Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Discussion in 'The Welcome Wagon' started by Snazzy, Aug 3, 2007.

  1. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    Nothing like a " Please stop me, Officer, I'am driving a very large
    P.O.S written all over it" ....eh?:smt102
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  3. Snazzy

    Snazzy Light Load Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    First, a Big Snazzy welcome for Boo'sdad, who also hears mind voices. Now Pjw044, let's see what else can happen, as Life Goes On.

    We had only managed a few hundred miles our first day and ended up just East of the State Line. I followed Ray off the Interstate and we pulled in behind the Greasy Spoon. It was an old cafe, with a billboard out front, that had a catfish painted on it. Around back was a huge open area, with ample parking and hidden to itself. Ray led the way inside and plopped down on the end stool. I sat next to him and we fingered our menus. Let's see, fried gumbo, gumbo stew, gumbo shrimp, gumbo and oysters, gumbo and gumbo, todays special gumbo all a cart, gumbo tea, gumbo spam, here a gumbo, there a gumbo, everywhere a gumbo gumbo, old McDonald had a farm, with a gumbo there, and gumbo here,...

    Ray ordered, " I'll have the gumbo special, with extra gumbo sauce, and a glass of gumbo tea. "

    I had to ask, " Do ya'll serve anything else ? I mean, like a chicken fried steak, or something like that ? "

    The waitress licked her pencil, " Sure ! You can have a chicken fried steak and we have draw beer. "

    I licked my lips, " Yeah ! Bring us a picture and a couple of mugs ! "

    Ray slapped my back, " You did good today ! I figure, we'll make Atlanta by early next week. "

    I disagreed, " Next week ! Hell, I plan on being there before then ! Man, it's not that far ! "

    Ray reminded me, " This ain't long hauling ! Now, you figure 360 miles a day and not running at night. Well, it takes awhile. "

    I filled our mugs, " Here ! Now, listen to me ! You said, that crane is too big to hit the scales. Right ? So, how about turning that Cat up some and getting down the road ! "

    Ray took a swig, " Man, that taste good ! Well, I can do that, but what's your hurry ? I mean, this is a good run and ..."

    I wet my whistle, " A good run ? Are you kidding me ? I'm use to driving a thousand miles a day and ..."

    Ray dug through the ashtray, " Oh, I forgot ! Yeah, your a real Super Trucker and this must be boring to you. I bet, them other runs didn't pay you $1.00 per mile ! "

    I offered him one of mine, " Don't smoke that ! Here, have one of mine. Now, your right ! Long hauling doesn't pay no dollar per mile, but you end up making more. You see, that $1.00 sounds good, but if you can only run. Well, let's say 400 miles per day. That's only $400.00 and then you have to pay your own fuel. On top of that, Midnight Movers gets their cut and .."

    Ray blew smoke, " I average 30 cents pay, for every mile I travel ! I'm my own boss and do what I want ! "

    I blew smoke, " Well, I did too ! Back when I was a trainer, for TLX we'd run 1,200 miles per day and I was getting 30 cents per mile. I mean, for every mile that truck turned ! Yep, I was making a good $360.00 per day and didn't have to pay for anything. Well, I did buy my student's meals and a little extra, for their road expenses. "

    The waitress tossed our plates, " Gumbo Special for you and Chicken fried steak for your buddy ! "

    Ray switched them around, " Thanks, but this is his and that's mine. There we go ! Now Barney, I told you before. You don't have to make stuff up and try to impress me. "

    I salted, " I'm not lying ! If a driver can put the miles down and can keep from going nuts ! Long hauling isn't a bad deal ! Yep, it sure beats this ! "

    Ray dug in, " Man, that's good gumbo ! "

    I made a face, " Yuck ! What the hell is this ? "

    The Waitress came a running, " What's wrong ? "

    I fork pointed, " This isn't Chicken Fried Steak ! "

    The Waitress swore, " It sure is ! That Ell was caught fresh this...."

