Anyway, I gathered up my laptop, briefcase, and crap. You know, stuff that big shots carry around, so you know their important. I sashayed into my office and was pleasantly surprised. Yep, Pompous was nowhere around, so I stuck it in. Yep, my office computer sucked it up, so I fingered the code in and waited. Nope ! Nothing ! So, I pushed the eject button and rubbed the CD against my pants leg. You know, maybe it had dust on it. So, I tried again. Nope ! Wait a minute, I bet instead of program file, eve. TLX ppfu, it should be exe. TLX ppfu. Yep ! That did it ! The modem began to dance and shiver, while it clanked and clattered. The mouse ran behind the screen and began eating the cookies. My screen dimmed and then died a sudden death. Yep, all I had to do now, was to cover my tracks. So, I hit the eject button... Yep, I hit the eject button.... Now ! Come on you SOB ! I need that CD back ! Let go ! Oh, you want to play tough ? I'll show you ! Yep, I was kicking the crap out of the modem, when you know who came waltzing in.

    Pompous ### had to ask, " What's wrong ? "

    I lied, " Oh nothing, I just propped my foot up here to pull my socks up. "

    Pompous bought it, " Well, have a seat and I'll brief you. Now, this comes straight from the Big Man ! There's going to be some Federal DOT officials showing up and your to .... Do you smell something burning ? "

    I saw the smoke rising, " No ! I don't smell anything. "

    Pompous continued, " Where was I ? Oh, those Feds are to be given full access to every office, but your to escort them. Try to keep them from speaking too much with our employees. Now, everything should be just fine and this is just an ordinary audit. What are you doing ? "

    I cheesed, " Oh, I just remembered that those plants need watering. Go ahead I'm listening. "

    Pompous stood, " Well, I guess that's about it. Like I said, just treat those DOT officials nice, but try to limit what ... Are you sure, that you can't smell that ? "

    I sniffed the air, " No ! Now, that florescent light sometimes ...."

    Pompous had heard enough, " Well, call someone and that checked out ! "

    So, Pompous ### turned on his heels and left in a puff, I mean a huff. Well, it was almost a puff. Yep, he was no sooner out of sight, when the whole office lit up. No ! Not, from folks smoking ! Yep, the modem flamed out like a F-18 over Bag Dad. I mean, sparks flew, bombs bursting in air, rockets red glare, oh can you see, by that mo hoe, hoe, dumb, .... Well, you really had to be there. Anyway, I sashayed over and armed myself with the trusty wall mounted, extend wash her, that spewed out the white stuff. Yep, that did the trick and the modem even spit out, you know what. Well, I stuck it in my jacket pocket. Of course, that was after hand waving it around, to get the flames out.

    Knock, knock, " Come in ! "

    She didn't look bad, " Mister Goose ? I'm She Man and I'm with the DOT. "

    I sized her up, " Have a seat ! You have to forgive how my office looks. We had a little electrical problem. Can I get you anything ? "

    She Man was all business, " I hope that you were expecting me. Now, here is your copy of the agenda and this folder contains the proposed changes that we will be working on. We'll begin our workshop at 9 am and..."

    I gave the Look, " I'm sorry, I thought that you were here to do an audit. No one mentioned anything about a workshop. "

    She Man paused, " Well, perhaps you should contact Mr Big Man. He's the one that offered us your services. Now, we'll expect to see you in the morning. Oh, you might want to air this room out, it smells like smoke. "

    So with that, She Man stomped away. Now, I was a little curious, about what was going on. You know, what workshop and what changes ? Well, before I could give it much thought.

