Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Oh My.........

Burky cover yer eyes..........LOL

 

Sexy Thang drove me over to the junkyard in the pouring rain. We ran inside the shop like a couple of school kids. Junkman was behind the long wooden counter and was happy to see Sweet Thang.

Junkman, " Now Gal, Barney call's you Sexy Thang, but you told me your name is Sweet Thang. Now, which is it ? "

Sexy Thang looked at me, " Well, Barney calls me Sexy Thang, but my real name is Sweet Thang. I go by both, so whatever you want to call me is fine.

Junkman looked at me, " Well, Barney if you got some pictures, I'll take a little something off that bill. "

I looked over the bill, " Yep ! How about picture of my foot up rump ! Listen you old perfert ! I'm not paying that much ! You lied to me and because of you, I just lost a good paying lease. "

Junkman looked shocked, " Now Barney, that's not my fault about you losing that lease. That old man Blackie showed me he was the owner of BAT. He had a right to take them tags. "

I tossed the bill on the counter, " So, how much are you going to take off ? There's no way I'm paying that much ! "

Junkman put on his glasses, " Let's see that. Now, what's on there you feel like is unfair ? "

I grabbed the bill, " The whole thang ! You said that frontend was good and claimed it was under warranty for 90 days. It's even written down here ! Then I find out the kingpins, brakes, wheel bearings, and everything else was junk ! "

Junkman went on the defense, " Barney all I guarantied was that axle and it's good. It's not bent, warped, or have a rust spot on it ! No one is going to guaranty those moving parts. Heck, for $600 you should be happy. Go price that axle at the Mack House. I bet it's over $3,000 ! Then that steerbox! I gave you that at my cost and gave you a discount on the labor. Those brakes on your axle were plume burnt up. We couldn't let you leave here like that ! You had to have those new tires too. I won't sale a man a new set of steer tires without an alignment. Now I was a little shocked about those kingpins. I drove that old Mack and she drove fine. I can do this, I'll take off the labor for replacing those kingpins. So, your looking at a little over $3,000 ! That includes tax and don't forget those new wheel bearings we put in. You got a fair deal ! "

I threw the cash on the counter, " Here take it ! That's $2,806 and that's all I have ! "

Sweet Thang went for her purse, " I have some money ! "

I grabbed her arm, " Not to pay him with ! He'll take that or I'll leave that heap of junk here ! "

Junkman snatched up my cash, " Okay, Barney I wrote on here paid in full and all that work is under warranty. "

I jerked the bill back, " Warranty hell ! I wouldn't bring a lawnmower in here to have the plug changed. Your a thief and a liar ! Lets get out of here, before I lose my temper ! "

I have to admit that Maxine drove better than new. She'd stop a dime and rode as smooth as a Cadillac. Sweet Thang had to get to her job, so I headed over to RATS. Yep, I'll lease on with Mrs Black and make some money. Life Was So So !

Let's break, Snazzy1.

 

I pulled into the RATS yard and pulled Maxines button, psssshht ! Love that sound ! I walked into Mrs Black's office and found her sitting behind her desk. I took a seat as she talked on her phone. She gave me the wait a minute finger, so I smiled back at her.

Mrs Black hung up the phone, " What do you want Barney ? "

I was a little shocked by her coolness, " I just wanted to let you know, that I'm ready to lease on with you. Your soon to be X fired me for snitching to you. Isn't that a gas ? We haven't talked in weeks. You know what the sad part is ? He really believes that ! I almost laughed in his face ! "

Mrs Black removed her glasses, " Well Barney, I'm not taking on any new leases right now. I've got your number, so I will call you if I do. Anything else I can do for you ? "

I sensed something was up, " I thought RATS was doing real good. Blackie was always crying, about you were taking away his business. I heard that you got that new account over..."

She cut me off, " It's not that business is bad. I've got more cars to haul than Carter has pills. It's just that I'm afraid you won't be happy here. You remember, I gave you a chance. You chose to go where you went and that's fine. So, I wish you luck and hows your wife ? "

I read between the lines, " She's doing great and opened up a candy store over at the mall. My girls are doing fine and made the State Finals, maybe they'll win next year. I just got Maxine out of the shop and she's running like a top. Well, it's been good seeing you and if you need me, give me a call."

