Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Yeah I am laughing so hard my sides hurt, Ducks good call on the picture LOL I was waiting for Snaz to tell us all he had one bullet in his pocket just to nip crime in the bud

 

Great stories, I really enjoyed reading them! I am new here myself.
Hey did someone mentions GI Joes, I have 120 in my collection (the 12" ones), that will be my retirement money ! You also mentioned you restored classic cars before, I have a 1968 Mustang I restored myself, took 3 years. Now I show it, I love doing that, talking to people at the shows and just watching their faces as the car brings back memories for them!
God Bless!

 

Ducks, Ducks, Ducks, That picture sums it up. You'll get extra Snazzy points for that one. Attitude, hope your dad shares your idea of humor. Let us know. Palmaceae, first welcome aboard. Second, I have great respect for true auto restorers. Keep it up. Hangman, my wife actually stuffed one in the pocket of my uniform shirt. I almost wrecked when I found it. On with the tale.

To say there wasn't any crime in Mayberry would be a lie. The town was in the area know as the golden triangle. A major Interstate cut thru the West side of town. A very heavily traveled state highway cut straight thru the towns business district. Well, if a grocery store, cafe, volunter fire dept., beautishop, and lets not forget the city hall/police dept. There was also a rest area and a historic destrict. Well, no facilities at the rest area and the historic district was a cement slab where the statute of the town marshall had stood. There were close to 1,000 residents of Mayberry accorring to the 1980 censes. I figured 999 when I drove home. But, for some reason quite a few bad guys would chose to run from the big city police. We had what was known as innercity radio.Yep,the big boys would call the Sheriff's department and they'd notify Mayberry's patrolman. Me. Barney. Driving a 5 year old 1975 piece of crap. It looked good. Had a fresh white paint job and stickers on the doors of the State Seal Of Texas. Someone should of told Goober that the State Seal wasn't a walluris type seal. It was an emblem not a picture of Flipper. Anyway, I'd get set up, (police slang for parking in the median and waiting). The first few times I misjudged my time needed to join in the pursuit. I'd watch the fleeing vehicle being chased by the super sonic police cruisers. I'd throw her in gear and in a matter of seconds be traveling at 20 mph. A few more minutes and I'd have her topped out. A break neck speed of 75 mph. By then the pursuit was usually over in the next county. So, I began topping her out the minute I got the call. Yep, I'd shoot the finger to the suspect and waive at the cops as they passed. Of course the bubblegum machine always got noticed by the big boys, " Hey, is that Andy or Barney driving." I'd reply, " It's Barney, Andy's at aunt Bee's."

One day I went to Andy's to pickup the patrol car. He parked it as his house. I worked the evening shift 3pm till midnight. After midnight Andy would just take calls but not patrol. Goober was there and crying in his grease rag. The piece of crap had died. I didn't know whether to do a jig or join in the mourning. Andy's other vehicle was his wife's new Z-28 Comaro. So, with Flipper stickers on the doors and Andy's hand held radio. See, I wasn't Chief so Andy had the hand held radio. It worked good too. All I had to do was hang out the window and shout real loud. Anyway, Andy's last words were, "If you wreck my wife's car I'll kill you !"

I slowly backed out of Andy's drive and slowly drove to the police dept. I got the emergency Kojack light we kept in our supply room. I mounted said light on the dash and plugged her in. It was blue. My first thought was of course, " Weclome K-Mart Shoppers our special is ladies panties just follow your nose". I slowly backed out of the parkinglot. Carefully I went to my hiding place. It was in the rest area that no one used. I sat and studied the situation. Several rules formed in my mind. No pursuits, no running code, no going over the speed limit, no smoking in the car, no eatting, no playing with the stero, no fast starts, no ... The Pontiac Firebird flew thru the stop sign. I plugged in the K-Mart light and the chase was on. At speeds over 130 mph we entered into another county. I had my trusty hand held to my lips as they flapped out in the breeze, " Suspect just wrecked ! " I slammed on the power disc brakes, skided a half mile, and when the smoke cleared returned to the scene. The 15 year old had taken his joy ride in a stolen new car from a Fort Worth car dealership. He was alot calmer than I was, " Man dude, just my luck, a local yokel driving a Z cop car. What a bummer !" I drew my 38 and screamed, " Drop the bong and keep your faces where I can see them !"

