Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Please use Velcro when putting "stuff" up on the walls.
No tacks or sharp objects either.
And if you should happen to find my memory up there, I'd appreciate it if you'd plug it back in.
Thanx.

Memory.
Second thing to go.
Doncha know.

I don't remember what the first thing to go was.

 

Let's see, Leannamarie, Shandera, AfterShock, Scarecrow, and Joellyroll all accounted for. Oh, Jollyroll is new here and spent alot of wasted time reading all this fine garbage. So, Snazyy points to all and a big gang welcome to Joellyroy. Now, Life Goes On, Life Ain't Always Snazzy, or Gee Ya'll Sure Need To Get A Life.

Knock, knock, and Knock ! I could hear Wifey ordering the girls to thier rooms. The door slowly opened a slit and Wifey stood peeping out at me.

Her green eyes spoke, " What do want ! "
I set my overnight bag down on the cement porch, " Can I come in ? "
Green Eyes threw darts, " If your moving back in, we'll leave ! "
I crossed my legs, " Well, can I at least use the bathroom ? "
Green Eyes looked with suspicion, " All right, but leave your guns out there ! "
I swore, " I don't have them with me ! "

The door opened and Wifey quickly retreated towards the living room. I cut through the den and halfway ran down the hallway. I barely made it over the pot and began to whiz. It was one of those long drawn out ones that lasted for a good a 3 hours. Yep, a horse would of been impressed. I stood there hoping the water noises didn't echo too loudly. I flushed and washed up before making my entrance. Wifey was seated on the couch and watching a video tape of our girls cheerleading. Rah, Rah, and Rah ! Great !
So, I slinked over and sat in my favorite stuffed leather chair. I was careful to not block Wifey's view of the Curtis Mathis. Of course I knew she had been the one to video tape the whole event. So, I just sat there and acted like I was interested. After about 15 minutes had passed, Wifey hit the remote and the girls paused hanging in mid air. Wifey was wearing her old worn housecoat and her hair was in curlers. She didn't look to bad. Heck, I'd lost 30 lbs and had bags the size of suitcases under my eyes. So, there was that odd moment of silence, for an hour and a half. Well, at least 2 minutes.

Wifey set the remote on the coffee table, " So, where have you been ? "

I countered, " I's about to ask you that ! You know you've been gone for over six weeks. Now, where have you been ! "

Wifey placed her size 9's, (always had big feet that never matched her curvey body), next to the remote, " I asked you first ! I called the department and they said you quit ! I tried calling here and you never answered. So, where you been ! "

I filled her in on my current state. Yep, I'd quit the police department, gotten turned down for the last time, and bought a Mack truck. I was leased to Blackie, but they were going thru a divorce. I had to decide which way to go. If we were finished, I'd head back to L.A. and live in that motel room. If we got back together, I'd probably move back in and lease on with RATS.

Wifey soaked in every word, " Where did you get the money to buy a truck! "

I confessed, " I vested my retirement and took a settlement for my injuries. Now, if you want to, we can start fresh. I don't care what you've done ! I love you and want us back together ! You'll have to promise me that it's over with your boss ! I still can't understand why all this had to happen ? I'm willing to forget all about it. "

Wifey bit back, " Your willing to forget ! How about those ###### you've been with ? I'm lucky that I don't have cudies ! Your lucky that it hasn't fallen off ! I sat here night after night worried sick ! I didn't know whether you were coming home or were laying dead somewhere ! So, now I'm the one whose to blame ? Forget it ! It's time that you worry about me for a change. What about your girls ? You don't think they don't know about that slut ? We all know ! Your dreaming, if you think it's ever going to be like it was. I just don't need it ! "

My mind raced with denials and accusations, but she had a point. Yep, I guess maybe that I had put her through hell. I sat silent before going for the sale.

I sat next to her, " I love you and the girls. I've made mistakes, but we can't end it like this. I promise it'll be different ! We can do this ! Just give me a chance. Please ! I'm begging you. "

Wifey hugged me and I melted in her arms. The tears flowed and my heart felt free from that grip it had been under. Yes, Life was almost good !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Sittin here waiting........................good thing I enjoy playing poker! Passes the time in between chapters.

 

I dunno bout you but I bite for less..........

