Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Snazzy is just trying to get back behind bars, Guess he didn't get the full ride last time...........

 

Duker sees crime spree, PJ44 sees poo hitting the fan, and Mc85 sees jail bars. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

I left early the next morning and parked my low rider next to the office trailer. There were a dozen sharply dressed fellas all standing around. You know, they had on shiny new hardhats, crisp clean uniforms, steel toed boots, and leather gloves. Now, one trick I'd learned was to checkout what employees drive. You know, if you look around any job site, the nicer the vehicles. Well, usually the better the pay is. Yep, the lot was full of new fancy sports cars, dually pickups, and even a couple of high dollar Hardlys. The Boss Man came out and read from a clipboard. The other Hands ignored him and continued drinking their Cap Of Jeanie. The Boss Man finally noticed me and led me inside. He handed me an application and asked for what I didn't have. Yep, this was a Union Site and no Union Card, well no go !

I pleaded my case, " I don't understand ! The Texas Workforce office sent me out here and ..."

The Boss Man pointed, " Oh ! You need to head over to Hell Holes outfit. It's about 30 miles from here, just take that old washed out dirt road, and you'll see them. "

So, I did. Well, it wasn't easy, because that old road was like a washboard and my low rider rode. Well, like a skateboard. Anyway, an hour later, once the dust settled, I spied it. Yep, an old pickup, with a camper on back, and a sign on the side, " Hell Holes Outfit ". I parked next to it and sashayed over. Hog Face stepped out and we sized each other up. He was grungy, had BO, stunk, and was unkept. His t-shirt didn't cover his hairy beer gut and his jeans had holey knees.

I stuck out my paw, " I'm Barney Goose and ..."

Hog Face spat, " Why are you late and where is your hardhat ? "

I explained, " The Workforce folks, just told me to report out here and they didn't tell me much. Oh.., They did say something, about this being some type of Federal Waste cleanup ? They said, the wages started out at $30 per hour and...."

Hog Face turned red, " I tell you what the wages are ! You don't tell me ! You want the job, or not ? "

I played along, " Well, let me see what it's about and maybe... "

So, Hog Face handed me my paperwork and pointed. Yep, I had to drive down another half mile and spotted the work site. There was a large pit and a bunch of heavy equipment stirring around. The dust was thick and I didn't see any other cars around. Hmm, I wonder where they park their private vehicles at ? Anyway, I sashayed over and spotted a white hat. Well, since the other hands had on blue hardhats. You know, I figured he was some sort of supervisor.

I handed him my paperwork, " I'm sorry, but I'm new here and ..."

White Hat smiled, " Oh, I see that your from the Texas Workforce ! Well, glad to meet you and get in. "

I sat in his pickup, " Man, this is nice ! What is it a GMC ? Oh, man ! You got it all, tilt wheel, cruise control, four wheel drive, automatic, and still has that new car smell ! "

White Hat blushed, " I just got this off the showroom and it is nice ! Now, my name is Stan and I'm the owner of Hell Hole. Well, me and my brother are. His name is Fran and we're identical twins. "

I lit up, " I've got twins ! Their not identical, but here's a picture of them and here's their older sister. She's a few years older..."

So, me and Stan cut it up and chewed the fat. Yep, he was sure a nice fella and I enjoyed our visit. Well, finally we got down to business. Stan explained that Hell Hole wasn't a Union outfit and didn't pay Union wages, but that might change. Yep, he and his brother were planning on some changes. All I had to do, was to work for a lot less, and bare with them. Yep, in no time, the big salaries, health benefits, and such, were just around the corner. Well, I decided to give it a try. You know, he seemed fair enough and I wasn't doing anything anyway. Now, there was one problem. Yep, it was a good two hour drive for me and.... Yep, you guessed it ! Hell Hole had a per diem package. Yep, anytime an employee lived more than 150 miles away. You know, from the work site, they were entitled to free room and board. What a deal !

I shook Stan's hand, " I'll take this paperwork and go get my physical. Is there anything else that I need to do ? "

Stan paused, " No ! Just get that done and report back here in the morning. I'll show you where to park at and we furnish your transportation, to and from work. "

So, how about that ! Yep, a regular job that paid wages and a boss that seemed like a regular Joe, err.. Stan. Yep, things were looking up and at least I could keep the wolf ... Oh, that reminds me. Yep, I need to buy Lobo some dog food. What a deal, as life Goes on.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

