Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Discussion in 'The Welcome Wagon' started by Snazzy, Aug 3, 2007.

  1. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    Yep Broncrider, there's alot on Barney's plate here lately, including carrots. Dukesdad sees a cooked Goose, Headley and Kenmar, bet it's Sherry. Well let's find out, as Life Goes On.

    Missy swung and turned, as I raised up. The first carrot glanced off my cheek, but the second knocked me right off the bed. Missy wrapped the silk sheet around herself, bolted for the bathroom and locked the door. My legs wobbled like a fighter down for the count, but I managed to stand.

    Sherry pointed, " Who is that Bimbo ? "

    I had one leg in and was trying for the other, " What are you doing here ? "

    Sherry folded her arms, " Well I guess, SHES more important than I am and you forgot, about me and Orvile ! "

    I got me second leg in, " I didn't forget ! Didn't Capt Hook tell you, that I got called out ? I figured, that you picked up the kid and ... "

    Sherry didn't buy it, " Oh, your on a service call ! I didn't know, that you serviced DOGS in heat ! Who is she ! I want to know ! "

    It hit me, " Wait a minute ! Sherry, this isn't any of your business ! I can see and do anything, I want ! Now, get the hell out of here and .... "

    Sherry slapped my face, " You've just led me on and don't care anything, about me or how I feel ! Well Mister, let me tell you something ! ..."

    I'd heard enough, " NO ! Let me tell you ! We're not married and I've never led you on ! There is NOTHING between us and never has been ! You need to go get your retarded Grandson and hit the road ! "

    Sherry teared up, " You really don't care about me and this has meant nothing to you. I've done everything I can, to please you and...."

    I pointed, " Get the hell out of here and don't come back ! "

    So, Sherry turned and sombered towards the exit. No ! I didn't get any joy out of bursting her bubble. But hey ! There really wasn't anything between us, except in her mind. No ! I hadn't poked her and really didn't care to. Well, I mean, the thought had crossed my mind, but the fact is. Well, I didn't and that's my story and I'm sticking to it !

    Missy cracked the door, " Who was that ? "

    I rolled my eyes, " That was Sherry and she's Orvile's grandma. Somehow, she thinks that there's something going on between us. I swear, I barely know the woman and she must be nuts ! "

    Missy had to ask, " Why do you have on my panties ? "

    I looked down and blushed, " Oh, I'm sorry ! She had me so upset that I don't know what I'm doing. "

    Anyway, I got dressed. No ! I took off her pantes and .. Well, you know. So, thanks to Sherry and my stupid luck, no nukie for me that night. Now, I did thank Missy for a wonderful time and promised that I'd call her tomorrow. Well, as I sashayed back to the River Queen. You guessed it ! Yep, Sherry was seated on my stoop and waiting for me.

    I lit a 100, " Look Sherry ! I don't mean to be rude and don't want to hurt your feelings, but we need sometime apart. "

    Sherry choked back tears, " Your going to leave me for her and I haven't done anything ! I love you Barney and I thought you felt the same. "

    I blew smoke, " Look ! Just go home and we'll forget this ever happened. I'll call you in a few days and we can talk then. "

    So, Sherry perked up and pranced away. No ! I had no plans of ever seeing or speaking to her again. Yep, she sure wasn't my type and besides. Who wants a lady with no Butt Ox ? What a deal, as LIfe Goes On.

    Nightie Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
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  3. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    I ended up working in the shop until Elsie came home. I did take time out to shower and shave, back at the River Queen, just as the sun rised. Mike and his Brothers had left the place in a mess, so I was tidding up, when I noticed it. Yep, I knew that something wasn't right and it took me a few minutes to figure out what. Yep, you guessed it ! Hot Legs was missing. I searched high and low, before it sank in. Now, who the hell would of taken a urn of ashes and what for ? I mean, the urn might have been worth a little something, but not anything you'd steal for profit. My mind voices were having a fit and my stomach was in knots. Finally I decided, there wasn't much I could do, but to confront Mike the next time I saw him. I mean, I wasn't going to drive over to their club house and make a fool out of myself. You know, ' Which one of you dirt bags swiped my Hot Legs ? '

    Ring, ring, ring, " Lady Rescue, Goose speaking. "

    Sherry, was Sherry, " Are you up ? I didn't wake you did I ? I couldn't sleep all night and wanted to tell you, how sorry I am. If you want, I'll stopby and fix your breakfast. I can be there in .... "

    I gave the phone, THE LOOK, " Sherry, I've been up all night and haven't been to bed. I thought, we decided to give it a rest and ... "

    Sherry accused me, " Your with HER aren't you ? I cried myself to sleep and you've been with HER all night ! I can't go on like this and you need to decided it's HER, or ME ! "