Luckily a DPS trooper was the first unit to assist. He was laughing, " Man that's a cop car. Where'd ya'll come up with the Flipper decals ? " The tropper worked the accident scene. The Firebird was a total loss and had to be towed. It turned out the kid was wanted in another state on some felony warrants. Back then if you arrested a suspect out of your county. you had to take him before a local magistrate. It was a pain. Since the charges for auto theft were filed in this same county the car wrecked out in. Well, I just gave the collar to the DPS trooper and cleared the scene. I parked Andy's Comaro in his drive and snuck away. I hope'd his wife wouldn't notice that her tires were out of round. A good part of them were left as marks on the highway. It was like driving over a washboard.

Lets break, Snazzers or Snazzets, the Snazyy1

 

OOOOH you did it now.... I bet she noticed the first time she got in that car... LOL Keep it coming snaz I am rolling.

 

Yes Hangman she did notice but read on, as Life Goes On.

After the incident in the Comaro an emergency city council meting was held. The city was broke. There were two forms of local government. Home rule cities that could collect taxs from property values. Mayberry wasn't a home rule city. It was of the non-home rule type.. What that meant was the only revenue the city got was from sales taxes and begging for some state and federal grants. Well, back in the 80's. After the clux Ford, the peanut farmer, and just as trickle down Reagon took office. No one had any money. Most of the large cities such as New York were going bankrupt. Several Texas towns went belly up. Times were hard. Military bases were closing, most all major companies were laying off. Plants were closing. It was the pits.

So, I did what any normal idiot would do to keep his job. I went to a tote the note dealer and bought myself a police car. Well, it was a 5 year old, 1975 Dodge, 4 door. It was clean and ran good. I stopped by the old security company and sweet talked my x-boss to donate a nice light bar off one of his many wrecked units. He even threw in a 2 way radio with antenna. In return I promised to run criminal history checks on his new hires. I had some pull at the Sheriff's office to do that. I then called a local guy who sold police radar units. I bought a rebuilt unit that worked and even was state ceretified. For the price of $ 400.00 he even gave me a little ceretificate proclaiming I was a ceretified radar intructor. I then went to a local truck stop. The C.B. guy knew his stuff. He installed the radio and programed it to the Sheriff's dept. frequency, which included inner city. I wasn't thru yet. I went to the poilce supply store and bought some real police decals, no more Flipper. The volunteer fire dept. donated a siren.

Yep, we were in tall cotton. Andy kissed me on both cheecks. The Mayor was speechless for the first time in history. I worked out a deal. Kind of like the trucking companies do now. It was a lease to own deal. I signed the title over to the city. The city registered the car and provided the insurance. They also furnished the gas and maintance. In return I got a promotion. I was now the warrant officer. Back then and I imagine now, it was legal for the city court to pay a bounty for all fees collected on fines. So, on my off duty time I would hunt down all the slobs that hadn't paid their tickets. For every fine collected I got 25 %. Usually that averaged out to about $ 20.00 to me, and $ 60.00 for the city. We had an old hand held radar that we'd used before. The problem was it only shot radar for about 200' feet. By then most speeders had slowed to the limit. I wasn't one to hide behind billboards. Andy would and did. There were over 500 unpaid fines on the books. That was about $ 40,000 or $10,000 to me and $ 30.000 for the city. Life was good again.

My wife never understood high finance. When she realized I had spent all our savings and our tax return. Well, she wasn't happy. Such is life. I had an ace in the hole. I knew none of the city warrants had been entered into T.C.I.C. ( Texas Crime Information Computer). So, I wined and dined the 300lb Sheriff's dispatcher. When we got to the resturant I told the waitress to give me an estimate before bringing the menu. That $ 30.00 meal earned me a $ 2,000 profit in less then 6 months. Yep, everytime a cop ran a warrant check, bingo. Those poor folks who hadn't paid their tickets had a choice of the grey bar hotel or pay the man. Life was real good.

There are a couple of cop stories I can tell from the Mayberry era. So stay tuned for the next exciting episode. Your, Snazzy1.

 

Woohoo! I might not win the lottery, but I got extra Snazzy points. Life is good!

 

Ducks, Snazzy points are not good with any other offers, one point equals less amounts subject to change, Snazzy reserve the rights to all points issued, void where prohibited, for full details log on to your local innernet.