Now get to the G O O D stuff will ya! ! ! !

 

Okay Attitude, I was going to say keep your shirt on, but if you play poker the way I do. You've probably already lost it. Now, Life Goes On.



My girls had been hiding in the hall and had heard every word. The twins ran over and dogged piled ontop of me. I was crushed between the Wifey that I loved and the girls of my life. I did notice that one girl was missing. Yep, the oldest daughter slammed her bedroom door in protest. Seems that she wasn't all that pleased about my return. I figured that she'd come along in time. Heck, we were just getting started or restarted. You what I mean.

I unpacked and hit the shower, as Wifey finished watching her tapes. I got an icetea from the frige and sat at the kitchen table. Wifey's curlers made her look, kind of Martian like. Yep, all she needed was a ray gun. The clock ticked away, as I anxiously awaited the magic hour to approach. Finally the screen went dark and Wifey headed for our bedroom. I allowed her time to do, whatever they do in there ? I checked the doors to my castle, making sure the moat was full and the doors were locked. I made my way slowly towards the room of pleasure.

Knock, knock, " Wifey ? The door's locked. You who ? It's me, let me in. "

Wifey's arm answered, " You can sleep on the couch, me and the girls have to be up early ! We have a practice tomorrow. We can talk when I get back. "

I stood there holding the blanket and pillow, the arm had handed me. The door shut, as I shuffled for the couch. What a deal ! Yep, I guess this was going to take some time. But hey ! At least we're together. That's the tape I placed in the stero, as I turned the volume low and drifted off to sleep.

" Together again, my heart ache can end, yes we're togther again, my nightmare can end. The tears from my heart, can dry slowly away. Your in my arms and that's where you'll stay. Kiss me my pillow, your so soft and fluffy. I wish you were Wifey, but here you lay. So roll over pillow and I'll pretend she is you. Wifey's still angrey, so what else can I do ? I love you pillow, so sweet dreams to you...."

I awoke to the stong smell of bacon and eggs. I leaped up and eyeballed the kitchen. It was full of dirty dishes, but vacant of any human life. I walked back to the master bath and took my morning constitution. The sink was full of Wifey's curlers and there was no toiletpaper. Great ! I thought about just scooting across the carpet like a dog does. You know. Anyway I put the kleenx to use and even jumped back into the shower. Man, Wifey was the love of my life, but what a pig ! I got busy and spent all day washing dishes, mopping, replacing the toilet rolls, and other manly chores. The phone rang.

Ring, ring, " Hello ."

Blackie sounded, like Blackie, " What's going on ? You find out anything ? "

I lied, " Nope. I got in late and haven't spoken to your wife. "

Blackie pondered, " Well, get by there and find out what's up. Call me when you know something. I'll wait to hear from you. "

I hung the phone up and knew that I needed to make a decision. I sure wished that Wifey was home. So, I gathered all my paperwork up and began getting it in order. Yep, this owner operator stuff was a pain in the butt. The clocked ticked away and it started getting dark. I wondered where, oh where, has my Wifey gone ? Oh where, oh where, can she be ? With her butt so round and her lips so curled, oh where, oh where, can she be ?

Let's break, Snazzetts, your Snazzy1.

 

Oh Boy Snazz!

I think ya might as well cut 'IT' off and stick 'IT' in the freezer cause she sure ain't gonna let you use that THANG again.....lol

Sittin now and waiting.........do I get extra Snazzy point fer that?

 

I had fallen asleep on the couch when Wifey finally returned. The girls were dressed in thier uniforms and rushed to their rooms. I sat up and gave Wifey the look ! You know, a little disgusted, with a hint of where have you been ? Wifey fluttered over to the video and stuffed in a tape. I studied Wifey's eyes as they jumped and cheered. She sat there and completely ignored me.

I tried not to show my anger, " Man, ya'll been gone all day. What took so long ? "

Wifey rewound the tape, " Look at this ! See, that's what is going to win the State finals ! They have just two more competitions and it that's it. Aren't you happy ? Those are your girls ! "

I couldn't help it, " Look, that's all swell and fine ! But, we need to talk ! If we're going to get back together, your going to have to work with me. I don't know what to do ? I mean, what do you want ? "

Wifey barked, " What I want ? Your kidding me ! Your going to do what you want ! You always do ! Just go ahead ! I'll decide what's best for me and the girls ! You do what's best for you !