    I rolled my eyes, " I don't have time for this ! CLICK ! "

    So, I hung up and sashayed back to the shop. The early dawn covered the ground with a dewy mist, as rain clouds formed on the horizen. Lobo my dog trotted in and sat next to me. Well, he was actually Capt Hook's pet, but use to be mine. Remember ? Anyway, we cut it up and told each other our troubles. Alright, alright, I told him mine and he listened, as I fed him some leftover lunch meat. I finally got it in gear and bagan turning some wrenches. My mind voices were keeping me company and time flew by. It was a little before noon, when the pipes announced their arrival. Nope ! It wasn't Mike, but Big Huskey and several of his gang. Well, they were all Brotohers now and no Ghost Rider colors shown.

    Big Huskey dismounted his Hardly, " We need to talk ! "

    I lit a 100, " Ya'll need to park over there and come on in. "

    Big Huskey pointed, " Park there and wait ! I'll be back in a minute. "

    So, his gang parked around the side and Big Huskey pulled it out, " Does this belong to you ? "

    I took it, " Yeah, that's mine and where did you find it ? "

    Big Huskey hung his head, " It was one of mine, who took it and I found it under his bunk at the club house. You don't have to tell Mike; Do you ? "

    I blew smoke, " Hey, wait a minute ! Where are her ashes at ? This thing is empity and ... "

    Huskey bellowed, " Bring him in ! "

    So, two huge Bikers drug him in. He was an Ugly Cuss and looked like hell. You know, like he'd been worked over and beaten on. They tossed him on the floor but left his arms tied behind his back.

    I had to ask, " What the hell is going on ? "

    Big Huskey booted him in the face, " This piece of crap stole from a fellow Brother and broke our Brother's code. You get to choose the weapons and we'll witness the results. "

    I was confused, " Do What ? "

    Big Huskey went into detail, " It's in our bye law ! If any Brother steals from another Brother. The Brother who is stolen from gets the choice of weapons and can snuff out the thief ! What's it going to be, knives, guns, brass Knucks, chains, or .... "

    I protested, " Hold it ! This Idiot stole my urn, with Hot Legs in it ? Now, you want me to snuff him out ? This is crazy ! The harms been done and the only thing that I'd like to know; is why ? Why did he take it ? "

    Big Huskey kicked him again, " Because he's one stupid SOB ! Hell, if we were still Ghost Riders I'd kill him myself ! "

    So, I stood there are began hearing the Gateway clatter. Yep I knew, that if I didn't hit submit soon. Well, all this typing would of been for nothing. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Might be right back, or Nightie Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  4. Dukesdad

    Dukesdad Light Load Member

    Aug 3, 2008
    toronto ontario
    Gee Barn, I'd almost forgotten about Hot Legs.
    You ever think it's time to leave Texas?
  5. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    Yep Dukesdad, leaving was an option and let's see what happens, as Life Goes On. What a deal !

    My mind voices all had different opinions, so I chose to delay things a bit. You know, the ole stall tactic, " Look Huskey, I'm pretty busy right now and don't have time for this. How about we deal with this later ? "

    Huskey paused, " Later ? How much later ? "

    I thumbed my date book, " Let's see, I'm free on the 24 th. No ! No ! Wait ! I've got to report to the Justice Center that day. How about.... "

    Huskey was ant-see, " We have a ride scheduled for tomorrow and plan on camping out on the lake. You'll have to ride with us and we'll finish this then. Brothers ! Remount and take that piece of crap with us. "

    So, they strapped me on back of a Hardley. No ! They took Ugly Cuss and thundered away. Now, I wasn't happy about Hot Legs being violated. Well, her ashes being taken. But hey ! It sure wasn't worth killing over and she couldn't of cared less. Anyway, they hadn't been gone long when Mike roared up, " You haven't seen Huskey and his crew, have you ? "

    I played dumb, " I saw him yesterday and ...."

    Mike went postal, " Don't lie to me ! I just saw you talking to them. Now, what the hell is going on ? "

    I confessed, " Hushey caught some guy named Ugly Cuss and he had stolen Hot Legs' ashes. They want me to fight, to the death and take revenge. Mike this is crazy ! I can't... "

    Mike read the rule book, " No ! It's right here ! If a Brother get's ripped off, by another Brother. The Brother of the first part... "

    I reminded Mike, " Wait a minute ! I'm not a Brother and I don't want to fight to the death ! "

    Mike thumbed his beard, " Well, your still the acting Warlord and that makes you a Brother, whether you like it or not ! "

    I protested, " Well, I'm not going to do it ! There has to be another way ! "