It was a cold rain filled night. I was running radar on the two lane. Hadn't seen a speeder in over an hour. Matter of fact, I hadn't seen a car in over an hour. The rain stopped but not a star or moon in sight. It was quiet. Too quiet. It was dark, black, and dank. I was bored, bored, and bored. At a distance I spotted head lights. Like a tug on the fising line I glanced at the radar screen. It beeped, a reading of 71 mph blinked on the red screen. Swish, the air rocked my unit. The offender never noticed me. I slipped her in gear and mashed the go pedal. I was at a disadvantage but steadily gained speed. 50 mph, 70 mph, 80 mph. I was slowly gaining on my target. I was within sight to get a vehicle description. Not close enough for a license plate number.
"Mayberry two, I've got a late model Blazer, red in color, we're approaching the Interstate, standby." The Blazer's brake-lights lit up. It slowed and turned right.
Mayberry two, " we'll be North bound on the Interstate , copy GF-8383, that's George Frank eight three, eight three, wanted for traffic only at this time." I waited a moment for the return.
" S.O., to Mayberry two, 10-28 shows registered to a Mark Myers, local address, clear 10-29, no wants or warrants."
I lit the Blazer up just as it took the next exit. It continued at a normal speed but didn't yield to my emergency lights. We turned down a dark dirt road, then a sharp left into some thicket.
" Mayberry two S.O. I'll be out with that vehicle, we're just East of exit 89, about 1/10th mile off Cementary Road. No assist at this time."
After the Sheriff's dispatcher acknowledged, I approached the Blazer. The lone occupant slowly rolled the driver's window down.
" Howdy, Im Officer Fife with the Mayberry police department. I'll need to see your license and proof of insurance. The reason I stopped you was there is a posted speed limit on the State Hwy. My radar indicated your speed at 71 mph, in that 45 mph zone. Is there a reason for your speeding ?"

The driver never made eye contact with me. Instead, he slowly opened his car door and began stepping out. He had to be 6'9" and 240 lbs. He looked alot like the guy who played Grizzly Adam's. I stood my ground.
My voice got a little higher, " Now sir, Mr, My My Myers, there's no need to get upset. Just hand me your license and this will be over in a minute. No need to get upset."
Grizzy bear didn't look too happy. Matter of fact if looks could kill.
He spoke, " I don't have to show you crap ! I'll stuff that pistol where the sun don't shine. Best you back off. You don't know who your dealing with !"
He was right. I was thinking about drawing my gun. Always heard it was better to be convicted by 12, than carried by 6.
The gun blast shot thru the still night. I was deaf in my left ear. The smell of gunsmoke filled my nostrals. The Bear jumped as high as I did. My knees were weak, I turned.
Andy stood just behind me, still holding his nine milimeter Glock. He lowered his gun. This time instead of aiming up, it was pointed at the Bears snoot.
Andy's 4'9", looked 7' tall.
He spoke calmly, " I'm Chief Andy of the Mayberry Police Department. We have one rule out here. If we eat our guns, we eat them hot ! Now, get on the ground or I'll blow what little brains you have, out your friggen ugly head, you dumb goofy, piece of ..."
Andy wasn't able to finish his speech. The Bear had fainted and shook the earth as he bit the dust. I was calm as a cat in boiling oil. I did three spins, a backflip, and two douple takes.
" Dang Andy, where did you come from ? I was a goner. Man ! Geez ! That guy's a nut. Man ! He was going to make me shoot him. I didn't do nothing. Just ask a guy for his license and bam ! Hell, I didn't want shoot him. You know. Geez !
Andy just walked past me and cuffed the Bear. He then radioed the Sheriff's department informing them we had one is custody. It took both of us to drag the Bear to patrol car and stuff him in it. Andy explained how he'd seen me exit the freeway, following the Blazer. He was concerned because I did the one thing that is a no-no.
Andy gave me the rundown, " I think your a good cop Barney. You have some good schooling and that military sevice. BUT ! What the hay were you thinking ? You never, ever, ever, ever, follow a suspect to his turf. You get him stopped on the main road or you do a felony stop in the boonies. Your not Marshall Earp and I'm not John Wayne ! We don't need to get killed out here. That retard could kill us both with one paw tied behind him. We don't get fighting wages. Either draw that gun and use it, or don't carry it."

After booking the Bear in the Sheriff's zoo I drove home. My seat sat a little higher. No, not proud high. Poopee high. I changed drawers when I got there.

Your, Snazzy.

 

Yeah I bet you had too, I have heard alot of horror stories about Cops getting into that same situation, glad Andy was there to help you Snaz... Keep safe

 

Snaz
Don't know how you do it. Nobody hates ticket writers more than I do and here you had me pullin' for ya all the way! By the way, I admire a person who doesn't just take a situation and cry and whine . Love the initiative. Just glad I didn't live in the area at the time. lol

 

Dang, Snazzy -- I logged on to my local innernet, and I could find...

Snazzy maracas...

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Snazzy pets...

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and Snazzy neckerchiefs (!)...

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but no Snazzy points. You wouldn't be pullin' my leg now, would ya'?

(Tell me, ladies -- isn't that guy with the neckerchief HOT?? I mean, he is SUCH the "total package" in fashion. )​