It was still dark, at 2am, when I headed South on the Interstate. Capt Hook had agreed to keep an eye on Lobo and the River Queen. Two hours later I turned off the Big Road and bounced down the washboard. I noticed that the Union Outfit wasn't in operation that early, as I continued bouncing along. Old Hog Face, just waved me through, so I parked next to Hell Holes office. It was one of them mobile home type offices. You know, a mobile home that.. Well, you know what I mean. Anyway, I noticed that the site was in full operation. Yep, heavy equipment was zooming to and fro. Big trucks were pulling dump trailers and the air was full of dust. What a deal ! I noticed that Stan's new GMC dually pickup was parked out front. I sashayed over and opened the office door. Stan was on his cell phone, so I gave him a good morning head nod and shut the door. You know, I didn't want to interrupt him. Yep he knew, that I had made it on time, and was ready to work. Now, I had noticed that Stan looked a little upset. Yep, his dark eyes had given me a sharp look and his face had tightened. Oh well, he's probably catching hell, after all this is Hells Outfit. Shut up mind voices !

The door swung open, " What the hell do you want ! "

I handed it over, " That's my long form physical and I managed to get it done yesterday. That clinic isn't far from where I live. Oh, is there a problem ? "

Stan ripped it in half, " Get the hell out of here, or I'll ..."

Stan walked up, " Fran ! That's Barney ! He's the one that I hired and told you about ! "

Fran spat, " That figures ! He won't last a week ! "

So, I did a double take and let it sink in. Yep, they were identical looking, but as different, as night and day. Well as far, as personalities go. You know, Stan was likable, witty, and fun to be around. Now, that Fran was a nut case, if I'd ever met one. Yep, hot tempered, hateful, and unstable. They both were fair sized, 6' footers, 210, early 30's, muscular, with sun baked skin.

Stan apologized, " Don't pay my brother any attention. He's always that way and ...."

I gave the LOOK, " Say, I'm here to work and don't need his crap ! "

Stan bent over, " Here, I'll tape this back together and we can get you started. My foreman will be here any minute. Hey, would you like some coffee ? I'll make us a pot ! "

So, I sashayed inside and we drank a cup. Yep, ole Stan was a decent fella and a heck of a nice boss. A few minutes later Red Beard arrived. He was short, stocky, stout, and high on meth. Yep, a real eyeball darting, sweaty smelling, teeth grinding, middle aged, pill popper. What a deal !

Red Beard barked, " Get in the back and wait for me ! "

I jumped in the bed, " Ruff, ruff, ruff ! "

So, Red Beard tried to bounce me out, by driving 70 mph and fish tailing all the way. I hung on for dear life and chocked down the dust. We circled the pit twice and slid to a stop.

Red pointed, " Take that Water Buffalo and soak down... Hey ! Where's your hardhat ? You can't work without your equipment ! "

I spit out dust, " No one said, anything about... "

Red exploded, " Get back in ! #### ! New Bee ! "

So, we played throw Barney from the train, err.. pickup bed and raced back to whence we'd started. Red Beard tossed in a blue plastic hardhat, that was cracked and worn, a pair of cloth gloves, missing their fingers, and a can of silver spray paint.

I had to ask, " What's this paint for ? "

Red Beard spat, " Spray some on the toes of your boots ! It'll make them look like steel toed and up to safety code ! "

So, I sprayed my toes and hung on for life. What a deal, as Life Goes on.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Oh man, what the heck have you gotten yourself into this time????

 

silver spray......hmmmm looks good on Nikes ...geeze oh the Pony car is it safe???? need to go back and read..........

 

Looks like Pony has some reading to catch up on and Pjw044, let's see what Barney has gotten himself into, as Life Goes On.

I climbed out of the pickup bed, as Red Beard zoomed away, kicking up a cloud of dust. The Water Buffalo was one of them big yellow machines made by Cat-A Pillow. I'd never seen one up close and it's size was impressive. Yep, it took me a minute to walk around it and kick the 20' tall tires. The tanker it pulled was as big, as a water tower and about as tall. Now, I'd never operated anything that size and wasn't sure where to start. So, I climbed the ladder and took a seat. Hmm, I guess that's the thing of my jig and this must be the what you may call it. Pull that, turn this, here we go, sounds good, oil pressure good, air gauge rising, adjust the seat, check that mirror, put it in gear, and oh crap ! The huge figure approached and was waving his hairy arms. I pulled the yellow knob and stuck my head out the window, " How's it going ? "

The Beast spoke, " Oh ! You must be the New Bee ! I'm Animal and Stan asked me, to show you the ropes. Can I come up ? "

I snickered, " Man as big, as your are, you can do whatever you please ! "

Animal wedge his way in, " Just put her in gear and she steers like a Big Rig. There you go, turn towards that way. Good ! Pull over, by that hydrant and we'll fill her up. "