    I gave the Look, " Ell ? Ell ! You mean, that this is Chicken Fried Snake ? "

    The Waitress confirmed it, " That's what you ordered ! "

    So, I nibbled on finger food. You know, beer nuts and pretzels, plus six pictures of beer. Ole Ray gobbled down his meal and licked my plate clean too. Matter of fact, he drank his share of beer, as well. Yep, I liked Ray, but he was sure set in his ways. Nope, you couldn't convince him that he was just a sucker, for Midnight Movers. Yep, as long as he had a vehicle to sleep in and a little pocket change. Well, you know what I mean. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
    Last edited: Sep 2, 2008
  4. Snazzy

    Snazzy Light Load Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    We were over halfway there and I was plume wore out. All that bouncing and wheel fighting had taken it's toll on me. Now, Ray had done a good job on turning that Cat up. Yep, she'd top out at a good 47 mph and that sure beat the pants off of the 38 I had started with. Another thing Ray showed me was how to save a buck. Yep, he'd talked that restaurant out of ten gallons of deep fried grease. So, instead of adding diesel oil. Well, you guessed it. Yep, it smelt like a Catfish Revival on a Sunday Riverbank. What a deal ! Anyway, we exited the big road and parked along side of the others. Yep, there were more school buses, cranes, and a few other things. Let's see, ambulances, firetrucks, taxi cabs, cab overs, long noses, drilling rigs, belly dumps, and assorted other pieces of crap. We were next to a creek and surrounded by large pine trees. The clearing looked like a Tea-I-Wanna truck stop. Yep, and the other drivers could of been cast in the Grapes Of Wrath. I mean, bum looking, hobo dressed, down and dirty, desperate drivers. I scanned the area, before climbing down. All eyes were on us, as they circled around.

    Ray made the introductions, " Ya'll all know me ! I'm Crazy Ray and this here is Bad Barney ! He's one of us and I want you treat him right ! "

    I shook hands, " How are you doing ! Glad to meet you ! Same here ! How's it going ? Nice looking kid ! Pleased to meet you ! Howdy ! Hi ! Hello ! "

    Ray led the way over, " Go ahead and get comfortable Barney. You can take off that hardhat and orange vest. Hey ! They got coffee going ! "

    The Rag Woman dipped our tin cans in, " Here ya'll go ! That's still fresh from yesterday and I just added some more grounds to it. "

    Ray took a sip, " Thanks ! You might want to stoke that fire a bit ! "

    Rag Woman bellowed, " You kids go fetch some more firewood and be quick about it ! Mr Ray is our guest ! "

    The Snot Nosed Kids grumbled, " Oh Ma ! Can't we finish ..."

    Rag Woman raised her stick, " Go on ! I swear, them young ens ain't worth nothen no more ! Did you hear about Kill Roy ? "

    Ray sat on a stump, " Yeah ! That's too bad, but it didn't surprise me none. He took too many chances and that was bound to happen. "

    I had to ask, " What happened ? "

    Rag Woman spat, " Tried to beat the train ! We all warned him, but he never listened and it was the 2:10 to Yuma that got him ! "

    Ray rolled a smoke, " Heard they didn't find enough to bury him ! Well, hope he rest in peace and ..."

    Rag Woman took off, " I'm going to tan their hides ! Ya'll go ahead and help yourselves. I'll be back after awhile. "

    I poured it out, " #### ! That taste like soap ! How can you drink it ? "

    Ray lit up, " You have to get use to it. All the transit camp coffee taste like that. See, that kettle there ? They use that to bathe the kids and do thier laundry. See, these tin cans here make good cups and those corncobs are better than toilet tissue. "

    I couldn't believe it, " You mean, they live like this ? Cans for cups ? Used coffee grounds ? Wipe with cobs ? What the hell is wrong with them ? "

    Ray blew smoke, " It's our way of life ! We're the outcast drivers that no one wants and that's fine with us ! We travel the back roads and make do the best we can ! See that bunch over there ? He's been doing this since man invented the wheel. His wife raised all six of their kids on the road and gave birth to half of them out here ! "

    I rolled my eyes, " That's crazy ! Those kids need to be in school and .."

    Ray disagreed, " School ! What for ? To learn how to make a living ! Hell, those kids learn more out here than ..."

    I piped in, " They don't have to live this way ! I mean, at least the company drivers get paid eating wages. I bet, they never tried.."