    Ring, ring, " Hello ! "

    Big Man was on the line, " Barney ! Some DOT officials will be stopping by and I've already agreed to have you attend their workshop. I want you to pay close attention and take notes. We can work this to our advantage. Do you have any questions ? "

    Boy did I. " What's this all about ? "

    Big Man dropped his bomb, " It's about the new CDL laws that are going into effect. You know, title 49 that governs commercial regulations. "

    So, I chatted awhile with Big Man and got the scoop. Yep, Barney Goose was going to testify before a congressional committee. What a deal, as Life Goes on.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  5. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    yup, i was right--you need a way bigger tub !!!!!
    Big Duker Thanks this.
  6. Snazzy

    Snazzy Light Load Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    Early the next morning I drove Dan. No ! I drove my company car and Dan was seated next to me. Anyway, we arrived early and took our seats. Now, the workshop was held at a swanky hotel named the Green Pine Inn. It was right off IH 30 and in Fort Worth. The large meeting hall was on the first floor and filled with white clothed tables. There were stacks of folders, notepads, books and such, neatly placed next to our name tags. The hall was filled with your typical bureaucrats. You know, phony, fake, smiley faced, pukes, that were all clicking their heels and strutting their stuff.

    I whispered to Dan, " Look at all of these phonies ! What a bunch of phony fools ! I bet, they wouldn't know the difference, between a fifth wheel and an air horn, if their lives depended on it ! "

    Dan snickered, " You got that right ! Oh, there's She Man ! You know, if she would dress a little nicer and wear some makeup..."

    I agreed, " Yeah ! That pantsuit and butch haircut sure gives it away ! Hell, she even tries to walk like a man ! "

    Dan continued, " Did you see her eyebrows ? She could grow cornstalks in there and nobody would know. "

    I doubled over, " That was a good one ! Oh, wait ! Their getting ready to start. Man, I hope this doesn't take all day ! "

    So, She Man introduced Baldy. Yep, there was a whole table filled with college educated bureaucrats and they tag tongued all morning. You know, each one of them, thanked us for being there, explained who they were, what they did, the history of the DOT, what the FMCSA was, it's history, the purpose for us being there, how vital we were, who won the 1931 World Series, and so on. Finally, the noon hour approached and we were herded into the luncheon hall. Yep, a buffet fit for kings. Let's see, roast duck, shrimp ####tail, and yucky high priced crap. But hey ! It was free for the taking and Dan even fixed himself a dogie bag. What a deal ! Well, after the feast, we were marched back in and ear tortured some more. Now, you know how it is, after a hardy meal. Yep, the yawners all began yawning away and that's catching. So, I tried to stay awake, by the old nose hair pulling. No ! Not Dan's hair ! Mine ! Yep, I thumb pinched a few out at a time and placed them on top of the white linen top. You know, that way I could compare them. Let's see, that one is the longest and this one is next, so that one, no, the other one, that's right, oops, that can't be a nose hair ! Yep, that has to belong to Darline ! Yeah, I bet that's one of her pubic hairs and... Shut up mind voices ! Oh man, Dan's snoring like a water buffalo with asthma. Maybe we should nudge him and wake him up.

    She Man startled me, " Well, are you learning anything ? "

    I lied, " Oh, this is just too much ! So, are we about through ? "

    She Man dropped her bomb, " We're done for the day, but remember to be back tomorrow ! Now, take your materials home and read up on 49 CFR. We'll be covering that and wanting to hear your input. "

    I nudged Dan awake, " Hey ! Gather up your crap ! We're out of here ! "

    So, Dan wiped his slobber and packed up the materials. Yep, we felt like two, first year law students that had just finished a semester.

    I let the top down. " #### ! I couldn't wait to get out of there ! "

    Dan stretched, " Well, I had a pretty good nap and that Duck was really good. I got this for my dogs and I bet they'll like it. "

    So, Dan and I shot the breeze and yucked it up. You know, how drivers are and have to poke fun at the world. Yep, this General Manager gig wasn't so bad after all. There I was tooling down the highway in a pricey Benz and cutting it up with Dan my friend. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  7. rigdriver1

    rigdriver1 Bobtail Member

    Aug 5, 2008
    Me douth think that the hammer is about to be lowered om

  8. Snazzy

    Snazzy Light Load Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    First, let's have a Big Snazzy welcome to Rigdriver1 our newest member, who thinks the hammer is about to be lowered. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    That workshop ended up being a four day seminar and that wasn't all. Nope, the kicker was, that several of the ones attending were invited to participate in the congressional hearings. Yep, Big Man wanted Dan and I to go and represent TLX. Now, I wasn't even asked and if I had been. Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, we us boarded the corporate jet and flew to Washington DC. You know, where all the crooks and perverts hangout. We were put up in a Ritzy Hotel and given the five star treatment. Our room was near the top and had a good view. Darline began unpacking us, as Dan and I sampled the room bar. Yep, I told you it was Ritzy.

