Hi, I'm Snazzy and I'm Trucker

Okay everyone who posted a guess gets Snazzy points. Since Ducks hit it on the head and furnished a copy of the certificate (with bears), she will be also awarded Snazzy of the month. Now, I guess it's that time of year for a good scary story. You know, halloween and all, so let me make, errrr think back to one. Oh, I also noticed Shandera is back with us and has anyone heard from Nygere ? I'll have to reboot and be right back. Your, Snazzy1.

 

BB and I got loads back to Fort Worth. Of course BB never would shut up on the C.B. and I swear I could still hear him after shutting it off. When we got back to Ace Trucking I got to meet the owner. Mr. Ace was a nice man and we cut it up in his office. He had started out as a company driver 20 years back. The trailer company that we did tow-a-way for use to have thier own trucks. Mr. Ace had talked them into selling them to him. Of course back then there were only 20 or so big trucks. Mr. Ace was shrewed and over time he added more trucks as the business grew. He realized that an owner-operator division was more profitable, so he added one. Most of his O/O were actually small fleet owners. They'd lease on 10 or 15 trucks and then hire drivers. Mr. Ace was expanding his operation by adding more divisions.
Let's see, he had tow-a-away and was adding flatbed, dry van, and heavy haul. I was honest with Mr. Ace, my biggest complaint was the settlement pay. Yep, I was only getting 88 cents per loaded mile. Now this was back in the late 80's or early 90's. It was a little less than what the average was. Mr Ace swore to me that once his other divisions got going good that I could switch over. So, with the promise of better pay down the road I agreed to hang on. Anyway, the fact that Maxine was over 15 years old limited me to who I could lease with. Most all the big outfits required a tractor not be more than 6 years old. So, I hung in there.

My dispatcher was big blow hard, exdriver, who knew it all. The worse kind a driver can have. Yep, I never did feel like he gave a hoot. His dad and 2 brothers also leased on with Ace. He gave them good hauls and kept them rolling. I on the other hand, sat as much as I drove. I swear a 2,500 mile week was a good week ! What a deal ! At 88 cents per mile I averaged a little over $2,000 per weekly settlement. That doesn't sound bad untill you take out for fuel, taxs, maintence, break downs, flats, food, lot lizards, and other expenses. So, for being out on the road forever and a day, I'd have a whole $ 900 per week left for me. Since I was working 7 days a week that came out to about $125 per day. I wasn't happy being gone away from Sweet Thang a month at a time. So, I wasn't happy, but it beat doing hard labor, I guess.

So, your asking where is the scary story at ? Well, if this isn't a horror story, I don't know what is. But okay. I'll reboot and get on with, Life Goes On.

BRB, your Snazzy1.

 

Shoot, Snazzers...you just described my first year of driving...only you had about 10 times the weekly pay I did...and that was 2003.

Oy Vey..

By the way, I knew it was Cabbage Patch Dolls all along...missed the shopping mom's...was thinking single mom's...but, since I was on the road while u were telling that story, I didn't get to guess. Poor me, I know.

Can't wait for your seasonal tale...err...life experience Your secret is safe with me.

 

I had been out for a good two weeks and had been stuck up on the East side of the big map. As usual I'd start out great guns and make a couple of good trips. Then as usual I sit for a day and half waiting for my next load. Well, not really loads, but another empity trailer to shuttle from point A to point B. Sometimes I'd get lucky and get a double hitter. That's when the shipper would allow for the empity trailer to haul freight. The newer trailer companies wouldn't allow that, but on occasion they'd have a used leased trailer to be returned. Yep, that what this was, so I drove into the business which had leased a trailer for storage. It had delivered some furniture to them a couple of years back and they had leased it for an outside closet. What a deal ! So, all the tires were flat, the lights didn't work, and there wasn't any paperwork. So, I called Ace Trucking and my dispatcher Blow Hard answered on the 30th ring.

