Well Snazzy hope they left you at least a can of soup so you can at least gain enuff energy to get to the store and shop for grub...
Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker
Discussion in 'The Welcome Wagon' started by Snazzy, Aug 3, 2007.
Page 139 of 196
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IRISHGYPSY Bobtail Member
- Sep 9, 2008
First, let's have a Big Snazzy welcome for IRISHGYPSY our newest Snazzer. Yep, Duker and rik50, I'm eating potted meat soup, as Life Goes On.
I had enough flier miles to get a good discount on a one way ticket to the Mile High City. Dan dropped me off at the airport and wished me luck. It was a red eye flight that flew nonstop and landed a little after midnight. I had my usual 12 drink limit and staggered into the lobby bar. After having a few more, I decided to head South on the Blue Hound. Yep, the bus stopped in the middle of town and a small motel was within staggering distance. The bed was soft and spun me straight to dreamland. The next morning I showered off the night before booze and got myself ready. There was a Waffle Palace across the street, so perched myself on top of the toadstool and ordered a number six, sunny side up, with extra crispy bacon. The place was crowded and the noise aggravated my hangover. I thumbed through the local book and spotted what I needed. After tipping the waitress and settling the bill, I called the number. The taxi arrived a few minutes later, so I climbed in and made my request. The driver through her in gear and away we went. Yep, so far, so good. The airbase was just outside of town and we stopped next to the guard shack. The air policeman raised his white glove, so I rolled down the window and made my case, " How's it going Officer ? "
The Air Cop was all business, " What's your reason for coming on base ? "
I grinned, " Well, it's sort of a secret. I guess, I need to talk with someone in charge and have them.... "
The Air Cop opened my door, " You'll need to follow me inside ! You don't have any weapons on you ? Do you ? "
I raised my arms, " No ! Go ahead and search me ! "
The Air Cop frisked me down, " Hey driver ! Pull around the side and wait. I'll be back in a minute ! "
The Air Cop escorted me inside the shack. It was fair sized and all glassed in. The Sgt leaned over the counter and asked, " What's you got ? "
The Air Cop tossed my wallet on the counter, " Say's he's here on a secret mission ! His license says, Goose, Barney, dob 9-14-52, he's from Texas, and holds a CDL, with a Haz-Mat endorsement ! "
The Sgt looked me over, " What's your story ? "
I grinned, " Oh, I'm sorry ! I guess, that did sound strange ! Can I put my hands down ? "
The Sgt nodded, " Sure ! I got him Frank ! Go ahead and man the gate ! "
Air Cop Frank mumbled, " I never get to do anything exciting ! I'll be outside if you need me Sarge ! "
I placed my hands on the counter, " Man ! Ya'll got it made ! Back when I was an MP, all we had was an outhouse to stand in ! "
The Sarge folded his arms, " Now ! What's this secret mission your on ? "
I lied, " I'm here to check on a Lt by the name of Fly Boy. He's suppose to be here and I need to get a hold of him. "
Sarge had to ask, " What for ? "
I fudged some more, " He's won the Sluts Gone Wild contest and ..."
Sarge perked up, " You mean the tv show ! I watch that all the time. Man, are you kidding me ? "
I swore, " No ! He really won and I need to interview him. See, that's part of my job. I go all over the country and make sure that the winners are eligible. You know, their not nut cases and are who they say they are. I mean, we can't let the girls be around perverts ! "
Sarge was sharp, " This sounds kind of fishy ! I mean, don't you have some sort of credentials. I mean, how do I know that your for real ? "
I used reason, " Why would I do that ? This is for real and I don't let the fellas even know they won. See, I just invite them to one of our shows and pretend that they are runner ups. Well, while their there, our producers get a chance to evaluate them. Then, if everything goes alright. Well, they get to be on the show. You know, go bar hopping with the gals, judge the wet t-shirt contest, referee the nude mud wrestling, and whatever those sex craved Sluts do. "
Sarge rubbed his crotch, " #### ! Some guys have all the luck ! Let me check the computer. Here he is ! Lt Fly Boy, 322nd Flight Squad, oops, it shows here that he's AWOL and in custody ! "
I rolled my eyes, " Do what ? That can't be right ! "
Sarge fingered the keys, " Well, according to this, he's being held by the Cold Springs PD. I guess, he's out of the running. Say, what if I took his place. You know, I wouldn't mind being on that show ! "
So, I left the Sarge standing there day dreaming and hopped back in the taxi. Yep, I wasn't sure what was up, but sure was going to find out, as Life Goes On.
Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
Easiest way to catch your "prey" is when its already caged......
Yep Pjw044, the prey is caught, as Life Goes On.
Cold Springs wasn't an half hour drive, but I kept a watchful eye on the taxi meter. The driver swung into parking lot and I paid the $60.00 fare, plus a ten dollar tip. The jail facility was one of them Justice Centers. You know, the city hall, library, water dept, animal control, court house, civic center, police dept, sheriff's dept, jail, Walmart, overhead door company, bowling alley, pet store, topless bar, and such. Well, as I was sashaying inside. None other than Fly Boy himself was exiting. What a deal !
Fly Boy's eyes bulged, " Mis, Mis, Mister Goose ! What are you doing here ? "
I gripped his arm, " We need to have a talk ! "
Fly Boy followed along, " Mr Goose I can explain all of this ! Please let me. "
I sat him on the park bench, " This better be good ! Now, all I care about is getting my daughter's car back ! You can do what you want ! "
Fly Boy looked up at me, " Well, it's like this. You see, Guitar Man or Ostrich Neck, as you call him. He filed a misconduct charge against me, for having dependents and not reporting them. "
I was all ears, " Your kidding me ! I told Wifey not to do that ! So, I guess the air force ...."