I spun out of my chair and didn't look back at her. Yep, the hell with the war of the Blacks. I was sick of it ! Talk about sick love ! Man, they hated each other. It was all about who could hurt the other one worse. Man, forget them ! I'll find a new lease and doesn't have to be hauling cars. I can drive and pull a trailer with the best. Yep, as long as I don't have to back up or douple clutch, I'm a driving fool. So, lets go and drink a beer. Yep, that sounds good. Who are you talking to ? Me. Well, shut the hell up ! Dang old mind voices. People are gong to think we're crazy.

Good Night Snazettes, your Snazzy1.

 

I sat on the edge of Sexy Thang's bed reading over the Tar Selegram's want adds. Sexy Thang was dry humping my knee and acting amorous. I flipped the page.

I read out loud, " Wanted, owner/operators, call BR-549, family atmosphere, be a name, not a number, weekly settlements, 99% drop and hook, home most weekends, all tags, insurance, tolls, scale fees, and the rest are paid. Must have truck, and of passed the second grade, be able to lift a feather, and no convictions of capital murder in the past year. We are an equal opportunity employer, so come on down, and be apart of this growing company. What are you waiting for ? Call Now ! "

Sexy Thang moaned, " Oooowwhhiey ! "

I stood up, as Sexy Thang slid onto the carpet, " This doesn't sound bad ! Maybe I should give them a call. "

Ring, ring, the recording answered, " Ace Trucking please hold. (The music began playing ), She'll be coming around that mountain when she comes, she'll be late and overweight when she comes, she'll be there for no reason, she'll show up any season and be there a wheezing when she comes. If she doesn't drive off that mountaian she'll be there, if she doesn't drive off that mountain she'll be there, if she's driven off that mountain then we'll be a counting on the fact that we really don't even care. "

I was on hold for 3 days, before the male voice finally picked up. I was talked into driving over to thier terminal and he reminded to bring my truck. So, I did. Ace truck terminal was located on the Northside of Fort Worth and about 50 miles from Sexy Thang's house. I drove over on pins and needles, because I had no tags, thanks to Blackie. So, I swung into the large parking area and pulled the knob, psshhtt ! An old man ran up and handed me my paperwork. I read over it as I stepped into the office. According to it I had just passed my driving test and Maxcine had passed the companies safety inspection. A secretary handed me a boot filled with horse urine. She had me pour it into the other boot. Yep, I'd just passed my physical and drug test.

I took my papers into the orientation room and started filling out the one page application. Let's see, name, phone number, next of kin. I didn't have time fill out the rest, as it was snatched from me. Yep, I was given the paperwork for my first load and bum rushed back out to my truck. So, I headed out. What a deal ! Now, all I needed to do was to figure out, what the hell was I doing ! So, we're trucking again ! Petal to the metal and down the big road ! Yep, Life Was Good ?

Let's break, your Snazzy1.

 

Don't fall off your seat Bullhaulerswife, as Life Goes on.

I was a little surprised to see that Maxine already had her 'ACE Trucking' door emblems on her doors. Well, two bumper stickers that had the dead man's poker hand of Aces and Eights. The little state thingy's were Elmer glued on and my permit book was tossed in my window. So, I was ready to roll. An experienced hand offered for me to follow him over to the shipper's. We only had to drive a few blocks and entered into the huge facility. It was a new trailer manufacture and an old crusty guard handed out our entry passes. We placed those on our dashboards and bobtailed back. There were rows and rows of brand new trailers. We located our loads and hooked on. I had to watch the other driver, because I had no idea of what I was doing. Finally he noticed me standing there and cut a deal with me. If I'd help him secure his load, he'd help me with mine. What a deal ! So, these were brand new 53' foot flatbeds, that were stacked three high. Yep, one on bottom and two stacked ontop of her. So, I climbed ontop, of the top trailer and the other hand tossed me the end of a chain. I had to lace it thru the eye mounts on the sides of the trailers. He used his tiedowns and tightend the chains to secure the load. We had to do that 4 times from front to rear. Once we got him all ready to roll, it was my turn. Man, that was some work, but hey I was use to chaining those cars down.

We drove back to the guard shack and the old guard checked over our BOL's better known as bill of ladings. So, we headed over to the local truckstop and the experienced hand backed in. I parked out front next to the curb. So, we went inside and I offered to buy lunch off the buffet. I had thousand questions and was hoping the old hand would have a few answers. We sat and cut it up.

Have to break, keep your seats Snazzers, Your Snazzy1.

 

I don't know what they are putting in the water down there in Granbury, but i think I'll run down there and get me a batch of it. Sure as Hell ain't fluoride.