    Mike kept reading, " Well it says, that if the ripped off Brother loses the fight then the Thief Brother can resign his membership and leave the club. "

    My ears perked up, " Alright ! He can whip me and it'll be over with. I'm suppose to ride with ya'll tomorrow and that'll be the end of it. "

    Mike questioned my decision, " What's wrong with you Barney ? The guy ripped you off and you don't want to bash his brains in ? You better think about this ! How are you going to lose a fight and not get killed ? Trust me he'll do all he can, to do you in ! "

    So, the stage was set and all I had to do... What the hell ? How do I get into these messes ? Anyway, Mike was going to have his sportster dropped off at the shop and I was to join the Brothers for the ride for my life err.. ride of my life. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  6. Ken

    Ken Couch Commander

    Oct 29, 2006
    You're just now asking yourself this? :biggrin_2554:

    We've been asking that same question since you started this thread.. :biggrin_25525:
  7. pjw044

    pjw044 Heavy Load Member

    Stay tuned for the next episode of " Barney's Goose get cooked." or " How to throw a fight without really trying"

  8. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    Yep Kenmar, without messes most of these post would be down right boring and Pjw044, let's see how it plays out, as Life Goes On.

    I heard the pipes and sashayed out of the River Queen. Yep, just like Mike had promised his sportster was parked in front of the shop. It was a little after midnight and there wasn't a soul around. I went ahead and fired her up and rode slowly back, from where I had started. You know, back to the River Queen. Missy wiggled up and she was looking hot as a firecracker.

    I kicked the stand, " Hey there ! Didn't wake ya, did I "

    Missy eyed the bike, " Is that yours ? "

    I dismounted, " No, it's a friend of mines and I'm just borrowing it. I haven't seen you all day. Why haven't you stopped by ? "

    Missy was honest, " Is that girl friend of your's still around ? "

    I lit a 100, " Sherry ? She's not and never has been my girl friend. You know, she's called me a dozen times and .... "

    Missy jumped in, " You better watch out ! I had a stalker once and he never knew when to quit. I had to report him and the cops arrested him. Some people aren't playing with a full deck. "

    I blew smoke, " You got that right. Say, would you like to come inside and have a drink ? .. Oh, Crap ! "

    Sherry appeared, from no where, " I knew, that you were still seeing her and that I'd catch you ! "

    Missy turned and ran, " I'll see you later. "

    I blew a gasket, " What the hell are you doing here ? Sherry, this is getting to be too much ! What's your problem ? "

    Sherry got me in a bear hug, " I love you and she's no good for you ! Do you know, that she's married and .... "

    I pulled loose, " Listen to me and listen good ! I've had all that I'm going to take and this is it ! You need to stay away from me and leave Missy alone. I'm not going to warn you again ! Trust me, I know how to deal with Idiots like you and don't make me.... "

    So, Sherry collapsed on her knees and bagan sobbing. You know, her body heaved and hoed, as tears ran down her face. Of course, I felt bad for her. But hey ! This was all her doing and it was all in her mind. I never led her on and ... Well, you know ! Anyway, I turned and went inside. You know, the River Queen and you bet, I locked the door. Yep, I had to ride tomorrow and didn't have time for this. Yep, I got up several times and had a look see. I guess, it was close to 5 am, when Sherry finally left. No ! I didn't see her leave, but she was gone and good ridance ! Anyway, I got up around noon and drank several cups of go juice. I still had work backed up at the shop, but it could wait. Yep, I had to focus on the rumble in the jungle. Well, taking care of Ugly Cuss and ... Well, you know !

    It was around one, when the gang swung in. Mike led the pack and spoke first, " You ready Barn ? "

    I mounted my ride, " Ready, as I'm going to be. "

    So, as we lit out.... Ut, oh ! Yep, Missy wiggled over and the whole formation came to a screeching halt. She was wearing a wool sweater that was low cut and her carrots were showing.

    I did a double take, " What's wrong ? "

    Missy climbed on back, " I'm going with you ! That crazy woman just called me and she is nuts ! Where are we going anyway ? "

    I tried to explain, " Missy, this a sanctioned ride and for Brothers only ! I'd like to take you along, but... "

    So, as I was making excuses, Mike waved his hand and away we went. You know, I couldn't hold up the parade. Yep, it was a sight to see alright. 100 bikers in formation, with one wearing water balloons around his neck. Yep, that sissy seat allowed her to rest them on my shoulders. I mean, if it wasn't for the ape hangers. You know, the high handlebars I couldn't of seen left or right. Yep, I had to look under my armpits to check side traffic. Anyway, we entered the Interstate, rode North and kept riding. Yep, I'd figured that the lake meant Joe Fool Lake. Oh no, we entered the Sooner State and kept going. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2009
  9. Snazzy1

    Snazzy1 The Storyteller

    Aug 21, 2007
    Granbury, Texas
    Turnup Falls is a National park and located a good 200 miles from Joe Fools Lake. The ride was nonstop and done at breakneck speed. We rode into the entrance and took a small blacktop that wound through the never ending forest. There was a dirt trail we took and rode it to the water's edge. It was a beautiful place. You know, a huge waterfall in the background, towering forest, with wildlife. What a deal !