I exploded, " OKAY ! FINE ! I'll get the hell out of here ! You can get ole Ostrich Neck to move in ! Maybe, he'll pay the $ 700 morgage and that $244 light bill, and that $300 car payment. Oh, let's not forget those $ 500 uniforms and what else ? "

Wifey threw the remote at me, " Just get out ! I knew you'd never forget about anything ! I can't live with you throwing that up every time things don't go your way ! "

I walked over and swung open the sliding glass door. The remote sailed off into the darkness and splashed into the pool. I grabbed my overnight bag and began stuffing things in.

Wifey stood with her arms folded, " So ! What are your going to do ? "

I continued packing, " Well, I'm not going to stay here and that's for sure ! I've had it ! I don't know what you want ! I'm going back on the road ! You can stay here and play cheerleader with the girls ! Just don't forget that morgage payment comes due every month. So does that car payment, car insurance, light bill, a dozen credit cards, and a thousand other bills ! "

Wifey grinned, " Why are packing the toaster ? "

I threw the toaster down and made my exit. Wifey followed me outside and grabbed my arm, " Okay ! We can do this. Competitions are over with in two weeks. The State finals are what they've worked for all year. Let me get them thru that and then we can take it from there. "

I relented and returned inside. Wifey and I made mad passionate love into the wee morning hours. I agreed to let her drive my new king cab and I parked her LTD at Blackie's. I left her the payment books to all the bills and agreed to send her enough money to make due. Yep, was I stupid !

Let's break, Snazzy1.

 

C'mon snazzy, after all this, you didn't!

 

Yes Leannamarie, I was thinking that total trust and honesty would carry us thru those dark days. Yes Shandera, I should of been thinking with my brain instead of my heart. Of course as all men, or at least as most men, I was thinking with my pee-pee. Now, Life Goes On.

I parked the LTD at Mrs Black's and loaded my gear into Maxine. The wind had turned Southward, bringing the cold front into Idiot City. I cranked up Maxine and flipped her heater to high. I then followed my nose to Mrs Balck's office. She was sitting behind her desk and a familar face was seated across from her. She had several photos laid out and I recognized Blackie, Mrs Black # 2, and myself. Crap !

The Detective spoke first, " Hey Barney. You remember me from L.A. ? Well, I'm glad your here. Mrs Black here has hired me to gather some facts about this pending divorce. Now, here's something that you need to know. We're possibly looking at criminal charges. I've uncovered some things that involve forgery, theft, tax fraud, bigamy, adultry, chicken theft, littering, disturbing the peace, drunk in public, and the list goes on. So, I guess we need to know just where you stand. "

I pulled up a seat, " Mrs Black, I know I owe you alot and I always will. It hurts me to see all this happen. But like I told you, I don't want to take sides. What I want to do is just get that load delivered. My wife and I are trying to work thangs out. If we do, I'll give Blackie a two week notice. Then if you still want me, I'll lease on with you. I really can't give you an answer right now ! "

Mrs Black removed her glasses, " What has that woman got that I don't ? You've met her Barney. What is it about her ? She can't see that much in that old goat ! He's never been this way ! Can't he see what she's doing ?"

I looked at my shoes, " Well, Mrs Black I couldn't guess. I can't even figure why I do half the things I've done. I'm sure it's not love, it's maybe, well, maybe a midlife thing. You know, he's wanting to feel 20 years younger. Maybe, being with her, he does. I'm just guessing, but I think if you let him have some time. Well, I think he'd realize what a mistake he's making. That's just my thoughts. You do whatever you want ! "

I climbed in Maxine and headed North on I 35. The sneet (snow mixed with ice) began to fall. I kept a steady hand on the wheel as my mind turned as fast as the speedometer. What a deal ! By the time I entered Indian Nation the land was a white blanket. The road was as slick as snot covered with fornicating slugs. Yep, this is what seperates the men from the boys. The best and finest drivers, from the nondrivers. A test of skill and grit, vs the less capable. Yep ! I wanted my Mommy !

Let's break, Ya'll's Snazzy1.

 

He did!

Which one of us get's to smack his bare bottom first