Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yahooooooo for Love ..... Romance....... and feelings....... aww how sweet...... Snazzy grab us a drink to congratulate the coming events!!!!!!!!....cheers mate!!! bottoms up and all that jazz..... dont worry about loosing a daughter your gaining a son to! wow another honest women is made in heaven !!!! Oh the make up thing makes you forget about your troubles and name to eh? And Hot Legs? Do I hear wedding bells there to or is she just a distraction! ?????????? I'll make the coffee.... do you want milk ? Just baked those cookies again ......... As the wheels turn and life goes on ........ yeahhhhh for romance again !!!!!!!!

 

OH great a funeral Oh I mean Wedding... Knife loves romance... mush mush mush... but I do love her...Never mind another post... Boy Barney is lucky, he gets to see ex again, and may-be take Hot Legs along to the wedding...Jeezzz what a nitemare that could become...Better make that drink stronger than coffee, add some Bailey's to it yep yep thata work... Make mine a double shot... No not a double wedding either...

 

Yep Knife, I'll take milk in mine and Dev wants liquor in his. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Ring, ring, " Hello ! "

Wifey was all business, " We need to talk, about your daughter's wedding ! "

I tried to be nice, " Her and Flyboy just left and ...."

Wifey spat, " Piggy called me and and she's upset ! You need to meet me at the Wedding Chapel ! Ill be waiting for you and don't bring your Bimbo ! "

So, the phone went dead, as I stood there starring at the receiver. Luckily, Hot Legs was taking a nap and I didn't have to explain my absence. Now, I did leave her a note, but only scratched down that I'd be right back. It was a little afternoon, when I parked the low-rider in front and sashayed inside. The Chapel reminded me of a funeral parlor. You know, there was large circled drive, a manicured green lawn, huge oak trees, cut marble steps, white pillar beams, stained glass windows, and inside. Well, seven foot tall doors, twenty foot tall ceilings, hanging chandeliers, ankle deep carpet, rows of cushioned bench seats. Anyway, elevator music filled the air, as the Snooty Bat made her entrance. Yep, a heavy set, middle aged, painted faced, wig wearing, jewelry dripping, high fool-looting phony, fake, piece of crap.

She offered her hand, " I'm so honored to finally meet you Mr Goose ! I'm Snooty Bat the director of Holy Moly Chapel. Please follow me ! "

So, I followed her back and we entered a swank office. Wifey was seated in front of a large polished desk and waiting on us. Snooty Bat plopped down behind the desk, while I took a seat next to you know who. I was a little surprised, but tried not stare. I mean, Wifey had put on a few pounds and was showing her age. Of course, I had too, but ... Well, you know ! Anyway, Wifey handed me a folder and barked her orders.

She pointed, " This is a picture of the wedding gown and the tuxedos will be a dark lavender. We'll have this twelve stacked wedding cake and I like these violets. What are they called ? "

Snotty Bat gasped, " Oh ! You have such good taste ! Those are imported, from a small tropical island, off the coast of Sing A Poor and that gown is hand woven silk. Oh ! Mrs Guitar Man, your going to have the best wedding that money can buy ! Mr Goose your so lucky to have someone, with such excellent taste. I bet, your just thrilled. "

I lit up, " Yeah, lucky me ! Oh, when is the big to do ? "

Wifey spat, " It's next Saturday and you'll need to get fitted for your tux and be here for the re-her-sale ! It's scheduled for 6 pm, next Friday and there's so much more to do ! We still need to get a caterer, make the musical arrangements, reserve a limo, plan the wedding party, and the honeymoon. I'm just beside myself and afraid something might go wrong."

Snooty Bat passed the tissue, " Don't you worry about a thing ! That's why I'm here, to make sure everything is perfect. Now, Mr Goose ! Is there anything that I can help you with ? "

I blew smoke, " No it looks like, Wifey has it all under control. Yep, this will be a humdinger and quite a show. Yep Piggy and Fly Boy, should be happy as larks. Well I guess, I need to get going and ...."

Snooty Bat handed it to me, " This is the invoice and we accept most major credit cards. If you have any questions, just ask me ! "

I glanced at it, " Mumble, mumble, $ 6,079, $12,121, and ? Oh, I see ! Yep, carry the 8, that must be the, mumble, mumble. Well, it looks good to me and if there's anything that I can do. You know, uh, bring the beer, or help clean up. You know, just let me know ! "

Wifey dropped her bomb, " What do you mean ? The brides father always pays for the wedding ! You do know that ? "

I got it, " Wait a minute ! You think, that I'm going to pay for this ! In a Pig's eye ! Are you nuts ? Good God Almighty ! I'm not paying this and your crazy ! Good grief ! Do you think, I've got money coming out of my Wazoo ! Gees ! There's noway ! "

Snooty Bat ran for the exit, " I'll leave you two alone to discuss this ! "

Wifey exploded, " I should of known ! Your going to ruin everything and your daughter will never forgive you ! She's got her heart set and this will be the most important day of her life ! How can you do that ? We've already mailed out the invitations and ... "

I'd heard enough, " Piggy doesn't have a thing to do with this ! She'd be happy getting hitched under a tree and wouldn't care ! This is all your doings and trying to relive your miserable life, through her ! I'm not a rich man, I work for a living, I drive a truck, I live like a swamp rat ! Piggy knows that and who are you kidding ! This is ... "

