Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Sorry there Barney, but you deserve what ever is coming next. As long as it's bad. Telling lies to that poor , innocent, helpless young thing. Of course she may use that money maker in ol' Blue and bring back $10-20k for her honest{?} boyfriend.


BARNEY GOOSE

 

Barney is going to get roasted... and Hot Legs will be lookin' for a new ride...Oh what a tangled web we weave...in the end well we'll just leave that to the story teller to decide...Nite Snazzy 1

 

Pj and Knife see a dead Goose walking, Ken thinks Hot Legs may need to be replaced, Rik is waiting for the wiener roast and Big Duker posted my photo. Great replies, so Snazzy Points all around. Now, for the bad news. Yep, my puter is on the blink again and I keep getting knocked off line. I will see, if this post and try to reboot. If I disappear, for a few days don't get too excited. It just means, that I'm in jail for killing this piece of crap !

Be right back Snazzers, well maybe, your Snazzy1.

 

The Big Day arrived and all eyes were focused on the pool room exit. No ! Not a pool hall ! It was the room next to the Texas sized pool. You know, where folks go to shower and dress after swimming. Piggy looked like a model in that high priced gown. Yep, it had all the trimmings. You know, lacy lace, ruffles, frilly thingies, a ten foot tail, and crap like that. I tugged on my toro outfit and glanced in the mirror. Yep, I looked like a bullfighter in that tux. You know, it was a dark maroon and had that red sash around my waist. Yep, all I needed was a red cape and a one of them Mickey Mouse hats. Anyway, Piggy gave me my marching orders. Let's see, when the music starts we'll sashay down the aisle. You know, down the sidewalk, next to the pool and past those folding chairs. We'll stop, facing the Preacher and he'll ask, ' who giveth the Bride away and I'll answer,' I, HER FATHER ! ' Then, I'm suppose to release her arm and step to the rear. That's Fly Boys cue to step up and take her hand. Hmm, sounds easy enough ! Anyway, I peeped through the drapes and took a look see. Yep, there had to be 200 folks out there, just sitting and waiting. Of course, I was a little nervous, but more happy than sad. You know, from this day forward, Piggy would be a married woman and childhood memories a thing of the past.

Wifey flew in, " Are ya'll ready ? "

I blew smoke, " We've been ready ! What's holding the show up ? "

Wifey threw darts, " Put that cigarette out ! That gown cost a lot of money and your daughter doesn't need it to stink, like cigarettes ! Are you sober and where's your Bimbo at ? "

I defended myself, " She's not here and I haven't had a drop ! "

Piggy rolled her eyes, " Can't ya'll give it a rest and what is taking so long ? "

Wifey explained, " Guitar Man is running late and he just got here. His band is setting up and it won't be long. "

I picked some fruit out of my crack, " Great ! How's he going to play ? "

Wifey was up beat, " He can stand on crutches and gets around good in his wheelchair. I'll go help them and when the music starts. Well, ya'll know what to do. Remember ! Don't screw this up ! "

So, she dashed away and I lit up another one. Yep, all that waiting was the hardest part. I felt like a death row inmate, when the phone rang.

Ring, ring, " Daddy, it's for you ! "

I answered, " Governor ? Is this a reprieve ? Oh, hi there ! What's up ? "

Hot Legs sniffled, " I just wanted to say, how sorry I am and ... "

I played along, " Oh ! Don't worry about it ! Ed told me, about it and stuff happens. We'll have plenty of pictures and ... "

Hot Legs cried, " Oh I wish, I could be there ! Tell your daughter, that I sent a gift and it should get there... "

I cut her short, " I have to go ! I'll call you later, bye ! "

So, I hung up the phone and locked elbows with you know who. Two cute kids, a boy and girl, about five years old, tossed down petals, in front of us. You know, the flower children. I tried to pace our stride, so we'd not arrive too early. All the heads turned to gawk and several cheeks were moist, with tears. I parked us in front of the Minister and stood waiting for my cue.

The Preacher Man, " Whom giveth, this Bride away ? "

My voice boomed, " I GIVEST, THISEST BRIDEST AWAYEST ! CRAP ! I MEAN <) , ME'S HERS FATHERS GIVERS HERS UPS ! "

So, I did my part and stood there like an Idiot. Yep, Piggy had to elbow me away and nudge me to the side. The Victim, err,.. Fly Boy took my place and the Preacher continued, " We are gathered here to join this couple in Holy Mat-Toe-Moan-He. If any man here objects, let him speak now, or forever hold his peace ! "

So, there was that odd moment of silence and then the preacher finished up. You know, do you take this Piggy, to have and to hold, in good times and bad, do dah, do dah, and do you promise to obey, in sickness and health, till Else comes home. I now, pronounce you husband and wife. Yep, the music played, tops popped, tears got wiped and that, was that. Anyway, I sashayed over to the bar and Capt Hook poured me a strong one. We cut it up and several other friendly faces joined in. Yep, I was happy it was over and satisfied that things went well. Yep, all I wanted to do, was mingle for awhile and get out of that silly outfit. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Glad Barney got that wedding off with out a hitch, so to speak, well for the time looks as if Hot Legs is Ok with what happened. I can see it now Barney thinks things are going great and recovering from the post wedding hangover... Hot Legs turns up... ahhh Heck we'll let the story teller tell what happens??