 

The lunch crowd gathered around the trough and the food flew. I tried to fit in, so I elbowed my way thru and slung the hash like a pro. A gob here, a splatter of that, a liitle that, a spoon of whatever, two spoons of that white stuff, a piece of that, and two of those. So, I went and sat at the table and waited. Yep, I had manners and wasn't going to dig in untill my lunch guest returned. Then I looked over and noticed that my guest had decided to just eat at the buffet. Yep, he was going down the line and scooping it in as fast as he could eat. So, I placed my diner napkin across my lap and began eating alone. After awhile my guest parked the buffet next to our table. It was really the first good look, that I had of my newly found friend. He was 50 ish, short, fat, balding, and sporting a 3 day beard. He was wearing a T-Shirt that was 4 sizes too small and a pair of jeans that advertised the crack of his butt. What I noticed the most was thet huge belly button. Yep, that T-Shirt was more like a halter top and that belly buttton sure stuck out. So, I allowed my friend to stuff his face before I engaged him in conversation.

I buttered a roll, " My names Barney and I appreciate you helping me out this morning. This is first day with Ace Trucking. How long have you been leased on with them ? "

The Hog snorted down some more slop, " Crunch crunch crunch crunch and crunch. I ain't leased on ! I'm a fleet driver, my boss has a dozen of his trucks leased on with Ace. Crunch crunch crunch crunch and crunch !"

I took a sip of tea, " I use to be leased on with BAT. Well, Blackie's Auto Transport. Have you ever heard of him ? "

The Hog choked down some more grub, " Crunch crunch crunch. Yep, old Blackie. I know him and so do all the drivers out here. Why'd you quit him ? I heard that he pays good. Crunch crunch crunch crunch. "

I lied, " Well, I was leased on with him for too long. You know how that is. Yep, I figured to give this flat bedding a try. "

The Hog belched and it shook the room, " Who you going to flatbed with ?'

I reached for a toothpick, " Just me. I don't care to team right now. "

The Hog gave me the look, like I was nuts, " I mean what company are you going to flatbed with ! "

I gave the Hog back his look, " Well I guess Ace Trucking ! "

The Hog grew angry, " They started a flatbed division and didn't tell no one ? They better not have ! Who told you that ? "

I began to wonder if the Hog may of eaten too much lead paint, " Well, what do you call what were doing ? "

The Hog spat, " We're tow-a-away drivers ! We deliver them new trailers and don't haul no frieght ! A Flat bedder hauls freight. We don't haul no freight ! How long you been driving ? Didn't you read your lease ? "

I acted like, I was just joking, " I was kidding ! You know flat bedding and hauling flatbeds. He, he, haw, haw. "

The Hog chuckled, " Yep, that's a good one. We're flat footed, flat bedders, hauling flat beds. So, you know where we're headed ? "

I lied, " Yep, old Huntsville, Alabama. I guess we'll run I 30 to 40 and take what-you-may-call-it, right on in there. "

Hog began to whisper, " Look I know a short cut. We can cut a good 80 miles off this run. Let me take the lead and we'll bed down at that 76 in West Memphis. We can be there in time for thier dinner buffet and get our sleeper time there. With that short cut of mine, we'll be delivered by this time tomorrow ! "

I picked up the meal ticket, " Okay, that sounds good. I'll get this ! By the way what's your Name ? "

The Hog stood up and rubbed his hairy belly, " They call me BB and that's what I go by. So, it was Barney ? Okay, say you got a C.B. handle ? "

I read over the meal ticket, " It's mounted on the dash and doesn't have a handle. So, I'll call you BB ? "

The Hog laughed, " Your a hoot Barney ! Yep, just call me BB and I call you Barney. I'll meet you outside. Barney ! "

So, I paid for the buffet and climbed into Maxine. Ole BB must stand for Belly Button. What a pig and that halter top ! Geez ! But hey, he knows his trucken ! I bet I can learn alot from ole BB. Yep, I'll just follow him and do what he does. Yep, cut my shirt in half and pull my jeans down to my knees. Now, that's trucken ! We're truken now ! Come on BB lets roll down that big road and put the petal to the metal.

I'm waiting. Still waiting. Come on Belly Button ! All the Snazzers are waiting ! Let's go. Belly Button ?

We'll have to wait Snazzers, Your Snazzy1.

 

Oh man, here we go again. I dont trust that man lol!