    Mike barked his orders, " Set the bonefire over there and those kegs of beer over here. Now listen up ! No one leaves here, unless on my say ! Ya'll got that ? I mean it ! "

    So, the gang set up the camp and the cold beer flowed. Missy and I kept to ourselves. You know, we didn't know hardly anyone there. Well except, for Mike and a couple of the Brothers. Anyway, day turned to night and the crew was well oiled. You know, boozed up and ready for some action. The flames danced an orange glow, as ashes left streams of lightening trails, before disappearing.

    Mike made the annoucement, " Brothers ! This will be a no limit, no holds barred, fight to the death ! In this corner, weighing in at 220 lbs, from the State of Buck Eyes, with a record of 13 felonies, 4 Miss Doe Meaners and 2 outstanding warrants. The one, the soon to be deceased, Ugly Cuss ! "

    Of course, the gang booed and tossed empty cans.

    The Beard continued, " In this corner, weighing in at 187 lbs, from the State of Confussion, with a record of Racket Tearing, Evading Police, Auto Theft, Statutory Rape, Attempted Capital Murder, Driving Drunk, Boating Drunk, Stinken Drunk, Typing Drunk, Drunk Drunk, and one hell of a Brother. Barney the Killer Goose ! "

    Of course, the crowd cheered and chanted, " BARNEY ! BARNEY ! BARNEY ! "

    So, I sashayed over to my saddle bags and retrieved the weapons.

    Mike had to ask, " What are those for ? "

    I handed one to Ugly, " It's the weapons I chose. See, this one is his, and this one is mine. "

    Mike protested, " You can't fight with pillows ! "

    I thumbed the book, " It says, the Brother who was ripped off gets to select the weapons ! Well, I chose these ! "

    Mike folded his arms, " It has to be DEALDY WEAPONS ! "

    I agreed, " See this ! That's from the National Crime Statistics Center ! It says, that .03 % of all murders committed are with pillows ! "

    Mike read it, " But, that's smothering ! You know, husbands doing their wives, or ol' ladies. You can't use those ! "

    Big Huskey joined in, " I'm the acting Parliamentarian and I hate to say this, but Barney is right. He was the one ripped off and pillows are deadly weapons. There's nothing we can do about it. "

    So, Ugly Cuss tried to get up, as I struck the first blow. Of course, it was a light tap, because poor Cuss was on his last legs. You know, both eyes were swollen shut, his nose was dripping blood and his lips looked like inner tubes. What a deal ! Anyway, he managed to tap me on the wrist, with a feather's edge and I took the dive. You know, flipped backwards, screamed in agony, and didn't move a muscle. The crowd fell silent, as I squinted to see, if my plan had worked. Well, it had and Big Huskey was the first to speak.

    Huskey raised Ugly's hand, " He's the winner and we all saw it ! That means that Ugly Cuss is allowed to leave the club ! "

    Missy Jugs err.. Missy rushed to my side, " Are you okay ? Your not hurt are you ? Speak to me ! "

    I weak kneed it up, " Man, I never saw it coming ! Yeah, I'm alright. "

    So, we headed towards my bike. You know, I figured it was over and that, was that. Well, all of the sudden Big Huskey thrust a knife straight into Ugly's back and began sawing away.

    Missy screamed, " Oh My God ! What is he doing ? "

    Mike the Beard explained, " He won the fight and beat Barney fair and square. He has to leave the club now ! "

    I was shocked, " Ya'll can't kill him. The book says, that ... "

    Mike updated us, " Page 19, paragragh 2 ! All Brothers who leave the club must have their Brother Tatoo removed. Well, as soon he's skinned, he can go wherever he wants to. What a deal, as Life Goes On.

    Nightie Night Snazzers, your Snazzy1.
  10. Lil Blue Pony

    Lil Blue Pony Brown Eyed Girl

    Feb 22, 2008
    pillows to low cost tatoo removal :biggrin_2551: life goes on

    pillows are lethal weapons...hmmmmm maybe I don't need so many on the bed after all...lol:biggrin_2554:
  11. Ken

    Ken Couch Commander

    Oct 29, 2006
    Did Barney get locked up again or did Snazzy's computer take another dump? :biggrin_2551:
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