    Ray educated me, " Company Driver ? Man ! That's why most of them are out here ! See him ? He use to be an owner operator and that guy over there. Do you see him ? "

    I had to ask, " The one mumbling to himself and walking backwards ? "

    Ray dropped his bomb, " Yeah ! He use to own, his own trucking company and look at him now ! That's what long hauling gets you ! "

    So, I tried to keep a low profile and kept to myself. I mean, with all the drivers I had recruited and... Well, you know what I mean. Yep, just as the sunset the feast began. Let's see, roasted radial and mud flap pie. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  5. Big Duker

    Big Duker "Don Cheto"

    Sep 18, 2007
    Weatherford, TX
    Feeling a little guilty there Snazzy?
  6. rikdev50s

    rikdev50s Medium Load Member

    Aug 12, 2008
    Greer, SC
    Ok so much for the gumbo, but the roasted radial and mudflap pie gotta be 'bout the best darn eattin' this side of GA. Dang it Snazzy... what hobo train yard you grow up in?LMAO. So much for higher education? Let alone any education... Dream got so mixed up here, LMAO Gotta luv u or someone else..:biggrin_25511:
  7. Snazzy

    Snazzy Light Load Member

    Aug 3, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    Yep Big Duker, I'm guilt ridden and rikdev50s keep on dreaming, as Life Goes On.

    The morning commotion woke me up, from a deep sleep. I flipped open the flap and gawked around. You know, the flap of my bedroom. It was a large cardboard box and furnished with my sleeping bag. The crisp dew glistened off of the moist grass. Several hobo drivers were warming their hands over the smoking barrel. No, not a gun ! You know, one of them 55 gallon drums that hand warmers use. I wiggled into my jeans and finished dressing, before sashaying over. Ray was all worked up and had the others attention. One of them handed me a hot can of transit coffee and I thanked him.

    Ray nodded, " Glad your up Barn ! How'd you sleep ? "

    I lit a 100 and stretched, " Pretty good, I guess. It sure beat sleeping in that bucket seat. What's up ? "

    Ray pointed, " You women folk need to go tend to things and take them young ens with you ! Us men need to talk this over. "

    The young ens complained, " Dang ! We never gets to do nothen ! "

    Ray started in, " Now, heres how I see it ! We don't have no choice and have to do something. Burly ! Tell us again, what happened. "

    Burly had the floor, err.. ground, " We was over there by the county line and headed over here. Them Law Dogs come out of nowhere and swooped down on us. Box Car didn't have a chance, but I bailed and run. They got Box Car good and impounded our ride. "

    Ray sticked the dirt, " We're here and that police lot sits over here ! Now, the way I figure it, we can bust the gate here and head South. There's an old log road that comes out here. What do you think, Barn ? "

    I had to ask, " About what ? "

    Ray barked, " About getting that vehicle back ! We can't leave Box Car in a jam like this ! "

    I tried to reason with them, " Hey ! I'm sorry, that your friend is locked up and the Cops impounded his car. I mean, that's tough and if you want to take up a collection. Well, I've got a few bucks and ..."

    Ray poked me with his stick, " Your in this with us, whether you like it or not. Us Transit drivers don't leave one of our own behind ! Now, let's get ready and go do this ! "

    So, the group of misfits and bums rallied around their leader. Ray took charge and led the parade. I was behind his school bus and the rest followed me. The women folk and young ens were packed inside an old duce and a half. You know, one of them old army trucks, with a canvas top. They parked on top of the hill and waited for our return. Ray had us circle our rigs and marched us close to the compound. We knelt in the weeds and plotted our plan.

    Ray pointed, " Look ! They got that gate blocked with that big wrecker and Box Car's rig is over there. This ain't going to be easy ! "

    I concurred, " Yep ! Like I said, I got a few dollars to pitch in and ..."

    Ray was determined, " Now listen up ! Barney can come in the back way and backup over there ! Sniffles ! You can scale that fence and hookup the cable. I can lift her over there and Stinky can drive her down that log road. Any questions ? "

    I waved the greenbacks, " I got $60 dollars here and ..."