Ring ring ring ring ring....ring, " Ace Trucking Blow Hard here. "

I spoke calmly, " Hey Blow Hard, it's Barney. I'm here picking up that trailer, but there isn't any paperwork. No registration, an expired tag, the lights don't work, and the tires are flat. "

Blow Hard jumped right in, " Well air them tires up and get under it. High tail it to the closest truckstop and call me. I'll have them fix what's wrong and fax you the paperwork. I did that a hundred times myself. Use some common sense. You have think things out for yourself. Reminds me of back in 78 when I was hauling nitro over the Rockies. We didn't call no dispatcher back then. They'd laughed at you. Yep, back then you had drivers...."

I went and aired up the tires, took a crap, and then returned to the phone.

Blow Hard was still blowing, " So, you take that nitro and freeze it. That's what I told them ! Well, they acted like I was crazy. So, I went and......"

I drove the trailer 50 miles to the nearest truckstop and called Ace.

Ring ring ring....ring, " Ace Trucking, Blow Hard, please hold. "

I was on hold for an hour before Blow picked back up, " Ace Trucking, who you holding for ? "

I was polite, " It's me Barney ! "

Blow Hard sounded confused, " I got you on hold, on the other line. Where are you ? "

I tried not to laugh, " I'm at the 76 and have been here for over an hour ! "

Blow Hard began his lecture, " At a 76 ! Well that tells me alot ! You know I can't believe you drivers now a days. If I was to have told old man Hunt back when I hauled Bulls over the North Pole he'd fired me. Yep, back then a driver knew where he was at. At a 76 ! "

I finally got Blow Hard to fax my paperwork, as the repair shop got the trailer in shape. I arrived at the shipper early the next morning. It was a load of cardboard that didn't deliver for 2 days, but wasn't 500 miles away. So, I got right on it. Yep, a nice slow drive and got there the same day. I was hoping they'd get me unloaded, but no chance. So, I bedded down in Maxine and waited. Bright and early the next afternoon I was finally empity. The empity lease trailer was to be delivered in Grenville, S.C. which was a good 600 miles futher. So, I drove all night and delivered it to the cosignee. Then I called Ace Trucking.

Ring ring ring ring...., Blow Hard answered, " Okay Barney I got you a good deal. There's a carnival that needs a ride towed not far from where your at. Head over and call me back. The guys name is Con and he'll fill you in. Now, if you take that main road, like I did back in 74, there's a little truckstop, just past that ridge. Yep, that's where me and 6 drivers picked up an over turned 18 wheeler. Back then there wasn't no such thing as ....."

I hung up drove to the carnival and this is scary story part, I think. When I come back we'll find out.

Stay tuned Snazzers, the Snazzy1.

 

Glad to see you Scarecrow, you and Joel were dang close to getting it right. Matter of fact ole Joel's Soccer Mom's was even better than my Shopping Mom's. About that pay back then, As Life Goes On, I'll share a secret with you. The PAY SUCKS WORSE NOW !

I had pulled carnival rides before, because Ace Trucking did alot of that. It didn't pay all that well, but it sure beat bob tailing for free. The thing that amazed me was how popular back then the carnivals were. Down in Texas we had our stock shows, rodeos, and an occasional circus. Well, I guess we had carnivals , but I don't recall having been to one. Anyway, ole Con was a con. Yep, a fast talking Carney that knew his trade. His oufit was a mixture of all kinds. There were the Gypsies who mostly stayed to themselves. A bunch of low lives who were roustabouts. Some real nice folks that were above board. The outsiders, such as myself were referred to as Gadabouts or Gadjees (the Gypse term ). I was uneasy being called that at first, because I didn't know what it meant. It's was simply a term for fellow traveler. Now, as most Carnies go this bunch was a pretty tight knit group. They watched out for each other and untill they knew you. Well, they were just a bit stand-offish at first. So, ole Con filled me in, he had several big trucks that pulled the rides and equipment. Two of them had been put out of service by the State Bears. Yep, and the drivers had been arrested for outstanding warrants. So, Barney to the rescue !