So, I did. Yep, Animal was a good 6'10", 390 lbs, mid twenties, wore overalls, had a soft, high pitched voice. You know, he sounded like Michell Jack Son, but was bigger than, Paul Bun Youngs. You know, the fella that cut trees with an ax and had that Big Blue Ox. Anyway, we cut it up and got to know each other. Animal had grown up in a small Texas town, was married, and had a dozen kids. Yep, he and his wife didn't believe in birth control, so she had a litter every nine months. Yep, they had married in High School and, well you know. Now, according to him, the only jobs in that small town was at a lumber mill, or working for the county. So, he had worked for the county road crew and learned how to operate the heavy road equipment. Well, Hells Hole outfit had done some road building out there and they hired Animal. Yep, Animal swore that Hells outfit was known all over Texas and wasn't a bad company to work for. He'd been with them for about three years and ....

Animal ducked down, " Did he see us ? "

I looked around like an Owl, " Who ? "

Animal whispered, " Fran ! He's probably making his rounds and..."

I snickered, " So what ! We work here and ..."

Animals eyes filled with fear, " He doesn't like to see us standing around and......"

I lit up a 100, " He can kiss my butt ! We're filling up this tanker and just doing our job ! What's the Big Deal ? "

Animal stuttered, " You, you, just don't understand ! He's not a nice man and it's best that you stay out of his way. "

So, me and Animal finished topping off the tank. You know, we shut off the water hydrant, rolled up the fire hose, and began soaking down the dust. It really wasn't a hard job to learn. Yep, just steer that beast down the dusty roads and let the water flow. There was a lever and it controlled how fast, or slow the water sprayed. Yep, I could spray out a light mist, or shoot out a powerful stream. There were nozzles all around the sides, back, and an added option. Yep, a large water cannon mounted on top. It was for hard to get to places and pumped out a thousand gallons per minute. Anyway, Animal finished showing me the ropes and manned his piece of equipment. It was a huge scrapper that scooped up dirt and had a large paddle that spun around. Yep, it could move tons of earth, a foot deep, and several yards long. Of course, we weren't the only hands out there. Yep, there must of been 50 other hands, all busy as bees, pushing, scooping, and tooting away. The air was filled with dust and diesel fumes, as the day grew long. A loud whistle blew, the equipment stopped, and it was every man for himself. Yep, a roach wagon had swung in and the race was on. Grown men ran like kids at recess and fought their way over. I was ill prepared and left out in left field. So, I sashayed over and got what was .... Crap ! Yep, just chicken bones and feathers. What a deal !

Anyway, the break wasn't long and everybody got back to work. Now, I had noticed a few things. Yep, most of my fellow workers... Well, how can I put this ? Let's just say they seemed a little, Nutty ? No ! I mean, maybe a little, Slow ? No ! How about, Goofy ! Yeah, Goofy ! I mean, they seemed to a brick shy and a day late. You know, they didn't act normal. Yeah ! It was like they were shell shocked, or scared of each other. You know, like a pack of wild dogs that didn't trust each other. Yeah ! Like our political parties, all snarling at one another. So, I just watered away and kept to myself. Yep, I was just there to do my job and that was all. Finally, the sky turned dark and the equipment got quiet. I parked, along side the others and dusted myself off. It had been a long first day and I was plume worn out. A white school bus arrived and we piled in. I sat on a window seat and noticed the thick wire.

Animal was standing next to me, " Hey Barn ! Everything alright ? "

I pointed, " What is this a prison bus ? Man, this brings back some bad memories and ... "

Red Beard bellowed, " You got a problem ! "

I turned my head, " No ! I was just saying that ..."

Red Beard snarled, " Are you back sassing me ! "

I stood up, " No ! I was just joking, about how this is like a prison bus ! "

Red Beard mumbled, " I might have to kick some dust up with that New Bee. I don't need his lip ! "

The prison bus pulled up in front of Stalag 17 and we were marched inside. I couldn't believe it, " What is this ? "

Animal explained, " It's our bunk house, where we stay ! "

I rolled my eyes, " It's an old army barracks and why is there barbwire on the windows ? What the hell is going on ? "

So, welcome to Hells Hole Hotel, as Life Goes on. What a deal !

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Have you seen Col. Klink or Sgt. Schultz yet????
Does it feel like the walls are closing in on you ?
Watch out for snipers in the crows nest--no one gets out ALIVE !!!

 

Those water wagons are fun-for about an hour. I drove one for a week in my teens. Shake your guts up and down all day. And if you pull the wrong lever and water down plumbers 150' away they get really pizzed. Housing sounds like Barney finally made it to the Twilight Zone.