    So, they all ignored me and left me to myself. I mean, they were bound and determined to do the deed. Anyway, who was I to stop them ? Yep, I swung around the back way and positioned the crane. Sniffles climbed over the fence, as Crazy Ray lowered the hook. Sniffles gave the thumbs up and Ray hand levered the controls. Yep, it was like watching a coin operated game of grab the teddy bears. You know, like at the Walmart game room. Yep, that old septic truck climbed higher and higher, and then slowly began making her way over. Yep, once she cleared the fence, Ray gentle lowered her down. Stinky unfastened the hook and sped away in a cloud of dust. It was almost a perfect plan, but as always, one small glitch. Yep, Ray had told me, to scoot on out of there as quick, as I could. So, when Stinky raced away, I put the crane in gear and the pedal to the metal. I'd driven a ways, before hearing that noise. You know, high pitched sounds of frantic screaming. Well, I spotted Ray in my side mirror and he was just swinging away. Yep, still holding on to that big ole hook and dangling in the breeze. So, I slammed on the air brakes and you guessed it. Yep, ole Ray came swinging around like Tarzan on meth. He disappeared over the tree line and the hook reappeared, but poor ole Ray wasn't attached. I climbed down the side ladder and went on the hunt.

    Ray's voice echoed, " You #### Idiot ! I'm up here ! "

    I spied the limb he was on, " Are you alright ? "

    Ray wasn't happy, " I'm going to kick your butt, when I get down from here ! Do you hear me ? "

    So, I cheesed and drove away. I mean, to be honest about it. I wasn't too worried about Ray kicking my butt, but I'd had my fill of that in-transit stuff. You know, it wasn't my cup of, err... can of tea. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  8. rikdev50s

    rikdev50s Medium Load Member

    Aug 12, 2008
    Greer, SC
    So Let's see?? We just busted Boxcar's Toilet truck out of the impound lot, left the boss high and dry,Huummmm. How we going to get paid for this job... Dang funny I'd say.
  9. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    I love's it when a plan goes ssssssssmmmmmmmmmoooooooooottttttttthhhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:biggrin_2553:
  10. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    First my apologies, for not posting last night. Yep, things are still a bit hectic here and ... Well, you know. Anyway, I see that Rikdev50's ready for another chapter, so on with, as Life Goes On.

    I'd just made it back, when Dan showed up, " Hey Barn ! Did you just get in ?"

    I let him in, " Yeah ! Have a seat and I'll get us beer. "

    Dan took a swig, " Thanks ! Is that your dog ? "

    I petted Lobo, " Yep ! Well sort of, he hangs around and I feed him. Don't I boy ? Who's your Daddy ? Good boy ! So, what's up ? "

    Dan shrugged, " Hook told me, that you took a new job. "

    I lit up a 100, " Well not really ! I got suckered into moving a big overhead crane and lost my shirt. Man ! That piece of crap was something else and get this ! I drove it all the way to Atlanta and ended up owing them ! "

    Dan lit his cigar, " That figures ! Man, these outfits today are ripping folks off and getting rich doing it. I guess you know, about TLX ? "

    I was honest, " No ! What happened ? "

    Dan blew smoke, " The Feds shut us down ! They came in and ..."

    I didn't believe him, " Your not serious ! You mean, that.."

    Dan grinned, " The whole thing ! They red tagged the office door and had a bunch of papers served on Junior. Hell, I thought they's going to haul him off to the whose-cow ! "

    I spewed beer, " Your kidding me ! "

    Dan wiped his face, " I figured that you knew ! Ed said, that he bet your the one who ..."

    I denied it, " Noway ! This is the first that I've heard of it ! Man ! Who shut them down ? I mean, was it the DOT, or the IRS, or the ..."

    Dan went into detail, " I was at the shop and a dozen four wheelers came barreling down. There was DPS, unmarked cars, FBI, dogs, and .."

    Ring, ring, " Hold on Dan ! Hello ! Uh huh. When ? Now ! Which one ? Is she alright ? Where's, what's his name at ? No ! Yeah ! Oh really ? I didn't know that. Ok ! Yeah, I'll be there ! Alright ! Bye ! "

    Dan had to ask, " You alright Barn ? What's wrong ? "

    I dashed for the door, " Piggy is in labor ! I need to... Oh crap ! I don't even have a car ! "

    Dan tossed his keys, " Take mine ! I'll wait for you here ! "

    So, I jumped in it and made tracks. Yep, my mind voices had a field day. You know, they all talked at once and couldn't agree on what subject to stay on. Half of them wanted to discuss TLX and the bomb that Dan had dropped. The other half wanted to stay focused on Piggy and the other one wanted to drive. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  11. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    "Oh, what a wicked web we weave, when first we practice to decieve". Sounds like TLX got their just desserts handed to them
    via the "Federal Enema Police"....
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