    Dan lit his cigar, " Man ! This is nice ! I wonder, if my room is like this ? "

    I took a swig, " No ! Their putting you up in the Presidential Suite ! "

    Dan chuckled, " Well I guess, that I'll go check it out. I'll see ya'll in the morning and have a good night ! "

    Darline let him out, " Don't stay up all night and don't drink too much. "

    I rolled my eyes, " Darline ! Dan's a grown man and he can ..."

    Darline shut the door, " I know ! I just wish, that his wife would of come. You guys are going to be busy and ...."

    I stopped her right there, " Wait a minute ! Your the one who wanted to tag along and Dan's wife has to work. "

    Darline defended herself, " I wasn't going to stay there by myself ! That boat is spooky at night and ..."

    I smiled, " Yeah, your afraid of the dark and ...."

    Darline sulked, " I'm not either ! How long are we going to be here ? "

    I lit up, " Well, if everything goes right, we'll be done in a couple of days. Now, remember ! Your not suppose to even be here and if anyone ask; you tell them that ..."

    Darline cut me off, " I know what to say ! Oh, did that Miss She Man ever get a hold of you ? "

    I blew smoke, " No ! Why ? "

    Darline handed me the note, " She left a message, for you to call her. You and Dan, were still at the bar, so I called and told her, to try there. "

    I was honest, " Well, if it's important, she'll call me back. Did she mention; what it was about ? "

    Darline thought about it, " Something about you need to study parts.."

    I'd heard enough, " I'm sick of this ! She acts, like I'm suppose to give a hoot, about this crap ! This whole deal stinks to high heaven ! Those Idiots want to pass a bunch of silly laws and get the government involved in everything there is ! "

    Darline acted shocked, " She sounded real nice on the phone and .."

    I patted my knee, " Come here little girl ! I'm going to tell you something and you better listen ! "

    Darline hugged my neck, " I'm all yours ! "

    I copped a feel, " Now listen to me ! Anytime the government wants to pass any laws, rules, regulations, or anything else ! It's just a ploy to gain more control and raise your taxes ! It doesn't matter what side of the isle they sit on, or what they say ! "

    Darline guided my hand, " Oh, that feels good ! "

    I began fingering her, " You see ! They usually try the scare tactic. You know, planes falling out of the sky, kids are being molested, the food chain is making folks sick, or something needs to be done. Anyway, that's what they'll claim. The truth is, that all they do, is read the news papers and watch tv. Then they all make speeches and want to pass laws to protect us and save the day. "

    Darline cried out, " Oh ! Oh ! Don't stop ! "

    I fingered faster, " Well, what they really want, is to gain more control and take away, what few rights we still have ! So, in the name of safety and for the public good, we end up paying more taxes and letting Big Brother have his way ! "

    Darline screamed, " I'm going to com ! "

    I used two fingers, " You see, that's how it always is ! They have plenty of laws and all the tax dollars there are ! Then they even print up more money to piss away. It's crazy and one of these days the average Joe is going to get wise. Yep, one of these days old Joe Six Pack is going to say, " LOOK AT THAT ! I"M SQUIRTING ! "

    I looked, " #### girl, I didn't know you had it in you. Are you alright ? "

    Darline moaned, " Oh, that felt good ! Now, what were you saying ? "

    So, I spent the rest of the night explaining about how our evil government works. No ! I mean, how it doesn't work ! Well, you know what I mean. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  9. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    Oh man, this is gonna be good.............:help:
  10. W5IT

    W5IT Light Load Member

    Aug 31, 2007
    Central, LA
    I wonder how long into the hearings it is before Snazzy tells them they are constipated and so full of organic matter they appear to be to the point of bursting?????
  11. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    About 5 minutes...10 tops
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