My job was to pull the Ferris Wheel to the next gig and then return for a second ride. We were just outside of Greensville and the next stop was about 300 miles away. Easy huh ? Nope ! The catch was that we had to cross over some pretty big hills and none of Con's trailers were up to DOT standards. That's putting it mildly ! Anyway, we worked out a deal. Con agreed to furnish my fuel, (he had his own fuel truck) and to pay me $200 in cash. Yep, $200 extra for each ride delivered as long as I didn't get any fines. So, I sold my soul for $400 and a few gallons of diesel. Anyway, Con gave me a little pin to wear on my Harley shirt. All the Carnies knew this was a free pass. So, all the free rides, popcorn, cotton candy, sodas, freak shows, game of chances, and whatever was mine. What a deal ! We weren't going to move out untill early the next morning. So, I made a complete fool of myself. Yep, a 38 year old man running around like a 10 year old. I rode rides, ate myself sick, gawked at the two headed man, felt up the bearded woman, and had good ole time.

So, the next morning I woke and headed for the showers. Yep, they had those brick showers at the fair grounds. I had own towel and sashayed over. The rest of the carnival was busy tearing down and doing Carney stuff. So, I got naked and wet. What a deal ! I'd just stepped from the shower and was drying off when she came in. My first thought was GEEZ ! I wrapped the towel around me and turned a bright red. She stood there sizing me up. She was beautiful ! 5' 7", had two breast, legs that reached up to here, a round buttocks, two arms, a pretty smile, and naked a as Jay bird. What a deal !
She wasn't bashfull at all and even asked me to wash her back. So, I did. Anyway she tells me that she is the solo trapeze act for the big tent. Yep, a gymnasts, my dirty thoughts drowned out her voice. Something, something, she needed a ride. Hot #### ! So, we watched each other get dressed and went to Maxcine.

Lets break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Stop already...sheesh
Yer makin me blush.

I was just rechargin my batteries.....beats buy new ones all the time!

Ya know gurl you have a way of making people feel all warm and fuzzy.

How you do dat ? ?
Why you do dat ? ?

Oh I know...it's 'cause yer one 'Wonderful Caring' person.

C'mon Ducks......I've got some spearmint tea brewing. Shockey promised to read me Snazzy stories tonight outback by the firepit, but if we don't hurry he's gonna give that Becker look and start callin me Margaret. Ifin he starts that then I gotta bongK him till we hash it out!!

 

Her name was Ann and we loaded her gear into Maxine. The fair grounds were still busy, with the Carnies pulling down the big tent, packing thier trailers, and loading the wild life. Well, an old toothless gorilla, a couple of elephants that had seen better days, and other assorted animals. Mr. Con approached Maxine, so I dismounted and greeted him.

Con was all business, " That Ferris Wheel is ready to go ! It's over there and all folded down. Now, her brakes aren't the best and her tires have a little wear. Just avoid them scales if you can. I can't afford to lose her ! Heck, what's a carnival without one ! I see that your taking our main star Ann. Let me make this perfectly clear ! She's been thru alot and doesn't need any more heart aches. You better treat her right ! We Carnies protect our own and if you hurt her we'll deal with you Carney style ! "

I went on the defense, " She's safe with me ! I'll treat her right and you can count on that. I've got a daughter that's close to her age and there won't be any hanky panky. No sir ! I'll get her there in one piece or name isn't Barney ! "

Con shook my hand and then watched as I hooked up the Ferris Wheel. That thing was a hunk of junk. What a piece of crap ! During my pretrip inspection, I noticed that the tires were bald, the brake shoes on one hub were misssing, her brake lights didn't work, and few other minor things. So, Maxine, I, and Ann set sail on our journey. Ann sat quietly and watched my every move. We drove a good hour without much being said. Ann was wearing a pair of faded jeans, a pull over shirt that had two humps with nipples, and a ribbon in her long dark hair.

I finally broke the ice, " So, Ann ? What got you started in this type of work and how long have you been doing it ? "

Ann kept her eyes glued to the road, " My folks were Carnies, so were thier folks, and thier folks before them. We've always been Carnies and I was born in the big tent. We came from the old country and came here when I was a kid. This is all I've ever known. What about you ? How long have you been a trucker and why do you do it ? "

I lied, " Yep ! I was born in a sleeper and have seen it all. Ole Maxine, that's what I named her, she's my gal. Nope, I'm single and fancy free. A man needs to have his space ! So, are you married ? You know, spoken for, or seeing anyone ? Not that it's any of business, just being curious"

Ann changed the subject, " There's an old road up ahead that you can take. It'll bypass those scales and come out back on the main road. I know because we travel this way all of the time. So, if you take it we can have some real privacy. I'd like being all alone with you, if you fell the sameway. It's up to you, whatever you want is fine with me."