Fly Boy nodded, Yeah, they charged me with fraudulent enlistment and .."
I jumped in, " Wait a minute ! They wouldn't put you in a city jail for that and they told me you went AWOL ! "
Fly Boy continued, " I did not ! What happened was this ! I had a weeks leave and was driving back to Texas. The local cops here stopped me and arrested me, for get this ! Expired Insurance ! I called Mother Goose and she reported the car stolen ! "
I sat down, " Do what ? "
Fly Boy swore, " I swear Mr Goose, she's nuts ! See, I've been writing to Piggy and she never wrote me back. Your x-wifey must of kept Piggy from getting my letters. Anyway, my Commander Col Bug See got me released, just a little while ago. I'm suppose to report back on base and their going to allow me to resign my commission. "
I had to ask, " What about your air force career ? I mean, all of that ROTC and flight school ? Your just going to give that all up ? "
Fly Boy teared up, " I don't have a choice ! "
I stood up, " Yeah, you do ! Wifey can't file auto theft ! I own that car and she can't...."
Fly Boy rolled his eyes, " It's not that ! I did lie on my enlistment papers and it was a mistake. I should of married Piggy and done the right thing. I've been worried sick about her and ..."
I dropped the bomb, " She had your son ! He's doing fine and she is too ! She thinks, that you abandoned her and ..."
Fly Boy stood and hugged me, " I should of been there. I'm so sorry ! "
Two Deputies walked past, " #### Perverts ! "
So, I broke loose and slapped Fly boy on his back. You know, kind of manly like and tried to save face. I peeled off a few crisp bills and forced them in his hand. Yep, all Fly Boy had to do was to renew the insurance, resign his Officer's Commission, and head home. I took the next flight back and went on a two day bender. Yep, sometimes ... Well, you know what I mean, as Life Goes On.
Nightie Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
You need those breaks every now and again to recharge the the batteries and rejuvenate the ol' grey matter....
Then its on to plot more mischief and cause more mayhem on the
Yep Rik50 that was easy, but let's see if things stay that way. Now Pjw044, brought up a good point. I mean, maybe those days off helped me to recall these truer than fiction tales, as Life Goes On.
I sat at my bar and balanced my checkbook. Yep, I was dang near broke and getting broker, by the day. That Pony car payment, my docking fees, and other expenses had me in the red. So, I decided to get serious and find something to tide me over. You know, until TLX settled my claim of wrongful termination, sex discrimination, firing the handicap, abuse of the elderly, and whatever else my lawyer had filed against them. I borrowed Mr Hook's old clunker and loaded up the trunk. Yep, it was pawnshop time. You know, I didn't want to write any hot checks and .. Well, you know what I mean. So, I sashayed into the closest one and laid out my goods. The young female clerk eyed them over, " How much do you need ? "
I was honest, " As much, as you can loan me ! "
She fingered the calculator, " I can loan you $500 on the guns and $100 on that toolbox. "
I rolled my eyes, " Your kidding me ! Those guns are worth at least $1,500 and those tools ...."
She smiled, " That's the best that I can do ! "
So, I sashayed out and was restocking my crap, when Psst, " Say, A Me Go ! You wanton to sale them uns ? "
I looked over and sized him up. He was a short Hispanic, maybe 5'3, 120lbs, early 20's, and wearing gang banger attire. You know, baggy pants, a red banana, or scarf, or dew rag, or whatever you call them things. You know, they wear them around their forehead, above their dark sunglasses.
I lit up a 100, " No, I don't want to sale them ! I'm just looking to pawn them and ...."
He made his offer, " I gives you two grandee, for that all ! "
So, I helped Homeboy load his ride up and counted my loot. I mean, what was it to me ? Yeah, so some other gang might get shot up, or maybe .....
Clicl, click, click, " ####, man, pizza a rap ! You got a oost ? "
I pointed, " Pop the hood ! Oh, see this ! It's your battery cable. It's all gummed up and needs to be cleaned. Let me have a half inch, open end and that file. "
Homeboy opened the toolbox, " Man ! You thin you can fix it ? "
So, I played mechanic and turned the wrenches. Well, one of Homeboys buddy's pulls up and they jabbered away. Of course, I didn't understand a word spoken, but they did. Anyway, just as I got her cranked up. Homeboy introduced us, " Say man ! His my cousin ! "
His Cousin nodded, " How's it going man ! "
I nodded back, " Pretty good ! Say, you might want to tell Homeboy that his alternator belt needs tightening and .."
Homeboy exploded, " El Crappo eace of ####ed eye puta ching cow ! Eyes has its ! Hears the keys ! Jeeps it ! "
So, I did ! Yep, I was the proud new owner of a 1982, Olds Cut Less, two door, low rider ! What a deal ! Well, I did give him six hundred, of his two grand back and helped them load up his cousin's car. They sped off, as I read over the paperwork. Yep, an open, clear Texas, blue title, that was ready to go. What a deal ! So, I called Hook's bar and he got a ride over. You know, I couldn't drive two cars. Anyway, Hook was impressed with my purchase and had some good news. Yep, the Texas Workforce had tried calling me and it sounded good. A job was awaiting me and all I had to do was to show up. What a deal, as Life Goes on.
Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
Big Duker "Don Cheto"
- Sep 18, 2007
Why do I see these guns being used in major crime spree in the future? Can;t imagine how a crazy idea like that popped into my mind.
Oh mang, I's tink the sheets gunna hits de fang now--Eyeee carummba....
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