 

Yep Duker and Pj, the walls are closing in at the Twilight Zone, as Life Goes On. What a deal !

I dipped my plastic hardhat into the large garbage can and scooped out my share of gruel. The day old bread was hard as a roof shingle and about as tasty.

I complained, " #### ! This taste like the sole of a boot ! "

Animal sighed, " I never get any of the meat ! "

So, after our hardy meal we sat around the bunkhouse and stared at each other. I mean, there wasn't any tv, radio, or even a deck of cards. One of the other Hands yelled out, " 22 ", and everybody busted out laughing. A few minutes later a different guy shouted, " 61 ", again the room doubled over with laughter. So, I decided to give it a go, " 22 ", hell not as much, as a snicker. I tried again, " 61 ! ", the room was deadly quiet.

I had to ask, " I don't get it ! Why did they laugh when they did it ? "

Animal explained, " Well Barney, we've been here together so long that we just numbered our jokes. It's faster that way. "

I was confused, " I still don't get it ! I mean, they laughed..."

Animal patted my shoulder, " It's alright ! Some guys know how to tell a joke and some guys don't ! "

Anyway, one of Hands palmed a Her Monica and the air filled with music, ' Oh, way down South in the land of cotton, a place where things get forgotten, look away, look away, look away, what's it's name. Da, do, da, do, da, do, da, da, do... '

Yep, all the Hands began shuffling their feet and dancing to the beat. One had a mop and was hunching away, another a spade and doing his thang, the fella with the other fella. Well, we won't go there !

Animal bowed, " Would you care to dance ? "

I Kurt Seed, " I thought, you'd never ask ! "

So, we cut rug and ... No ! We didn't ! I was pretty tired and ready to hit the sack.

Animal pulled out his tool, " Are you ready for bed ? "

I took it in my hand, " What's this hammer for ? "

Animal pointed, " There's some old lumber over there and some nails. "

So, me and Animal played carpenter. You know, there weren't any bunk beds left to flop on. I hammered, as he sawed and we got her done.

I bragged, " Looks pretty good ! "

Animal stuffed the bag, " Here ! This old potato sack, with this straw will make you a good pillow. "

I flopped down, " Man ! This isn't bad ! Hey, what's the story, about this place ? "

So, Animal told me my bedtime story. You know, like I tell you Snazzers. Yep, the story went something like this. Back years ago the army had built a secret base to house the aliens. Yep, little green men had crashed landed their saucer and caused quite a stir. The town folk fled and the military moved in. They erected those old barracks and built an underground. No ! Not the aliens ! The army ! Come on Snazzers ! Where was I ? Oh, the underground library, err... laboratory. Yep, they pickled the big eyed Martians and ran all sorts of test. Now, the air force got wind of it, so they wanted to play too. You know, how the army and air force like to compete against one another. So, this high flying Ace was chosen to lift off in the saucer. Yep, it was all top secret and only top officials were invited. Well, they Duck taped the saucer and patched her up. The Ace fired her up and up, up, and KABOOM ! Yep, it crash landed so hard that it blew up the underground laboratory. Yep, all the aliens, the flying saucer, and the Ace Pilot. No ! The pilot was still alive and drug himself out of the huge pit. Of course, everything else was a complete loss. No more aliens and the spacecraft was gone forever. Yep, no evidence remained and the world would never learn the secrets of life.

I fluffed my potato sack, " That's terrible ! What happened to the pilot ? "

Animal paused, " Oh, he was in bad shape and it took awhile for him to recover. Yep, several years later he was flying over the Gulf of Mexico and his fighter jet flamed out. He had to ditch that two million dollar jet and barely survived. "

I yawned, " That poor man ! "

Animal wasn't through, " Oh, he survived that too and got assigned to a Navy Carrier, but there was a wardrobe malfunction. You know, one of the pilots sneezed and KABOOM ! Yep, the Ace's jet took a direct hit and the whole carrier almost sank. There was over a billion dollars of damage and that Ace Pilot barely survived ! "

I chinned my elbow, " That's incredible ! "

Animal kept going, " No ! Now get this ! He recovered and ended up being shot down over Hay Noise ! Yep, he was a prisoner of war and almost died. Yep, I guess it must be true ! "

I had to ask, " What be true ? "

Animal whispered, " Well, rumor has it that ... Well, you want believe me ! "

I egged him on, " No ! Tell Me ! "

Animal grew serious, " They say, that the Ace Pilot wasn't the one, that climbed out of that pit. Yep, it was one of then big eyed Martians and it. Well, you know. "

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Snazzy, you have some real writing and story telling abilities........ and so do a bunch of your friends. I am new to trucking at 48. Well anyway glad to meet ya.