 

Awww well Barney ... you made it through with your lies...... ok whats next....... so........ Where is Hot Legs...... what she going to think... hummmmm and Ex Wifey is letting this happening go south..... hummmmm maybe she wont say nothing to him ......I'm curious?

 

I see that Rikdev and Knife Edge are waiting with baited breath. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

The liquor flowed and the wedding party was in full swing. Capt Hook was busy as a one armed paperhanger. You know, keeping all the glasses full. Piggy and fly Boy, cut the cake, danced, and made toast. No ! Not bread toast, the other kind. Anyway, the photos were taken, Piggy tossed the Bow-Kay and away they went. Yep, Dan had made good on the limo and he even dressed for the part. You know, he wore a chauffeur's uniform, with a saucer billed cap. I sashayed back to the pool dressing room and changed out of that silly looking tux.

Wifey cornered me, " Well, I should of known better ! You sure screwed up the whole thing ! You couldn't even say the words right ! "

I lit up, " Oh, get over it ! Everything turned out fine and their happy. They sure had a better wedding than we had. Remember ? Both times all we had was a J.P. and ..."

Wifey rubbed it in, " Yeah, I remember ! You couldn't afford to even buy me a decent ring and I used the same one twice ! Guitar Man gave this 24 carrot ring and we flew to the Virgin Islands, for our honeymoon ! "

I bit back, " Virgin Island ? You ? What a gas ! Anyway, I need to get going and .... "

Wifey cut me short, " That figures ! You know, there's guest out there and the least you could do is to greet some of them. Fly Boys parents, his uncles, aunts, brothers, grandparents, and don't forget ! Your other two daughters are here and maybe they'd like to see you. "

So, I gave in and agreed to mingle for awhile. You know, say few how do's and shake a few hands. You know, act friendly and pretend to give a ####. Of course, I did enjoy seeing my other girls. Yep, Monkey was there and she hugged my neck. Remember ? She's my oldest and then Mouse spotted me and wanted to introduce us. No ! Not to her sister ! It was her boyfriend. Yep, Rick The Prick ! Man, was he something ! We were standing by the catering truck. You know, the friend of Piggy, that catered the wedding. Yep, I was chewing on a brisket and swigging down a brew. Ole Ostrich Neck was on stage. Well, it was flatbed trailer parked next to the Texas sized pool. Yep, they had it decorated with all sorts of stuff. You know, paper hung all around to hide the wheels and tires. A large wooden ramp on the rear, so Ostrich could wheel his way up. Oh yeah, he had one of them fancy electric chairs. Yep, he parked facing the crowd and started strumming the strings. His band really sucked and they sounded awful.

Mouse hugged my neck, " Daddy, this is Rick ! Do you know who he is ? "

I didn't, " No, I don't think we've met. How are you doing ? "

Rick offered his large paw, " Glad to meet you sir ! "

Mouse grinned, " Daddy I bet, if he had on his costume you'd know who he is. He's the Masked Prick, of World Wrestling ! "

I thought about it, " Who ? I mean, your a professional wrestler ? That's nice and I bet, your good at it ! Your sure big enough and ..SPLASH ! "

So, we turned our heads and got our eyes full. Yep, ole Guitar Man, or better known, as Ostrich Neck had done a good one. Somehow, he got his wheelchair caught tangled up in all those get fiddle wires. You know, the other band members microphones, guitar jacks and crap. Yep, so he tried to keep playing and put his electric chair in full reverse. Yep you guessed it, he did a full summer-salt, half gainer, triple wheeled dive, straight back, off the trailer, bounced once and smack dab, into that Texas sized pool. What a deal ! Now, that was bad enough, but all of his band members were still attached. Yep one by one, they were drug behind and each joined in. Then the amplifiers, microphones, drums, and what knots. Well, you know. Yep, a whole pool full of drowning Idiots and several thousand dollars worth of high dollar equipment. So, I immediately jumped into action. Not ! Hell, I was laughing so hard, beer squirted out my nose. Anyway, Rick The Prick saved the day. Well, he saved the Idiots. You know, he stripped down and dove in. One by one, he fished them out and tossed to the side. Yep, that boy was one huge, muscle bound, piece of work.

Wifey knelt next to Ostrich Neck, " Does anyone know CPR ? "

I popped a top, " No ! But if you hum a few bars, I'll try to sing along ! "

So, the entertainment ended. Well, the rescue squad, air flight, lawyer driven ambulance, and local news van left. Yep, that's a wedding that everyone will remember. Anyway, things settled down and I finally was able to leave. It had been a long day and I was ready for it to end. I no sooner got home, when the phone rang. No ! It wasn't good news and a call that turned my world upside down, as Life Goes On.

Nightie night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Ahhhhhh So good time was had by all then!!!! Ol Wifey had her 2 pennies worth then..... hummm and home to relax and revise the day....... Oh........Hot Legs....hummm and the plot thickens..... we better get out the coffee pot and plate full of cookies for the next part eh!

 

Sounds like a perfect wedding. Hope it isn't bad news about Hot Legs. Or even worse about Ol'Blue.

 

Upside down? Hummm Gotta wonder 'bout them, sure hope all is well with Hot Legs and O'le Blue...