Wifey snatched the invoice, " Guitar Man will pay for it ! He's even offered to give her away ! You can do whatever, you want ! Just, stay away and don't interfere ! "

I kicked the chair over, " If that SOB, even tries to give my daughter away it'll be the last thing he ever does ! I mean that too ! "

So, I sashayed stomped away and left a trail burning rubber. No ! Not me, the low-rider did. Yep, I was seeing red and could feel my blood pressure rising. I mean, I was pissed, upset, angry, mad, and ... Well you know ! Of course, I wasn't mad at Piggy. She hadn't done anything wrong and neither had Fly Boy. It was Wifey and her high brow ways. Yep, she had champ pain taste and a beer budget. I never understood her, when it came to money. She was raised, by dirt poor parents and I sure wasn't a Rocky Feller. Yep I guess, maybe that's why. You know, she wanted things to be better for her kids. But Hey ! Well, you know what I mean, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Well Yahhhhhh for Romance and Love .... but OH Nooooooo for expensive Weddings..... wow !!!!!. Come on Snazzy ... Wifey isnt living in the real world ? and OH my she has put on a few Extra Lbs ,,,,,,awwww Ol Hot Legs is sleeping this party away.... Piggy and Fly Boy will be living in Sin ! and Guitar man will be broke by the end of the day!!! Put on the Coffee grab a few beers and think about it today! As the Wheel turns......

 

Wifey needs to run for Congress. She'd fit right in there spending other people's money. Barney needs to explain the benefits and romance of elopement to Piggy. It was good enough for Gov Palin and she is still happily married.

 

So Sorry For Barney... Dang it... Elopement sounds like a GREAAAT plan and it's sorta romantic too... better pour a few more 'cuz your going to need them... don't you just love those Ex's...

 

NO! I dont Just Love those Ex's !!! LOL Nor does Barney for that matter hes going to be with Hot Legs Cuz he LOVES her !

 

Yep Big Duker, Wifey could run for congress, or better yet. She could get on the V.P. ticket and let the Party pay for it. What a deal ! I see that Rik and Knife, are ready for a bender, so cold beers all around, as Life Goes On.

I parked in front of the River Queen and noticed Piggy's Mustang was there. I sashayed inside and joined them. Yep, Hot Legs, Piggy, Fly Boy, my friend Dan, Capt Hook, and some folks that I didn't even know, where there.

Dan slapped my back, " Congratulations ! I just heard the good news and you must be proud. They make a fine couple ! "

Capt Hook joined in, " I second that ! I'm really happy for you ! "

Hot Legs hugged me, " Maybe we can make it a double wedding ! "

Piggy had to ask, " Did you talk to mom ? "

I was blunt and pointed, " I need, to see you two in private ! Follow me ! "

So, Piggy and Fly Boy followed me up top. You know, the top deck, where we could speak in private. I sat them down and stood there searching for the right words. Yep, just like two puppies waiting to be fed, they gave me their full attention.

I lit a 100, " This isn't easy for me and uh, well, I might as well just come out and say it ! Now Piggy you know, that there's not much, that I wouldn't do for you. I love you and your sisters too ! It's just that, I can't afford a big wedding right now ! I've got a stack of bills in there and everyone of them are past due. Now before you panic, let me finish ! There has to be someway to get through this. Maybe, I can get a small loan, or .... "

Fly Boy cut me short, " Mister Goose, I mean Barney ! My parents said, that this is crazy ! They don't see why, Mrs Guitar is planning such a big wedding. They've offered to help pay for it, but Mrs Guitar refused. "

Piggy folded her arms, " Mom said, that her and Guitar Man, would pay for all of it ! Daddy ! Mom, just wants us to have a wedding to remember. She's put, so much into this and we've already sent out our invitations. All you have to do, is rent a tux and give me away. "

I blew smoke, " OH REALLY ! She told me, that Guitar Man. Wait ! What am I saying ? I mean, that stupid, goofy looking, Ostrich Neck, step-dad of yours. He'll pay for it, but only if, he gives you away ! I CAN"T DO THAT ! Your mother and him, are trying to .. Oh I'm sorry, just give me a minute, because I never thought...."

Piggy wrapped her arms around me, " Oh, Daddy ! I didn't know ! He can't do that and no one can ! Except you ! "

I blubbered and teared up, " I'm so sorry ! I want you, to have the best wedding and ... sniffle, sniffle,.."

Fly Boy hugged both of us, " We'll make out just fine. Like my mom said, it's not the ceremony, it's what's in your hearts that matter ! "

So, we all stood there singing, ' Come by Ya'll ' and wiping tears. Anyway, Hot Legs wiggled over and tried to figure things out. You know, who died, or what happened ? So, I pulled her tight and had her join in. Of course, Dan, Capt Hook, and some unidentified guest, all ended up in the huddle. Yep, all we needed was a pigskin. No ! Not Piggy's skin, well you know, what I mean, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

AWWWW it's all happening here now! Lets have a party!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The cake will be cut soon .. and the wedding goes on ......... woo hooo for Love sure makes the world go round! Barney will give his little piggy away after all... and Hot Legs will wiggle her way into their life to ......Very True..... its whats in your heart that matters!

 

So much for elopement... Guess Barney will have to look for some type of loan, Just stay away from the sharks... Don't need any more troubles now. Double wedding, What?? what is wrong with the JP? for both if you must...LOL I know it's not as romantic but hey it sure s cheaper... nothing wrong with saving a few bucks and may-be no need for the sharks.