My voice tightend and grew higher, " Sure, we can do that. We don't need for those Bears to be sticking thier snoots in this. Yep, this would be a Bears dream. I bet they'd find a thousand violations on that trailer and red tag her in a New York minute. We don't need that ! Just point the way."


Ann pointed, so I cut the wheel and we were headed down the small road. The autum leaves rained down in a thousand different colors making a golden trail. The crisp cool air allowed us to roll down her windows and see the magnificent mountain scenery. I was smitten by Ann's beauty and free spirt. What a deal !

Let's break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.

 

Wait...is her name Ann or Sue? Or maybe SueAnn?

 

Maxine was straining her milk having to pull that Ferris Wheel up that mountain. The dirt road was narrow and ran too close to the edge for my liking. Ann was a real trooper and of course being a high wire trapeze artist I'm sure helped. So, we finally reached a level pull in, located at the very top. It was an abandoned gold mine and I bet not mined in the past 50 years. I pulled the button, psshhhtt ! Love that sound. So, Ann and I got out and stretched our legs. I was doing some mental math. We had made it about half way to our destination. Of course we hadn't made good time due to that narrow mountain road. The way I figured it we still had a good 150 miles to go and it was already mid-morning.

Ann had to ask, " What are you thinking about ?"

I confessed, " Well, Con wanted us there by now. He said something about having everything set up before dark. We still have aways to go and I'm worried about how long it's taking."

Ann took my hand, " We're doing fine. This dirt road ties back onto the Hwy. not far from here. Then it's all down hill and no scales to worry about. Con just wants us setup before dark. You know it being that night and all."

I had forgotten, " It is Halloween ! I see now why Con is in such a hurry. I bet this is a good night for ya'll."

Ann squeezed my hand, " I don't like it ! Let's get naked and see who gives out first ! "

I was shocked, " Are you serious ? I mean, that sounds good to me, but what brought that on ? "

Ann pulled offf her top and ran towards Maxine, " Last one naked has to be ontop !"

I was butt naked in the sleeper and waiting, " What took you so long ?"

Ann got ontop and we did it like two minks mating on meth. Yep, we did it all and then some ! What a deal ! Yep, I'll never ever forget posistion # 39, followed by #12, and for a grand finale she swung from the sleeper curtain. We called it a draw and we both had to crawl from the sleeper. After we got dressed I headed Maxine down the mountain. I guess it took us about an hour to cover the 150 miles. Well with hardly any brakes and the fact I had to pee. So, Con was happy when we pulled in and had the roustabouts assembling it before I even got her dropped.

Con looked worried, " You made good time Barney, but it's getting late. You'll have to really hurry to get that Spook House here before dark !"

I had to ask, " Spook House ? I thought it was another ride and there's no way I can make it there and back before dark !"

Con laughed, " Dang Gadjee ! The spook house is a ride. I had one of my other drivers spot that trailer back where that mine is. He went back to get the last trailer and will be here later. So, just bobtail back and hook her up. You should be back here by 5 pm and we'll have her up and running in no time. Unless your scared of a Spook House."

I didn't have a problem, " A Spook House, scare Barney ? Huh ! I'll put Maxine in neutral and coast down that mountain. Yep, I'll ride in that Spook House all the way back here ! Spook House, Hah ! "

Ann brought me a plate from the mess tent, " Here you take this. I wish you had time to see me practice. I'm going to attempt a tripple summer sault and catch the bar with my teeth. That will be my finale for tonight, so hurry up, so you can watch me !"

I took the plate and gave Ann a lip smack on her cheek. She hugged me and I remounted Maxine. Yep, I was bound and determinded to see ole Ann in her trapeze getup. All spread out and mouthing a bar. My mind voices reminded me that I already had.

Let's Break Snazzers, your Snazzy1.